North Korea
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| This article may be Overly American. Brits may not understand humor, only humour. Canadians and Australians may not understand anything at all. Don't not attempt to remedy this. |
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| Motto: "This may seem shit but would you rather live in the south douchebag?" | |||||
| Anthem: "Oh Hail Dear Leader!" | |||||
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| Capital | DMZ | ||||
| Largest city | Nuke's Crater | ||||
| Official languages | radiation | ||||
| Government | Glorious and Eternal Revolution!!! | ||||
| Monarch | Zola Mbola | ||||
| Great/Dear/Supreme/Eternal/Awesome/1337 Leader | Our Supreme Dear Leader,micheal jackson and Halo Pro Lil' Kim | ||||
| National Hero(es) | {{{national_heros}}} | ||||
| Declaration of Independence | In 1945 from Evil Japanese Imperialists Re-enforced in 1951 from Evil American Imperialists and so-called "South Korean" puppets | ||||
| Currency | Kalishinakovs | ||||
| Religion | Our Supreme Dear Leader and Halo Pro | ||||
| Population | Depends on Dear Leader's Mood | ||||
| Major exports | Juche, Muche, Guche, Shuche, Grues, Refugees | ||||
| Major imports | Sex Slaves, Hearse, Gay Porn, anything else that pleases Dear Leader | ||||
“North Korea loves Japan, don't they?”
“In Soviet Russia, YOU dictate North Korea, oh.... wait... that did not come out right”
~ Russian Reversal on North Korea
“North Korea never isolated itself from the rest of the world, North Korea isolated the rest of the world!”
~ Kim Jong il
“Hell yeah.”
~ USA on Kim Jong-Il
“We would never invade South Korea.”
~ North Korea
“Still better than France”
“A cracking spot for a summer house.”
~ Alexander Andrewsson on North Korea
“I don't care 'cos they don't have oil. ”
~ America on North Korea
“South Korea is so inefficient...”
~ Thomas Jordan Calcraft, Korean Politician
The Glorious Freedom of Greatest, Never Oppressive Government of the Great Democratic, Fair, Equitable, Impartial, Just, Partisan, Unbiased, Unprejudiced, Square and Beneficial Prosperous People's Agricultural-Surplus Nuclear-free Republic of Korea is the world's greatest nation situated on the northern two-thirds of the Korean Peninsula. The most magnificent city on the globe is our dear capital of Pyongyang (WARNING: the link is a gateway to an Alternate Universe!). Despite the claims by the US imperialists that it is reclusive and isolationist, it is openly willing to maintain friendly diplomatic relations with other nations, including the US, with whom we would rather maintain peaceful relations with than the absolutely terrible possibility of war with them, although our glorious leader would be certain to lead us to victory should such a deleterious scenario arise.
It is a magnificent country, led by Kim Jong-Il who is always pissed because he burnt his dick on oven when he was 17 - Currently training in the hyperbolic time chamber, along with goku so that he can reach SuperSoggyJong2 - , the infinitely charismatic champion of human rights and World of Warcraft, who has also won the "biggest crapper" award from Playboy magazine. He is also an expert at Starcraft and can bust out a wicked 2-minute zerg rush. He is fantastic at playing Magic: The Gathering and has the biggest mana pool you have ever seen. He is regarded by many as the second greatest being that the entirety of humanity has ever seen, behind only his own father, Kim Il-Sung, the eternal President. He is the author of twenty-seven operettas...and has caught Mew in Pokémon, eaten a thousand Mudkipz, obtained the Triforce in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, and resurrected Aerith in Final Fantasy VII. It has recently been suggested than The Glorious Leader did all these things at the same time between noon and midnight on October 4th, 2005. This clearly solidifies his position as a deity to His People.[1]
[edit] History
[edit] Origins of the DPRK's Ludicrous Name
The full official name of the country is "The Democratic People's Republic of Korea". However, some critics have argued that since the country is neither democratic nor a republic, nor does it constitute all of Korea (since the Republic of Korea occupies the south of the peninsula, a more accurate name would be "The People's of Ko". Oh yeah, that's a great name, imperialists. Go pick on the Congo why don't you?
