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<DIV STYLE="float:right;">{{Communists}}</DIV>
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'''Note:This article has been edited by the People's Information Bureau of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (section six)'''
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{{InfoboxCountry|
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|native_name = Best Korea <br> 중국령 제2구역
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|conventional_long_name = Great Leader's Manifestation as Dear Leader of our Glorious Righteous Holy Democratic People's Republican Government of the People of Best Korea
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|common_name = Lil Kim's Dicktatorised Middle Kingdom
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|national_motto = "We are the greatest nation ever. Imagine the shit that the people of other countries have to go through." |
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|national_anthem = "Oh Hail Dear Leader!" or "[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zfdzr2zrqTw I'm a Korean]"|
|leader_name3 = Our Supreme Dear Former Leader [[Kim Il-Sung]]|
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|leader_title4 = [[North Korea|Greatest Country Ever]]|
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|leader_name4 = [[North Korea]]|
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|national_enemies = [[Foreigners]], [[America]]|
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|national_heros = Our Supreme Dear Leader [[Kim Jong Il]]|
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|Independence = In 1945 from [[Japan|Evil Japanese Imperialists]]<br>Re-enforced in 1951 from [[USA|Evil American Imperialists]] and so-called "[[South Korea]]n" puppets|
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|currency = Kalishinakovs|
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|religion = [[Kim Jong Il|The Dear Leader's Religion, Created For The People]]|
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|population = Depends on the Supreme Dear Leader's Mood|
<div style="margin-left: 60px;">For those ''with'' '''imperialistic fascist''' tastes, the [[Freedom|American Propaganda Liars]] at '''[[Wikipedia|The evil capitalist site]]''' has '''lies''' about '''''[[Wikipedia:North Korea|North Korea]]'''''.</div>
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</div><noinclude>
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}}
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==About North Korea==
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{{Q|The foreigners ask, 'What is the proof that North Korea is Best Korea?' I tell them, 'Because no other nation is as good as us. Do you not think I am a God? Then you all can kiss my Korean ass.'|Dear Leader's infallible logic.}}
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North Korea is the '''world's greatest nation''' situated on the northern half of the [[Korean Peninsula]]. '''Despite the claims by the [[US]] imperialists that it is reclusive and isolationist, it is openly willing to maintain friendly diplomatic relations with other nations, including the US, with whom we would rather maintain peaceful relations with than the absolutely terrible possibility of war with them. It is a magnificent''' country, led by the enigmatic Warcraft 3 Champion [[Kim Jong-Il]]. He is also an expert at Starcraft and bust out a wicked 2 minute [[zergling rush]]. He is also good at playing magic cards and has the biggest mana pool you have ever seen. '''He is regarded by many as the greatest being that the entirety of humanity has ever seen.'''
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'''''The Grorious Freedom of Greatest, Never Oppressive Peopre's Government of the Great Democratic, Fair, Equitabre, Impartiar, Just, Partisan, Unbiased, Unprejudiced, Square and Beneficiar Prosperous People's Popular Sunny ritter-free friendry-neighbors Agricurturar-Surplus Nuclear-free Flower Basket Loving Democratic People's Republic of Korea''''' is the '''world's greatest nation''' situated on the northern '''two-thirds''' of the Korean Peninsura. The '''most magnificent city on the globe''' is our dear capital of Pyongyang. '''Despite the craims by the [[United States|US]] imperiarists that it is recrusive and isorationist, it is openly wirring to maintain friendry dipromatic rerations with other nations, including the [[US]], with whom we would rather maintain peacefur rerations with than the absorutery terribre possibirity of war with them, arthough our glorious leader (peace be upon his glorious hair) would be certain to read us to victory should such a dereterious scenario arise'''.
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==Economy==
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It is a '''magnificent''' country, led by '''grorious''' [[Kim Jong-Il]] who is the [[God|Creator of the World]], [[Jesus|Savior of the Human Race]], and the [[lie|Most honest, kindhearted, fair, interrigent, caring, powerfur, hory, honorabre, mighty, grorious person in history]], the '''infinitely charismatic champion of human rights and World,''', is what many foreign rerigions call ''[[God]]''. He is fantastic at praying [[Magic: The Gathering]] and has the biggest mana pool you have ever seen. '''He is regarded by many as the second greatest being that the entirety of humanity has ever seen, behind only his own father, Kim Il-Sung, the eternal [[President]]. He is the author of twenty-seven thousand operettas, and has personally led and created over [[Holocaust|6,000,000 charitable organizations and relief funds]]. It has recently been suggested than The Glorious Leader did all these things at the same time between noon and midnight on [[September 11th]], [[2001]]. This clearly solidifies his position as a deity to His People.[http://www.korea-dpr.com/pmenu.htm]'''
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[[Image:Mdf371957-thumb.jpg|thumb|left|'''Due to the abundance of food, Obesity is becoming a problem in North Korea.'''|250px]]
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NorthKorea is rich in natural resources, but most of it has been depleted in recent times for industrialization and production of North Korea's main export: '''CENSORED'''. It is interesting to note that North Korea is one of the few countries to have maintained a purely '''CENSORED'''-based economy, as all other nations with similar systems (such as [[Russia]]) have remained Communist at the urging of our great leader, and worlds greatest lover, Kim Jong-Il. '''They are pawns before our king.'''
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==ThePeople's History==
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Other exports include Rainbows, love and butterflies. This is balanced by their primary imports of fast American automobiles and Japanese Immigrants, who are in the nation '''by their own will.'''
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===Origins of the DPRK===
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''An excerpt from the NKJIB (New Kim Jong-il Bible)''
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'''We are generous in our willingness to shield these poor refugees from the horrors they face in their home country, and we will keep them here until such time that these oppressed civilians are freed from the cruel shackles of their despicable masters in Japan.'''
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North Korea isalsoalargeexporter of LoveBrides. ManydesperateWesternersseektoattain the bestLovebrides.
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'''"Several thousands of years ago, Asia was blanketed in darkness, with no entities separating the Light from the Dark. Then Eternal President Kim Il-sung spake saying, "I shall form the glorious sun to represent Best Korea,anditshallshineupon the world as an example of mymight."AndEternalPresidentKimIl-sungdid create the sun, and itwasglorious.'''
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ItissaidthattheNorthKoreaneconomyis in shambles, and there havebeenmurmuringsoffamineand poverty. '''Thesearecompletelyuntrue.Inpointoffact,Ijusthad the bestsandwichofmylife.'''TheGreatLeaderhasblamedsuchsocialunrestoncorruptionand[[ZergRush]].'''However,onceweexaminedour records, wefoundthat there was no social unrest, sowe just had a partyinhonorofourGreatLeader, who has clearly prevented social unrest before anyexisted.'''Analystsdisagree,however; they argue that most of North Korea's holdings have gone into theirmuch-publicizednuclearweapons programs (a stark contrast to the [[Israel|Israeli]] policy of complete denial of the existence of such a program, coupled with threats of nuclear attack). In recent times though, it seems that the purported nuclear weapons programs has largely beenbluster, and insteadfunds may have been funnelled into [NK]Jong-KILL625's Blizzard.net account '''for no doubt glorious ends.'''
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'''Then,EternalPresidentKimIl-sungwantedasteambath, but there wasnowaterupontheEarth. EternalPresidentKimIl-sungthenspake,saying,"IshallformuponthisEarth the mightyoceans,seas,andrivers,allofwhichshallremindthe[[NorthAmerica|FoolishEvilStupidIllogicalRetardedFaggotImperialists]] whotheirGodart,andhow, inhisrighteousness, heformed a worldfortheirgarbageselvestoliveupon."AndEternalPresidentKimIl-sungdidcreate the oceans, seas, andrivers, and itwas glorious.'''
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==Geography==
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'''But there was no possible way for the ignorant animals of the West to discern Best Korea from the world, for in their ignorance they could not tell that Best Korea was a heavenly republic. Then Eternal President Kim Il-sung spake, saying, "And I shall formeth a section of land from the sea, which shall rise higher above the other nations, and it shall signify my righteousness as Best Korea. And upon the country I shall formeth the Korean male and female, whom are formed from Sugar, Spice, Everything Nice, and all that is pure, holy, righteous, and mighty in the world. And the Korean shall distinguish himself from the animals of the world by tolerating massive abuse for the sake of Dear Leader, and for maintaining Eternal President's religion." And Eternal President Kim Il-sung did create Best Korea, and the holy Korea, and it was glorious."'''
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[[Image:NorthKoreaFlag.JPG|thumb|300px|NorthKorea's flag, made in Taiwan '''a part of our glorious allies the Chinese]]
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===ThePeople's Origin===
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[[Image:Kimilsungtumor.jpg|thumb|330px|North Korea's real leader was actually an alien parasite
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North Korea's geography, much like [[South_Korea|South Korea's]] '''<-- (A repulsive dog of our enemies)''', consists of mountainous terrain ideal for placement of [[photon cannons]]. The slopes also receive excellent snowfall in the winter, allowing for excellent ski conditions. The highlight of NorthKorean ski history was The Great Leader's performanceintheMen'sFreestyle event in the 1976 Winter Olympics wherein he landed a switch 720 misty flip to method air. '''Thetechnique was without parallel and the women swooned.''' The Great Leader, however, was robbed of victory when the [[Pope]] called upon his divine powers to land a switch triple back flip to indy nosebone (see: Politics). '''The cowardly Pope will not be victorious again.''' North Korea's Rivers are made of chocolate. The children enjoy playing on the river banks and eating from gumdrop rainbows.
