Nunja

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Typical nunja. Note the threatening expression which was meant to intimidate foes.

Nunja (Nunjai for plurals) are spies and assassins common to Japan and Eastasia. They were most commonly employed during the Middle Ages by feudal lords such as Damyos and Shoguns like yourself ^[1] and are precursors to the nuns of today.

They made use of such weapons as a shuriken: nun edition and ninja swords, and were deployed quite lethally in several world wars and a civil war that nobody cared about; did you? Nunjas employed stealth and other secretive tactics that nobody knows about to kill people such as yourself. Because of their admiration by peasants such as yourself, they have been featured in much imagery throughout the ages.

Their desire to kill is developed far beyond their desire to sweep convent floors, as typically seen in modern day nuns; this both endears them and demonizes them to the people that love, yet are killed by them on a regular basis^[2].

It is widely believed ^[3] that nunjai are quick to find out about anyone that has attained any information about them via internet, and prompty kill such a person in their sleep.

[edit] History

Nunja death squad. You can't honestly say to yourself that they're not here to kill you.

Nunja dojo; Nunjas are seen here studying their deadly killing techniques.

Nunjai probably originated in what is now the Oregon Trail, in Japan sometime around the turn of the century ^[4]. It is said that certain types of monks during the rural era were against having females in their mountain temple as it would interrupt the flow of their kung fu powers. This led the monkettes to evolve via natural selection into a type of monkette-ninja hybrid, eventually having no tail or gills.

Around 100,000,000 B.C. Science tells us that as these "nunja sapiens" first walked on dry earth and discontinued their use of photosynthesis, they became similar to the humans of today- but slightly more deadly and liable to kill you ^[5].

Almost right away, these nunja formed into sects each of which practiced its own deadly form of nunjutsu. These sects are well known to still send out death squads today, to murder unsuspecting targets such as yourself before you can do anything about it.^[6]

During the middle ages, nunjas became more proficient in what they thought of as a sport. Only this sport consisted of murdering damyos and other japanese folks. They also then played soccer with the severed heads of their victims and sacrificed them atop stepped pyramids.

Nunjai raided coastal settlements in Eastern Europe during the 10th century, leading to the spread of Goth civilization ^[7]

Because of such information, Nunjai are creditted with bringing about the end of the Roman Empire as well as the Dark Ages and the rise of Satanism.

In fact, every bad thing that you can possibly fathom has been brought about by nunjai- and as such; I would really be hiding by now if I was you.
Or wetting my pants at the very least.

[edit] Contributions to Modern Society

Nunjai contributions to society are myriad and cornucopiaic. It is said that their legend and such inspired the formation of the the nWo and lead to the development of modern day nuns- who actually meant to reform the murderous image of the nunja- but were hunted nearly to extinction before they accomplished this. This led them to seek refuge in convents.

The Spanish Inquisition is also thought to have come from earlier Nunja sects, which explains its nunja-like trait of never being expected.

[edit] Portrayal in Popular Culture

What scientists believe to be a Nunja, attacking Joseph Stalin

Nunjai are often seen in movies and videogames, though these make them seem slighly less deadly and sometimes even beneficial to the human race.

[edit] References

                                                        Your backyard, later tonight.