Norway/Major cities

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Norway is slightly smaller than New Mexico? (I didn't)
  • Oslo: While the official capital of the country, it is also a gigantic sociological experiment that failed miserably in 1975. However, nobody has informed the people who live in the city that the experiment is over.
  • Minneapolis: The capital of the Norwegian colonies on the American continent.
  • Ålesund: The nazi capital of Norway. Theory is taught at the Ålesund Nazi University College, and later practiced on the bouncers at night, five times a week. Also famous for its container filled with water and fish.
  • Røros: This has to be the most hostile city in Norway, controlled by the iron fist of Hufsa. Dominated by naked people dancing on roofs.
  • Stord: The largest isle in the Norwegian Space Otter Empire. During the cold war the island was testing site for Chav Nukes. The isle is highly radioactive, and obvious mutations indicate this is where humans took their first steps.

At constant war with the trolls of Bømlo.

  • Saltdal: The national city of Norway. Also the true capital.
  • Bergen: Populated entirely by fishmongers, Bergen was one of the biggest cities in Norway until the Japanese attacked the city in 1905; they blamed Saddam Hussein for their actions.
  • Bømlo: Populated by avid churchgoing fishmongers and sheep. Vikings live here. Grue-sightings are not infrequent. The Bananarepublic Bømelulu is currently an important location for research on compulsive-pharyngeal disorder, characterized by random o-sounds in speech and loss of bodily equilibrium.
  • Trondheim: Hotbed of the national championship Moustache Fighting League, it is the only city in Norway where people are born without teeth.
  • brekstad : the Holland of Norway it got its own military base and A small dump in the

road can be seen from trondheim and usa.

  • Svelvik: Norway's most important town. Late capital. May be it again.
  • Hell: The outermost circle of Trondheim. Hell hotell is one of the most popular hotels in Norway.
  • Steinkjer: The Rome of Norway, known for its beautiful architecture, romantic restaurants and busy clubbing. Even the Vikings deserted it.
  • Heggedal: Not really a city, but a black hole that is slowly devouring the rest of Norway.
  • Tromsø: An exact replica of Paris, at 1:10 scale.
  • Harstad: A town that is all about football. The pride of the town, HIL, is currently fighting its way down into 3rd division.
  • Bodø: Capital of the Scandinavian undead, this is an unholy place and the home of zombies and vampires. The name of the city translates to "Live dead".
  • Førde: Have the highest parking space per population ratio in Norway. And yes, you will have problems finding a free parking space. Førde also have the highest shop per shopper ratio. Førde is lucky and has one mall per household. And is THE most ugly city in Norway.
  • Vardø: A town that was recently taken over by the Space Otters after being ruled by the zombies and undead Scandinavians (just like in Bodø). The name changed after the otters took control of the town. It was called Erdø before (which means "Is dead"), but is now called Vardø, or "Was dead". The city council is debating whether or not to change the name to Harværtdø, or "Has been dead", although a significant number of prominent citizens are campaigning for the name Skullekanskjehaværtdødmenleverfortsattikkeheltdødmenmankanjoalltidshåpe, or "Should maybe have died, but is still not quite dead, but one can always hope". The local road sign-maker is, it goes without saying, firmly behind this last alternative. Some dyslectics remain unconvinced, though.
  • Spydeberg: Probably the only major city in Norway where children are given Subaru-cars when graduating from kindergarten. But this is not an established fact. We are dealing with probabilities here. Live with it!
  • Stavanger: Populated entirely by dropouts from the Bergen Academy of Fishmongering, Stavanger is the only remaining city where there still lives Vikings. This is the place for those who's looking for asskicking rock-music and

