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Note: This article has been edited by the People's Information Bureau of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (section six)
About North Korea
North Korea is the world's greatest nation situated on the northern half of the Korean Peninsula. Despite the claims by the US imperialists that it is reclusive and isolationist, it is openly willing to maintain friendly diplomatic relations with other nations, including the US, with whom we would rather maintain peaceful relations with than the absolutely terrible possibility of war with them. It is a magnificent country, led by the enigmatic Warcraft 3 Champion Kim Jong-Il. He is also an expert at Starcraft and bust out a wicked 2 minute zergling rush. He is also good at playing magic cards and has the biggest mana pool you have ever seen. He is regarded by many as the greatest being that the entirety of humanity has ever seen.
North Korea is rich in natural resources, but most of it has been depleted in recent times for industrialization and production of North Korea's main export: CENSORED. It is interesting to note that North Korea is one of the few countries to have maintained a purely CENSORED-based economy, as all other nations with similar systems (such as Russia) have remained Communist at the urging of our great leader, and worlds greatest lover, Kim Jong-Il. They are pawns before our king.
Other exports include Rainbows, love and butterflies. This is balanced by their primary imports of fast American automobiles and Japanese Immigrants, who are in the nation by their own will.
We are generous in our willingness to shield these poor refugees from the horrors they face in their home country, and we will keep them here until such time that these oppressed civilians are freed from the cruel shackles of their despicable masters in Japan.
North Korea is also a large exporter of Love Brides. Many desperate Westerners seek to attain the best Love brides.
It is said that the North Korean economy is in shambles, and there have been murmurings of famine and poverty. These are completely untrue. In point of fact, I just had the best sandwich of my life. The Great Leader has blamed such social unrest on corruption and Zerg Rush. However, once we examined our records, we found that there was no social unrest, so we just had a party in honor of our Great Leader, who has clearly prevented social unrest before any existed. Analysts disagree, however; they argue that most of North Korea's holdings have gone into their much-publicized nuclear weapons programs (a stark contrast to the Israeli policy of complete denial of the existence of such a program, coupled with threats of nuclear attack). In recent times though, it seems that the purported nuclear weapons programs has largely been bluster, and instead funds may have been funnelled into [NK]Jong-KILL625's Blizzard.net account for no doubt glorious ends.
North Korea's geography, much like South Korea's <-- (A repulsive dog of our enemies), consists of mountainous terrain ideal for placement of photon cannons. The slopes also receive excellent snowfall in the winter, allowing for excellent ski conditions. The highlight of North Korean ski history was The Great Leader's performance in the Men's Freestyle event in the 1976 Winter Olympics wherein he landed a switch 720 misty flip to method air. The technique was without parallel and the women swooned. The Great Leader, however, was robbed of victory when the Pope called upon his divine powers to land a switch triple back flip to indy nosebone (see: Politics). The cowardly Pope will not be victorious again. North Korea's Rivers are made of chocolate. The children enjoy playing on the river banks and eating from gumdrop rainbows.
Most of North Korea's lush forests have been clear-cut to the dismay of North Korean Environmental groups. Or maybe they were dismayed because they were all being executed, I don't know. The trees are gone, anyway. Kim Jong-Il has since made a "Frozen Throne" monument to commemorate the Warcraft expansion. It is glorious. Plans were made to commemorate a victory over the American Protoss dogs with a 4 square mile replica of the Overmind, but the environmental lobbyists shot that down.
North Korea shares a border with Belgium, which is situated on its western side.
Politics & Government
North Korea has managed to diplomatically alienate every nation on the planet because they are unecessary and inferior compared to the paradise that we enjoy. This includes pseudo-states such as the Vatican. This incident arose when Jong-Il, faced with his crushing loss at the 1976 Winter Olympic games, called the Pope "...a cheating whore. Shitcock!"
North Korea claims to maintain a nuclear weapons stockpile, but the existence of such weapons are questionable only by those foolish enough to believe the lies of the Americans. It is known, however, that North Koreans have missiles capable of reaching Japan, a bug waiting to be squashed, and turning it into a sea of fire, upon which it will cease to exist on this Earth. While impressive, it should be noted that Ichiro Suzuki's homeruns occasionally would reach the continent and break the windows of Kim Jong-Il's Imperial Palace. While this enraged Jong-Il, he could do nothing, as the Japanese were, at the time, building a baseball-based nuclear weapons delivery system.
