Noobitus

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"We all had our days..."

~ Oscar Wilde on Noobs.

"Once a noob are you, always a noob you be will...umm..."

~ Yoda on Noobs.

"We will fight it in Battlefield, we will fight it in CS, we will fight it in Starcraft, in the RPGs, the FPSs, the RTSs...we will never surrender."

~ Winston Churchill on Noobs.

Noobitus is a disease contracted when there are extreme cases of noobiness. Signs are:

Extreme hours of sleep

Getting pwned too much in computer games

Managing to shoot themselves in the foot in games such as Counter-Strike, where no such thing is possible at all

Managing to strangle themselves with a wireless keyboard and mouse

Not being able to fly for more than 1 minute

[edit] The Cure

The only current cure is to exorcise the concerned noobs. This involves getting two pwners to grab him by the hands and throw him onto a bed. After this is done, the bed cover is bound around the noob and a keyboard (or a mouse) is unplugged with haste from the nearest computer and the noob is beaten with it until submission. This holy technique was invented by the renowned holy pwners Olly and Gilly.

The noob has to be exorcised for weeks, maybe even months, to get rid of noobitus completely. If not enough exorcism is done, the noobitus will develop stronger strains of virii within the noob which require other methods of extermination to be developed.

[edit] History of Noobitus

The Nubian's Leader, Anubis the Noob

This disease dates back to 1337 BC in the highlands of Nubia. The Nubians hailed their leader Anubis who brought them the gift of noobiness firstly to parts of Nubia, then to the whole world. Nubians contracted Noobitus when they spent too much time getting pwned in wars against Roman computer programmers. At the dawn of the year 1338 BC, the Roman computer programmers stormed Nubia, drove out all the Nubians and killed their leader Anubis. This forced many Nubians, even those with Noobitus, to leave Nubia and head for the New World and Europe. By the year 1337 AD, Noobitus had spread throughout the world and it still exists, even today...

[edit] Another Strain of Noobitus is discovered

Due to recent events of Jacques Chirac showing more frog-like features (and the fact that he is a noob) developed the strain of Noobitus "Noobitus Frenchicus". Frenchicus comes from the what the arabs called the french crusaders who went out hunting for beetles hiding under mushrooms in the middle of the arabian deserts. "Frenchi" meaning "French" and "cus" meaning "pussy". It should also be noted that the french were the first to accept noobs into government positions. These noobish appointments are often given as a reason for being pwned be the English however some historians suggest that this is because all french are born noobs. Symptoms of this strain of Noobitus are:

The noob shows signs of being a wimp

The noob shows signs of being french

The noob shows signs of being a french-wimp

In the most extreme cases, the noob would follow every rule in the real world because they are a pussy but never in the gaming world where he/she keeps on team killing and asking simpleton questions like "how do i change weapons" or "how did you kill me".

A prime example is a man called Sargon Isaac. He contacted a new strain at birth, causing him to cry and whine on a regular basis. As he grew older, the strain took hold. He is now worthless, a worthless noob with no hope of recovery or redemption.

[edit] And yet another strain

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[edit] Noobitus In Mathematics

There is a branch of mathematics dedicated to noobitus. It's called "Noob Mathematics" since noobs have a limited vocabulary. Anubis came up with this formula of measuring noobitus so that he can bless the noobs who have a higher level of noobitus:

Let Weight = W

Let Number of teamkills the noob gets in any given round = N

Let Noobitus Factor = N(f)