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drinking thugs.
  • Gibostad: The real origin of the well feared VD "Gonorea", first man to get this decease is a man called Gorg. Gorg was also the feared underground king of senja, and now his three sons has taken over the family business with a steel-hard fist of terror. The Gorg Family's greatest rival is the gang of Synnöve's lesbians which they have bloodfull fights with. Both sides is well skilled in the art of The Norwegian Barfighting Method.
  • Sørreisa: The connection-hub of the entire northern region of Norway.
  • Haugesund: Hometown of Das Fløhrter, and founded by angry Germans. See Rammstein.
  • Kristiansund: The evil twin-city of Kristiansand, recently claimed independence from Norway and the rest of the known world, the parliament stationed in Fishanbya is disputing whether to acknowledge the rest of the world or just claim their rightful dominion of the globe, since it was discovered that Kristiansund in fact was the beta version of the garden of Eden .
  • Bærum]: Well, less of a city, more of a semi-benign population outgrowth, close to Oslo. It's population are infamous for being hated by the rest of the country due to their snobbish demeanor. People from Bærum is known as the smartest people in Norway. Thats why they are so rich.
  • Asker: Wannabe-Bærum. As scary as the idea is.
  • Heggedal: The first rule of Heggedal is, do not talk about Heggedal. The second rule of Heggedal is, do not talk about Heggedal. The third rule of Heggedal is, thou shalt not covet thy neighbors ass.
  • Husnes: Not worth mentioning further.
  • Komagvær: Where farmers are held as slaves by 16 sheep, in this former capital of Norway all the people are either dead or have become slaves of the sheep hive.
  • Kongsberg: The absolutely most important library city in the world, and the mountain from where Norway mines its kings.
  • Eidsvoll: The most dangerous city in Norway, evident from its name, which translates to "HIV violence".
  • Kopervik: Well known for its beautiful women with very big … eh … eyes! And its unparalleled sense of humour.
  • Brønnøysund: This is the most secret town of all of Norway. Not even the people who live there knows were it is. This is were the national database of keiko-killing techniques is placed. Here is also a mountain with a hole right through it, called the Hell Hole.
  • Jessheim: Arguably the warmest city in Norway, the inhabitants customarily wear no clothes. This has also lead to Jessheim being the film-capital of the country, and as of 2005 over half of the city's inhabitants has at some point in their lives appeared in erotic movies.
  • Drammen: The definitely least thought through or planned city throughout Norway. Houses are mere scraps from the great nuclear fallout of 2034, and the library looks more like a hospital (the hospital, however, is not stationary, but is planned to be moved (or maybe not(yes it is!(no its not)))) School system is compared to the one in Darfur and Sudan, and capitalists (like Carl I. Hagen and the political party Høyre (Norwegian Half-Assed Nazi party)) have eaten the brains of the populous. They're spawning by the hundreds, and the only hope for the world is a group of socialistic youths, and a group of youths/emo's representing the workers party. They fight the others with flamethrowers and molotov cocktails, to small avail.
  • Grønfjelldal: Where people get drunk, have sex and learn to drive at early ages. It also has its own song.
  • Beiarn: Uhm, we just don't talk about Beiarn …
  • Bardufoss: The 86th biggest city in Norway.
  • Halden: Still controlled by the Romans, presently under the rule of Governor Fabio Luigi Octavius IVXIII
  • Hellesylt: Fluffy little town in the end of a fjord, actually the last remaining feral fjord in the world and the only fjord in Norway that has not been tamed. In the summer Hellesylt is a tourist magnet. In the winter it's white.
  • Geiranger: Another fluffy little town, near Hellesylt. Often seen as a forest with a with many treehouses from a cruiseship. Its fluffiness may in fact be slightly more fluffy than Hellesylt's. But they're both pretty fluffy.
  • Sverige: One of the biggest cities in Norway. This is where the Norwegians send all the retarded people. This city is known in other countries as Sweden.
