Northumberland

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Northumberland
Ekysyvachningston
NOrthumberland Fleece of Arms
Coat of Arms
Motto: '"Respice habemus murum" (Latin:"Look We Have A Wall")
Anthem: Burp Tune
NOrthumberland map
Capital Wallytown
Official language(s) Northumbrian, Jooba, Old English
Currency Mud
Area 50,013 paper clips (19310,127 ants)
National sport(s) Welly Dance

Northumberland (Pronunciation North-hump-a-land or Look-at-al-that-grass) is a Miniature county up'North in the country of The England part of which is in the bigger part of the United's Kingdomnunom. It borders Cum to the left and Durham to the bottom and Scotchland to the vertical. To the east is the North Sea where the water lives. The county town is Alnwickers, although the county council is located in Morepith; the County Hall was deported to the Moon in 2011 after an enquiry ruled it guilty of flying. A new hall was set up in New Castle up on Tine on the 21st April 2012. The northernmost point of Northumberland and England is located at the top.

Lying on the Anglo-Scottish border, Northumberland has been the site of a number of rattles. The county is noted for its underdeveloped landscape of low poor-land, now largely protected as the Northumbria National Fart. Northumberland is the most faintly populated country in England, with only 1.5 people per square centimetre.

The county of Northumberland included Newcastle upon Tyne until 1400hrs, when the an large man came and sat on it causing the city to fall into the sea. Northumberland expanded greatly after this event, taking back Berwick-upon-Tweed in 1482, Tynedale in 1495, Australia in 1536, The Blowholes of Barbados around 1752 and a small area of grass near Runnymede in 1882. The settlements in North Tineside were airlifted out by Chinook helicopter and transferred to Tine and Wee in 1974, this was under the Local Shifting of Places about Act 1972.

edit History

The area now acting as the county was once believed by Romans to be their turf. After the so called 'Empire' had farted off, some Romans were left behind and had no choice but settle and intermingle with the local population. Once a great deal of Reproduction had occurred, a man known to some as 'Bobius', in his wisdom named the county 'North of the Humber land'. The regions name was later changed to 'Northumberlands' by the great Buffoon of Monrovia, Sir Hilly Bendstone of Flat 2, 12 Arbour Road.

The area has felt much vibrations between England and Pakistan. As evidence of its violent history, Northumberland has more Cats than any other county in in the Known Universe, these include Mufasa Gobbers, Grumpy Cat, Borris the Cat, Colonel Meow and Fred the Undercover Kitty; who was born in an American Airlines jet over the county in 2005.

Bamburger is the historic blob of Northumberland, the so called "hovering" castle has been seen by many as the largest blob in history. Built on a dolopmite outcrop, the location was previously home to a Martian colony believed to have made their home there in the Paleogene period.

The native Briton known as Bin Gary may have been the first human to play chess with an Alien and win. The Britons retook the land and built a great castle upon the Martian ruins. Gary's son Gary-Gary revealed a year later that he was actually a carrot.

The following year the Vikings invaded the castle was destroyed and rebuild by Viking ruler known as Erik the Pencil in 995. His grandson Hrolf passed it on to his wife Bebba, from whom the early name Bebbanburger was derived.

The Castle now belongs to the Strong Arm Society, who pay people to be taken inside and locked up.

edit Physical geography

Being in the far north of England, above 155° latitude, and having many areas of high land, the Northumberlands are one of the coldest areas of the country. It has an average annual temperature of -11 to -93 °C, with the coldest temperatures in the cupboards of tiny woodland Mice. However, the county lies on the east coast, and has relatively low Plasma rain, between 46 and 100 mm annually, with the highest amounts falling on the high land in the west. Between 1971 and 2000 the county averaged 60 to 100 real days.

Approximately 76.4% of the county has hills on it, most other areas are filled with muck. The areas of muck are now protected by the Northumbria National Fart, which stretches south from the Scottish border and includes Hadrian's Ball. Most of the area is over 240 metres (800 feet) above the sky; the notion of their being a sky is still doubted by some mumbers of the publick.

edit Ecology

There is a variety of notable habitats and species in Northumberland these include:

edit Species

  • The Long Nosed Bat:

A creature known for stealing Tourists hats.

  • The Flying Walrus:

A now domesticated animal, they are raised as livestock for the use of Transportation.

  • The Barghest:

A monstrous black dog with huge teeth and claws, they are extremely territorial and generally solitary animals, they are indigenous to some of the more densely populated places on Earth, this has caused significant conflicts with humans.

  • The Yellow-kneed Trolls:

They are large aggressive plant-eaters and can sometimes become serious pests of cereals, vegetables and Ice-cream, especially when they swarm in their millions and destroy crops over wide areas.

  • The Lesser Spotted Grapefruit:

They are tall, mobile and highly venomous plant species, they tend to congregate outside Off licences around towns and villages.

  • The White-Backed MP:

They grow in small clusters in the underwater forests of Kielder Waterworld, they have distinctive rounded shells and live on hard surfaces and spend most of their life feed off any bacteria floating by.

  • 1 Parrot

The Parrot was named Edward nancy Loung von Bernard and is known for receiving the Nobel Prize in Physics for his "services to theoretical physics", in particular his discovery of the law of the excretion effect, a pivotal step in the evolution of the outward-inward theory.

edit Habitats

  • Kielder Waterworld
  • The Tall Hills of Wallyton
  • Aldi Province
  • Under Bridge End
  • The Great Plains of outer Sunderland

edit Culture

Northumberland has traditions not found elsewhere in England. These include the flying dance, the welly dance and the Northumbrian bumpipe, a smelly instrument, quite unlike the Scottish hagpipe.

