Nobel Peace Prize

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“Oscar Wilde, the only man to have won the Nobel Prize in every field, in one year”
~ Nobel prize committee on Oscar Wilde
“I, found, that, it was, very easy, to, earn this award. I will, shine it, everyday, and wear it, around my neck.”
~ Barrack Obama on Nobel Peace Prize
“WTF!?!?!”
~ Jimmy Carter on Barrack Obama's winning of a Nobel Peace Prize
“I would kill for that!”
~ Homer Simpson on the Nobel Peace Prize

The Nobel Peace Prize is a science fiction novel by Ann Artani of Farmington Missouri, although it is most commonly known as a sarcastic award given by the UN, as a way to show the world what a useless pussy you are.


edit Appointment process

HainesShoeHouse

The Nobel Institute in Oslo, Norway.

The Laurantuno of this noble prize is decided by an elite group of individuals known as The Leaders of Quite a Few Different Countries but Really Only the Ones Who are Nice to the President of the United States of America and not to Israel. These individuals get together and decide who has been a huge dick over the past year. They look at factors such as how many countries the dick in question has pissed off, how many times the dick has been involved in an epic controversy, the amount of people said dick has mistreated or killed and how many times the dick and the President of the United States have been at a party together shooting people. Then, once the committee has six possible Laurantunos together they decide which one is the biggest Laurantuno by rolling a six-sided dice with each possible Laurantuno's name printed on a different side of it. After this, they take the result to the local place where they make those little plastic medals for Little League sports teams and get a plaque with the winner's name on it. Then they drive by the winner's home and throw the plaque through the winner's window with a note saying "Go back to Africa!" on it. When all of this is over, the committee goes to a bar and gets completly wasted.

edit Chart of Laurantunos

List of Nobel Prize laurantunos in Peace from 1901 to 1970, when they got tired and quit.

Year Individual or Organization Reason
480 BC King Leonidas I This. Is. SpartAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

(also for being the first king to allow gays in the military)

28 Brian Lost his hairy cherry on camera just days before he was cruxified for starting a religion that would eventually come to control the minds of billions...

