Norfolk
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[edit] Summary
Think of deliverance but with East Anglian accents. Norfolk is north of Suffolk which, for the benefit of any Norvicensians who may be able to read this entry, curiously happens to be south of Norfolk. For any Norvicensians who do not understand the meaning of 'Norvicensian' it means an inhabitant of Norfolk. Better that than being called a Norfolkian! Norfolk contains 'a fine city' which goes by the name of Norwich (pronounced Naaridge in the common Norfolk dialect). The other major city is Ankh-Morpork. There are probably other cities in Norfolk. Other places in Norfolk are Cromer (just) 'the gem of the Norfolk Coast', Sheringham (just) and Swaffham. Norfolk is far from the third world backwater it is stereotyped as. The first roads were built in 1999, giving people the chance to drive the most new fangled cars for the first time ever, rusty pickup trucks from the 70s and 80s are very popular. The people of Norfolk no longer live in hand built shacks, many now live in caravans with all the mod cons, such as toilets, psuedo running water (the stream outback), and beds not made out of straw. Police are very scarce in Norfolk, on average there is one police station for every 100 towns, thus should a crime aspire, the locals will round up a posse, and bring pitch forks and double barreled shotguns. Norfolk has the lowest crime rate in the country, mainly because there are not enough police to report it too.
[edit] The Inbreeding 'Myth'
The population of Norfolk has a reputation for being inbred, but this is generally undeserved. The law making it illegal to marry anyone other than your cousin was repealed in 1992. However, at least the residents of Norfolk can take some consolation for not being as bad as the Orkney Islands when it comes to inbreeding.
[edit] Famous Norfolk People
Delia Smith moved there in 1962. She was probably pissed. She then moved to Suffolk whilst still taking it up the arse from all the players of Norwich's mediocre football team. She is famed for her smelly minge, which (it is claimed) smells like Grimsby docks on a hot summer day.
John Major lives in Weybourne (he's the one with the glasses) where he enjoys the weekly 3-day raves, and is down with the homies getting himself some Es.
Horatio Nelson British admiral famous for his participation in the Napoleonic Wars, most notably in the Battle of Trafalgar, a decisive British victory in the war, during which he lost his life.
Ben Mitchell briefly lived in Norfolk while hidin' from the Fuzz. He skipped town to Copenhagen soon after.
Ooh! An' not fergitting tha' hactor Stephen Fry, h'and frum Hare'say that Myleene Klass.
Simon Norfolk, the foul-mouthed British photographer, lives nowhere near Norfolk. It's his way of being offensive to his own surname, as it's all he has left.
Charles Clarke, buffoon of a former home secretary is an MP in Norwich. He once did a 3-foot long poo.
Beth Orton, she be one of those thar siiingers from Deeereham y'know!
Harry James Alidon! an afro style toting wanker who enjoys listening to marvin gaye whilst taking it up the shitter from his shetland pony. he is a well known stalker and regularly starts his morning by dancing to geroge michael in front of the mirror. it has been rumoured that he is also a gimp for prince charles.
The busker (more commonly known as The Norwich Puppet Man) who dances outside HMV with a puppet on a stick and a radio. On one occasion, he made the puppet dance to the sounds of children crying which understandably freaked out a lot of pedestrians
[edit] Literary Heritage
Norfolk has boasted an exciting literary heritage since 2003 following the self-publication of Sean Wright's Jesse Jameson and The Golden Glow, an exciting novel about a girl who discovers she is a fairy which is in no way a poor attempt at cashing in on the Harry Potter phenomenon.
[edit] Capital City
The capital city of the county alternates between Ankh-Morpork and Norwich this being the cause of the bitter Canary War that has been ongoing since 1083.
[edit] World Records
Norfolk is also possibly known for holding the world record for most species of fish, with approximatly 23 million different species in the areas surrounding Norwich, King's Lynn and Great Yarmouth. It is commonly mistaken that the putrid stench comes from a local girl's open legs, however scientific evidence does in fact point to the fish.
Norfolk also holds the world record for most tractors on a B road.
