Nuke

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'''''Whoops!''' Maybe you were looking for [[Weapons of Mass Destruction]]? Bush couldn't find em either.''
 
 
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| bgcolor="#FFF7F0"|<br><font color="#C00000" size="7"><center>''' ! '''</center></font><br>
 
| bgcolor="#FFF7F0"|<blockquote><font color="#C00000">'''There is currently a [[State of Emergency]] within the United States, due to a possible [[Nuclear|NUCLEAR]] ATTACK. Turn to your local media for IMPORTANT INFORMATION. The [[Duck and Cover|DUCK AND COVER]] procedure should be done AT ONCE.'''</font></blockquote>
 
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[[Image:Nuclear_explosion.jpg|thumb|300px|This is what happens when you mess with the US. It's not nice to mess with retards.]]
 
[[Image:Nuclear_explosion.jpg|thumb|300px|This is what happens when you mess with the US. It's not nice to mess with retards.]]
 
 
{{Q|Bullseye! Can I get a WOOP WOOP?!|President Harry S Truman on August 6th 1945}}
 
{{Q|Bullseye! Can I get a WOOP WOOP?!|President Harry S Truman on August 6th 1945}}
{{Q|I hear they are dangerous.|Captain Understatement|Nukes}}
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The '''Nuke''' was originally developed to reveal the long term effects of not wearing sunscreen . Using either plutonium or uranium, it can show the effect of 20 years of sunlight on bare skin. Per standard procedure, the United States decided to test it on animals. Foolishly listening to the Army Intelligence branch ''See [[Military Intelligence]]'', Truman believed that Hiroshima and Nagasaki would only be populated by koi and mythical dragons. The two ensuing nuclear blasts ''See [[Nuclear Explosions]]'' only solidified this belief as every other animal and the entire human population of both cities were either liquidated by the explosion or killed by cancer within 3 days. By the time the U.S. bothered to clean up the mess in 1965, only koi and mythical dragons were found.
{{Q|Nuh-kyul-ar.|George W. Bush|Nukes}}
 
 
 
<BIG><BIG><BIG><TT><FONT STYLE="color: #7F0003">'''The<SMALL><SMALL> </SMALL></SMALL>Nuke'''</FONT></TT></BIG></BIG></BIG><br>
 
 
anyone who looks at this tool of destruction will get raped by an ugly hermaphrodite. that has aids. and has a hairy bunghole
 
It is the greatest tool of peace ever made. It can also be found as an animal. ''See [[Nuclear Explosions]]''
 
 
It was invented by [[Jesus christ]] while scribbling on tissue paper in his toilet or maybe [[God's userpage|Our Lord God]]. The reason for designing such an uber weapon was, as quoted by Einstien himself, " Man there are way too many dumbasses on this earth, so i thought of the best solution to this problem."
 
   
While the nuke has been used to wipe out several smaller countries[see "Nuke Preventions] and is a common tool to stop riots. An average American child has fired a nuke at least 20 times before his 10th birthday.
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While the nuke has been used to wipe out several smaller countries[see "Nuke Preventions] and is a common tool in political debates and middle school chemistry classrooms.
   
The nuke has shown a 99.99% success rate (not that impressive, considering that it hit Japan) in preventing both Guerrilla and [[Parakeet]] warfare.
+
The nuke has only been tested 17 times with 3 successes. The success rate has currently not been calculated since the math required is far too advanced for any world leader.
   
 
In the unlikely event that war breaks out, nukes can be used to quickly resolve the situation. Also, Dr. Strangelove loves this particular bomb, after he learned to stop worrying.
 
In the unlikely event that war breaks out, nukes can be used to quickly resolve the situation. Also, Dr. Strangelove loves this particular bomb, after he learned to stop worrying.
   
One famed nuker,remaining anonymous,once dropped a nuke on a group of enemy hostiles. One gutsy member of these hostiles, standing on the top of a skyscraper, decided to save the world with his awesomeness and dive off the tower in attempts to stop the nuke. Beating the weapon to the ground, the daring soldier called upon the powers of Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris to team roundhouse the nuke into space, making it their "bitch." Once the nuke entered space it collided with the sun, sending burning pieces of the giant star directly at the opposing team. this is what was then said,
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Most standard nuclear weapons can be found at your local [[Costco]], with top of the line WMDs available on Amazon.com and cheap knock-off nukes commonly sold in Texas supermarkets.
"America Wins.....FOREVER!"
 
