Not So Awesome Land

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There is an alternate version of this article at Far From Awesome Land.


The Evil, Despicable, Mouth-Watering, Fascist Republic of Cheese! And Not So Awesome Land as well...
Not So Awesome Land
Motto: "*Emo Speak*"
Flag NSAL Flag
Population Infinity
Form of Government Depends on what day it is, normally Communist but on weekends after 5 it’s a democracy.
Capital Russia
King Whoever-Felt-Like-It
President Lord Babin the 3rd, infinite overlord of all that is good.
Prime Minister Kim Jong Il
Puppets Ronald McDonald and Homer Simpson.
Currency See Currency
Language Awesomelandic, NotSoAwesomeLandic & Babin-Speak
Imports None, we are self sufficient, BWA HA HA!!!
Exports Crap, Pollution, Bad Robot Chicken Star Wars Yo Momma Jokes

Not So Awesome Land, a.k.a the Northkoreanuberiraqigeorgebushworshipperscult (not to be confused with the significantly more less awesome place, Awesome land) is the last republic created by the dear leader King Solomon Sol the XL. It is a Formerly-Emo Dictatorship (which now is without a proper title) that strongly supports Simon Cowell to be the official nurse in the North Korean republic of Cuba. Under no circumstances is he ever to be given coke because it makes him feel comfortable.

Affiliation with Emos

Living in a place called "Not So Awesome Land" is a real downer. Honestly, could you even remotely enjoy it? The people of Not So Awesome Land will be referred to as Emos now that the connection has been established.

When the Emos stopped being Emo...

21965 w

Tom Cruise, in need of serious help.

As Tom Cruise once said in the worst rated You Tube video in existence "Being a scientologist is a privilege".

Upon hearing this anyone would laugh hysterically and the Emos of Not So Awesome land began laughing until it stopped hurting. Promptly after they all revolted against the Emo leader Lord Babin the 3rd and as a response Lord Babin the 3rd raised countless numbers of Jehovah witnesses bearing pies, thus committing mass genocide reducing the people to a state slightly above Emo in the social ranks, "deceased".

History

After the creation of Awesome land a depression occurred due to the fact that no one knew how to feel anything but awesomeness. To counteract Not So Awesome Land was created to make the people realize they had it good. After this all the Emos migrated to Not So Awesome Land thus creating a society of depressed hopeless individuals. Shortly after Kim Jong Il invaded and declared Not So Awesome Land a North Korean Territory (similar to the Cuban situation). Day 666 under North Korean Rule (all calendars were destroyed) a war was declared on Awesome land. This is not very well known due to most people refuse to admit even slight association. After being pummeled (due to the Emos being suicidal) Not So Awesome Land took back the war and launched a nuclear explosion, killing 50% of the population. The other 50% became mutants. Present day, Emo mutants are the only species in Not So Awesome Land, with 20 arms (10 of which have built in razors).Lord Babin wishes to point out that he is and will never be a mutant because : I've got radioactive immunity!

Meteors: After meteorites were hunted in Awesome land, they came to this paradise of sorts, (these were confused for nuclear missiles in the history, (common mistake eh?), after fusing with half the population to create mutants they were graciously accepted (this including the fact that the other half of the population was destroyed).

Eras

The First Era

This is the first era, otherwise known as the era no one cares about because it was just starting out and no one would give it a chance. Constantly being teased by the other eras for being the first one this era committed suicide because it was so lonesome. The only notable thing this era ever did (other than ending so the next era could begin) was shaping the general landscape of Not So Awesome Land. Being suicidal this did not turn out well. However after committing suicide the other eras decided to avenge the first era’s death in their own special ways.

The Experimental Era

This is where most of everything happened. This era felt so guilty about the first era’s suicide, this era started inventing things left and right. You name it, it was invented here. This is mostly because every single inventor invented it in Not So Awesome Land. This includes Leonardo Da Vinci, Bill Gates, Anonymous, <insert name here>, etc. This is possible by simply glancing at the world map. Not So Awesome Land

The Light Era

This era decided that the first era committed suicide because Not So Awesome Land was just too Emo. So this era created light. It was a mistake. All the Emos suddenly cried that their skin was burning and slowly started melting. Emergency vehicles from Awesome land were immediately sent in and managed to get them into nice little dark corners. However the light era did not give up and illuminated everything until there was no more darkness. At all. Even Michael Moores shadow (which is by far the largest source of shade) was lit up. The Emos eventually adapted to the light and then given the power to see, they hunted down the light era and tried to kill it, but it escaped in the nick of time.

The World Domination Era

The world was still light because the light era had managed to escape. The world domination era had always wanted to take over the world, but was never given the chance because his servants (the Emos), (Note: there were no leaders until the current era), were too depressed to fight (and they could not see). But motivated by the first eras death and now with the ability to see they went to conquer every last piece of land.

