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October 5: National Telegraph Appreciation Day, brought to you by TT&A, your local telegraph provider
- 1337 BC - The telegraph is invented by Greek inventor Teleos Graphodopoulos.
- 337 BC - Alexander the Great celebrates 1,000th anniversary of telegraphy by having world's first telegraph sex with his lover, George Michael; boasts of his "long dash."
- 663 - Meheomod, a.k.a. Mohammed, telegraphs his intentions to destroy all Christian infidels. Celebrations of telegraph's 2,000th anniversary are cancelled.
- 1371 - Blinding snowstorm snarls traffic, downs telegraph lines in Ming Dynasty's first test of emergency preparedness.
- 1921 - The World Series was broadcast on the radio for the first time. Telegraph announcer at the World Series loses all fingers trying to keep up. He sues all radio owners making them give him their fingers; He now has over a million fingers on each hand.
- 1926 - The first error 404 appeared in a telegraph (in this thing called the "internet")
- 1931 - Before crashing in France, the British airship R101 sends an urgent SOS telegram, until they realize there's nothing connected onto the other end of it.
- 2001 - Telegraph service finally arrives in Kentucksylvania.
- 2006 - Google and SUN Microsystems release their thin-client telegraph server, codenamed GTelegraph, to combat Microsoft.
- 2006 - Western Union cancels telegraphic service, saying "We're gonna try out this new telly-phone deal the kids are so fond of."
- 2008 - George Michael confessess his love of crack and Tom Cruise markets his new video game.
- 2009 - Peru runs out of biscuits due to a telegraphic error in the shipping quote.