[edit] Birth of North Korea
North Korea's origin is linked to a night of binge drinking by various deities and possibly animals, culminating in an animalistic orgy that yielded a personification of Motherland. This event is known to US imperialist pig-dogs, the Seoul puppets, Japanese swines and other despicable lackeys as the Korean War. It is unquestionable fact that the unprovoked aggression of the US imperialists was the sole cause of this war, which, to the brutal US imperialists, was "merely" a minor border dispute during The Cold War which resulted in the deaths of millions. A capitalist imperialist pig-dog doctored history of this war can be found here: Korean War
Three years in a row (1950-1953), the North Korean and South Korea's respective Starcraft champions met head to head in a fierce battle. What ensued was a three year sweep of North Korea led by backstabbing South Korea's powerful US-backed champion, Chung-Hee Park (who was rumoured to be a robot, not only one of the US imperialists). North Korea's starting economy was decimated by a six-pool zergling rush from the Seoul puppets, which was then followed up by a brutal American Goliath/Siege Tank push. North Korea's current champion, Kim Il-Sung then swore to never fall prey to another Zerg Rush. This entirely justified bitterness was eventually transferred to his successor and current reigning North Korea national Starcraft champion (and now, Warcraft III champion) Kim Jong-Il. Recently he has been observed constructing nuclear sites not willingly, but for the purpose of self-defence against the US imperialists and their lackeys and training "ghosts" to deploy these weapons via their sophisticated sensor suits (otherwise known as "binoculars"). We only defend ourselves from US imperialist local starcraft leader (Douglas BIGMacArthur) who, in the previous conflict, was willing to field cheats (atomic bombs).
Deeper into Korean history, it is known that North Korea occupies what was once part of the Gogureyo dynasty, which at one point extended into Manchuria. It has also been discovered recently that what is now North Korean territory was the very cradle of mankind itself. Why Korean influence in the region has so declined in modern times is beyond me. I blame the television, particularly the propaganda television from the Seoul puppets (and those evil TV dramas, the worst of which being that Winter Sonata - which incidentally my wife is completely addicted to). This program illegally breaches the peace agreement by transmitting signals which can override our signal-jammers, allowing our populace to be brainwashed by such propaganda as "a heatbreaking love between a man and a woman of different worlds, torn apart by parents, society, and leukemia".
[edit] Manga
Why should only Japanese imperialist capitalist scum have manga? WHy should the dogs from America have to right to view the manga? Why should some pseudo-imperialist dog whack off to hentai involving George W? We invented it anyway! Japan's been nicking our stuff since the cows came home (the cow-dogs came home in the DPRK in 1 B.C) ! WE INVENTED IT I SAY! Our people created manga 50,000,000,000 years ago, and since then have been using manga to promote peace and militarism. Kim Il Sung is the greatest manga artist who lived and can shoot lasers out of his eyes! I saw him do it!
And lo, where the lasers fell there was manga! And the people cried in joy, and the the great leader spake unto them the art of drawing cute eyes(and imperialist blood)!
Honour thy Great leader, or we all die!
...come on, I'm serious here! Honour thy leader harder!
[edit] Politics & Government + Groundless and Oppressive Propaganda Eternal and Absolute Truth as Ordained by His Eternal People's Jurisprudent Majesty, Kim Il-Sung
North Korea is the world’s only Necrocracy. The president is literally dead. The government consists of the father, his son and is only one short of a trinity, though the posthumous president and his son are rather short themselves.
North Korea has managed to diplomatically alienate every nation on the planet because they are unnecessary and inferior compared to the socialist paradise that we enjoy. This includes pseudo-states such as the Vatican. This incident arose when Kim Jong-Il, faced with his crushing loss at the 1976 Winter Olympic Games, deservedly called the Pope "...a cheating whore. Shitcock!" This incident, was, Kim Jong-Il said "a violation of the sovereignty of my also rather pathetic country. This shall not be tolerated. The great glorious nation of North Korea has thus decided that the Vatican will not be invited to play in Pyongyang again, and that it should send a delegate to collect its toys."
