Odin
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The Allfather, the Hanged God, the Lord of Men, is the supreme judge of heroic things. He has personally reviewed this article and determined that it is up to Valhalla's quality standards. The author is permitted to enter the heroic realm of Asgard upon death. In the meantime, the author will be given a cask of Odin's favorite mead.
“I have more believers than you!”
~ God on Odin
“I have had sex with more women than you have, virgin.”
~ Odin on God
“Oh, looks like people don't believe in sex.”
~ Me on The Above two Quotes
“Nice eyepatch. Where's your parrot?”
~ Last words of Silver Ravenwolf
“I'm in trouble, what's Sif thinking?”
~ Thor to Odin
“You wish you were as handsome as me.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Odin
“I'm a douche.”
~ Loki on Odin
Principal deity of the world's largest religion, Odin is badly re-enacted by a bunch of losers who think they are Vikings. He is probably the most badass motherfucker of all time . Under the name Woden he is worshipped as the chief deity of the English religion of Football and as Wodanaz Of The One-Eyeliner by the Goths. To the Chavs he is could either How-den or David Beckham.
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[edit] Physiology
Odin's worshippers marched on Jerusalem in 500 BC and converted the heathen Jews, who became totally badass. Odin so loved the Jewish people that he sent them his begotten son, Thor, as a messiah. With the help of Thor and his friends Asterix and Obelix the Jews defeated the Romans. When Thor felt it safe enough to bare children, he anally gave birth to a squirrel named Thor Jr. Shortly after, Thor was betrayed by Loki Iscariot and crucified. Odin raised Thor from the dead, thus causing Christianity. In the ensuing weeks, Pope Obelix I set up the Roman Catholic Hierarchy.The squirrel was hidden in a temple to Thor so nobody could find out about his child. The squirrel was discovered 2000 years after by Robert Langdon.
Several hundred years later, the founder of Islam, Sir Mohammed Islam, approached Allfather Odin for permission to begin a new religion worshipping the Grey-Bearded One. Odin gave his permission, but only on the condition that Muslims would begin an annual pilgrimage to the holy city of Trondheim in Norway. Also, noting a terrifying shortage of mead, he forbade the Muslims from drinking.
In later years, Odin (a.k.a. evil-overlord) would go on to found the Baha'i faith and the Church of Later Day Saints. He now reigns in the kingdom of heaven with his fellow gods Ifrit, Bahamut, Shiva, Carbuncle, Jezus and Choco-Mog.
[edit] Nicknames
'Yggr' is perhaps his best-known nickname, which historians believed until recently is an Old Norse word that means 'The Hairy Bear'. A rune stone found among the possessions of the late Strom Thurmond revealed that 'Yggr' is, in fact, an acronym for one of Odin's favorite sayings of ancient Norse wisdom: "You gonna get raped."
Odin is also known as 'Hal' in the Aesir Linux Club because of his single glowing eye and because he deliriously sang 'Daisy Bell' as he lost consciousness while hanging from the World Tree.
Finally, Odin often signs his work on the Internet cryptically with the emoticon ;-P, which represents the one-eyed god hanging with grotesque protruding tongue. This emoticon is known well to Asatru pagans, who in muted reverence allude to the 'All-smiley'.
He is also known as "The All-Father", or to his close friends, "Old One Eye".
[edit] Famous Appearances
Better known for his performance as Gandalf in the popular movies the Lord of the Rings, in which he used a prosthetic eye, and was most upset that they wanted the eye back after they had finished filming. He was also a regular on the show Kenan and Kel, and briefly played in the metal band B.A.B.A.R.R.A.C.K.U.S
He also guest starred in the A-team
[edit] Creator of the Universe
There is a historical scroll of historical and redundant value that was discovered in the ruins of a historians house in central Africa. The scroll contains a story that tells of how Odin created the known universe when he decided one day to sit down in the void and start hacking up some stuff in vi. It is said in said story that the amount of redundancies built into the universe would make his position as lead programmer and maintainer useless, and that his fanbase would eventually fail. But Odin knew this, because at the ends he said:
“ I see the world I just programmed, and I see that what I saw was good and redundant, and also not bad. ”
~ Odin
This also explains why he has no followers, and why no one seriously believes in him.