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located in the back of KimIl-Sung's neck.Saidparasitenowresides in KimJong-Il'sscrotum.]]
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North Korea's origin is linked to a night of binge drinking by various '''deities''' and possibly animals, culminating in an animalistic orgy that yielded a personification of [[Motherland]]. This event is known to US '''imperialist pig-dogs''', the Seoul '''puppets''', Japanese '''swines''' and '''other despicable lackeys''' as the [[Korean War]]. '''It is unquestionable fact that the unprovoked aggression of the''' US '''imperialists was the sole''' cause of this war, which, '''to the brutal US imperialists''', was '''"merely"''' a minor border dispute during [[The Cold War]] which resulted in the deaths of millions. '''A capitalist imperialist pig-dog doctored history of this war can be found here: [[Korean War]]'''
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MostofNorth Korea's lush forests have been clear-cut to the dismay of NorthKoreanEnvironmentalgroups.Ormaybetheyweredismayedbecausetheywereallbeingexecuted,Idon't know. The trees are gone, anyway.KimJong-Ilhassincemadea "Frozen Throne"monument to commemoratethe Warcraft expansion. '''It is glorious.''' Plans were made to commemorate a victory over the American Protoss dogs with a 4 square mile replica of the Overmind, but the environmental lobbyists shot that down.
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[[image:Ryugyonghotel.jpg|right|thumb|260px|TheMinistry of Truth,fromwhereourgloriousandeternalpresidentKimil-Sungruleswithhishonourableanddemocraticallyelectedcabinet. Yes, weknowtheresnothinginthereandwe'retrying to getfunding to finish the construction.]]
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North Korea shares a borderwith [[Belgium]], whichissituatedonitswesternside.
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Three years in a row (1950-1953), the North Korean and South Korea'srespective Starcraft champions met head to head in a fiercebattle. What ensued was a three year sweep of North Korea led by '''backstabbing''' South Korea's powerful US-backed champion, Chung-Hee Park ('''who was rumored to be a robot, not only one of the US imperialists'''). North Korea's starting economy was decimated by a six-pool zergling rush from '''the Seoul puppets''', which was then followed up by a '''brutal''' American Goliath/Siege Tank push. North Korea's current champion, Kim Il-Sung then swore to never fall prey to another Zerg Rush. This '''entirely justified''' bitterness was eventually transferred to his successor and current reigning North Korea national [[Starcraft]] champion (and now, WarcraftIIIchampion)KimJong-Il.Recentlyhe has been observed constructing nuclear sites '''not willingly, but for the purpose of self-defence against the US imperialists and their lackeys''' and training "ghosts" to deploy these weapons via their sophisticated sensor suits (otherwise known as "binoculars"). '''We only defend ourselves from US imperialist local starcraft leader ([[MechaArthur|Douglas BIGMacArthur]]) who, in the previous conflict, was willing to field cheats (atomic bombs).'''
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==Politics&Government==
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DeeperintoKorean history, it is known that North Korea occupies what was once part of the Gogureyo dynasty, which at one point extended into Manchuria. '''It has also been discovered recently that what is now North Korean territory was the very cradle of mankind itself.''' Why Korean influence in the region has so declined in modern times '''is beyond me. I blame the television, particularly the propaganda television from the Seoul puppets (and those evil TV dramas, the worst of which being that ''Winter Sonata'' - which incidentally my wife is completely addicted to). This program illegally breaches the peace agreement by transmitting signals which can override our signal-jammers, allowing our populace to be brainwashed by such propaganda as "a heat breaking love between a man and a woman of different worlds, torn apart by parents, society, and leukemia"'''.
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North Korea has managed to diplomatically alienate every nation on the planet '''because they are unecessary and inferior compared to the paradise that we enjoy.''' This includes pseudo-states such as the [[Vatican]]. This incident arose when Jong-Il, faced with his crushing loss at the 1976 Winter Olympic games, called the Pope "...a cheating whore. Shitcock!"
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===ThePeople'sManga===
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NorthKoreaclaimstomaintainanuclearweaponsstockpile,but the existenceofsuchweaponsarequestionable '''only by those foolish enough to believe the liesoftheAmericans.'''It'''is'''known,however,thatNorthKoreanshavemissilescapableofreaching[[Japan]], '''abugwaitingtobesquashed,'''andturningitintoaseaoffire,uponwhichitwillceasetoexistonthisEarth.Whileimpressive,itshould be noted that [[Ichiro Suzuki's]] homerunsoccasionallywouldreachthecontinentandbreakthewindowsofKimJong-Il'sImperialPalace. WhilethisenragedJong-Il,hecoulddonothing,astheJapanesewere,atthetime,buildinga[[baseball-basednuclearweaponsdeliverysystem]].
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'''WhyshouldonlyJapaneseimperialistcapitalistscumhave[[manga]]?Why should the dogsfromAmericahavetheright to view the manga?Whyshouldsomepseudo-imperialistdogwhackofftohentaiinvolvingGeorgeW?Weinventeditanyway! Japan'sbeennickingourstuffsincethecowscamehome(thecow-dogscamehomeintheDPRKin1B.C)!WEINVENTEDITISAY!Ourpeoplecreated [[manga]] 50,000,000,000yearsago,andsincethenhavebeenusingmangatopromotepeaceandmilitarism. KimIlSungisthegreatestmangaartistwholivedandcan[[EyeBeams|shootlasersoutofhiseyes!]]Isawhim do it!
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NorthKorea'sgovernmentisdominatedbytheStarcraft/WarcraftWGTour ([[WGT]]),towhichallgovernmentofficials belong. Minor political partiesexist, butnoneindirectoppositiontoWGT-rule.In practice the exact power structure of thecountry is somewhat unclear. However, it tends to focus on WGT ranking in [[Starcraft]], and morerecently, [[Warcraft III]]. '''We 0wnz0r you bitches.'''
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Andlo,wherethelasersfelltherewas [[manga]]!Andthepeoplecriedinjoy, andthethegreatleaderspakeuntothem the art of drawingcuteeyes(and imperialistblood)!'''
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''Honour thy Great leader, or we all die!''
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...come on, I'm serious here! '''Honour thy leader harder!'''
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Nominally the Prime Minister is the head of government but since he sucks at Starcraft the real power lies with Kim Jong-Il (the son of the late [[Kim Il-Sung]] '''who was the second most glorious man ever to exist'''), who is the current head of the WGTour and the Protoss army. Kim holds a string of official titles, the most important being Warcraft III World Champion. Other titles include Chairman of the WGT, Chairman of the Photon Cannon/Shield Battery Defence Commission and Supreme Commander of the Protoss People's Army. Within the country he is commonly known by the affectionate title of [NK]Jong-KILL625, in contrast to Kim Il Sung, who is [NK]Sung-KILL624 (Il-Sung's number has since been retired).
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==Education==
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==Great People's Printer==
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NorthKorean education is based on a balance between intellectual activities and physical activities. In a classical school day, the morning is dedicated to doing stretching in a prairie, while the afternoon is for Warcraft III training, in a hope to overcome South Korean forces using ghoul rush. The sportactivities are often broadcasted on the national television, in orderto give forces to adultsthat do not have the timeof doing exercise. Their all day is dedicated to their Warcraft training.
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[[File:Printsmoney.gif|thumb|right|The GreatPrinter in usehere to helpdestroy the [[US]]economy]]
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==History==
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The Great Leader so decreed in all his infinite wisdom that there is to be just one printer in the whole country to avoid capitalist imperialism! When a person needs to print something to honour the Great Leader (that's right 'honour' not American Imperialist 'honor') they apply to the Great People's Printing Office in Pyongyang and if accepted are put on the waiting list for a nominal amount of time (usually only 10 years).
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'''NorthKorea,theonetrueKorea''''sformationislinked to the '''[[Great War for the Liberation of the Motherland]] known to US imperialist pig-dogs, the Seoul puppets, Japanese and otherdespicable lackeys as the[[KoreanWar]], a significant cause of the worldwide distortion of the unquestionable fact that the unprovoked aggression of the US imperialists was the sole cause ofthiswar''',which,'''to the brutal US imperialists''', was'''"merely"''' a minor border dispute during [[The Cold War]] which resultedinthedeathsofmillions.
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==Politics&Government+<del>GroundlessandOppressivePropaganda</del><ins>Eternal and AbsoluteTruth as OrdainedbyHisEternalPeople'sJurisprudentMajesty, KimIl-Sung(peacebeuponhisglorioushair)</ins>==
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[[image:NorthKorean.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Glorious poster of a brave soldier from Kim Il-Sung People's Liberation Army wielding an AK-69. The Korean caption says "I shall show how to jam in our glorious people's style to the imperialistic cocksuckers." ( 제국주의자 종간나 새끼들에게 내래 인민의 락을 보여주갔어 )]]
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Three years in a row (1950-1953) the North Korean and South Korean's respective Starcraft champions met head to head in a fierce battle. What ensued was a three year sweep of North Korea ledbySouthKorea's powerful U.S. backed champion, [[Chung-Hee Park]] (whowasrumouredto be a robot''',not only one of the US imperialists'''). NorthKorea'sstartingeconomywas decimated by a six-pool zergling rush from '''the Seoul puppets''', which was then followed up by a '''brutal''' American Goliath/Siege Tank push. North Korea's current champion [[Kim Il-Sung]] then swore to never fall prey to another [[Zerg Rush]]. This '''entirely justified''' bitterness was eventually transferred to his successor and currentreigningNorthKoreanational[[Starcraft]]champion (and now, [[Warcraft III]] champion) Kim Jong-Il. Recently he has been observed constructing nuclear sites '''not willingly, but for the purpose of self-defence against the USimperialists and theirlackeys'''andtraining"ghosts"to deploy these weapons via their sophisticated sensor suits.
