From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
| Human history and prehistory|
|↑ before Homo (Pliocene)|
|see also: Modernity, Futurology|
Now is July 27, 2017 at 13:03. There are many theories about now, most of them placing it sometime before soon and after then.
People are trying to find out right now when now appeared for the first time. It is believed that now people still don´t know nothing about how now affects the future. On the timeline now is a moving entity, always moving through the future and leaving the past behind. It´s like if now has many one night stands with the future over and over again and then dumping it to leave it there rotting as the past. This sometimes seems to bother the past a lot, causing it sometimes to punish the future by repeating itself in the future. Right now for example the past has avenged its self by making the future seem uncertain. Because of the evil past, the future has become unsecure and anything might happen in the future, you might even be dying right now !!! In fact you are actually dying right now, you have been dying since the day you were born. Can you see now how evil the past is? It is responsible for the dying process you are in right now! The past must be fought off to preserve the future!
edit Things you can do now to fight the past
- Insult random people right about now, before it is too late and someone else does it and leaves the random-people-insult in the evil past.
- Start lying right now! This will delete your past and may change the future.
- Try imagining what it would be like if time was reversed, then you would go into the past instead of the future. This would mean that some day you would have to headfirst some orifice of a woman often labeled as mother. This way you will discover right now the true evil of the past and learn its ways to fight past with its own weapons!!!
edit Theories about now
There are theories about.
- I can read your mind, right now you are reading this phrase !!!
- Right now the past has developed a theory about now: the theory about now being the counterpart of the moment after now.
- What you've read above is -now- deemed invalid and false.
- Well not if you listen to Now That's What I Call Music Vol.That just came out right about NOW!
- Are not having sex.
- Have never had sex
- Have Ronald McDonald doing the polka behind you.
- Are sitting in your mom's basement
- Wish Wonder Woman was real and would screw you
- Are dying of cancer growing on your cancer.
- Are wishing you were having sex.
- Are thinking about your upcoming strategy for the D&D tournament.
- Have no friends
- Wondering if your friends are having sex.
- Are having mental masturbation.
- Are being stalked by Michael Jackson.
- Are being watched by the government.
- Are reading this.
- Are not reading the previous statement.
- Are not the same as you used to be, we used to have fun together and do things...remember?
- Are the man, dog.
- Should be looking for a job
edit At the moment...
- Someone in the world is having sex.
- Someone in the world is getting their bike stolen by a black man.
- Someone really wants to kill you.
- Your mom and I are currently dating.
- Someone is toasting a squirrel.
- The laws of physics are being rewritten for the No one gives a shit time
- Someone really loves lamp.
- Jesus really hates you.
- There is a party in my pants.
- There are starving children in my basement.
- Someone is dying of aids or cancer
- Snakes are on the plane!
- Someone has enlarged their penis with their own bear hands.
edit See also
Time and other stuff