   
 
== Nuking in Love and War==
 
== Nuking in Love and War==
[[Image:Nuke sponcer.jpeg|right|thumb|270px|Bomb sponsored by Nuke™.]]
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[[Image:Nuke sponcer.jpeg|right|thumb|270px|Bomb sponsored by Nuke™.]]
 
[[Image:Twin_nukes.PNG|right|thumb|220px|"''I got your nukes here, punk''".]]
 
[[Image:Twin_nukes.PNG|right|thumb|220px|"''I got your nukes here, punk''".]]
 
[[Image:The beginning tree by djgopher-d2xoa41.png|left|thumb|200px|The letter to the right means "Nagasaki" in Japanese.]]
 
[[Image:The beginning tree by djgopher-d2xoa41.png|left|thumb|200px|The letter to the right means "Nagasaki" in Japanese.]]
Nuking [[stuff]] has proven popular over the last few years, especially with Jews, right-wing religious groups, George Bush and Mr. Sally's crazed uncles. By far, the most popular nuking method is the "ol' drop a nuke while riding it". There are also much more intelligent methods, involving dropping the nuke and blaming a third world country. Riding the nuke was brought to the people's attention when they watched that weird black and white movie (you know the one - nuking in the USA!). Certain black people are also able to activate nuclear missiles at will. For example, Oprah.
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Nuking [[stuff]] has proven popular over the last few years, especially with Jews, right-wing religious groups, George Bush and Mr. Sally's crazed uncles. By far, the most popular nuking method is the "ol' drop a nuke while riding it". There are also much more intelligent methods, involving dropping the nuke and blaming a third world country. Riding the nuke was brought to the people's attention when they watched that weird black and white movie (you know the one - nuking in the USA!). Certain black people are also able to activate nuclear missiles at will. For example, Oprah. And Eminem.
   
 
== [[Redundancy|Nuking in Love and War (cont.)]]==
 
== [[Redundancy|Nuking in Love and War (cont.)]]==
Line 33: Line 21:
   
 
== How the Nuke Works ==
 
== How the Nuke Works ==
A nuke works by this equation: Nuke = Bruce Lee * Jesus + (Sean Connery^Jackie Chan) squared+Chuck Norris+Jamal Donkor. The resulting awesome causes Japan to explode. The only things that are more powerful than a nuke are '''Jack Bauer'''.
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A nuke works by this equation: <math>9.2\sum+n(3x_z)/1.3a^4y = 9.2\sum+n(3x_z)/1.3a^4y</math>, where <math>\sum</math> is equal to <math>E=mc^2</math>, and the variables a,n,x,y,and z are just random numbers.
   
 
== Nuke Prevention ==
 
== Nuke Prevention ==
Line 40: Line 28:
   
 
== Nuclear-free zone ==
 
== Nuclear-free zone ==
This does not exist. If you have nukafobia, consider suicide by aids insertion.
+
There aren't actually any nuclear-free zones, but if you live in Kansas, you might be lucky; other countries may forget that it's actually inhabited.
   
 
== The Nuking List ==
 
== The Nuking List ==
Line 62: Line 50:
 
[[Image:Superemo.jpg|thumb|This [[emo]] shows the proper way to perform Music Nuking.]]
 
[[Image:Superemo.jpg|thumb|This [[emo]] shows the proper way to perform Music Nuking.]]
 
