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Norelco is a company which makes piles of shit. It was founded by William of Occam in the early 11th century A.D. as part of an exceedingly complicated pyramid scheme, the details of which have mostly been lost but which is known or suspected to have involved assemble-it-yourself furniture, various nonprofit organizations, vast networks of outsourcing companies to handle manufacturing, an international spy network, at least one cult following, its own strictly-organized religion, and large blobs of green jelly (the function of which is still unknown), but did not achieve its present fame until a failed suicide attempt caused Occam to reconsider his plans and accomplishments and develop the simple but stunning industrial design for which he is remembered today.

Norelco's products are famous for both their high degree of versatility and their strikingly minimalist design. While there has been some criticism recently about their decision to remove various unimportant features in their newest models – including the power switch, internal motor, and razor blades – Norelco products are still extremely popular, particularly among mathemeticians, philosophers, and anyone who has just come back with heavy five o'clock shadow after a long, frustrating day at the nearest IKEA.

## HistoryEdit

William of Occam first got the idea for Norelco when he attempted to slit his wrists after his pyramid scheme collapsed. While he had considered developing a small, portable blade of some sort for quite a long period of time before that fateful moment, it was not until he attempted to store his broadsword in his bathroom cabinet that he realized just how truly useful such an invention would be. At that moment he realized that both plans failed for virtually the same reason, and he finally discovered what he had been doing wrong.

Many people claim that his words were similar to "entities ought not to be multiplied beyond necessity," but in fact he did not say this until later in his life when he developed pest control technology to control his rabbit farm. His actual words at the moment of eureka are said to be more along the lines of "dammit, this thing's too fucking big!"

Occam built the first prototype razor himself by painstakingly carving down the blade of his aforementioned sword with a heavy rock, but about halfway through he decided the rock could go fuck itself and snapped a piece of metal off the side of a beer can instead. (Where he got the beer, and what brand he was drinking, is unknown.) In his initial tests it proved highly effective at removing his thick greasy beard, but the success of the product was indeed to outlive him when he tried it on his wrists again, to discover that this time it actually worked.

## MarketingEdit

Occam came up with various slogans for the product, including "Quite bluntly, the sharpest on the planet." and "Simplicity is Divine, just like fucking the alter boys, but probably not quite as fun.", but soon realized he was hopeless at marketing and hired a local advertiser, Osckar the Wild, to come up with a shorter one instead. Of Osckar's 549.3 original slogans, the only one to remain today is Keep It Simple, Stupid, although there is some debate among historians over whether this was intended as an actual ad campaign, or simply blatant exasperation at Occam's apparent inability to pander to the masses.

Regardless of its origin or inspiration, Osckar's memorable saying has become the sole philosophy behind Norelco's product design, as well as an extremely popular "gentle reminder" among graphic designers, computer programmers, and demented wiki administrators. In fact it is so famous that very few people even realize it has anything to do with razors, which has had the unfortunate effect of causing a constant 100% decrease in sales each month, or a profit equal to the right-hand part of the pretentious and entirely irrelevant mathematical formula $e^{2t}-1 = 0$.

Norelco products have recently become popular outside of their original market. In a recent survey, almost 89 percent of tech-savvy emos interviewed preferred Norelco's electric razors, although the majority of the group reportedly still used a simpler, non-electric model for everything else that doesn't involve facial hair. The remainder either declined comment or insisted loudly that "razors suck worse than life," and that real emos use scissors. Strangely enough, rival manufacturers Gilette and Bic represented less than 0.1 percent of the emo population combined. How many emos were interviewed, let alone how anyone managed to interview them in the first place, has yet to be explained.