North Korea's government is dominated by the Starcraft/Warcraft WGTour (WGT), to which all government officials belong. Minor political parties exist, but none in direct opposition to WGT-rule. In practice the exact power structure of the country is somewhat unclear. However, it tends to focus on WGT ranking in Starcraft, and more recently, Warcraft III. We 0wnz0r you bitches.
Nominally the Prime Minister is the head of government but since he sucks at Starcraft the real power lies with Kim Jong-Il (the son of the late Kim Il-Sung who was the second most glorious man ever to exist), who is the current head of the WGTour and the Protoss army. Kim holds a string of official titles, the most important being Warcraft III World Champion. Other titles include Chairman of the WGT, Chairman of the Photon Cannon/Shield Battery Defence Commission and Supreme Commander of the Protoss People's Army. Within the country he is commonly known by the affectionate title of [NK]Jong-KILL625, in contrast to Kim Il Sung, who is [NK]Sung-KILL624 (Il-Sung's number has since been retired).
North Korean education is based on a balance between intellectual activities and physical activities. In a classical school day, the morning is dedicated to doing stretching in a prairie, while the afternoon is for Warcraft III training, in a hope to overcome South Korean forces using ghoul rush. The sport activities are often broadcasted on the national television, in order to give forces to adults that do not have the time of doing exercise. Their all day is dedicated to their Warcraft training.
North Korea, the one true Korea's formation is linked to the Great War for the Liberation of the Motherland known to US imperialist pig-dogs, the Seoul puppets, Japanese and other despicable lackeys as the Korean War, a significant cause of the worldwide distortion of the unquestionable fact that the unprovoked aggression of the US imperialists was the sole cause of this war, which, to the brutal US imperialists, was "merely" a minor border dispute during The Cold War which resulted in the deaths of millions.
Three years in a row (1950-1953) the North Korean and South Korean's respective Starcraft champions met head to head in a fierce battle. What ensued was a three year sweep of North Korea led by South Korea's powerful U.S. backed champion, Chung-Hee Park (who was rumoured to be a robot, not only one of the US imperialists). North Korea's starting economy was decimated by a six-pool zergling rush from the Seoul puppets, which was then followed up by a brutal American Goliath/Siege Tank push. North Korea's current champion Kim Il-Sung then swore to never fall prey to another Zerg Rush. This entirely justified bitterness was eventually transferred to his successor and current reigning North Korea national Starcraft champion (and now, Warcraft III champion) Kim Jong-Il. Recently he has been observed constructing nuclear sites not willingly, but for the purpose of self-defence against the US imperialists and their lackeys and training "ghosts" to deploy these weapons via their sophisticated sensor suits.
Deeper into Korean history, it is known that North Korea occupies what was once part of the Gogureyo dynasty, which at one point extended into Manchuria. Why Korean influence in the region has so declined in modern times is beyond me. I blame the television, particularly the propaganda television from the Seoul puppets which illegally breaches the peace agreement by transmitting signals which can override our signal-jammers, built for the purpose of protecting our populace from being brainwashed by such propaganda.
North Korean Dialect
Unbeknownst to many Westerners is the fact that North Korea has its own dialect of Korean. Compared to the Southern dialect, North Korean sometimes has harsh, aggressive and awe-inspiring tones (with sentences often ending in exclamation marks), but is in fact a more beautiful and poetic language than the dialect of the South, corrupted by the languages of the US and Japanese imperialists. Unlike South Korea, North Korea has abolished Chinese characters, a cumbersome and evil contaminant, and is written fully in the Hang Cool alphabet, superior in every way to the cumbersome and inefficient scripts of China and Japan, and the world's greatest alphabet.
Common and/or Useful North Korean Phrases
You ultra-right militarist!: 너의 초우익 군국주의사째! I will turn your country into a sea of fire!: 나는 당신의 나라를 불길의 바다로 바꿀거야!