North Avenue Trade School
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The North Avenue Trade School (sometimes referred to as Georgia Tech or "The Place Where Dreams Come to Die") is the name of a public technical college in Atlanta, GA. It boasts several alumni who managed to overcome the vast amount of alcohol consumed during their experiences there, notably Jimmy Carter, Raptor Jesus(PhD.), and, by far its most famous alumnus, George P. Burdell. Georgia Tech also has an impressive list of drop outs including Jeff Foxworthy and soon to be <insert name here>.
The North Avenue Trade School boasts several noteworthy traditions. However, it should be mentioned that foremost amoung these traditions is that new students are brought onto campus before classes begin and are indoctrinated in many silly fake traditions.
- Shafting students
- Yelling "Get Out While You Still Can!" at tour groups of prospective students.
- Stealing the letter "T" from campus signs.
- Prosecuting students who steal the letter "T" from campus signs (see first real tradition).
- Laughing when uga dies
- Bringing Vaseline to test in order to cope with the anal rupturing that is about to happen.
Fake traditions told to freshmen
- Convincing the freshmen that the "University" of Georgia is an accredited college
- Explaining that all freshmen wear silly yellow hats at all times. Some years the staff goes so far as to provide the hats.
- Teaching the freshmen a secret code word that refers to cheat sheets. Any freshman attempting to actually use this word while requesting cheat sheets is immediately recognized as being uncool and is given fake cheat sheets. Usually this word is "Word."
- Tricking the freshmen into thinking that the North Avenue Trade School is a fun place to be
- The school pays girls from Georgia State and Kennesaw State to walk around the campus during orientation, thus making the ratio seem even.
The student body of the North Avenue Trade School consists primarily of hackers and valedictorians. The average student is an Indian or Asian Male, with an IQ of approx 140. The students are commonly recognized by their general hatred of life, blank soulless eyes, or the distinct lump of a USB flash drive in their pocket. MARTA riders can tell when a Tech student is returning to school by the open sobbing and frantic studying on the train. After graduation, Tech students are known by many names. They are North ave residents, geeks, Robert, or Boss (the most common nickname from u(sic)ga graduates)
The trade school has consistently been reviewed as having the least happy and most stressed students in the nation. This leads to the high level of liver failure
The ratio of males to females at the North Avenue Trade School is known as the Ratio. The Ratio is believed to be around 7:3. However, this is simply a lie perpetuated to attract more female students. The true ratio is likely 9:1, and if non-science and non-engineering majors are excluded. The ratio is likely closer to 99:1.
The dilapidated and overcrowded condition of student housing has been a concern for several years. In many cases, a third student is forced to sleep in a two-person dorm. This third student is usually forced to either sleep on the floor or with someone else in the same bed. Freshmen housing is located at the bottom of "Freshman Hill," forcing them to hike uphill to class each day. Most new buildings have a dedicated girls floor, allowing for the necessary separation from creepers. (ask any techie about the "polite rapist")
Most students are highly introverted and prefer to stay in their dorms playing video games for the majority of their free time. However, there are several activities for social individuals. These include parties with a variety of liquors and music. This style of party (quality over quantity) means that the school is not listed as a "top party school." The reason people do not associate drinking with Tech, mostly due to the ability of students to still achieve above-average success compared to passed out students visible on a nearby campus.
Crime is a common and never-ending problem at the North Avenue Trade School. Rape is a recurring issue, despite severe efforts by police and school officials to reduce its occurrence. The girl's hall is commonly broken into by desperate male students despite efforts at increasing security. Gay rape is also routinely reported, especially during fraternity rush at GAI because incoming freshmen are not told that it is a homosexual fraternity. Nearly every member of Phi Omicron Tau fraternity has been arrested for marijuana possession. It has even become an unofficial initiation for incoming members, so much that new pledges are not considered brothers until they have been arrested. Reports of students caught using meth, crack, and cocaine to study are increasingly common every semester around midterms and finals. Gang violence is also a problem because of the proximity of the slums to campus and exacerbated by number of students visiting the area in order to purchase drugs.
