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October 8: International Best Inventions Ever Day
- 4004 BC - God invents breasts
- 4003 BC - Pornography is invented. There is no war for the next thousand years.
- 4002 BC - Lesbian porn is invented. The first case of carpal tunnel is documented.
- 5996 BC - Lotion is invented.
- 2600 BC - Mayans invent chocolate
- 2650 BC - Orgasm is invented by The French.
- 2700 BC - Master Bei-Shun spreads the "Art of Masturbation".
- 500 - Germans invent beer
- 1234 - Handgun is invented. This later inspires the invention of real guns.
- 1890 - Oscar Wilde invents Uncyclopedia
- 1921 - Americans invent bacon cheeseburger
- 1949 - Danes create Lego
- 1952 - Deep fried spam invented
- 1958 - Segway invented in Paris. Rioting ensues.
- 1959 - Rioting invented.
- 1963 - Hippies invent Free Love
- 1964 - Hippies sell free love for pot.
- 1979 - Victoria's Secret Catalogue introduced. This is followed days later by a worldwide lotion shortage.
- 1984 - Wales invents the cheese and ham toastie, it is made their national dish. Students rejoice.
- 1993 - Scientologists revolted. Nobody cared.
- 1998 - Monkey butlers invented, but those damn PETA activists won't let us have any.
- 2006 - Royal Canadian Air Force invents Air-to-Segway missile.