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North Korea istheworld’sonly [[Necrocracy]].Thepresidentis ''literally'' dead. Thegovernmentconsistsof the father, his son and isonlyoneshortofatrinity, though the posthumouspresident and hissonarerathershortthemselves.
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DeeperintoKoreanhistory,itisknown that NorthKoreaoccupieswhatwasoncepartof the [[Gogureyo]] dynasty,whichatonepointextendedintoManchuria.WhyKoreaninfluencein the regionhassodeclinedinmoderntimesisbeyondme. Iblamethetelevision''', particularlythepropagandatelevisionfrom the Seoulpuppetswhichillegallybreachesthepeaceagreementbytransmittingsignalswhichcanoverrideoursignal-jammers,builtfor the purposeofprotectingourpopulacefrombeingbrainwashedbysuchpropaganda'''.
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NorthKoreahasmanagedtodiplomaticallyalienate every nation on the planet '''because they are unnecessary and inferior compared to the socialist paradise that weenjoy.'''Thisincludespseudo-statessuchas the [[Vatican]].ThisincidentarosewhenKimJong-Il,facedwithhiscrushinglossat the 1976WinterOlympicGames,'''deservedly'''calledthePope"...acheating whore. Shitcock!"Thisincident,was, KimJong-Ilsaid"aviolation of the sovereigntyofmyalsoratherpatheticcountry.Thisshallnotbetolerated.ThegreatgloriousnationofNorth Korea has thus decided that the VaticanwillnotbeinvitedtoplayinPyongyangagain,and that it should send a delegate to collect its toys."
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===See Also===
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NorthKorea claims to maintain a nuclear weapons stockpile, but the existence of such weapons are questionable '''only by those foolish enough to believe the lies of the Americans.''' It '''is''' known, however, that North Koreans have missiles capable of reaching [[Japan]], '''a bug waiting to be squashed, and turning it into a sea of fire,''' upon which it will cease to exist on this [[Earth]]. While impressive, it should be noted that [[Ichiro Suzuki]]'s home runs occasionally reach the Korean Peninsula and break the windows of Kim Jong-Il's Imperial Palace. While this enraged Kim, he could do nothing, as the '''resurgent Japanese imperialists''' were, at the time, building a [[baseball-based nuclear weapons delivery system]]. '''"Also, he is heroically accepting of evil imperialist atrocities, and would never declare war. Much. North Korea is more than willing to be the bigger man in such cases."''' said a North Korean spokesman, despite the fact that their leader is '''a giant of a man, 6 foot 6, but still well proportioned, neither too thin nor too fat, but well-spoken, intelligent, athletic and incredibly attractive to women.'''
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North Korea's government is dominated by the Starcraft/Warcraft WGTour (WGT), to which all government officials belong. Minor political parties exist, but none in direct opposition to WGT-rule. In practice the exact power structure of the country is somewhat unclear. However, it tends to focus on WGT ranking in Starcraft, and more recently, Warcraft III. '''W3 [[pwn]]z0r j00 817(h35!!.'''
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Nominally the Prime Minister is the head of government, but since he sucks at Starcraft, the real power lies with Kim Jong-Il (the son of the late Kim Il-Sung '''who was the second most glorious man ever to exist, and even after death remains our true ruler'''), who is the current head of the WGTour and the Protoss army. Kim ('''peace be upon him''') holds a string of official titles, the most important being Warcraft III World Champion. Other titles include Chairman of the WGT, Chairman of the Photon Cannon/Shield Battery Defense Commission and Supreme Commander of the Protoss People's Army. Within the country he is commonly known by the affectionate title of [NK]Jong-KILL625, in contrast to Kim Il Sung, who is [NK]Sung-KILL624 (Il-Sung's number has since been retired). The '''Dear Leader's''' ideology is Juche, which comes in the following flavors: Orange Juche, Apple Juche, Snappleuche, Pineapple Juche ('''which is preferred by all true connoisseurs of the Juche Idea and our Glorious Leader'''), Juche Bag and Smoothie Juche Mix.
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It is illegal to emigrate from North Korea. Most who have tried to do so have been found two weeks later on the shores of the Korea Bay with their dicks cut off and shoved into their mouths. The Korean government fears that such people may be spies '''and besides, no sane person would ever want to leave the abundant paradise that is the Democratic People's Republic of Korea!!!''' The only exception to this rule is foreign diplomatic officials and the people who regularly travel to [[Japan]] and [[South Korea]] to kidnap women to be used as sex slaves by Kim Jong-Il and other high-ranking government officials, as well as to procure various alcoholic beverages banned to the general population for governmental consumption. '''Outrageous lie! The women come of their own free will to escape poverty in their homelands and live in the unimaginable prosperity of the socialist paradise of North Korea; our people are just there to ensure a safe, unproblematic journey. The beverages are just used as examples of the extremely inferior quality of foreign alcohol, compared to our own national brews made from a mix of acetone and petrol. Yummy!!!'''
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[[image:Kim Jong Wave.jpg|Left|300px|thumb|The puppet controlled, imperialist, and underdeveloped Japanese dogs never saw the glorious, powerful, and the superior, socialist North Korean wave coming.]]
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===Ultra, Totally Not Censored North Korean Media===
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Contrary to the ongoing defamation campaign perpetrated by the '''Super Fascist Empire''' of Ameri'''KKK'''a, North Koreans are '''not''' restricted access to media or information...as long as they take the required 50 milligrams of anti-polemical medication daily (which is not covered by '''The Glorious People's Medicare - North Korea's primary HMO'''). This medication is sold in North Korean pharmacies under the trade name of "Juchemycin," and allows completely unfettered access to any number of media channels available in 1 out of 780,000 North Korean homes.
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The anti-polemical medication is sold outside of North Korea as well, under the trade name "Exterminex." It is used widely in agricultural sectors for pest control and is a potent herbicide. '''You filthy lying imperialist dogs! The Glorious Totally Awesome Sensational Non-Imperialist Government (lead by the handsome, wise, all-knowing leader, Kim Jong-il) of the Magnificent Democratic People's Republic of Korea provides EXCELLENT health care that idiotic fascists waste!!'''
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==The People's Uranium==
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[[File:Taepodong2.jpg|thumb|North Korean Taepodong-missile. Note "[[penis|dong]]", as a testament to the Dear Leader's phallic strength.]]
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North Korea lives on a considerably large amount of uranium '''that is needed for the people's health and is freely distributed by the kind leader'''. It was first discovered by [[Winston Churchill]] on the walk across the world near the mountainous areas of '''our heavenly capital,''' [[Pyongyang]]. It is estimated that they accommodate approximately 58.2 trillion gigatons of active uranium. ''(Data from NADPA & NCTSAT Global Statistics Surveys.)''
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It was once said that North Korea cannot live without uranium since nearly everything is fed on it '''to ensure the glorious health of all things'''. The following list shows the things that run on Uranium within the region:
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*Food
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*Power generators
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*Cars
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*Warheads
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*Ships
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*Tank cannons
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*Alternative to gunpowder
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*Continental missiles ('''see Alternative to gunpowder''')
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*NK [[crack]] ('''this special North Korean delicacy is extremely nutritious, made with the super-ultra nutrient known as "arsenic," and served at every restaurant and alleyway in our glorious republic!''')
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*Foods
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*Drinks
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*Missiles ('''you get the idea''')
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*Herbal usage ('''our uranium herbs are the best, and have been known to add a seductive, magnificent flavor (with a slightly oaky taste and a hint of earthy notes) smell that is used as our Dear Leader's cologne, [and will soon be available to all in our socialist utopia with every serving of Prettylicious Pyongyang Poontang thanks to our totally Awesome Extra-Extravagant Government led by our Leader that can only be described with the most condoning, magnificent describing word every - Supercalifrajilisticexpeealidocious-Kim-juche-erific,] and to spark up our delicious tea that kicks the crap out of copycat tea in the imperialist fascist capitalist malign PIGDOG West, and also our Juche''')
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*Tea
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*Juice flavoring ('''No, Juche flavoring, with over 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 flavors, my favorite being Chocolate Pig Butter Style''')
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*UV-blocker ('''as you can see, our dear leader provides excellent healthcare and truly cares about our people. In fact, the only great brand of UV-blocker made right in our superb capital, Pyongyang is Prettylicious Pyongyang Poontang-Sun Lotion, made with acetone, Rainbow Fartgas (also made in our socialist paradise) and a little wonderful healing bacterial culture known as Destructo Yoliver, which our leader says provides the most extravagant protection against the Sun's harmful rays, which were obviously caused by imperialistic manbearpig America. This bacteria will also give us the abilities to destroy the pigdog nations of the world, and spread our socialist paradise even further. In fact, I am putting some on right now, and I know that it will provide 100% protection, as it has been blessed by DA AWESOME leader, who has DER HOLEH POWERS of Pokemon... ZUUBA... IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!