On average Techies spend only around 14 hours in class. However in this short amount of time they are expected to "learn" about many "important" subjects. Such as: Thermodynamics, System Dynamics, Orbital Mechanics, Quantum Mechanics, and Statistical Approach to Pokemon. From those measly 14 hours a week they are expected to do at minimum 30 hours of homework a week.
Dead week is the name given to the week before finals by Techies. The name dead week is derived from the phrase "I wish I was dead", because during dead week this is heard constantly. During this week students spend most of their time studying and bargaining with Satan to pass their classes. Satan typically ask for the blood of a non-virgin in exchange for a "C", as opposed to the blood of a virgin, because he knows it will be harder for Techies to come across.
The North Avenue Trade School has two major school songs.
I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech, and a hell of an engineer-- A helluva, helluva, helluva, helluva, hell of an engineer. Like all the jolly good fellows, I drink my whiskey clear. I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech and a hell of an engineer. Oh! If I had a daughter, sir, I'd dress her in White and Gold, And put her on the campus to RAISE THE RATIO! But if I had a son, sir, I'll tell you what he'd do-- He would yell, 'To hell with Georgia!' like his daddy used to do. Oh, I wish I had a barrel of rum and sugar three thousand pounds, A college bell to put it in and a clapper to stir it round. I'd drink to all the good fellows who come from far and near. I'm a ramblin', gamblin', hell of an engineer! Fight! Win! Drink! Get Naked! Score, score, score, score, EAT BABIES!
Don't send my boy to MIT the dying mother said.... Don't send my boy to Emory, I'd rather see him DEAD But send my boy to Georgia Tech, 'tis better than Cornell And as for the "University" of Georgia, I'd rather see him in HELL!! Ooohhhhhhh… To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia The cesspool of the South Mine eyes have seen the glory of the stomping of the Dawgs We should teach those poor dumb farm boys they should stick to slopping hogs When the Jackets are triumphant we will raise a mighty cheer We'll do the same next year.. To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia The cesspool of the South On the field between the hedges there arose a mighty stench In the dawg's machine the Engineers had thrown a monkey wrench When the Jackets are triumphant we will raise a mighty yell Them dawgs can GO TO HELL EAT SHIT BEEOTCH To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia The cesspool of the South Mine eyes have seen the glory of the N - C double A They’re investigating Georgia players to see how much they’re paid After counting all the cars and the loans alumni paid They out-paid F - S- U …SUCKS DICK!!!!! To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia The cesspool of the South
The North Avenue Trade School has two major mascots: Buzz and an old wrecked car that the auto shop has been fixing for more than 50 years. It is often driven onto the field during football games, but if a freshman touches it, they are immediately castrated by the roaring crowd of frat "bros" believing they are cursed.
The main rival of the North Avenue Trade School is the Athens Community College, who has challenged them in almost every sport for the past 15 years. The drunk inbreds at the aforementioned school to the north frequently recruit criminals to their team to cheat their way to the top. The teams and students hate each other, frequently yelling incoherent taunts at one another and displaying their colors anywhere it matters, and many places it doesn't. It is true that there are more ACC t-shirts than NATS shirts in circulation, as graduates of the Athens Community College tend to work in locations where college T-shirts are considered appropriate attire. In order to compensate for their shortcomings, students of the Athens Community College (read: animals) frequently call graduates of the North Avenue Trade School a number of names, the most common being "Boss" and "Sir". These shortcomings are due to rampant inbreeding, as students of the Athens Community College tend to be sexually attracted to their cousins, parents, aunts and uncles, and even siblings. Their offspring inherit this fetish, and usually grow up to continue the cycle. It is for this reason that it will not be long before the lifespan of your typical Athens Community College student has a lifespan similar to that of their mascot, an overweight, pampered bull named Uga.