North Korea claims to maintain a nuclear weapons stockpile, but the existence of such weapons are questionable only by those foolish enough to believe the lies of the Americans. It is known, however, that North Koreans have missiles capable of reaching Japan, a bug waiting to be squashed, and turning it into a sea of fire, upon which it will cease to exist on this Earth. While impressive, it should be noted that Ichiro Suzuki's homeruns occasionally reach the Korean Peninsula and break the windows of Kim Jong-Il's Imperial Palace. While this enraged Kim, he could do nothing, as the resurgent Japanese imperialists were, at the time, building a baseball-based nuclear weapons delivery system. "Also, he is heroically accepting of evil imperialist atrocities, and would never declare war. Much. North Korea is more than willing to be the bigger man in such cases." said a North Korean spokesman, despite the fact that their leader is a giant of a man, 6 foot 6, but still well proportioned, neither too thin nor too fat, but well-spoken, intelligent, atheletic and incredibly attractive to women.
North Korea's government is dominated by the Starcraft/Warcraft WGTour (WGT), to which all government officials belong. Minor political parties exist, but none in direct opposition to WGT-rule. In practice the exact power structure of the country is somewhat unclear. However, it tends to focus on WGT ranking in Starcraft, and more recently, Warcraft III. W3 pwnz0r j00 817(h35!!.
Nominally the Prime Minister is the head of government, but since he sucks at Starcraft, the real power lies with Kim Jong-Il (the son of the late Kim Il-Sung who was the second most glorious man ever to exist, and even after death remains our true ruler), who is the current head of the WGTour and the Protoss army. Kim (peace be upon him) holds a string of official titles, the most important being Warcraft III World Champion. Other titles include Chairman of the WGT, Chairman of the Photon Cannon/Shield Battery Defence Commission and Supreme Commander of the Protoss People's Army. Within the country he is commonly known by the affectionate title of [NK]Jong-KILL625, in contrast to Kim Il Sung, who is [NK]Sung-KILL624 (Il-Sung's number has since been retired). The Dear Leader's ideology is Juche, which comes in the following flavours: Orange Juche, Apple Juche, Snappleuche, Pineapple Juche (which is preferred by all true connoisseurs of the Juche Idea and our Glorious Leader), Juche Bag and Smoothie Juche Mix.
It is illegal to emigrate from North Korea. Most who have tried to do so have been found two weeks later on the shores of the Korea Bay with their dicks cut off and shoved into their mouths. The Korean government fears that such people may be spies and besides, no sane person would ever want to leave the abundant paradise that is the Democratic People's Republic of Korea!!! The only exception to this rule is foreign diplomatic officials and the people who regularly travel to Japan and South Korea to kidnap women to be used as sex slaves by Kim Jong-Il and other high-ranking government officials, as well as to procure various alcoholic beverages banned to the general population for governmental consumption. Outrageous lie! The women come of their own free will to escape poverty in their homelands and live in the unimaginable prosperity of the socialist paradise of North Korea; our people are just there to ensure a safe, unproblematic journey. The beverages are just used as examples of the extremely inferior quality of foreign alcohol, compared to our own national brews made from a mix of acetone and petrol. Yummy!!
[edit] Ultra, Totally Not Censored North Korean Media
Contrary to the ongoing defamation campaign perpetrated by the Super Fascist Empire of AmeriKKKa, North Koreans are not restricted access to media or information...as long as they take the required 50 milograms of anti-polemical medication daily (which is not covered by The Glorious People's Medicare - North Korea's primary HMO). This medication is sold in North Korean pharmacies under the trade name of "Juchemycin," and allows completely unfettered access to any number of media channels available in 1 out of 780,000 North Korean homes.
The anti-polemical medication is sold outside of North Korea as well, under the trade name "Exterminex." It is used widely in agricultural sectors for pest control and is a potent herbicide. You filthy lying imperialist dogs! The Glorious Totally Awesome Sensational Non-Imperialist Government (lead by the handsome, wise, all-knowing leader, Kim Jong-il) of the Magnificent Democratic People's Republic of Korea provides EXCELLENT health care that idiotic fascists waste!!