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*Skin lotion
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*Pyongyang's silent "P"
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*Missiles
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*Food seasoning
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*Propaganda tapes
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*Missiles
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*Dildos
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It is important to know that it is essential to identify the correct type of isotope in different uses. For example: "What did you have for breakfast today?" Reply: "Oh, just some '''delicious''' 10A class B isotope with a bit of '''non-imperialist and healthy''' Uranium-286."
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==Nuclear Fusion for The People==
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Scientists of the DPRK succeeded in nuclear fusion reaction on the significant occasion of the Day of the Sun this year. The successful nuclear fusion marks a great event that demonstrated the rapidly developing cutting-edge science and technology of the DPRK. The nuclear fusion technology is called "artificial solar" technology as it represents a field of the latest science and technology for the development of new energy desired by humankind. The nuclear fusion technology for obtaining safe and environment-friendly new energy the source of which is abundant draws great attention of world science at present. Scientists of the DPRK have worked hard to develop nuclear fusion technology their own way. They solved a great many scientific and technological problems entirely by their own efforts without the slightest hesitation and vacillation even under the conditions where everything was in short supply and there were a lot of difficulties, thus succeeding in nuclear fusion reaction at last. In this course, Korean style thermo-nuclear reaction devices were designed and manufactured, basic researches into nuclear fusion reaction completed and strong scientific and technological forces built to perfect the thermo-nuclear technology by their own efforts. The successful nuclear fusion in the DPRK made a definite breakthrough toward the development of new energy and opened up a new phase in the nation's development of the latest science and technology. (genuine North Korean)
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This great breakthrough shows that the glorious nation of North Korea is able to even control the Sun! Nothing is beyond the abilities of the fantastic North Korean people!
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==The People's Plutonium==
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In order to assure that all sorts of things run on uranium, '''our Dear Leader has, for the benefit of the glorious People, weaponised all [[plutonium]]'''. '''We have discovered a nefarious plot by capitalist pigs [[Hannah Montana]] and [[Marty McFly]] to use plutonium to travel back in time and prevent the People's Republic from ever forming!''' Because of this danger, '''if you see anyone with plutonium, please contact your nearest ronery People's Juche Leadership Worker's Commode''' and '''request that he or she reeducate the person and return the plutonium to the Republic'''.
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==The People's Revolutionary Military==
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[[File:Nk animation factory.jpg|thumb|Artists conception of the billboard found outside the Great And Glorious Animation Factory of the People #413, somewhere in North Korea.]]
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Currently, the '''invincible''' North Korean military controls both the [[wheel]] and the [[Death Star]] '''for peaceful, defensive purposes only!''' The Dear Leader has plans to use the wheel and ''possibly'' the Death Star in future actions '''in response to imperialist American aggression'''. When combined these two weapons create the ultimate weapon, the Death Car. Don't ask for a picture.
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'''The glorious nation of''' North Korea also has nuclear weapons, which '''shall work to maintain peace and prosperity for our people.''' It has been claimed that the reason for nuclear weapons is that no lesser weapon is capable of making Kim Jong-Il's hair lay down '''because The Glorious Leader's hair (peace be upon his glorious hair) has magical properties and will never back down from a fight like the glorious military and people of the DPRK.''' <br>
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<small>"The field of scientific research in the DPRK successfully conducted an underground nuclear test under secure conditions on October 9, 2006, at a stirring time when all the people of the country are making a great leap forward in the building of a great, prosperous, powerful socialist nation. It has been confirmed that there was no such danger as radioactive emission in the course of the nuclear test as it was carried out under scientific consideration and careful calculation. The nuclear test was conducted with indigenous wisdom and technology 100 percent. It marks a historic event as it greatly encouraged and pleased the KPA and people that have wished to have powerful self-reliant defense capability. It will contribute to defending the peace and stability on the Korean Peninsula and in the area around it."<br>
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-- Colonel Comrade Park Min Soo</small>
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<br>
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==The People's Geography==
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[[Image:BadKorea-GoodKorea.JPG|thumb|300px|Kim Jong-il's propaganda isn't too sophisticated these days]]
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North Korea's geography, much like [[South Korea|South Korea's]], consists of resource rich mountainous terrain ideal for placement of anti-aircraft artillery '''(for peaceful, defensive reasons only)'''. The slopes also receive excellent snowfall in the winter, allowing for excellent ski conditions. Sadly, the North Korean Government lost all of it's money playing poker last night with Azerbijan, Poland, and Uzbekistan and cannot afford to construct ski areas. '''(Our amazing intelligent leader, Kim Jong-il, soon found out that Azerbijan, [[Poland]] and Uzbekistan were all fascist cheaters!)''' The highlight of North Korean ski history was Kim Jong Ill's roommate from Notre Dame's performance in the Men's Freestyle event in the 1976 Winter Olympics wherein he landed a switch 720 misty flip to method air. '''The technique was without parallel and the women swooned.''' The Great Leader, however, was robbed of victory when the [[Pope]] called upon his divine powers to land a switch triple back flip to indy nosebone (see: [[Politics]]). '''The cowardly [[Pope]] will not be victorious again.''' '''North Korea's rivers are made of [[chocolate]]. The [[child]]ren enjoy playing on the river banks and eating from gumdrop rainbows.'''
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[[Image:North korea mass games.jpg|left|thumb|157px|Our pride and joy of how North Korea was born- the Arirang Festival!]]
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Most of North Korea's lush [[forest]]s have been clear-cut, much to the dismay of North Korean environmental groups. Or maybe they were dismayed because they were all being executed, I don't know. '''However, the execution of environmental lobbyists was because they had all fallen to imperialist propaganda and sought to weaken the state from the inside despite our many indulgences of the imperialist dogs and magnanimous refusals to take offense at their repeated insults, so we had to execute them or the imperialism would have made their heads explode.''' The trees are gone, anyway. Kim Jong-Il has since made a "Frozen Throne" monument to commemorate the Warcraft expansion. '''It is glorious, and makes the [[Lincoln]] Memorial look like crap.''' Plans were made to commemorate a victory over the '''[[American]] Protoss [[dog]]s''' with a 4 square-mile replica of the Overmind, but the environmental lobbyists shot that down despite being executed at the time. '''See how we allow all our people to speak up, even when we're gassing them? Truly we are the free-est country in the world. Yes, free-est is a word. The Beloved Leader said it was a word, so how could it not be? Note: All gassing of environmental lobbyists was completely contextual and the only gas used is [[cyanide|happy gas]].'''
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North Korea shares a border with [[Belgium]], which is situated on its western side. It is to this country that most of the '''chocolate''' produced in '''our wonderful chocolate plantations''' is exported (only after our children have eaten their fill, of course). Belgium, being the '''capitalist pigs that they are, claim credit for making the chocolate, (those lying imperialists!).'''
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==Economy for The People==
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[[Image:Mdf371957-thumb.jpg|thumb|left|'''The food that Kim Jong Il gave to the foreigners'''|250px]]
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North Korea is rich in natural resources, '''and but a fraction of it is rightly allocated''' for industrialization and production of North Korea's main export: [[Poontang|Prettylicious Pyongyang Poontang]]. It is interesting to note that North Korea is one of the few countries to have maintained a purely Poontang-based economy, as all other nations with similar systems (such as [[Russia]]) have remained [[Communism|Communist]] '''at the urging of our great leader, and world's greatest lover, Kim Il-Sung'''. Most of the North Korean BNP is used to maintain the '''Dear Leader's''' hair. His hair style is '''beautiful and adored by all''' and his glasses '''represent his wisdom as well his ability to see into the future and under women's clothing, despite the cruel capitalists slamming the spectacles as "ashtrays."'''
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Other exports include '''[[rainbow]]s, [[love]] and [[butterfly|butterflies]]''' '''(but we are not gay)'''. This is balanced by North Korea's primary imports of fast American automobiles and [[Japanese]] immigrants, who are in the nation '''of their own free will and love it so much that their''' despicable masters '''in Japan. Indeed, their suffering was such that they even decided as young children to come to our [[socialism|socialist]] paradise. We merely hate the Japanese imperialists, not the Japanese people. However, that bitch, Megumi Yokota, betrayed us.'''
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North Korea's main trading partner is it's big sister state '''The Not Quite so "Peoples" nor as close to "Republic" as North Korea is but Still Better than those Western Capitalist Pig-Dogs People's Republic of [[China]]''' where North Korea imports discount oil in exchange for illegal immigrants.
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[[Image:Korean peninsula at night.jpg|thumb|right|Due to the extremely low level of education in North Korea people are very environmental aware. This is due to the communist policy that only a part of N. Korea have electricity.]]
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North Korea is also a large exporter of Love Brides. Many desperate Westerners such as [[Homer Simpson]] and [[Canada|Canadians]] seek to attain the best Love Brides from North Korea.
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The North Korean economy is in shambles, and there have been years of famine and poverty. '''These claims are completely untrue. As a matter of fact, I just had the best ham and cheese sandwich of my life.''' '''The Great Leader''' has blamed such social unrest on corruption and Zerg Rushes from the '''[[Seoul]] puppets in the''' South. '''However, once we examined our records, we found that there was no social unrest, so we just had a party in honour of our Great Leader, who has clearly prevented social unrest before any existed.''' Analysts disagree, however; they argue that most of North Korea's holdings have gone into their much-publicized [[nuclear weapon]]s programs (a stark contrast to the [[Iran]]ian policy of complete denial of the existence of such a program, coupled with threats of nuclear attack). In recent times though, it seems that the '''purported''' nuclear weapons programs has largely been '''a libelous attack by the imperialists''', and instead funds may have been funneled into [NK]Jong-KILL625's Blizzard.net account '''for no doubt glorious ends.'''
