Nu metal

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FDurst1

A nu metal 'Artist'

Chav1

A nu metal Fan

Shinoda

Typical nu metal band member

Nü Metal (aka "Rock music for black people" or "Rap music for white people" or "mallcore") is the bastardized child of Pantera and Mr. Bungle. It is also the murderer of boy bands. It was created in the 90's and has gone to holidays ever since.

History

Not too long after Nu Metal's formation, it hit the charts like 2nd graders running around the school naked playing a Gay7x song. And after KoRn's successful induction into the mainstream, similar acts such as Drowning Pool, Papa Roach, Slipknot, Disturbed, and My Parents HATE ME would follow, to make a trend that would last about a decade. It is unique in sound but its reputation was tarnished when stupid ass preps started liking it cuz' MTV was finally paying attention to the angry, rejected kids instead of rich kids. The creators of this genre were: a whinny vocalist, a guitarist that couldn't play anything else then power chords and played guitar for 3 months only, a bassist just for teh lulz and a drummer that was used to use trash cans as a drum kit. (Lars Ulrich showed his roots of nu-metal later on)

The golden days of Nu Metal also started to come when Metallica turned into a shitty anger issues band with Gay Anger and Lars started drumming on trash cans and Kirk and James began playing simple riffs. Bands then had the great idea to keep things simple and eliminate solos, because they thought it wasn't good for a wannabe gangster meet a metalfag band. Instead, they let the guitarist go batshit insane all over the guitar, producing the most heavy riffs. At this point, these bands knew that they needed to be cool and act cool, because in the 90's if you weren't cool, you were a fool. So they all decided to go gangsta, using rastas, bling bling and boxers showing up. Nu Metal was on a roll, and finally stood out when KoRn and Deftones arrived to the scene.

Having an "edgy look" and radical attitude, these bands quickly made an impact within teenagers whose parents wouldn't buy stuff. Using adidas sneakers and hoodies, both bands managed to reach mainstream success, that later more bands would copy and earn millions. Limp Bizkit was a perfect example of this, when some wigger named Fred Durst decided he'd try to say how he's a gangster in his lyrics with 4 other retards with viciously big pants and one with weird ass eyes, talking about being a gangster and fucking his dogs in the ass with a knife of diarrhea.

Another band to jump into the Nu Metal ship was Linkin Park. These guys went diamond with Hybrid theory with lyrics talking about dealing with issues, mean people and having deep meaning. With a shitty vocalist, a half-Japanese/half-Honkey/wigger rapfag, a guitarist that couldn't play more them 2 power chords and an Asian DJ who supports the Pearl Harbor Attacks, the band had everything to be successful.

The genre reached its peak in 2000. All bands in the world were now Nu Metal.

Sound

Basically, every Nu Metal band is three members of Korn and one other member of a rap band, but if you need a more detailed breakdown:

  • Vocals: a) An angry white man, typically screaming and shouting about how shitty life can be or b) A white man acting like a nigger, rapping about how shitty life can be.
  • Guitar: Guitars tuned low, I mean really low. It has been proven impossible to play a nu-metal song on an acoustic guitar, as the strings are too loose to be heard without an amp. All strings are tunned down to Drop BRUTALZ minus B, even the high E ones.
  • Bass: Acts like a quieter second guitar, mimicking everything the guitarist does. No imagination or creativity is required what so ever from the player.
  • Drums: must sound like trash cans and always follow the same pattern: hit em hard as FUCK while imagining you were beating your ex-girlfriend.
  • DJ: A fat guy that shows up occasionally.

Song structure

Nu Metal songs CAN'T have solos or any complicated riffs, unless they can't stop flocking off to them or listen to progressive music. They should only be made of power chords and bouncy riffs that make toddlers jump up into the diarrhea ass. These are the basic steps to follow when creating a nu metal song:

1) Intro with guitars fading in

2) Heavy guitar chorus (with no lyrics or vocals)

3) Calm part (lyrics with soft vocals)

4) Heavy guitar chorus (with lyrics/vocals, can also be some mumbling shit)

5) repeat 3 and 4

6) Bridge (aka different part, with DJ using scratches, different lyrics ONLY here, sometimes where the vocalist acts like a wannabe tuff guy)

7) repeat 4

8) yelling yelling

9) PROFIT!!!1

Death

Nu-Metal died somewhere in 2003. With MTV focusing in Emo shitty bands, all Nu-Metal bands decided to switch their sound to a more pop rock style to keep earning cash. Most of these bands would then deny being Nu-Metal at all costs. Also they started to dress normally. Papa roach switching to hard rock was one example of this, and later Linkin Park's Minutes to Shitstorm and A Thousand Sucks did the exact same thing.

