From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!”
Born as No one, Nobody has been shrouded in mystery, to the extent that his parentage, and even the date of his birth, are completely unknown. His talents are endless and he possesses the largest ego in the known universe. The reason for the obscurity of his continued existence is believed to be linked to the fact that he made himself nameless.
Some rather uppity, disenchanted women have complained that Nobody is a man. However, Nobody is perfect, and cares about everything and anything in the world, which suggests otherwise.
The sound of the one hand clapping was the first in a series of discoveries he made. He went on to discover the whole truth, the philosophers stone, the meaning of life, the secret of happiness, the Fountain of Youth and the secret of success.
Nobody was around to hear a tree falling in a forest, but Nobody thought to ask if it made a sound.
Franz Kafka wrote about nobodies. This is not remarkable, however, as Kafka wrote about all sorts of stuff that Nobody really liked.
His unusual exploits drew the attention of the Illuminati, whom he as yet keeps eluding. They almost got him when they sent the Spanish Inquisition after him, but to their dismay he expected them and escaped in time.
Nobody once ran for President, and although he didn't get in, he is still remembered as the best candidate yet. During his campaign, he said:
- "Vote for Nobody this election! Because...
- NOBODY is an honest politician.
- NOBODY deserves your vote.
- NOBODY will do the right thing.
- NOBODY will do what is best.
- NOBODY believes in right and wrong.
- NOBODY will do what you want!"
Nobody took this seriously, which ensured Nobody voted.
While complete access to Nobody's financial status is difficult to obtain, it has been determined Nobody has nothing. However, his financial prowess is beyond par, as Nobody has been able to successfully predict all stock market fluctuations ahead of time and profit from this knowledge.
Physically Nobody is the perfect human specimen. In terms of feats of physical strength can lift himself, and in sensory capacity it has been determined that even in space Nobody can hear you scream. It has even been suggested that Nobody will live forever, as Nobody indeed lived to be of old age.