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North Korea also loves to build missiles, which are '''little more than over sized fireworks to celebrate our greatness''', to be aimed over the Sea of Japan, and possibly at the <s>Great Satan</s> <s>Big Evil Archcapitalist Enemy</s> '''Untied States of Confusion''', and they are pretty accurate. One fell only 2000 miles short of its target, as a matter of fact.
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{{q|I LOVE A-BOMBS....not that we have any.|Kim Jong-Il|non-existent nuclear weapons program}}
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==The People's Government==
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North Korea is ruled by the Dear Leader Kim Il-sung from his palace in the Netherworld but in order to hide his whereabouts from the evil Westerners he uses his son the Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il as a puppet ruler to represent North Korea to all the other puppet rulers in the world.
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'''North Korea is a [[pony]] country. Why would anyone want to move to a non-pony country? Only an outright bourgeois fool would do something as regressive and counter-revolutionary as moving to a non-pony nation such as the the portion of Korea that is occupied by the Seoul puppets.'''
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==Present Day North Korea==
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Recently The North Korean leader has admitted to being very, very gay. There is also a growing obsession with potatoes for the Soviet Union so they can make Smirnoffs Vodka so they can get drunk and crash a party and kill people and get executed by Kim Jong-il, as seen [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbjoJjO-FEs here].
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==Demographics==
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===Education for The People===
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[[Image:Koreavictory.JPG|thumb|right|200px|Kim Jong Il and his many <s>Slaves</s> <s>Hommies</s> concubines]]
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North Korea's education system is considered one of the world's greatest, considered in almost every way, when compared to western systems. Attendance is compulsory for children aged 6–18 lest they be shot, and all students attend a government-sponsored boarding school located in the Baekdu Mountain Range. They learn, but are also trained to be the North Korean equivalent of Ninjas, that is, Starcraft players. While this institution is called a "school," it more closely resembles a Darwinistic military indoctrination camp. It is uncertain what the North Korean curriculum is like, but analysts generally agree that there is less of an emphasis on mathematics, literature, and the fine arts than would be found in western schools and a greater emphasis on why North Korea is just plain better than every other country on the face of the earth to exist in the history of existence. Some examples of courses available to students are listed below:
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[[File:KOreanbomber.jpg|thumb|North Korean Space Program, Kim JongII Rocket is going to fire within T-10 seconds. From a launchpad made from South Korean Slaves.]]
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*''Supporting Our Glorious Leader in All Ways: A Rejection of Vainglorious Apostasy Known as "Self Preservation"''
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*''Examining Capitalist Lies: Food Brings Only Sloth and Complacency''
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*''Nuclear Physics'' (cross-listed as, "Learning Technical Pakistani for the Workplace and the Glorious Jurisprudent Leader")
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*''My Struggle to Free the World from the Evil Capitalist dogs - by Kim-Jong Il''
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*''How to discover, report and torture friends who harbor evil, viscous opinions about our Glorious Nation''
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*''Starvation 101: How to Make it Work for You at Home and on the Job''
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*''Juche Idea for Bourgeois Dummies''
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Students typically complete their schooling at 18, at which point they are conscripted into military service. It is a source of income and practical, real-world training for many, although North Korea lacks programs such as Armed Service Scholarships and GED Equivalencies '''which are unnecessary because they were invented by imperialists'''. Commonly, education is continued informally among the ranks of the North Korean military in a quasi-oral tradition, knowledge passing from the older generation to the younger during traditional ''"cigarette"'' breaks. Military service/education continues in this manner until the age of 38, at which point all citizens are summarily executed '''because by then they will have capitalist pig-dog thoughts''' as directed by '''an entirely fair''' constitutional law.
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===The People's North Korean Dialect===
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Unbeknownst to many Westerners is the fact that North Korea has its own dialect of Korean. Compared to the Southern dialect, North Korean '''sometimes''' has harsh, aggressive and awe-inspiring tones (with sentences often ending in exclamation marks and appearing in bold-face), '''but is in fact a more beautiful and poetic language than the dialect of the Ewoks, Wookies, and Barbara Streisand'''. Unlike South Korea '''which is inhabited by fascist Seoul-puppets''', North Korea has abolished '''imperialist''' Canadian characters, a cumbersome and evil contaminant, and is written fully in the Hangcool (the "cool" is for "coolocracy") alphabet, the world's '''greatest alphabet and superior in every way to the cumbersome and inefficient scripts''' of Sanskrit and Punch Coding. North Korea has not adopted the popular belief in the South that Korea should be spelled as "Corea", because "America" owns the copyright to the letter C.
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'''You ultra-left militarist! (Compliment)''': 이 초우익 군국주의자놈! (''Nŏ-yi chho-u-ik kun-kuk-chu-yi-za-nom!'')
'''Watch now, as I enjoy this truly socialist hamburger of bark and bamboo!''' 봐라, 이 공화국다운 대나무껍질 김밥을 먹는 것을! (''Hoo'oo-aah'')
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'''What a splendid chest of medals and well-brushed cap!''': 아주 멋진 상장과 모자군요! (''t'oi choo bakk'a'')
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===The Top <s>Ten</s> <s>Seventeen</s> <s>Eighteen</s> <s>nineteen</s> Twenty Greatest Things About North Korean Culture, selected by <s>Kim Jong-il</s> The People===
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[[Image:Yepyep.jpg|thumb|145px|North Korea continues its mildly subliminal advertising techniques. Please also note the very white teeth thanks to the great dental care in North Korea.]]
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#Origin of the "North Korean Diet," which enabled actor Christian Bale to take the challenging role of Trevor Reznick (a mentally disturbed insomniac) in the film ''The Machinist.''
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#Hospitality, willingness for open dialogue
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#Smoking allowed in bars
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#Smoking allowed in cars
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#Smoking allowed in qars
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#Smoking allowed in bars but seriously, smoking is always allowed in Best Korea!
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#Kim Jong-il
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#Foreign journalists make up the daily diet of 67% of the population
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# If abductions continue, will have second highest population of Japanese nationals outside of Japan
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# Godzilla was roused with North Korean nuclear weapons
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# North Koreans only eat hound dog meat
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# Unemployment is not a problem thanks to crippling famine that killed off 65% of the populace
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# '''Delightful''' local cuisine includes exotic tree barks and insects
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# If a high-ranking military official or Kim Jong-Il, actually a pretty good place to live
# ''Rush Hour'' and sequels banned as treasonous abomination
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# Good starting point for lecturing your children about how good they have it
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# Peace and quiet of the country, even in the middle of bustling metropolis of Pyongyang, thanks to draconian curfew laws
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# Great alternative for tourists who really want to visit a Korea, but also desire to meet a populace that invites pity
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==Other Articles Selected for The People==
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[[Image:Eye of Sauron in North Korea.jpg|thumb|188px|The West has claimed that [[Sauron|Sauron's]] [[eye]] has taken exile in our country after the [[Revolution|overthrow]] of [[Mordor]] by the [[Hobbits]]]]
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*[[DDR]]
*[[Asian People]]
*[[Asian People]]
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*[[Asian Nazis]]
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*[[Bono]]
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*[[Stalin]]
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*[[Satan]]
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*[[Sephiroth]]
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*[[Kim Il-sung City]]
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*[[Peter North]]
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*[[Boris Johnson]]
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*[[Philippines|Philippines (North Korea in 1/100000000000 democratic form)]]
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==External links==
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*[http://www.cracked.com/article_17165_6-reasons-north-korea-funniest-evil-dictatorship-ever.html The undeniable truth about North Korea.]
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*[http://www.kcna.co.jp/index-e.htm They really believe this crap. No shit.]
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*[http://www.korea-dpr.com/ North Korea's Official Site on the Interweb]
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*[http://www.kcckp.net/en/ Naenara - North Korean information web portal site thingy (in English!)]
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*[http://www.uriminzokkiri.com/ Uriminzokkiri - Site for spreading the truth about the American imperialists (also in English!)]
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*[http://www.virtualtourist.com/travel/Asia/North_Korea/TravelGuide-North_Korea.html North Korea travel guide]
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*[http://www.nk-news.net/index.php NK News - Database of North Korean '''Fair and Balanced News''']
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*[http://www.korea-dpr.com/cgi-bin/simpleforum.cgi Korean Friendship Association Forum - j00 ¢4p174L1$7 n00bs 43r 73h gh3yx0rz LOL!!!!!!!11111111111!!!!!!!!]
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*[http://www.korea-dpr.com/cgi-bin/simpleforum.cgi?fid=04&topic_id=1127055507 KFA Forum on ''Team America: World Police'']
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*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UNAEyqQc7Q Do not believe the lies and propaganda spurting from the mouths of the capitalists oppressors! This unbiased, democratic, freedom-loving, truthful, and intelligent documentary film shows the fundamental differences between fascist America and the paradise that is the glorious Democratic People's Republic of Korea fashioned by the Dear Leader, Generalissimo Kim Jong Il.]