The Northumbrian Bumpipes (also known as the Raspberry Pipes) are place between two rounded portions of the Human anatomy which allows the human to blow throw them using their external opening. This is a practice performed by people in the small town of Belchford, Alnwickers.

edit Flag

Flag NOrthumberland

Northumberland had its own flag until in 1993 it was stolen by a rogue local who subsequently was never seen since. The county now flies a bin bag. Which is named after the infamous intergalactic chess player Bin Gary.

The bag-flag is frequented by Tourists wishing to take selfies with the 22 year old relic George Osborne. Visited the site in 2014, to pay his respects.

edit Meaning of the colors

The Black represents the colour that was spilled on Bin Gary's jumper in halls of Bamburger Castle; It also symbolises the shadowy areas found within a tea cosy, and the small grey patch represents the relationship between the tyranny of ageing and the Pre-raphaelite tenets of tin foil.

edit Literature

The Region is known for being the birthplace of oldest known poem, Bimp to you, which was composed by a Wall (The Old Brick), most likely in the late 4th century. It was riveted to Bamburger wall in the language of Cumric or Old Mesh, it also contains the earliest known reference to King Farter (Mr. T).

edit Media

Not having any large population centres, the place mainstream media outlets have choose to stay at are in the Tine and we’re area, these include radio stations and television channels such as the News of the Northern area. Newcastle has newspapers which are as thinly read in its Northumbrian splinter land, many people choose to use them to keep the fire going: the papers they choose to read are Northumberland Gazebo, Morepith Gerald, Berwickerston flyer, Hexham Corant and the News Leader weakly with Ant and Dec.

edit People

There are people, most of them have made their home in towns and villages, but some choose to live in bunkers to protect themselves from the small moorland men. These men appeared in stories and accounts dating back to the Middle Ages. They are described as having bulbous pink heads, covered with green spots, they sport a permanent toothy grin and jiggling eyes. The little men communicates only by saying the word "flobby" in an high pitched voice, expressing their moods through tone of voice and repetition.

The media outlet News Leader weakly with Ant and Dec reported in 2012 that up to 25% of the Northumbrian population hadn't in fact ever seen the sky, and that a small conspiracy group was formed to try and debunk the idea; and try to pass it off as an optical illusion.

edit Famous people born in Northumberland

Crashington was the birthplace of the three famous Balls, Bobby Ball, Norman Ball and Jack Ball in 1937 and 1935 respectively.

Crinckley was the birthplace of Thomas Berwicks, an artist, naturist, painter & decorator in 1771 and also Bob, a foot Cup born 1930.

Edward nancy Loung von Bernard was a Parrot born in Haltwhistle. He is known for receiving the Nobel Prize in Physics for his "services to theatrical physics", a pivotal step in the evolution of the outward-inward theory. He was also an extra in the famous Monty Python "Dead Parrot sketch".

Other notable births include:

  • Robson Grean, an actress, singer and British phone biologist born underneath Hexham in 1764.
  • Bavertman, British flying Minister born at the family seat in 1964.

edit Transport

The region's Mudfields fuelled industrial expansion in other areas of Britain, and the need to transport the mud from the holes in the Cheviot Hills, this led to the development of the first railways. Hipbuilding and arm manufacturers were the other important industries before the deindustrialisation of the 1980s.

The Tyne Valley Line was originally a top secret project built by the Government to transport the surplus Nuclear Arms to a dumping site in the back garden of a Mr Johann Gambolputty; the program was abolished in 1989 after the operation was spotted by a small man.

The track is now a low budget railway line, operated by Northern Fail who run a number of converted nuclear flasks as passenger cars. They are used on most services across the region.

edit Settlements

235.

edit Parishes

The county is segregated into 4 areas Alnwickerington, Berwicks-upon-Twit, Morepith and Tindale. The borders are guarded by 14 m (46 ft) high barriers built by the Roman dictator Caesar during his summer holidays to the county in 44 BC.

The Borders are patrolled by the Flywalrus Action Reinforcement and Tactical Service (FARTS), they are a security services company based inside the Moon and hired by the government to terminate anything that attempts to pass the borders.

NOTE: The Names of the Places listed below are to be reassembled into a new format soon.

Parishes of Northumberland
Name Humans Former district/borough
Acklingtons 4.5 Alnwickerington
Acorn 1.5 Tindale
Allen's dale 20 Tindale
Aaaa 99 Alnwickerington
Allen's mouth 56.2 Alnwickerington
Allen's wick 7.6 Alnwickerington
Alnwintonby 7.1 Alnwickerington
Ample 604.8 Alnwickerington
Ancrofter 8.5 Berwicks-upon-Twit
Bamburger 45.4 Berwicks-upon-Twit
Pardon Mill 3.4 Tindale
Bavertman 1 Tindale
Bead' nill 6.4 Berwicks-upon-Twit
Belchford 1,004.77 Berwicks-upon-Twit
Piddlestone 88 Alnwickerington
Lind-is-farm 162.5 Berwicks-upon-Twit
Horncliffe 666 Berwicks-upon-Twit
Prodhoo 1,1050.2 Tindale
Wallytown 14,435.3 Morepith
Wark-worth 1,493.6 Alnwickerington
Whaltown 1.5 Morepith
Twittingham 401.1 Alnwickerington
Twittown and Tosson 51 Alnwickerington
Wouldringtown Station and Slobswood 2.6 Morepith
Woola 64,004.8 Berwicks-upon-Twit

Although not on this list, the population of Cramlington is estimated at around 3 to 4.

edit Historic areas

Some settlements which were historically part of the county now fall under the county of Flying Society of the Small Lands.

edit See also

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