[edit] Uranium
North Korea lives on a considerably large amount of uranium that is needed for the people's health and is freely distributed by the kind leader. It was first discovered by Chuck Norris on the walk across the world near the mountainous areas of our heavenly capital, Pyongyang. It is estimated that they accommodate approximately 58.2 trillion gigatons of active uranium. (Data from NADPA & NCTSAT Global Statistics Surveys.) It was once said that North Korea cannot live without uranium since nearly everything is fed on it to ensure the glorious health of all things. The following list shows the things that run on Uranium within the region:
- Food
- Power generators
- Cars
- Warheads (needed in case of an attack by the TYRANNICAL imperialist American pig-dog empire)
- Ships (to carry poor passengers that lived in poverty and suffering to the socialist, magnificent DPRK, led by the handsome, terrific, all-knowing leader Kim Il-Sung)
- Tank cannons (see Warheads)
- Alternative to gunpowder (needed in case of an attack by the outrageously pathetic Seoul puppets, led by the weak, fascist, corrupt Pig-dog empire #1 known as America, both of which the Glorious Democratic People's Republic of Korea shall surely defeat and spread the socialist utopia over these poor gimcrack nations!!! Long Live the Dear, Magnificent, Intelligent, Strong Kim Il-Sung's Republic, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea!!!!!!)
- Continental missiles (see Alternative to gunpowder)
- NK crack (this special North Korean delicacy is extremely nutritious, made with the super-ultra nutrient known as "arsenic," and served at every restaurant and alleyway in our glorious republic!)
- Foods
- Drinks
- Warheads (hey.. why did you repeat it, pig-dog?)
- Missiles (you get the idea)
- WMD (needed in case our dear citizens are being assaulted by the manbearpig, rapist, capitalist West, and then our strong, handsome leaders, Kim Jong-il and Kim Il-Sungwill smash into the window of the corrupt United Nations headquarters where our citizens, so greatful for our republic, are being tortured and save them, and then use WMD to kick the head off of every pig-dog in America for revenge! Hallelujah! Viva de la DRPK's eternal leader, Kim-Jong-il and his superson, Kim Il-Sung!!!! W00T!!!)
- Herbal usage (our uranium herbs are the best, and have been known to add a seductive, magnificent flavor and smell that is used as our Dear Leader's cologne, [and will soon be available to all in our socialist utopia with every serving of Prettylicious Pyongyang Poontang thanks to our totally Awesome Extra-Extravagant Government led by our Leader that can only be described with the most condoning, magnificent describing word every - Supercalifrajilisticexpeealidocious-Kim-juche-erific,] and to spark up our delicious tea that kicks the crap out of copycat tea in the imperialist fascist capitalist malign PIGDOG West, and also our Juche)
- Tea
- Juice flavouring (No, Juche flavouring, with over 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 flavours, my favourite being Chocolate Pig Butter Style)
- UV-blocker (as you can see, our dear leader provides excellent healthcare and truly cares about our people. In fact, the only great brand of UV-blocker made right in our superb capital, Pyongyang is Prettylicious Pyongyang Poontang-Sun Lotion, made with acetone, Rainbow Fartgas (also made in our socialist paradise) and a little wonderful healing bacterial culture known as Destructo Yoliver, which our leader says provides the most extravagant protection against the Sun's harmful rays, which were obviously caused by imperialistic manbearpig America. This bacteria will also give us the abilities to destroy the pigdog nations of the world, and spread our socialist paradise even further. In fact, I am putting some on right now, and I know that it will provide 100% protection, as it has been blessed by DA AWESOME leader, who has DER HOLEH POWERS of Pokemon.. ZUUBA.. MUST DESTROY .. AM.. AM.. ASS.. ASSAMERICA.. ASSERICA.. wow, I feel funny, it must be the wonderful bacteria shielding me from the s... *faint*)
- Skin lotion
- Missiles
- Food seasoning
- My Ass
- Propaganda tapes
- Missiles
- Your Mom
- Stim Packs
It is important to know that it is essential to identify the correct type of isotope in different uses. For example: "What did you have for breakfast today?" Reply: "Oh, just some delicious 10A class B isotope with a bit of non-imperialist and healthy Uranium-286."
[edit] Plutonium
In order to assure that all sorts of things run on uranium, our Dear Leader has, for the benefit of the glorious People, weaponised all plutonium. We have discovered a nefarious plot by capitalist pigs Emmett Brown and Marty McFly to use plutonium to travel back in time and prevent the People's Republic from ever forming! Because of this danger, if you see anyone with plutonium, please contact your nearest ronery People's Juche Leadership Worker's Commode and request that he or she reeducate the person and return the plutonium to the Republic.