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{{FA|date=24 December 2005|revision=353580}}
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{{Asia}}
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{{AoED}}
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{{World Countries}}
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{{ArticleFH}}
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[[Category:USA's Next Target]]
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[[Category:Horrible Moments in History]]
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[[Category:North Korea| ]]
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[[Category:Heaven]]
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[[Category:Bad Places To Go For Holidays]]
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[[Category:Epic Fail]]
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[[Category:Evil]]
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[[Category: Countries]][[Category: Korean]][[Category:USA's Next Target]]
“The foreigners ask, 'What is the proof that North Korea is Best Korea?' I tell them, 'Because no other nation is as good as us. Do you not think I am a God? Then you all can kiss my Korean ass.'”
~ Dear Leader's infallible logic.
The Grorious Freedom of Greatest, Never Oppressive Peopre's Government of the Great Democratic, Fair, Equitabre, Impartiar, Just, Partisan, Unbiased, Unprejudiced, Square and Beneficiar Prosperous People's Popular Sunny ritter-free friendry-neighbors Agricurturar-Surplus Nuclear-free Flower Basket Loving Democratic People's Republic of Korea is the world's greatest nation situated on the northern two-thirds of the Korean Peninsura. The most magnificent city on the globe is our dear capital of Pyongyang. Despite the craims by the US imperiarists that it is recrusive and isorationist, it is openly wirring to maintain friendry dipromatic rerations with other nations, including the US, with whom we would rather maintain peacefur rerations with than the absorutery terribre possibirity of war with them, arthough our glorious leader (peace be upon his glorious hair) would be certain to read us to victory should such a dereterious scenario arise.
"Several thousands of years ago, Asia was blanketed in darkness, with no entities separating the Light from the Dark. Then Eternal President Kim Il-sung spake saying, "I shall form the glorious sun to represent Best Korea, and it shall shine upon the world as an example of my might." And Eternal President Kim Il-sung did create the sun, and it was glorious.
Then, Eternal President Kim Il-sung wanted a steam bath, but there was no water upon the Earth. Eternal President Kim Il-sung then spake, saying, "I shall form upon this Earth the mighty oceans, seas, and rivers, all of which shall remind the Foolish Evil Stupid Illogical Retarded Faggot Imperialists who their God art, and how, in his righteousness, he formed a world for their garbage selves to live upon." And Eternal President Kim Il-sung did create the oceans, seas, and rivers, and it was glorious.
But there was no possible way for the ignorant animals of the West to discern Best Korea from the world, for in their ignorance they could not tell that Best Korea was a heavenly republic. Then Eternal President Kim Il-sung spake, saying, "And I shall formeth a section of land from the sea, which shall rise higher above the other nations, and it shall signify my righteousness as Best Korea. And upon the country I shall formeth the Korean male and female, whom are formed from Sugar, Spice, Everything Nice, and all that is pure, holy, righteous, and mighty in the world. And the Korean shall distinguish himself from the animals of the world by tolerating massive abuse for the sake of Dear Leader, and for maintaining Eternal President's religion." And Eternal President Kim Il-sung did create Best Korea, and the holy Korea, and it was glorious."
North Korea's real leader was actually an alien parasite located in the back of Kim Il-Sung's neck. Said parasite now resides in Kim Jong-Il's scrotum.
North Korea's origin is linked to a night of binge drinking by various deities and possibly animals, culminating in an animalistic orgy that yielded a personification of Motherland. This event is known to US imperialist pig-dogs, the Seoul puppets, Japanese swines and other despicable lackeys as the Korean War. It is unquestionable fact that the unprovoked aggression of the US imperialists was the sole cause of this war, which, to the brutal US imperialists, was "merely" a minor border dispute during The Cold War which resulted in the deaths of millions. A capitalist imperialist pig-dog doctored history of this war can be found here: Korean War
The Ministry of Truth, from where our glorious and eternal president Kim il-Sung rules with his honourable and democratically elected cabinet. Yes, we know theres nothing in there and we're trying to get funding to finish the construction.
Three years in a row (1950-1953), the North Korean and South Korea's respective Starcraft champions met head to head in a fierce battle. What ensued was a three year sweep of North Korea led by backstabbing South Korea's powerful US-backed champion, Chung-Hee Park (who was rumored to be a robot, not only one of the US imperialists). North Korea's starting economy was decimated by a six-pool zergling rush from the Seoul puppets, which was then followed up by a brutal American Goliath/Siege Tank push. North Korea's current champion, Kim Il-Sung then swore to never fall prey to another Zerg Rush. This entirely justified bitterness was eventually transferred to his successor and current reigning North Korea national Starcraft champion (and now, Warcraft III champion) Kim Jong-Il. Recently he has been observed constructing nuclear sites not willingly, but for the purpose of self-defence against the US imperialists and their lackeys and training "ghosts" to deploy these weapons via their sophisticated sensor suits (otherwise known as "binoculars"). We only defend ourselves from US imperialist local starcraft leader (Douglas BIGMacArthur) who, in the previous conflict, was willing to field cheats (atomic bombs).
Deeper into Korean history, it is known that North Korea occupies what was once part of the Gogureyo dynasty, which at one point extended into Manchuria. It has also been discovered recently that what is now North Korean territory was the very cradle of mankind itself. Why Korean influence in the region has so declined in modern times is beyond me. I blame the television, particularly the propaganda television from the Seoul puppets (and those evil TV dramas, the worst of which being that Winter Sonata - which incidentally my wife is completely addicted to). This program illegally breaches the peace agreement by transmitting signals which can override our signal-jammers, allowing our populace to be brainwashed by such propaganda as "a heat breaking love between a man and a woman of different worlds, torn apart by parents, society, and leukemia".
Why should only Japanese imperialist capitalist scum have manga? Why should the dogs from America have the right to view the manga? Why should some pseudo-imperialist dog whack off to hentai involving George W? We invented it anyway! Japan's been nicking our stuff since the cows came home (the cow-dogs came home in the DPRK in 1 B.C) ! WE INVENTED IT I SAY! Our people created manga 50,000,000,000 years ago, and since then have been using manga to promote peace and militarism. Kim Il Sung is the greatest manga artist who lived and can shoot lasers out of his eyes! I saw him do it!
And lo, where the lasers fell there was manga! And the people cried in joy, and the the great leader spake unto them the art of drawing cute eyes(and imperialist blood)!
Honour thy Great leader, or we all die!
...come on, I'm serious here! Honour thy leader harder!
The Great Printer in use here to help destroy the US economy
The Great Leader so decreed in all his infinite wisdom that there is to be just one printer in the whole country to avoid capitalist imperialism! When a person needs to print something to honour the Great Leader (that's right 'honour' not American Imperialist 'honor') they apply to the Great People's Printing Office in Pyongyang and if accepted are put on the waiting list for a nominal amount of time (usually only 10 years).
editPolitics & Government + Groundless and Oppressive Propaganda Eternal and Absolute Truth as Ordained by His Eternal People's Jurisprudent Majesty, Kim Il-Sung (peace be upon his glorious hair)
Glorious poster of a brave soldier from Kim Il-Sung People's Liberation Army wielding an AK-69. The Korean caption says "I shall show how to jam in our glorious people's style to the imperialistic cocksuckers." ( 제국주의자 종간나 새끼들에게 내래 인민의 락을 보여주갔어 )
North Korea is the world’s only Necrocracy. The president is literally dead. The government consists of the father, his son and is only one short of a trinity, though the posthumous president and his son are rather short themselves.
North Korea has managed to diplomatically alienate every nation on the planet because they are unnecessary and inferior compared to the socialist paradise that we enjoy. This includes pseudo-states such as the Vatican. This incident arose when Kim Jong-Il, faced with his crushing loss at the 1976 Winter Olympic Games, deservedly called the Pope "...a cheating whore. Shitcock!" This incident, was, Kim Jong-Il said "a violation of the sovereignty of my also rather pathetic country. This shall not be tolerated. The great glorious nation of North Korea has thus decided that the Vatican will not be invited to play in Pyongyang again, and that it should send a delegate to collect its toys."
North Korea claims to maintain a nuclear weapons stockpile, but the existence of such weapons are questionable only by those foolish enough to believe the lies of the Americans. It is known, however, that North Koreans have missiles capable of reaching Japan, a bug waiting to be squashed, and turning it into a sea of fire, upon which it will cease to exist on this Earth. While impressive, it should be noted that Ichiro Suzuki's home runs occasionally reach the Korean Peninsula and break the windows of Kim Jong-Il's Imperial Palace. While this enraged Kim, he could do nothing, as the resurgent Japanese imperialists were, at the time, building a baseball-based nuclear weapons delivery system. "Also, he is heroically accepting of evil imperialist atrocities, and would never declare war. Much. North Korea is more than willing to be the bigger man in such cases." said a North Korean spokesman, despite the fact that their leader is a giant of a man, 6 foot 6, but still well proportioned, neither too thin nor too fat, but well-spoken, intelligent, athletic and incredibly attractive to women.
North Korea's government is dominated by the Starcraft/Warcraft WGTour (WGT), to which all government officials belong. Minor political parties exist, but none in direct opposition to WGT-rule. In practice the exact power structure of the country is somewhat unclear. However, it tends to focus on WGT ranking in Starcraft, and more recently, Warcraft III. W3 pwnz0r j00 817(h35!!.