Nuking stuff to music has also recently become very popular with the help of Scott Mullen. 'Nuke Music' consists of [[terrorist bands]] such as [[System of a Down]], [[Rage Against the Machine]], [[My Chemical Romance]], [[Metallica]], [[Slayer]] and [[N'Sync]]. Professional Nukers will also listen to [[Britney Spears]] and [[Lady GaGa]] ,but this is only for advanced Nukers. Another skill often attempted by Nukers is NUKING IN TIME TO MUSIC. This type of nuking involves a rhythm and a beat, and plenty of time and effort. Nukes are launched by correctly stepping on one of four arrows at the right time, the more precisely the arrow is stepped on the more people are killed. A good Nuker can kill a few billion people (hell, it's [[China]]) in one round (a full war takes three rounds). Unfortunately, this is a very dangerous activity, especially if the Nuker is listening to fight fire with fire's guitar riff or solo, as it can alter the Earth's orbit around the sun(assuming theres anything left of earth). With a bit of bad luck and a very loud song, we could either be pushed out of orbit or pushed into the sun. It is generally accepted that both of these would be a Very Cool Thing.
 
Nuking stuff to music has also recently become very popular with the help of Scott Mullen. 'Nuke Music' consists of [[terrorist bands]] such as [[System of a Down]], [[Rage Against the Machine]], [[My Chemical Romance]], [[Metallica]], [[Slayer]] and [[N'Sync]]. Professional Nukers will also listen to [[Britney Spears]] and [[Lady GaGa]] ,but this is only for advanced Nukers. Another skill often attempted by Nukers is NUKING IN TIME TO MUSIC. This type of nuking involves a rhythm and a beat, and plenty of time and effort. Nukes are launched by correctly stepping on one of four arrows at the right time, the more precisely the arrow is stepped on the more people are killed. A good Nuker can kill a few billion people (hell, it's [[China]]) in one round (a full war takes three rounds). Unfortunately, this is a very dangerous activity, especially if the Nuker is listening to fight fire with fire's guitar riff or solo, as it can alter the Earth's orbit around the sun(assuming theres anything left of earth). With a bit of bad luck and a very loud song, we could either be pushed out of orbit or pushed into the sun. It is generally accepted that both of these would be a Very Cool Thing.
 
=== Speed Nuking ===
 
In [[Speed Nuking]], the Nuker is just supposed to go insane with his or her nuking and nuke every thing, person and [[smaller poodle]] in sight. Very hazardous - but who cares?
 
   
 
=== Nuking as Advertisement ===
 
=== Nuking as Advertisement ===
 
Nukes were a common yet attention grabbing marketing device that was often used until banned in 1999. Much like skywriting, a plane would fly overhead of say, a sporting event. The nuke was dropped and during the explosion, colorful dyes were released, often in colors of the product, like red and yellow for McDonald's. The enveloping mushroom cloud would char the bodies of the people these colors, and survivors who saw these colors were encouraged to choose McDonald's! Nintendo got in on the trend in 1990 when they first marketed the GameBoy to American consumers. They created the infamous "Explosion" game, that detonated whenever placed in the GameBoy and turned on. Even after a death toll of 20000, the government allowed these games to be sold. Sure there were lawsuits, but any publicity is good publicity! The lack of adults is noticed, and responsible for the 2009 recession.
 
Nukes were a common yet attention grabbing marketing device that was often used until banned in 1999. Much like skywriting, a plane would fly overhead of say, a sporting event. The nuke was dropped and during the explosion, colorful dyes were released, often in colors of the product, like red and yellow for McDonald's. The enveloping mushroom cloud would char the bodies of the people these colors, and survivors who saw these colors were encouraged to choose McDonald's! Nintendo got in on the trend in 1990 when they first marketed the GameBoy to American consumers. They created the infamous "Explosion" game, that detonated whenever placed in the GameBoy and turned on. Even after a death toll of 20000, the government allowed these games to be sold. Sure there were lawsuits, but any publicity is good publicity! The lack of adults is noticed, and responsible for the 2009 recession.
   
=== Food Nuking ===
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[[Category:Weapons]]
Cooking food in the magical white box you all own that gives your testes cancer if you stand besides it. Eating it will cause you to become a character in the Montey Python series.
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[[Category:Explosives]]
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[[Category:Things That Will Kill You]]
=== suitcase nukes ===
 
suitcase nukes are nukes that fit in a suitcase. if you want possesion of a suitcase nuke try one of the following retailers: the ussr; al-ki-EEE-Eda, george bush or ebay. commonly used by bussiness type guy people in hostile take-overs. invented by one "mahatma ghandi", they are used all over the world by suicide iced cream trucks.
 