[edit] Military
Currently, the North Korean military controls both the wheel and the Death Star. It has plans to use the wheel and possibly the Death Star in future actions. When combined these two weapons create the ultimate weapon, the round death star. Don't ask for a picture.
“Cause we have deathstar!”
~ Kim "Darth Vader" II-Song on why he desires to destroy America
The glorious nation of North Korea also has nuclear weapons, which shall work to maintain peace and prosperity for our people.
"The field of scientific research in the DPRK successfully conducted an underground nuclear test under secure conditions on October 9, 2006, at a stirring time when all the people of the country are making a great leap forward in the building of a great, prosperous, powerful socialist nation. It has been confirmed that there was no such danger as radioactive emission in the course of the nuclear test as it was carried out under scientific consideration and careful calculation. The nuclear test was conducted with indigenous wisdom and technology 100 percent. It marks a historic event as it greatly encouraged and pleased the KPA and people that have wished to have powerful self-reliant defense capability. It will contribute to defending the peace and stability on the Korean Peninsula and in the area around it."
-- Colonel Comrade Park Min Soo
[edit] National Anthem
High upon the gallows tree swung the noble-hearted three.
By the vengeful tyrant stricken in their bloom;
But they met him face to face, with the courage of their ideology,
And they went with souls undaunted to their doom.
Chorus
"God save Kim Jong Il" said heroes.
"God save North Korea" said they all.
Whether on the scaffold high
Or the battlefield we die,
Oh, what matter when for Kim Jong Il dear we fall!!
[edit] Geography
North Korea's geography, much like South Korea's, consists of resource rich mountainous terrain ideal for placement of anti-aircraft artillery (for peaceful, defensive reasons only). The slopes also receive excellent snowfall in the winter, allowing for excellent ski conditions. Sadly, the North Korean Government lost all of it's money playing poker last night with Azerbijan, Poland, and Uzbekistan and cannot afford to construct ski areas. (Our amazing intelligent leader, Kim Jong-il, soon found out that Azerbijan, Poland and Uzbekistan were all fascist cheaters!) The highlight of North Korean ski history was Kim Jong Ill's roommate from Notre Dame's performance in the Men's Freestyle event in the 1976 Winter Olympics wherein he landed a switch 720 misty flip to method air. The technique was without parallel and the women swooned. The Great Leader, however, was robbed of victory when the Pope called upon his divine powers to land a switch triple back flip to indy nosebone (see: Politics). The cowardly Pope will not be victorious again. North Korea's rivers are made of chocolate. The children enjoy playing on the river banks and eating from gumdrop rainbows.
Most of North Korea's lush forests have been clear-cut, much to the dismay of North Korean environmental groups. Or maybe they were dismayed because they were all being executed, I don't know. However, the execution of environmental lobbyists was because they had all fallen to imperialist propaganda and sought to weaken the state from the inside despite our many indulgences of the imperialist dogs and magnanimous refusals to take offence at their repeated insults, so we had to execute them or the imperialism would have made their heads explode. The trees are gone, anyway. Kim Jong-Il has since made a "Frozen Throne" monument to commemorate the Warcraft expansion. It is glorious, and makes the Lincoln Memorial look like crap. Plans were made to commemorate a victory over the American Protoss dogs with a 4 square-mile replica of the Overmind, but the environmental lobbyists shot that down despite being executed at the time. See how we allow all our people to speak up, even when we're gassing them? Truly we are the free-est country in the world. Yes, free-est is a word. The Beloved Leader said it was a word, so how could it not be? Note: All gassing of environmental lobbyists was completely contextual and the only gas used is happy gas.
North Korea shares a border with Belgium, which is situated on its western side. It is to this country that most of the chocolate produced in our wonderful chocolate plantations is exported (only after our children have eaten their fill, of course). Belgium, being the capitalist pigs that they are, claim credit for making the chocolate, (those lying imperialists!).
[edit] Economy
North Korea is rich in natural resources, and but a fraction of it is rightly allocated for industrialization and production of North Korea's main export: Prettylicious Pyongyang Poontang. It is interesting to note that North Korea is one of the few countries to have maintained a purely Poontang-based economy, as all other nations with similar systems (such as Russia) have remained Communist at the urging of our great leader, and world's greatest lover, Kim Il-Sung. Most of the North Korean BNP is used to maintain the Dear Leader's hair. His hair style is beautiful and adored by all and his glasses represent his wisdom as well his ability to see into the future and under women's clothing, despite the cruel capitalists slamming the spectacles as "ashtrays."