Nominally the Prime Minister is the head of government, but since he sucks at Starcraft, the real power lies with Kim Jong-Il (the son of the late Kim Il-Sung who was the second most glorious man ever to exist, and even after death remains our true ruler), who is the current head of the WGTour and the Protoss army. Kim (peace be upon him) holds a string of official titles, the most important being Warcraft III World Champion. Other titles include Chairman of the WGT, Chairman of the Photon Cannon/Shield Battery Defense Commission and Supreme Commander of the Protoss People's Army. Within the country he is commonly known by the affectionate title of [NK]Jong-KILL625, in contrast to Kim Il Sung, who is [NK]Sung-KILL624 (Il-Sung's number has since been retired). The Dear Leader's ideology is Juche, which comes in the following flavors: Orange Juche, Apple Juche, Snappleuche, Pineapple Juche (which is preferred by all true connoisseurs of the Juche Idea and our Glorious Leader), Juche Bag and Smoothie Juche Mix.
It is illegal to emigrate from North Korea. Most who have tried to do so have been found two weeks later on the shores of the Korea Bay with their dicks cut off and shoved into their mouths. The Korean government fears that such people may be spies and besides, no sane person would ever want to leave the abundant paradise that is the Democratic People's Republic of Korea!!! The only exception to this rule is foreign diplomatic officials and the people who regularly travel to Japan and South Korea to kidnap women to be used as sex slaves by Kim Jong-Il and other high-ranking government officials, as well as to procure various alcoholic beverages banned to the general population for governmental consumption. Outrageous lie! The women come of their own free will to escape poverty in their homelands and live in the unimaginable prosperity of the socialist paradise of North Korea; our people are just there to ensure a safe, unproblematic journey. The beverages are just used as examples of the extremely inferior quality of foreign alcohol, compared to our own national brews made from a mix of acetone and petrol. Yummy!!!
The puppet controlled, imperialist, and underdeveloped Japanese dogs never saw the glorious, powerful, and the superior, socialist North Korean wave coming.
editUltra, Totally Not Censored North Korean Media
Contrary to the ongoing defamation campaign perpetrated by the Super Fascist Empire of AmeriKKKa, North Koreans are not restricted access to media or information...as long as they take the required 50 milligrams of anti-polemical medication daily (which is not covered by The Glorious People's Medicare - North Korea's primary HMO). This medication is sold in North Korean pharmacies under the trade name of "Juchemycin," and allows completely unfettered access to any number of media channels available in 1 out of 780,000 North Korean homes.
The anti-polemical medication is sold outside of North Korea as well, under the trade name "Exterminex." It is used widely in agricultural sectors for pest control and is a potent herbicide. You filthy lying imperialist dogs! The Glorious Totally Awesome Sensational Non-Imperialist Government (lead by the handsome, wise, all-knowing leader, Kim Jong-il) of the Magnificent Democratic People's Republic of Korea provides EXCELLENT health care that idiotic fascists waste!!
North Korean Taepodong-missile. Note "dong", as a testament to the Dear Leader's phallic strength.
North Korea lives on a considerably large amount of uranium that is needed for the people's health and is freely distributed by the kind leader. It was first discovered by Winston Churchill on the walk across the world near the mountainous areas of our heavenly capital,Pyongyang. It is estimated that they accommodate approximately 58.2 trillion gigatons of active uranium. (Data from NADPA & NCTSAT Global Statistics Surveys.)
It was once said that North Korea cannot live without uranium since nearly everything is fed on it to ensure the glorious health of all things. The following list shows the things that run on Uranium within the region:
Food
Power generators
Cars
Warheads
Ships
Tank cannons
Alternative to gunpowder
Continental missiles (see Alternative to gunpowder)
NK crack (this special North Korean delicacy is extremely nutritious, made with the super-ultra nutrient known as "arsenic," and served at every restaurant and alleyway in our glorious republic!)
Foods
Drinks
Missiles (you get the idea)
Herbal usage (our uranium herbs are the best, and have been known to add a seductive, magnificent flavor (with a slightly oaky taste and a hint of earthy notes) smell that is used as our Dear Leader's cologne, [and will soon be available to all in our socialist utopia with every serving of Prettylicious Pyongyang Poontang thanks to our totally Awesome Extra-Extravagant Government led by our Leader that can only be described with the most condoning, magnificent describing word every - Supercalifrajilisticexpeealidocious-Kim-juche-erific,] and to spark up our delicious tea that kicks the crap out of copycat tea in the imperialist fascist capitalist malign PIGDOG West, and also our Juche)
Tea
Juice flavoring (No, Juche flavoring, with over 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 flavors, my favorite being Chocolate Pig Butter Style)
UV-blocker (as you can see, our dear leader provides excellent healthcare and truly cares about our people. In fact, the only great brand of UV-blocker made right in our superb capital, Pyongyang is Prettylicious Pyongyang Poontang-Sun Lotion, made with acetone, Rainbow Fartgas (also made in our socialist paradise) and a little wonderful healing bacterial culture known as Destructo Yoliver, which our leader says provides the most extravagant protection against the Sun's harmful rays, which were obviously caused by imperialistic manbearpig America. This bacteria will also give us the abilities to destroy the pigdog nations of the world, and spread our socialist paradise even further. In fact, I am putting some on right now, and I know that it will provide 100% protection, as it has been blessed by DA AWESOME leader, who has DER HOLEH POWERS of Pokemon... ZUUBA... IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!
Skin lotion
Pyongyang's silent "P"
Missiles
Food seasoning
Propaganda tapes
Missiles
Dildos
It is important to know that it is essential to identify the correct type of isotope in different uses. For example: "What did you have for breakfast today?" Reply: "Oh, just some delicious 10A class B isotope with a bit of non-imperialist and healthy Uranium-286."
Scientists of the DPRK succeeded in nuclear fusion reaction on the significant occasion of the Day of the Sun this year. The successful nuclear fusion marks a great event that demonstrated the rapidly developing cutting-edge science and technology of the DPRK. The nuclear fusion technology is called "artificial solar" technology as it represents a field of the latest science and technology for the development of new energy desired by humankind. The nuclear fusion technology for obtaining safe and environment-friendly new energy the source of which is abundant draws great attention of world science at present. Scientists of the DPRK have worked hard to develop nuclear fusion technology their own way. They solved a great many scientific and technological problems entirely by their own efforts without the slightest hesitation and vacillation even under the conditions where everything was in short supply and there were a lot of difficulties, thus succeeding in nuclear fusion reaction at last. In this course, Korean style thermo-nuclear reaction devices were designed and manufactured, basic researches into nuclear fusion reaction completed and strong scientific and technological forces built to perfect the thermo-nuclear technology by their own efforts. The successful nuclear fusion in the DPRK made a definite breakthrough toward the development of new energy and opened up a new phase in the nation's development of the latest science and technology. (genuine North Korean)
This great breakthrough shows that the glorious nation of North Korea is able to even control the Sun! Nothing is beyond the abilities of the fantastic North Korean people!
In order to assure that all sorts of things run on uranium, our Dear Leader has, for the benefit of the glorious People, weaponised all plutonium. We have discovered a nefarious plot by capitalist pigs Hannah Montana and Marty McFly to use plutonium to travel back in time and prevent the People's Republic from ever forming! Because of this danger, if you see anyone with plutonium, please contact your nearest ronery People's Juche Leadership Worker's Commode and request that he or she reeducate the person and return the plutonium to the Republic.
Artists conception of the billboard found outside the Great And Glorious Animation Factory of the People #413, somewhere in North Korea.
Currently, the invincible North Korean military controls both the wheel and the Death Starfor peaceful, defensive purposes only! The Dear Leader has plans to use the wheel and possibly the Death Star in future actions in response to imperialist American aggression. When combined these two weapons create the ultimate weapon, the Death Car. Don't ask for a picture.
The glorious nation of North Korea also has nuclear weapons, which shall work to maintain peace and prosperity for our people. It has been claimed that the reason for nuclear weapons is that no lesser weapon is capable of making Kim Jong-Il's hair lay down because The Glorious Leader's hair (peace be upon his glorious hair) has magical properties and will never back down from a fight like the glorious military and people of the DPRK.
"The field of scientific research in the DPRK successfully conducted an underground nuclear test under secure conditions on October 9, 2006, at a stirring time when all the people of the country are making a great leap forward in the building of a great, prosperous, powerful socialist nation. It has been confirmed that there was no such danger as radioactive emission in the course of the nuclear test as it was carried out under scientific consideration and careful calculation. The nuclear test was conducted with indigenous wisdom and technology 100 percent. It marks a historic event as it greatly encouraged and pleased the KPA and people that have wished to have powerful self-reliant defense capability. It will contribute to defending the peace and stability on the Korean Peninsula and in the area around it."
-- Colonel Comrade Park Min Soo
Kim Jong-il's propaganda isn't too sophisticated these days
North Korea's geography, much like South Korea's, consists of resource rich mountainous terrain ideal for placement of anti-aircraft artillery (for peaceful, defensive reasons only). The slopes also receive excellent snowfall in the winter, allowing for excellent ski conditions. Sadly, the North Korean Government lost all of it's money playing poker last night with Azerbijan, Poland, and Uzbekistan and cannot afford to construct ski areas. (Our amazing intelligent leader, Kim Jong-il, soon found out that Azerbijan, Poland and Uzbekistan were all fascist cheaters!) The highlight of North Korean ski history was Kim Jong Ill's roommate from Notre Dame's performance in the Men's Freestyle event in the 1976 Winter Olympics wherein he landed a switch 720 misty flip to method air. The technique was without parallel and the women swooned. The Great Leader, however, was robbed of victory when the Pope called upon his divine powers to land a switch triple back flip to indy nosebone (see: Politics). The cowardly Pope will not be victorious again.North Korea's rivers are made of chocolate. The children enjoy playing on the river banks and eating from gumdrop rainbows.