 
=== N00b Nukes ===
 
N00b nukes are earned by a N00b when they run around screaming that they have a three kill streak and everybody in the match gets annoyed and gets a gun and kill themselves because they have nothing to live for anyways, while in that time of the " No Lifes" killing themselves the N00b kills all AFK's and earns a Tactical nuke or what a N00b would call it "Big Boom Boom".
 
 
=== Baby Sitters and Nukes===
 
On average, 15 million babysitters nuke the kid they are babysitting.
 
Usually the kid dies.
 
But only 100% of the time the kid lives.
 
One anonymous kid quotes, "It was horrible. The explosion was a little bigger than a small firecracker, you know one of those $.99 ones."
 
Selling Nukes to babysitters have made the economy better.
 
An average of $1.45 are made every day from selling nukes to babysitters.
 
Says a parent, "our house was completely burned down! Only the whole house was still standing!"
 
 
Done! (but the radiation never really ends)
 
 
''Oh Little H-Bomb Silo,
 
:''how sweetly dost thou lie.
 
''Above thy deep and dreamless sleep
 
:''The spy satellites glide by.
 
''Yet in thy darkness shineth
 
:''The Everlasting Light.
 
''The hopes and dreams of all the years
 
:''Are met in thee tonight.
 
 
''For war is born of terror,
 
:''and gathered all around,
 
''while angels sleep the mortals keep
 
:''their watch on a smoldering hatred.
 
''Oh morning stars of midnight,
 
:''proclaim unholy birth!
 
''As children scream we gain the dream
 
:''of ... peace ... for men on Mars. i love men and your mum has a big hairy minge
 
 
[[Category:Weapons]]<noinclude>[[Category:Pages with deprecated tags]]</noinclude>
 

Latest revision as of 18:21, November 9, 2015

Nuclear explosion

This is what happens when you mess with the US. It's not nice to mess with retards.

“Bullseye! Can I get a WOOP WOOP?!”
~ President Harry S Truman on August 6th 1945

The Nuke was originally developed to reveal the long term effects of not wearing sunscreen . Using either plutonium or uranium, it can show the effect of 20 years of sunlight on bare skin. Per standard procedure, the United States decided to test it on animals. Foolishly listening to the Army Intelligence branch See Military Intelligence, Truman believed that Hiroshima and Nagasaki would only be populated by koi and mythical dragons. The two ensuing nuclear blasts See Nuclear Explosions only solidified this belief as every other animal and the entire human population of both cities were either liquidated by the explosion or killed by cancer within 3 days. By the time the U.S. bothered to clean up the mess in 1965, only koi and mythical dragons were found.

While the nuke has been used to wipe out several smaller countries[see "Nuke Preventions] and is a common tool in political debates and middle school chemistry classrooms.

The nuke has only been tested 17 times with 3 successes. The success rate has currently not been calculated since the math required is far too advanced for any world leader.

In the unlikely event that war breaks out, nukes can be used to quickly resolve the situation. Also, Dr. Strangelove loves this particular bomb, after he learned to stop worrying.

Most standard nuclear weapons can be found at your local Costco, with top of the line WMDs available on Amazon.com and cheap knock-off nukes commonly sold in Texas supermarkets.

edit Nuking in Love and War

Nuke sponcer

Bomb sponsored by Nuke™.

Twin nukes

"I got your nukes here, punk".

The beginning tree by djgopher-d2xoa41

The letter to the right means "Nagasaki" in Japanese.

Nuking stuff has proven popular over the last few years, especially with Jews, right-wing religious groups, George Bush and Mr. Sally's crazed uncles. By far, the most popular nuking method is the "ol' drop a nuke while riding it". There are also much more intelligent methods, involving dropping the nuke and blaming a third world country. Riding the nuke was brought to the people's attention when they watched that weird black and white movie (you know the one - nuking in the USA!). Certain black people are also able to activate nuclear missiles at will. For example, Oprah. And Eminem.

edit Nuking in Love and War (cont.)