Most notable is the "The Great Battle for Mount Doom" and "The Story of the Battle of the Twilight Zonelike void"

The Great Battle for Mount Doom

Ruled by Lord Jeff the Basilisk from the inner retching of the void. With 80 disgusting puss filled eyes he does not have any bones or muscles, he is a leeching slug like creature who believes himself to be a jock. His stench is so overpowering that if you even go near it...you will instantly loose all power over your limbs and become one of his zombie slaves. Except he’s too dumb to know what to do with the zombie slaves so he ends up using them as a means...of..Um..Ahem..pleasuring himself. He has no hands though so he needs to ingest them, then regurgitate them at the general direction of his anus, then convulses his body multiple times. If he misses he must navigate back to the remains ad repeat the process. There was an extremely fierce, far from awesome battle between Lord Jeffrey the zombie thumper and Lord Babin the 3rd. It involved Bad Robot Chicken Star Wars Yo Momma Jokes and in the end Lord Jeff collapsed into himself purely because of Lord Babin's Awesomeness.

The Story of the Battle of the Twilight Zonelike void

If you look at any map you will clearly see that the world is a strange 2 dimensional oval shaped object (on some maps it’s portrayed as a rectangle). What about on the other side? Quite simply it is a void known as the Twilight Zone. Narnia is inside here. Minister of Finance Man De Chanda the panda ruled here. Lord Babin approached this formidable ally. Breathed at him. And he collapsed because he only weighed 3 pounds (not to be confused with how Lord Jeff collapsed because of Lord Babin’s awesomeness). Though he was simply the minister of Finance. The true leader was none other than Lord Babin’s identical twin... Harry Potter!

Lord Babin withdrew his secret weapon.. THE LAST FEW PAGES OF THE 6TH HARRY POTTER BOOK! He rubbed it in Harry Potters face (literally). And since Harry is such a British chicken that he decided not to read the 6th and 7th book and to just see the movies later (because he wanted to watch some horse action), he never knew. This naturally destroyed him on the inside and he just sorta shuffled in with the rest of Lord Babin’s Emos.

Some say this version is false because Lord Babin is the only living witness, and that what really happened was everyone was already so confused because it was the Twilight Zone, that Lord Babin just nuked the place.

He was quoted saying:

“It wasn't me. I swears!”
~ Lord Babin

The Current Era

After conquering...everything all the Emos became Emo once more, the light era (much like Osama Bin Laden) was forgotten and soon everything deteriorated. This is when the leaders started arriving. Please see the "Pre-Leader" section for more details. Hoping you just scrolled down the page to read the the "Pre-Leader" section and having heard that amazing story you will grasp exactly why a rebellion formed in the center of Not So Awesome Land, and we were forced to break it apart by sending each piece to the very outskirts of the empire.

The deal with the barrier.

If you have not read the the "Pre-Leader" section, I stress that you read it now or you will not understand this AT ALL!!! After the VERY IMPORTANT rebellion, Lord Babin the 3rd ordered the outskirts of the country (consisting of the same total area as RUSSIA), to be destroyed with nukes. The shape is because the rest of Not So Awesome Land was protected by a giant donut! After the ring was formed a huge indestructible glass wall was made (stretching to the moon). The moon is locked in place over Not So Awesome Land. Though it is a glass wall, eclipses happen often. This keeps...them...out.

The barrier is known as the country of "Barria". Diplomatic relations run smoothly.

The Last Era

This era felt the first era’s pain and committed suicide. Unfortunately that ended everything because Brangelina hadn't yet adopted a new era to succeed this one.

Currency

The unit of currency has gone through many phases.

Crap Turds were the first currency which lasted for 50 years under the reign of Whoever-Felt-Like-It. Due to such abundance of currency after 50 years multi-googlianaire-extraordinaire Mr.Icrapalot (wealthy investor in Awesome Land) bought Not So Awesome Land and replaced the currency with kryptonite so no one else would be able to buy it.

Kryptonite Kryptonite was in great shortage because Superman's weakness was not yet discovered. The exchange rate between crap and kryptonite was for every billion tons of crap, one square millimeter of dirty, watered down kryptonite (with bugs stuck in it) was awarded. The country entered a depression.

Euro

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A Euro

After 10,000 years of poverty everyone was sufficiently Emo enough for Kim Jong Il to replace the currency with the euro.

??? Once the meteorites fused with the Emos the currency was destroyed. The mutant Emos do not eat, (just push around food on their plates). Also the last nerd (more than 10,000 years ago) fixed it so the Emos can charge their Ipods without paying. Thus with no need for anything money no longer exists. Kim Jong Il has found new toys and the country is currently in shambles.

