OS/2

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Os2!

The OS/2 in Negroid black

The OS/2 is IBM's super games console, an acronym of Owns! Station 2 because it naturally has ownage over all other machines, which are vastly inferior by comparison. Originally slated as the PlayStation 2, IBM was forced to change its name after discovering a nursery school in Manchester, which has since become a Starbucks, had already taken this name.

Sales

The OS/2 was launched in 2000, amid competition against Sony's Spectrum ZX, the Sega Saturn, the XBible 360, and Charles Babbage's Calculating Machine. However, the OS/2 quickly became the gamers' machine of choice, due to the following features that characterised the OS/2's supremacy:

  • 133µHz processor.
  • 465.5 colour screen.
  • Anthrax-free controllers.
  • The groundbreaking ability to render triangons.
  • It only weighed 200 pounds.
  • Optional OS/2 Warp! time machine feature.
  • Licensing of the AmigaOS operating system and technology in exchange for Commodore getting a port of IBM's REXX scripting language. IBM got the sweet part of that deal.

The OS/2 sold 200,000,000 units in Botswana alone, and nearly 8,000,000,000 in the USA. God himself even bought one, appearing in an advert with the tagline: "I know what you do in the bathroom, so buy this console or you'll burn in hell."

Games

The OS/2 was bundled with Harry the Flatulent Platypus, Bill Gates Is A Bastard, and Triangons: A Technical Demo that demonstrated the OS/2's stellar achievement in three-dimensionalised graphicality.

Other top games included:

  • Leisure Suit Larry and the Department for Sex Crimes
  • Quadriplegia!: Crazy Race (a game tie-in of The Who's sequel to Quadrophenia)
  • Syntax Error
  • Bucket Fever
  • World Championship Tiddlywinks
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