Nuking is a joyous activity of fun for most countries. Representatives from countries meet up in Las Vegas and start to gamble. Which ever country loses gets nuked. Japan has always been bad at this game, and once lost twice in the same week. China always tries to cheat. They once rolled a 10 on a six sided die. This led to Tiananmen Square. Bush then told China "Wada u doin' rollin' a 10 on a seven - no five, no four - sided die. I'm gonna nuke your country". but then the Chinese gave him a nice kick and bush ran away like a dog sayin "Argh! I've been shoop da wooped!"

edit How the Nuke Works

A nuke works by this equation: 9.2\sum+n(3x_z)/1.3a^4y = 9.2\sum+n(3x_z)/1.3a^4y, where \sum is equal to E=mc^2, and the variables a,n,x,y,and z are just random numbers.

edit Nuke Prevention

Nukes are commonly used to stop other poor countries from making nukes. Various countries are nuked for various reasons. The most common scale for a nuclear bombing is the dumbass scale. Based on the average IQ of the country they may or may not be bombed.

edit Nuclear-free zone

There aren't actually any nuclear-free zones, but if you live in Kansas, you might be lucky; other countries may forget that it's actually inhabited.

edit The Nuking List

In March of 2001, George Bush and Jake Bashore made the NUKING LIST. This list taught the world's gentlemen which places, creatures and types of toffee to nuke. Some popular examples include Iran, Syria, Holland, Japanese People, Basmati rice, and the Taj Mahal.


edit Controversy of Canada and The List

While the contents of the list were the subject of much controversy, even moreso were the contents missing from the list. Specifically, Canada. The answer however, is obvious to anyone with more than a fraction of a brain cell!

Simply put: Nothing bad happens in Canada. Ever.

edit Suicide Nukers

Nuked Planet

the US on a bombing run in russia. poor blokes. what a pity.

In the last Taliban Press conference, their head of PR, Mr.X said he hoped in future the Taliban could use suicide Nukers. Big Bad George's comment was "Future years? Hell, they only got a month." He proceeded to nuke another hapless middle-eastern country out of existence.

      • G.W. Bush is about to nuke you for reading this list as it is highly confidential and part of the national intelligence (stolen from the FBI database by Chinese h4z0rs) so.... run away to Mexico or something*** Actually, Mexico's on the nuke list too, so that ain't such a good idea. Canada would probably work better.

edit Recreational Nuking

edit Music Nuking

Superemo

This emo shows the proper way to perform Music Nuking.

Nuking stuff to music has also recently become very popular with the help of Scott Mullen. 'Nuke Music' consists of terrorist bands such as System of a Down, Rage Against the Machine, My Chemical Romance, Metallica, Slayer and N'Sync. Professional Nukers will also listen to Britney Spears and Lady GaGa ,but this is only for advanced Nukers. Another skill often attempted by Nukers is NUKING IN TIME TO MUSIC. This type of nuking involves a rhythm and a beat, and plenty of time and effort. Nukes are launched by correctly stepping on one of four arrows at the right time, the more precisely the arrow is stepped on the more people are killed. A good Nuker can kill a few billion people (hell, it's China) in one round (a full war takes three rounds). Unfortunately, this is a very dangerous activity, especially if the Nuker is listening to fight fire with fire's guitar riff or solo, as it can alter the Earth's orbit around the sun(assuming theres anything left of earth). With a bit of bad luck and a very loud song, we could either be pushed out of orbit or pushed into the sun. It is generally accepted that both of these would be a Very Cool Thing.

edit Nuking as Advertisement

Nukes were a common yet attention grabbing marketing device that was often used until banned in 1999. Much like skywriting, a plane would fly overhead of say, a sporting event. The nuke was dropped and during the explosion, colorful dyes were released, often in colors of the product, like red and yellow for McDonald's. The enveloping mushroom cloud would char the bodies of the people these colors, and survivors who saw these colors were encouraged to choose McDonald's! Nintendo got in on the trend in 1990 when they first marketed the GameBoy to American consumers. They created the infamous "Explosion" game, that detonated whenever placed in the GameBoy and turned on. Even after a death toll of 20000, the government allowed these games to be sold. Sure there were lawsuits, but any publicity is good publicity! The lack of adults is noticed, and responsible for the 2009 recession.

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