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로동신문에 오신 것을 환영합네다! the official party-controlled newspaper of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

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Today's Party Column


Today's Featured Article - Ped Xing

Chinese-2007

Dr. Ped Xing is a podiatrist with a practice in suburban Detroit, Michigan and 630 franchise offices. He is an ethnic Chinese and his practice incorporates notorious aspects of Chinese medicine, such as herbal therapy, acupuncture, and feng shui. His notoriety stems from his use of the hallmark road signs that bear his name to advertise his practice throughout the United States.

Dr. Xing began his controversial outdoor advertising in the 1980s, when the state professional organization still prohibited members from public advertising, or from stating the price to the patient until after service was rendered. Dr. Xing's signs do not actually show feet, on which the Doctor works. Rather, they show a person walking briskly, with no indication as to whether the patient is pigeon-toed, splay-legged, or otherwise put together incorrectly. Dr. Xing always claimed that the signs therefore do not refer to a medical procedure but simply to generic wellness, and because of this distinction, do not fall under the professional prohibition.

Cynical members of this professional guild knew that persons rendering service acquire a mechanic's lien over the property serviced, and a podiatrist could in theory repossess both legs if the patient did not pay in full. (more...)

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Our glorious history

Evil villain

October 24: Evil Villian Appreciation Day, National Put The Ramones On at Full Volume And Piss Off The Neighbors Day, World Beauty Festival, Stupid Worthless Useless Day, Hooverville Appreciation Day.

  • 1867 - After mass revolt by the Australian and New Zealand governments, Harry becomes Guardian of UCT
  • 1889 - First recorded use of pure hearted maiden, strapped to railroad tracks, to attract a ransom; the deed, while dasterdly, merely attracts Royal Canadian Mounted Police who save the girl and thwart the plan
  • 1931 - Polish schoolboy Joseph Ratzinger is arrested for arson, rape and general troublemaking. The Pope declares this day an International catholic holiday.
  • 1941 - Hitler writes the lyrics of "Blitzkrieg Bop". Later becomes a hit song by The Ramones.
  • 1943 - Morroco becomes capital of evil villians; they are simply fed up to "here" with Hitler's needy personality
  • 1969 - Your second grade teacher, mean old Miss Masters takes away your favorite doll and holds it ransome; demands that you earn an "A" on your spelling test or "Dolly gets it"
  • 1977 - Habitat for Humanity contemplates rebuilding the Big Bad Wolf's house for charity. Instead decides on Euthanasia as a more cost-sensitive option.
  • 1984 - A science teacher from Great Yarmouth sends his class zipwiring down pylon wires, claiming a man who looked a spitting image of Osama Bin Laden told him to do so. It turned out to be the janitor. Incredibly, no-one was even injured and everyone cleared the zipline.
  • 2005 - Dick Cheney gets a dozen roses.
  • 2006 - George Bush holds Ramone concert; all of Canada kept awake until 3am
  • 2007 - Harry Potter 7 comes out -SPOILER: Voldermort idealised as upstanding being, wins Hermione's heart.In desperation Harry becomes gay.

Complete, fully accessible party archives

Today's hangul word is
procrastination
Use this word to awe your enemies.

Today in the DPRK

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Second Front Pages: BrexitHillary!TrumpUK 2015 electionGreece


Rodong Sinmun, page 2


It is an irreputable fact...

  • ...that the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.

edit You cannot deny...


More wisdom

Party members of the month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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