Other exports include rainbows, love and butterflies (but we are not gay). This is balanced by North Korea's primary imports of fast American automobiles and Japanese immigrants, who are in the nation of their own free will and love it so much thattheir despicable masters in Japan. Indeed, their suffering was such that they even decided as young children to come to our socialist paradise. We merely hate the Japanese imperialists, not the Japanese people. However, that biatch, Megumi Yokota, betrayed us.
North Korea is also a large exporter of Love Brides. Many desperate Westerners such as Homer Simpson and Canadians seek to attain the best Love Brides from North Korea.
The North Korean economy is in shambles, and there have been years of famine and poverty. These claims are completely untrue. As a matter of fact, I just had the best ham and cheese sandwich of my life. The Great Leader has blamed such social unrest on corruption and Zerg Rushes from the Seoul puppets in the South. However, once we examined our records, we found that there was no social unrest, so we just had a party in honor of our Great Leader, who has clearly prevented social unrest before any existed.
North Korea also loves to build missiles, which are little more than oversized fireworks to celebrate our greatness, to be aimed over the Sea of Japan, and possibly at the Great Satan Big Evil Archcapitalist Enemy Untied States of Confusion, and they are pretty accurate. One fell only 2000 miles short of its target, as a matter of fact.
{“I LOVE A-BOMBS....not that we have any.”
~ Kim Jong-Il on non-existant nuclear weapons program
North Korea is a pony country. Why would anyone want to move to a non-pony country? Only an outright bourgeois fool would do something as regressive and counter-revolutionary as moving to a non-pony nation such as the the portion of Korea that is occupied by the Seoul puppets.
[edit] Demographics
[edit] Education
North Korea's education system is considered one of the world's greatest, considered unbelievably superb in almost every way (what do you mean by "almost"!!), when compared to western systems. Attendance is compulsory for children aged 6-18, and all students attend a government-sponsored boarding school located in the Baekdu Mountain Range. While this institution is called a "school," it more closely resembles a Darwinistic military indoctrination camp. THAT IS PE. DO YOU LAZY, FAT AMERICANS NOT HAVE PE? NO WONDER YOU ARE SO LAZY AND FAT, YOU DO NOT WEED OUT 89% OF YOUR CHILDREN THROUGH BRUTAL TRAINING AND MALNUTRITION It is uncertain what the North Korean curriculum is like, but analysts generally agree that there is less of an emphasis on mathematics, literature, and the fine arts than would be found in western schools. Some examples of courses available to students are listed below:
- Supporting Our Glorious Leader in All Ways: A Rejection of Vainglorious Apostasy Known as "Self Preservation"
- Examining Capitalist Lies: Food Brings Only Sloth and Complacency
- Nuclear Physics (cross-listed as, "Learning Technical Pakistani for the Workplace and the Glorious Jurisprudent Leader")
- My Struggle to Free the World from the Evil Capitalist dogs - by Kim-Jong Il
- How to discover, report and torture friends who harbor evil, viscious opinions about our Glorious Nation
Students typically complete their schooling at 18, at which point they are conscripted into military service. It is a source of income and practical, real-world training for many, although North Korea lacks programs such as Armed Service Scholarships and GED Equivalencies which are unnecessary because they were invented by imperialists. Commonly, education is continued informally among the ranks of the North Korean military in a quasi-oral tradition, knowledge passing from the older generation to the younger during traditional "cigarette" breaks. Military service/education continues in this manner until the age of 38, at which point all citizens are summarily executed because by then they will have capitalist pig-dog thoughts as directed by an entirely fair constitutional law.
[edit] North Korean Dialect
Unbeknownst to many Westerners is the fact that North Korea has its own dialect of Korean. Compared to the Southern dialect, North Korean sometimes has harsh, aggressive and awe-inspiring tones (with sentences often ending in exclamation marks and appearing in bold-face), but is in fact a more beautiful and poetic language than the dialect of the Ewoks, Wookies, and Barbara Striesand. Unlike South Korea which is inhabited by fascist Seoul-puppets, North Korea has abolished imperialist Canadian characters, a cumbersome and evil contaminant, and is written fully in the Hangcool (the "cool" is for "coolocracy") alphabet, the world's greatest alphabet and superior in every way to the cumbersome and inefficient scripts of Sanskrit and Punch Coding. North Korea has not adopted the popular belief in the South that Korea should be spelt as "Corea", because "America" owns the copyright to the letter C.