  • Spania: Better known as Syden is where most of the old people and the members of FrP are living. They spend their days complaining about all the foreigners in Spania.
  • Mo i Rana: Also known as Mo i Ræva. The habitants of Mo i Rana is also participating in a sociological experiment. The results are amazing, the scientists have recently discovered a new breed of monkey. Also known by the initials S.V.P. The scientists were initially quite excited about this new discovery, but it turned out that all these monkeys were sort of lame.
  • Skreia: The coldest city in Norway, where all the "famous" people come from. Skreia lie in Toten famous for its alcohol, and potatoes.
  • Skjetten: Is universally famous for inventing the Lego-blocks and being the only place where people actually live inside them (the Lego-blocks).
  • Arendal: Means "Valley of Eagles", but just as well mean "Valley of die-hard-rednecks" formerly known as Norway's Venice, now known as the city that screwed up their fame by filling up all the canals with sand in order to build more parking lots. Arendallits (people from Arendal) are frequently known for driving meaninglessly around in the streets with heavy trance, as well as wearing Marin Alpin jackets. Famous in Norway for "Rutebilstasjonen", "The Timetablestation", were people in red-and-white sweaters bought "rifla påmmfri" with Thousand Island, but alas, it has been demolished to make place for a Culture House, which most of all resembles a giant, lying, keg of oil, perfectly picturing the Norwegian folk-spirit. Arendal is also known for extreme possessive-endings. Example: "Hvis det ikkje e deises, hvemses e det dåses?" Meaning: "If it is not theirs, who does it belong to then?" A phrase you have to know if travelling in Arendal: "Ja, det e no' jegla drid!", meaning: "Oh, that's a shame." (Arendalitts are always pessimists, in comparison to their arch-enemies, the Kristiansanders, who are always happy, and often want you to join their local church choir, as they are the best to convince in Norway.)
  • Grimstad: Arendal's neighbouring city. Even more of a redneck dump. If the Arendalits hate the Kristiansanders, the people from Grimstad really really really really really really really really really really really really hate the Arendalits. Why this is is not known. It is believed to have something to do with jealousy, but that's just stupid. Why should the people of Grimstad, a small, wodden-house-based provincial shithole be jealous of the people of Arendal, a slightly bigger shithole? It may, however, have to do with Jon Gelius, The Gayest Norwegian TV-Personality Ever(excepting Ivar Dyrhaug) being an Arendalite. Or it might be because Arendal has, like, two more people living there. On other notes, Grimstad plays host to The Norwegian Shortfilm Festival, a festival for people fond of walking around with their heads stuck as far up other people's asses as possible while "networking". Oh, and shortfilms, of course ( They tried to host a real film festival but were un-successful due to Grimstads size, they could not get a full length movie compleetly within the city limits). The city is also the home of Thor Hushovd, a cyclist who was cloned from Belgian Blue, a big fucking cow, and Dag-Otto Lauritzen, also a cyclist, but not a clone. Or at least, not to our knowledge.
  • Sandefjord: Was one of Norway's most important cities in the "War against the Whales". The Welsh dyslectic terror cell Llpwgywngg have mounted many an un-successful attack here after it became known people sailed out from Sandefjord to kill Whales.
  • Otta: Was the most important city in the "War of Kringla".
  • Folldal: A small mountain village where people eat each other. Many German tourists have went here, but none of them have ever returned. Folldal is known for the mining and their sick old moose-hunters. They never shoot mooses, only "kjærringer", then they grill and eat them together with karsk. Folldal has an awesome party life, every Friday, all the villagers gathers on "Talleraas" to have a big party. There they have christmas candy in the summer holiday. Folldal has lots of "bondeknøler" (rednecks), and each and every of the villagers owns their own nuclear rifle. "Knutshovda" (