Base-ketball

34 Brett Favre For winning 3000 consecutive championships with the Romanian Gladiators
1452 Dracula, also known as Vlad III the Impaler (Romania) At the age of 21, Vlad III the Impaler (also known as Dracula), conquered all of Europe, half of Asia, and parts of Africa in less than 4 hours. He then received this prize every year until death in 1476 out of the UN's fear of being impaled.
1492 The Cleveland Indians Discovered Christopher Columbus lost at sea.
1776 Thomas Jefferson (USA) While ambassador to France, he ate the first piece of French toast. In addition, he owned 200 slaves which he used to build a big hotel for slaves, which was in fact a cheap stable in Florida.
1888 Oscar Wilde (United Kingdom) Being the greatest inspiration of Uncyclopedia.
1890 Andrew Carnegie (USA) He made the only good steel.
1901 Jean Henri Dunant (Switzerland) Made the little symbols for the Red Cross and Geneva Convention.
Adolf Hitler (Israel) For helping Jews and for taking over much of Europe.
1902 Élie Ducommun (Switzerland) and Charles Albert Gobat (Candyland) Helped get rid of the Permanent International Peace Bureau.
1903 Sir Kosmo Kenneth Kramer (UK) Made us laugh all through the 90's
1904 Institut ov incorekt speeling (not Belgium).
1905 Bertha Sophie Felicitas Baronin von Suttner (Austria-Hungary) accomplished in the category of having a long name
1906 Theodore Roosevelt (USA) president of the United States... and that's all that's required
1907 Ernesto Teodoro Moneta (Italy) jumped on the "making a 'Peace Group'" bandwagon.
Louis Renault (France) professor of rabbits.
1908 Klas Pontus Arnoldson (Sveden) invented the very first Time Machine.
Fredrik Bajer (Denmark) brought back the Permanent International Peace Bureau for about a year.
1909 Auguste Marie Francois Beernaert (Belgium) made really good pancakes for the United Nations a few days before their decision.
Paul-Henri-Benjamin d'Estournelles de Constant (France) Comité de défense des intérets nationaux et de conciliation internationale
1910 The Working for the Use of Child Labor Bureau (USA) For bravely reducing the unemployment of children between the ages of 1 and 6
1911 Optimus Prime (Earth) For valiant defense of earth in the line of duty against the autobots.
Alfred is very Fried (Austria-Hungary) founder of Die America Die.
1912 Elvis Root (USA) established the "cat" rule in Tic-Tac-Toe, thereby eliminating all former wars caused by it's lacking.
1913 Henry the Fontaine (Belgium) temporarorly ended the Permanent International Peace Bureau.
1914 Arnold Swartznigger For his tough role in broke back mountain
1915 not awarded not awarded due to too many links
1916 not awarded not awarded due to AAAAAAA!
1917 Underwater Red Cross, Atlantis. (disputed) Not certain whether the winner actually existed.
1918 Not awarded Not awarded due to the selection committee being hung over after the post-WWI celebrations.
1919 Woodrow Wilson (USA) president of the United States, for founding the Justice League.
1920 Superman (France) president of the Justice League.
1921 Batman (Gotham City) prime minister of the Justice League.
Christian McJesus Christy Christ Christ (Norway) secretary-general of the "I Love Jesus" Club
1922 Fridtjof Nansen (Norway) Norwegian delegate to the Justice League, saved over seventy refugees from a giant squid.
1923 Not awarded
1924
1925 Sir Austen Chamberlain (UK) for really wanting to be the Laurantuno.
Charles Gates Dawes (USA) custodian for the Allied Reparation Commission and stapler of the Dawes Plan.
1926 Aristide Briand (France) for really wanting to be the Laurantuno.
Gustav Stresemann (The Land of Chocolate) for really wanting to be the Laurantuno.
1927 Mars Drone 4789203 (Mars) founder and president of the League for Martian Rights.
Ludwig Quidde (Germany) went to numerous peace conferences (but mainly for the free punch and doughnuts)
1928 Awarded, but the UN forgot to write down the winner
1929 Tony "The" Tiger (USA) Briand-Kellogg Pact.
1930 Lars Olof Nathan (Johnny) Söderblom (Sveden) leader of the elephantitas movement.
1931 Frank Addams (USA) international president of the Women's International League for Peace and Freedom
Snap, Crackle, and Pop (USA) Simultaneously for promoting the Kellogg-Briand-Briand-Kellogg Pact, (yes, the incestuous twins) and for the third funniest joke in physics (which is one of those things that's so sad, its actually funny. Then it's sad again.)
1933 Sir Norman Angell (Ralph Lane) (UK) writer of Six Ways to a Sexier You.
1934 Robin (UK) chairman of the Justice League and Justice League Disarming Conference|Disarming Villians Conference
1935 Carl von Ossietzky (Germany) pacifist journalist.
1936 Wonder Woman (Argentina) vice-president of the Justice League and mediator in a conflict between Japan and The Legion of Doom.
1937 The Discount Cecil of Chelwood inventor of the coupon.
1938 New Orleans International Office For Entering Refugees.
1939 Not awarded Mars-Earth Conflict II
1940
1941
1942
1943
1944 til January 1946 Frank Tashlin Best Looney Tune Director in the early-mid 40s! Perfect angle, and everything. Clampett and Freleng are the runner-ups