Common and/or Useful North Korean Phrases:
You ultra-left militarist! (Compliment): 이 초우익 군국주의자놈! (Nŏ-yi chho-u-ik kun-kuk-chu-yi-za-nom!)
I will turn your country into a sea of fire!: 내래 네 나라를 불바다로 만들갓어! (naerai nei na-la-lŭl pul-pah-da-lo mandul-gŏt-Theo!)
You anti-socialist hooligan, you have glaringly revealed your true colors!: 이 반동분자 놈아, 너의 야속한 마음을 밝혔다! (Dang-shin-yi pan-sa-hoe chu-yi-ja hul-li-gŏn, nŏ-nŭn nun-do, Dang-shin-yi ol-ba-lŭn sang-tae-ga ch'ae-saek-hal kŏs-ŭl palg-hyŏss-ta!)
You politically illiterate philistine, your accusation against the DPRK is no more than barking at the moon!: 이 정치적으로 무식한 놈아, 조선민주주의 인민공화국에 너의 기소는 개소리 뿐이다! (Dang-shin-yi chŏng-ch'i-jŏg-ŭ-lo ilg-ko ssŭ-gi-hal su ŏps-nŭn song-mul, cho-sŏn-min-ju-ju-yi in-min-kong-hwa-guk-yi nŏ-yi ki-so-nŭn, tal-e chich-ko iss-nŭn kŏs man-ŭ-lo-nŭn-ŭn ŏps-sŭm-ni-da!)
You ingrate, you are the product of a western education and a bourgeois brainwashing!: 은혜도 모르는 놈, 미국놈들과 부르주아지 자식들 말만 듣고 있구나! (Ah-ha-lak-a-ha-lak-a-ha-lak-a-ha-lak-a-lak)!
Dinner!: 아니, 이거 왠일로 밥이 생겼냐 - 지금 일주일 굶었는데 이거 푸짐하게 생겼구려! (Lo-ul-lŭl-ŏps-sŭp pul-gil-yi sŭl-min-kong lŭ-chyo-k'il-gŏ kŏs-i-ba-da-u-ik-sa-chchae-in-kwŏn"ŭl man-ŭ-lo-yi yi shin-yi-gil-yi-dang-shin!)
You swollen-headed lackey, your ridiculous clamour for "human rights" is nothing but a shrill cry!: 야, 이 얌채 같은 놈아, "인권"을 외치는 너의 우스운 모습은 가소롭다! (Dang-shin-i chal-lan-ch'e-han ha-in, "in-kwŏn"ŭl yo-gu-ha-nŭn nŏ-yi pa-bo-gat'-ŭn chŏl-gyu-nŭn, nal-k'a-lo-un ul-ŭm-so-li-man-i-da!)
You Blatant Charlatan, you will never succeed in undermining our glorious proletariat leadership!: ??? ? ????? ????? ?????? ?????? ??? ?? ??????? ???? ?? ??? (Too-es-un-pu-ta-pi-n'che-jo-taa-wa-iy-chiu-pa-mi-we-vo's)
You wicked gangster!: 이 악한 조폭아!!! (Let us congratulate our evil Western capitalist organization Fox News for censoring this glorious sentence invented by the everlastingly gracjious leader Kim Jong-Il!!!)
You despicable running dog, you would be well advised to behave with discretion!: 개새끼, 충고하겠는데, 똑바로 살아, 쨔샤! (Nŏ-yi kae-lŭl chchoch'ch'-a pi-yŏr-han kŏs, Dang-shin-ŭn p'an-dan-ŭ-lo ye-yi-bŏm-chŏl chal ha-nŭn kŏs-i hyŏn-myŏng-hal kŏs-i-da!)