Revival

Lately theres been discussions about Nu Metal coming back. The reality is: its truly dead, there arent any more bands with this genre out there. Still, Deftones latest CD Raymond Eyes and KoRn's Korn 9000: Remember who we were? did managed to capture a bit of the old nu metal essence, but only for a brief moment (about 0.002 seconds). Limp Bizkit's upcoming album Gold Turd will try to bring it back, but the question is: will it sell more then 10 copies?

The only way to revive Nu Metal is to bring the 90's back using a time machine.

Bands

  • KoRn (or KoЯn because its way cooler): For many, they are considered the creators of Nu-Metal and Adidas. All the members like to eat corn.
  • Deftones: For many, they are considered the true creators of Nu-Metal. Also proves that Nu-Metal can make you fat as fuck.
  • Limp Bizkit: For many, they are considered the boy bands of Nu-Metal.
  • Linkin Park: For many, they are considered a boy band in general. They were the best originally, before they were ruined in 2007.
  • Drowning Pool: LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR (seriously, no one knows anything about them beside this song) This band used the song to support 9/11
  • Disturbed: Fronted by a guy with mommy issues.
  • Slipknot:The band with retards in long hair, masks and a singer with anger issues
  • System Of A Down:HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU! THEY ARE NOT NU-METAL!!!! Goddamn...
  • Papa Roach: First go nu metal, then turn into retards who think they're from the 80s
  • OTEP: The band with a vocalist dyke
  • Soulfly: MAX CAVALERA?!?!

Typical Lyrics in Nu Metal

  • "FUCK YOU FUCK YOU GOD DAMMIT TO VAGINA VAGINA FUCK FUCK FUCK I AM SO ANGRY!!..."
  • "HEY YOU DO NOT FUCKING CALL ME THAT, BITCH!..."
  • "Yo shut the fuck bitch muthafucka, cuz we gonna fuck yo up!! NYUK NYUK -monkey noises-..."
  • "I push my fingers into my ass, it's the only thing that slowly stops the shit, if the pain goes on i'm gonna fucking shit myself!!!!!..."
  • "I was raped in my childhood, my step-father punched me, i want to runaway..."
  • "I wanna let go all the pain I felt so looong, we erase all the pain till its gone."
  • "YOU ALL GET OUT OF MY FACE MOTHERFUCKER!...".
  • "But your a Human Being, just lucky to be breathin' and thats that...".

Nu Metalheads

Nu Metalheads are often seen roaming the malls in their baggy pants and oversized band tees. They also wear baseball caps and their pants are below their knees. Some of them use shorts and sweatjackets. Their hair typically long and can be in dreadlocks otherwise they could just have spiky or dyed blond hair. Their clothes are ridiculously big. They usually are teens. If you spot one of these fans, act cool and nothing will happen to you, because you might mistake them for thugs. Be careful not to see their arses if they're pants are that big. Nu metal fans are mallcore kids also they all think slipknot is the most extreme band or joey jordison is the best band ever.

To "true" metalheads, Nu Metalheads' music is known as false metal, gay metal, or the classic MTV metal. Real metal is refereed to by Nu Metalheads as "old man's beard boring metal". Still, is true that both sides listen to artists from "both metals" secretly, but they still attack and despise those musicians. Some nu metallers are wiggers or hip hop loving bitch boys. Nu Metalheads usually get all the girls, because they are a mix of rockers and thugs, and girls like thugs, or at least being treated like shit. Also, with some former Nu Metal bands being now girl bands, its even easier to score.

Nu Metalheads also might have a goatee like fieldy from corn i mean porn i mean KORN. Same goes to school and college.

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