Objectivity
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Objectivity is a myth, a worthless fraud, and worthy of disdain. No one in their right mind would strive to be objective. If you don't know what objectivity is, that's great!
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[edit] Definition
Objectivity is officially defined as the ridiculous pretense of having no opinion on something. Those who profess objectivity are either lying to themselves or ineffectively concealing an insidious ulterior motive. The phrase "Media Objectivity" was voted greatest oxymoron, beating out "airline food" and "Christian Scientist."
Science is often believed to be a virtuous and objective activity. Using the technique of "proof" it is clearly less objective than a great number of activities:
1) Aviation 2) Clam Bakes 3) ABBA
These three activities are objectively more objective than science.
[edit] Examples
Some beautiful examples of failed objectivity from none other than Oscar Wilde:
[edit] Germany
“Their sausage is pretty much the best sausage I've ever eaten.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Germany
While this comes close to achieving true objectivity, Wilde mistakenly identifies Germany as a major producer of sausage, but everyone knows they make bratwurst.
[edit] Michael Jackson
“His music always sucked.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Michael Jackson
If Wilde were truly being objective, he would also point out that Michael Jackson looks like a woman.
[edit] Cars
“I'll take a Ford over a Chevy any day.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Buying a car
As everyone knows, Chevrolet blows Ford out of the water & WordGirl.
[edit] This Article
“Never have I been so severely misquoted.”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Objectivity Article
See next.
[edit] On Retracting Things
“Actually, I rather like it, the article, I mean.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Taking stuff back