You black-hearted bloodsucker, you are sadly mistaken you think you can browbeat the DPRK!: 이 흡혈귀 같은 놈아, 너는 조선민주주의 인민공화국을 협박할 수없다고! (Dang-shin-yi ŭm-hŏm-han kŏs iss-nŭn hil, nŏ-nŭn cho-sŏn-min-ju-ju-yi in-min-kong-hwa-guk-ŭl hyŏp-pak-hal su-ga iss-ta-go saeng-kak-ha-nŭn kŏs-ŭn sŭl-p'ŭn tŭs ha-ge chal-mos-ha-go iss-ta!)
You bourgeois flunkey, we will mercilessly crush you with the weapon of singlehearted unity!: 야, 부자집 자식, 우리의 마음의 통일된 무기로 너를 묻어 버릴거야! (Dang-shin-yi pŭ-lŭ-yi chŏg-in hŏ-dŭ-le-il, u-li-yi ma-ŭm-yi t'ong-il-toen mu-gi-lo, nŏ-lŭl ya-bak-ha-ge p'uk shi-k'il-gŏ-ya!)
Watch now, as I enjoy this truly socialist hamburger of bark and bamboo! 봐라, 이 공화국다운 대나무껍질 김밥을 먹는 것을! (Hoo'oo-aah)
What a splendid chest of medals and well-brushed cap!: 아주 멋진 상장과 모자군요! (t'oi choo bakk'a)
I expected to have to ask a fine citizen for directions in order to find my way to the public hanging, but the superior street layout of this happy city meant I arrived there on time for the pre-hanging singing!: 사형을 어디서 하는지 누굴 물어봐야 할지 알았는데 이 도시가 얼마나 구조가 잘 돼 있었는지 일찍 도착해서 사형전에 노래도 불렀다고!!(oi)
[edit] The Top Ten seventeen Greatest Things About North Korean Culture
- Origin of the "North Korean Diet," which enabled actor Christian Bale to take the challenging role of Trevor Reznick (a mentally disturbed insomniac) in the film The Machinist.
- Only place on Earth not run by Jewish Illuminati. You, disgusting capitalist American scum, may say "Japan too!". But they still have some Jews, so it's a possibility. Slanty-eyed bastards.
- Hospitality, willingness for open dialogue
- Smoking allowed in bars
- Foreign journalists make up the daily diet of 67% of the population
- If abductions continue, will have second highest population of Japanese nationals outside of Japan
- Godzilla was roused with North Korean nuclear weapons
- North Koreans only eat dog meat
- Unemployment is not a problem thanks to crippling famine that killed off 65% of the populace
- Delightful local cuisine includes exotic tree barks and insects
- If a high-ranking military official or Kim Jong-Il, actually a pretty good place to live
- Orange juche. No, pineapple juche.
- Traffic is minimal, even during rush hour
- Rush Hour and sequels banned as treasonous abomination
- Good starting point for lecturing your children about how good they have it
- Peace and quiet of the country, even in the middle of bustling metropolis of Pyongyang, thanks to draconian curfew laws
- Great alternative for tourists who really want to visit a Korea, but also desire to meet a populace that invites pity
- Well, where the hell else are we going to put our troops when they back out of Iraq?
[edit] See Also
- Asian People
- Asian Nazis
- Bono
- Stalin
- No-Dong Missile
- Type o'Dong Missile
- Satan
- Sephiroth
- Gay
- UnNews:CIA sends photo of The Cursed Wiki Article to Kim Jong-Il to attempt his assassination
- Lil' Kim Jung Ill
- Bam Margera
- Kim Il-sung City
- Kites
- Peter North
[edit] External Links
- They really believe this crap. No shit.
- North Korea's Official Site on the Interweb
- Naenara - North Korean information web portal site thingy (in English!)
- Uriminzokkiri - Site for spreading the truth about the American imperialists (also in English!)
- North Korea travel guide
- NK News - Database of North Korean Fair and Balanced News
- Korean Friendship Association Forum - j00 ¢4p174L1$7 n00bs 43r 73h gh3yx0rz LOL!!!!!!!11111111111!!!!!!!!
- KFA Forum on Team America: World Police
- Do not believe the lies and propaganda spurting from the mouths of the capitalists oppressors! This unbaised, democratic, freedom-loving, truthful, and intellegent documentary film shows the fundamental differences between fascist America and the paradise that is the glorious Democratic People's Republic of Korea fashioned by the Dear Leader, Generalissimo Kim Jong Il.
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| Featured version: 24 December 2005 |
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