Titties Titties Titties Titties Titties Titties Titties Titties Titties Titties Titties Titties Titties Titties Titties

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mountain) the biggest mountain in Folldal. It's about 9700 metres high, and no one has ever returned from there.
  • Porsgrunn: The

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of Norway!
  • Vigrestad
  • Grünerløkka
  • Skien is the most dull city in the world. Nothing happens WHAT SO EVER!! In the summer, there are so many people leaving town, that the number of inhabitants go below zero. Some major events in Skien was the closing of a factory (big deal), the birth of Henrik Ibsen (everything in Skien is named after Henrik in some way, like the Ibsenhuset, Ibsenparken and Brand Stadion), also celebrating Henriks death last year.
  • Sortland or Black Country: The base for all black metal bands in Norway. Local forces has tried to improve the town's image by marketing itself as The Blue City, but the local rulers crushed this effort by stealing the pallette and making it ugly. Also base for the awardwinning-speed-black-death-metal-thrash-band Madrugada. This is also the place that invented the Fishball.
  • Andenes: A village of ducks. The only place in the known universe where the wind blows from all directions simultaneously. Scientists have concluded that the winds are generated by a black hole in the middle of the town-square, sucking in all the air. It is said that Bob Dylan wrote the song "Blowing in the wind" here, after receiving a fellatio during the infamous "Rock-med-rus" festival in '69.
  • Myre: A village that is exporting a lot of fish and importing a lot of Ford Granadas. Both are valid currencies there.
  • : A scary place by the cost, known for its breath-taking beauty. The roads here are made by the famous rollercoaster designer Hendry T. Ford.
  • Kavåsen: A former military complex in Vesterålen. It was built with NATO-funding during the 60'. It is made up of a submarine base, an indoor airport and a 17,5 hole mini-golf course. During the cold war it was also a prison for communist pets and farm animals. A lot of communist cows ended their days here, most from the communist movement NRF (Norsk Rødt Fe, a Norwegian terrorist cow network) and the "Seven stomach brotherhood". There was also a school for secret agents. These agents where recruited from the nations finest youth, and trained in combat and pet-behavior. These agents were sent to the USSR to spy for the Norwegian and NATO governments. The most famous of these agents are:
  • Laika, russian space dog, but really a fisherman's son from Frøskeland.
  • Kalasnikov, Stalin's second cat, a farmers-son from Bø.
  • Riba, Andropov's goldfish, was born in a secret location somewhere in Andøy.
  • Glasnost, Gorbachev's hamster, not really an agent but a native Kavåsian hamster.

After the cold war there was no need foe this base, and it was turned into a rural area overnight. The indoor airport was converted into a fjord and the minigolf course was converted in to a piece of the Riksvei 820, since there where many holes and no one would notice 17,5 new holes. The communist cow prisoners were made into christmas-food and the "secret agents" were brainwashed once more and sold on e-bay.

  • Narvik: A place close to the Swedish border, which is why a lot of tourists come to Narvik. But the Swedish stores actually charges you in Norwegian lutefisk, so there's no point in buying anything there. There is a local TV station, but it never actually shows anything from Narvik, just from Harstad. At this TV channel you can see what happened in Harstad up to 1 month ago. All webpages in this area are made by Frontpage, and most people
  • Bleiker: A burgeoning metropolis, and the home of one of Norway's greatest schools and educational facilities, Bleiker VGS (Bleiker High School of Advanced Studies). The most popular Studielinje (class) is by far and wide Mekken and Elektro.
  • Løten a.k.a Løiten: is known for raising a lot of alchoholized people.
  • Eina: Huge city with about 10 inhabitants, known for their alcohol and the huge parties at the enormous partyhouse Grendehuset.
  • Kristiansand: Lies in the heart of the satan-belt of the south coast of Norway. Every sunday people put on black robes and walk down to the Maggot street. Then they have a gigantic shrimp sacrifice rituals, which until recently has been a well hidden secret.
  • Skjervøy: The pearl in northern Norway, where all the drunken bastards are beating the craps out of Reisa people.(Neighbour city)
  • Lensbygda: Even huger city near Eina with even less inhabitants. their know for their big tiur statues and local languages. most spoken sound "Yyh" They even got a own Sport club for wild life "grevlinger"
  • Florø: Oldest, and only real city of the reservoir "Sogn og Fjordane". Florø has a brewery, a bakery, and an airport within walking distance from the town hall, which makes it one of a very few real cities in Norway (by definition by Led Zeppelin). The brewery is actually inside the town hall, but the airport was too big and had to be built outdoors. Given its status by king Eigil Skallagrimson around 860. Florø is now run as a independent state. "There is only one way into Florø, and no way out..."
  • Stavanger: This city is responsible for the capitalism in Norway, which happened when the Vikings discovered oil, and microfibers used to make flat screen TVs in the North Sea. Stavanger lies in the most beautiful part of Norway. The leader of the whole city is Kristian Valen. They Soon then found out that monkeys are the key to the universe, but soon then destryed half the ape population in that city.* Vennesla: Also called city of scum. After the Vikings left in 1984 people forgot how to build houses, they now live in their pimped automobiles. Mayor Kristen Gislefoss just also happen to be a popular weather man on TV and is married to Norwegian Idol Jorun Stiansen.
  • Moss: Very little is know about this place. Nobody has really seen it, just smelled it while driving past. Known for its' horrible stinky smell.
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