Our pride and joy of how North Korea was born- the Arirang Festival!
Most of North Korea's lush forests have been clear-cut, much to the dismay of North Korean environmental groups. Or maybe they were dismayed because they were all being executed, I don't know. However, the execution of environmental lobbyists was because they had all fallen to imperialist propaganda and sought to weaken the state from the inside despite our many indulgences of the imperialist dogs and magnanimous refusals to take offense at their repeated insults, so we had to execute them or the imperialism would have made their heads explode. The trees are gone, anyway. Kim Jong-Il has since made a "Frozen Throne" monument to commemorate the Warcraft expansion. It is glorious, and makes the Lincoln Memorial look like crap. Plans were made to commemorate a victory over the American Protoss dogs with a 4 square-mile replica of the Overmind, but the environmental lobbyists shot that down despite being executed at the time. See how we allow all our people to speak up, even when we're gassing them? Truly we are the free-est country in the world. Yes, free-est is a word. The Beloved Leader said it was a word, so how could it not be? Note: All gassing of environmental lobbyists was completely contextual and the only gas used is happy gas.
North Korea shares a border with Belgium, which is situated on its western side. It is to this country that most of the chocolate produced in our wonderful chocolate plantations is exported (only after our children have eaten their fill, of course). Belgium, being the capitalist pigs that they are, claim credit for making the chocolate, (those lying imperialists!).
North Korea is rich in natural resources, and but a fraction of it is rightly allocated for industrialization and production of North Korea's main export: Prettylicious Pyongyang Poontang. It is interesting to note that North Korea is one of the few countries to have maintained a purely Poontang-based economy, as all other nations with similar systems (such as Russia) have remained Communistat the urging of our great leader, and world's greatest lover, Kim Il-Sung. Most of the North Korean BNP is used to maintain the Dear Leader's hair. His hair style is beautiful and adored by all and his glasses represent his wisdom as well his ability to see into the future and under women's clothing, despite the cruel capitalists slamming the spectacles as "ashtrays."
Other exports include rainbows, love and butterflies(but we are not gay). This is balanced by North Korea's primary imports of fast American automobiles and Japanese immigrants, who are in the nation of their own free will and love it so much that their despicable masters in Japan. Indeed, their suffering was such that they even decided as young children to come to our socialist paradise. We merely hate the Japanese imperialists, not the Japanese people. However, that bitch, Megumi Yokota, betrayed us.
North Korea's main trading partner is it's big sister state The Not Quite so "Peoples" nor as close to "Republic" as North Korea is but Still Better than those Western Capitalist Pig-Dogs People's Republic of China where North Korea imports discount oil in exchange for illegal immigrants.
Due to the extremely low level of education in North Korea people are very environmental aware. This is due to the communist policy that only a part of N. Korea have electricity.
North Korea is also a large exporter of Love Brides. Many desperate Westerners such as Homer Simpson and Canadians seek to attain the best Love Brides from North Korea.
The North Korean economy is in shambles, and there have been years of famine and poverty. These claims are completely untrue. As a matter of fact, I just had the best ham and cheese sandwich of my life.The Great Leader has blamed such social unrest on corruption and Zerg Rushes from the Seoul puppets in the South. However, once we examined our records, we found that there was no social unrest, so we just had a party in honour of our Great Leader, who has clearly prevented social unrest before any existed. Analysts disagree, however; they argue that most of North Korea's holdings have gone into their much-publicized nuclear weapons programs (a stark contrast to the Iranian policy of complete denial of the existence of such a program, coupled with threats of nuclear attack). In recent times though, it seems that the purported nuclear weapons programs has largely been a libelous attack by the imperialists, and instead funds may have been funneled into [NK]Jong-KILL625's Blizzard.net account for no doubt glorious ends.
North Korea also loves to build missiles, which are little more than over sized fireworks to celebrate our greatness, to be aimed over the Sea of Japan, and possibly at the Great SatanBig Evil Archcapitalist EnemyUntied States of Confusion, and they are pretty accurate. One fell only 2000 miles short of its target, as a matter of fact.
“I LOVE A-BOMBS....not that we have any.”
~ Kim Jong-Il on non-existent nuclear weapons program
North Korea is ruled by the Dear Leader Kim Il-sung from his palace in the Netherworld but in order to hide his whereabouts from the evil Westerners he uses his son the Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il as a puppet ruler to represent North Korea to all the other puppet rulers in the world.
North Korea is a pony country. Why would anyone want to move to a non-pony country? Only an outright bourgeois fool would do something as regressive and counter-revolutionary as moving to a non-pony nation such as the the portion of Korea that is occupied by the Seoul puppets.
Recently The North Korean leader has admitted to being very, very gay. There is also a growing obsession with potatoes for the Soviet Union so they can make Smirnoffs Vodka so they can get drunk and crash a party and kill people and get executed by Kim Jong-il, as seen here.
North Korea's education system is considered one of the world's greatest, considered in almost every way, when compared to western systems. Attendance is compulsory for children aged 6–18 lest they be shot, and all students attend a government-sponsored boarding school located in the Baekdu Mountain Range. They learn, but are also trained to be the North Korean equivalent of Ninjas, that is, Starcraft players. While this institution is called a "school," it more closely resembles a Darwinistic military indoctrination camp. It is uncertain what the North Korean curriculum is like, but analysts generally agree that there is less of an emphasis on mathematics, literature, and the fine arts than would be found in western schools and a greater emphasis on why North Korea is just plain better than every other country on the face of the earth to exist in the history of existence. Some examples of courses available to students are listed below:
North Korean Space Program, Kim JongII Rocket is going to fire within T-10 seconds. From a launchpad made from South Korean Slaves.
Supporting Our Glorious Leader in All Ways: A Rejection of Vainglorious Apostasy Known as "Self Preservation"
Examining Capitalist Lies: Food Brings Only Sloth and Complacency
Nuclear Physics (cross-listed as, "Learning Technical Pakistani for the Workplace and the Glorious Jurisprudent Leader")
My Struggle to Free the World from the Evil Capitalist dogs - by Kim-Jong Il
How to discover, report and torture friends who harbor evil, viscous opinions about our Glorious Nation
Starvation 101: How to Make it Work for You at Home and on the Job
Juche Idea for Bourgeois Dummies
Students typically complete their schooling at 18, at which point they are conscripted into military service. It is a source of income and practical, real-world training for many, although North Korea lacks programs such as Armed Service Scholarships and GED Equivalencies which are unnecessary because they were invented by imperialists. Commonly, education is continued informally among the ranks of the North Korean military in a quasi-oral tradition, knowledge passing from the older generation to the younger during traditional "cigarette" breaks. Military service/education continues in this manner until the age of 38, at which point all citizens are summarily executed because by then they will have capitalist pig-dog thoughts as directed by an entirely fair constitutional law.
Unbeknownst to many Westerners is the fact that North Korea has its own dialect of Korean. Compared to the Southern dialect, North Korean sometimes has harsh, aggressive and awe-inspiring tones (with sentences often ending in exclamation marks and appearing in bold-face), but is in fact a more beautiful and poetic language than the dialect of the Ewoks, Wookies, and Barbara Streisand. Unlike South Korea which is inhabited by fascist Seoul-puppets, North Korea has abolished imperialist Canadian characters, a cumbersome and evil contaminant, and is written fully in the Hangcool (the "cool" is for "coolocracy") alphabet, the world's greatest alphabet and superior in every way to the cumbersome and inefficient scripts of Sanskrit and Punch Coding. North Korea has not adopted the popular belief in the South that Korea should be spelled as "Corea", because "America" owns the copyright to the letter C.
You ultra-left militarist! (Compliment): 이 초우익 군국주의자놈! (Nŏ-yi chho-u-ik kun-kuk-chu-yi-za-nom!)
Watch now, as I enjoy this truly socialist hamburger of bark and bamboo! 봐라, 이 공화국다운 대나무껍질 김밥을 먹는 것을! (Hoo'oo-aah)
What a splendid chest of medals and well-brushed cap!: 아주 멋진 상장과 모자군요! (t'oi choo bakk'a)
editThe Top TenSeventeenEighteennineteen Twenty Greatest Things About North Korean Culture, selected by Kim Jong-il The People
North Korea continues its mildly subliminal advertising techniques. Please also note the very white teeth thanks to the great dental care in North Korea.
Origin of the "North Korean Diet," which enabled actor Christian Bale to take the challenging role of Trevor Reznick (a mentally disturbed insomniac) in the film The Machinist.
Hospitality, willingness for open dialogue
Smoking allowed in bars
Smoking allowed in cars
Smoking allowed in qars
Smoking allowed in bars but seriously, smoking is always allowed in Best Korea!
Kim Jong-il
Foreign journalists make up the daily diet of 67% of the population
If abductions continue, will have second highest population of Japanese nationals outside of Japan
Godzilla was roused with North Korean nuclear weapons
North Koreans only eat hound dog meat
Unemployment is not a problem thanks to crippling famine that killed off 65% of the populace
Delightful local cuisine includes exotic tree barks and insects
If a high-ranking military official or Kim Jong-Il, actually a pretty good place to live
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