LEADERS!!!

Mewhenreadingstupidstuff

General reaction whenever someone announced they were running for leader (especially Lord Babin The 3rd).

There have been a total of 5 leaders in Not So Awesome Land each one drastically worse than the first.

King Whoever-Felt-Like-It Way back when, when you were what you were whenever, there was a system in place that beats any system in place today. The volunteer system, basically whoever was the first to volunteer at exactly 4:59PM would be the new leader. If no one volunteered then all the bars would only serve drinks with more than 15% alcohol until 4:59Pm the next day when hopefully someone would be drunk enough (or dead enough) to volunteer.

Mr. Icrapalot Bought out Not So Awesome Land one day, enslaved the entire country. Sucks plain and simple.

Kim Jong Il Part of his conquest of the world. After conquering Cuba had a brief stint in Not So Awesome Land. After 666 days he was removed "For the Greater Good".

Lord Babin The 3rd

Lord Babin the 3rd

Lord Babin the 3rd in all of his glory. Most noted for his horns which God cursed him with after an argument with Chuck Norris. Lord Babin the 3rd is also a Wiccan.

Not So Awesome Lands hailed leader. Whenever addressing him sentences must start with "All Hail". He is awesome. There is no other way to say it. Whatever conspiracies you hear about "revolts" are myths. He brought Not So Awesome Land out of its immense debt created by the last leader... Unfortunately he was removed awhile back due to "health concerns" (like Fidel Castro), then he died. Luckily his clone was unfrozen and he is still running the country behind the scenes. Like Dick Cheney, Vladmir Poutine, and Walt Disney. Most notable achievement was appointing "Jorge the illegal Mexican immigrant" to be in charge of all of NSALs' WMDS

Joint effort between Ronald McDonald and Homer Simpson All the Emo mutants simply don't care whose leader, yet they hate Lord Babin (all hail). The easiest solution was to appoint a few idiots and just have someone else keep control and run the country without the public knowing (like Dick Cheney, Vladmir Poutine, and Walt Disney).

Pre-Leader Section

Please see the the Current Era section for details.

Culture

Not So Awesome Land, being the choice habitat for most Emos, consists of many famous songwriters/singers/alcoholics/Mel Gibson. This being the case, much amazing music, though never even remotely known.. came out of this place.

Meat Loaf

The artist Meat Loaf, made much of his career here when he made out with a 14 year old girl for an hour straight before passing out and having a seizure. He sung over 30 albums, sold over 3 trillion albums, been in the British Billboard top 100 since 1977 and has permanently been on tour since 1977 despite the fact that he’s,

  • is old and fat
  • developed a cist on his vocal cords
  • has had multiple heart attacks
  • has cancelled about 5 years of touring due to him forgetting how to speak
  • Sued his songwriter for copyrighting the word "Hell"
  • been in the Rocky Horror Picture Show

and he is still living, and on tour still...

He has sung in many satirical things such as the hit music video "I'm F*cking Ben Affleck" and South Park. If you ever meet him he will probably be either dead or a cyborg. Or kissing that 14 year old chick...

Economy

The NSALic economy is to put bluntly, non-existent. There are NO ups or downs or any movement at all. No one buys anything. No one sells anything. There is no economy. If there was I would tell you. But there isn't. Know what a non-existent economy looks like? Not So Awesome Land. The economies all time high was #4,000,000,000,000. and all time low is $-0. Yes, -0. Not to be confused with =0 with is a surprised thingy.

Future Developments

Back when rational thought existed a plan was devised to launch Not-So-Awesome Land into space to float in an Emo-like mutant way forever. There was a launch but as the country was going off into space it suddenly stopped (apparently a catapult isn't enough to launch something into space) and Not So Awesome Land fell into the Bermuda Triangle. Everyone who has ever disappeared or had mysterious circumstances surrounding their death has appeared here (Elvis, Tupac, etc).

No one has ever discovered this haven due to whenever someone decides to go even near that spot, they suddenly change their minds. Most known example is Dick Cheneys war in Iraq.

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Countries and territories of North America
America: United States of America | Confederate States of America
Canada: Canada | Canadia | People's Republic of Canada | Canada States
Everyone else: Awesome land | Not So Awesome Land | Barbados | Cuba | Dominican Republic | Haiti | Jamaica | Mexico | Tortuga | Trinidad and Tobago
Dependencies
Acadia | Bermuda Triangle | Duchy of Björk | British Virgin Islands | Caribbean | Cayman Islands | Greenland | Gulf of Mexico | Martinique | Monkey Island | Orgasm | Pen Island | St. Pierre and Miquelon | Puerto Rico | Québec | Tropico | U.S. Virgin Islands | Wikiland
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