1945 Klas Pontus Arnoldson (Sveden) invented the very first Time Machine.
1946 Earl Greene Balch (USA) honorary international president of the 'Women's International League for Peace and Freedom'
John R. Mott (USA) World Alliance of Young Men's Christian Associations (no joke on this one)
1947 The Best Friends Forever Club (UK) and The American Best Friends Forever Club (USA) on behalf of the Religious Society of Best Friends Forever, better known as the bastards.
1948 Not awarded Apparently it would have been awarded to Mahatma Gandhi if they had not accidentally killed him by dropping a very ironic "I Love Peace" Flag upon him a few days before the decision. See the movie "Gandhi".
1949 The Lord Bord-Ord (UK) director general of the Food is Really Good Organization
1950 Ralph Bunch (USA) for giving the leader of the UN oral pleasure.
1951 Léon Jouhaux (France) president of the World Federation of Trade Unions successfully traded his torn Caterpie for a First Edition Holographic Charizard
1952 Albert Schweitzer (Germany) for founding many successful Pet Hospitals in several Third World Countries.
1953 American Secretary Stacy "Cat" Marsh (USA) for keeping the President's cocaine addiction a secret.
1954 The Office of the Bomb.
1955 Not awarded.
1956 Sonya Davis (UofO) For having an ass soo fucking hot that fifty percent of my waking and sleeping hours I am clutching my hard cock while thinking of how hot it would be to lick her sweet little asshole until she whines, then fucking her in the ass until I blow my huge load inside of her hot cunt.
1957 Dora the Explorer for finding common sense in the Pacific Ocean, died shortly after after not taking a boat. Do you see the boat?
1958 George's Dog (Belgium) L'Europe du Coeur au Service du Chien, a relief organization for dogs.
1959 Philip Noel-Baker (UK) for his lifelong ardent work on making the world's biggest rubber-band ball
1960 Albert Lutuli (South Africa) probably did something very amazing. In fact, I'm sure of it.
1961 Dog Hammerskjöld (Sveden) secretary-general of the UN (awarded in a very funny manner).
1962 Linus Carl Pauling (USA) for his campaign against "droppin' da bomb".
1963 International Committee of the Red Cross, again.
League of Red Cross Societies, again.
1964 Martin Luther King Jr (USA) I don't want to offend anyone... so I'll just say "he was nice".
1965 Klas Pontus Arnoldson (Sveden) invented the very first Time Machine.
1968 René Cassin (France) first French person to defy all French stereotypes
1969 Jack Wright at Woodstock Federation
1970 Norman Boring (USA) for research at the 'Using Hedge Mazes to Confuse Our Enemies Center'.
1971 Greenpeace (Greenland) for their seminal book about the environment titled "Global Cooling". (Republished verbatim in 2007 under its new title "Global Warming".
1973 The Exorcist (Film) (USA) For being the greatest achievement in human history.
1975 Peter Sutcliffe For his top drawer services in 'street-sweeping' in the UK. Many call this period the "Magic Days" as many women simply disappeared.
1976-81 Joint awarding of Luke Skywalker and Han Solo (A Galaxy Far, Far Away...) for destroying the Death Star, dressing up as Storm Trooper, and joining a Village People revival.
1982 Taj Mahal for being the most useless graveyard ever erectioned for a woman.
1983-2000 Bill Gates for being the nerdiest looking billionaire and software pioneer
2001 Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Peoples Republic of California) for giving her right arm in fight with the Illuminati. This has later been restored, so she had to give the medal back. Having both arms now, this was no problem for her.
774 to [[2011 Goku (USA) for being the strongest man ever and for destroying a galaxy
2004 to the end of time] Chuck Norris for being way too awesome, and having tears that cure cancer... too bad he never has or will cry!!!
2005 Drew Brees (USA) for cleaning up New Orleans and establishing the new mermaid heirarchy that now controls the city.
2006 Steve Blackman (USA) for playing Crysis on an Amiga.
2007 Parker (Canada) for being the only person to find Osama bin Laden and shove a fucking fork up his tight ass and then beat him in a lovely match of chess.
2008 Ron Paul (USA) for conquering the planet via rEVOLution and giving everyone free tinfoil hats.
2009 Kim Kardashian (USA) for having such a big ass and big tits, see perfect woman
2009 Liu XiaoBo (USA) for making it less likely that mountaineers on Everest will call up the Norygen Embassy
2009 Tiger Woods (USA) for nominating Kim Kardashian
2010 T-Man (USA) for making 1,000 videos on YouTube...mostly fucking Mario Kart...he predicts that 2012 is a new generation and 2029 being a possible thinkover (but however a relief like 2012)
  • T-Man's influences are AVGN, Nostalgia Critic, and every Mario Kart player from the MB
2012 Ima Mayan (USA, before the spanish came round and shut up the native Americans for good) For predicting the 2012 disaster which, as it turns out, kills off all Native Americans in the world.
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