Nirvana (brand)

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The teeshirt says it all.

“Nirvana is my favorite clothing brand!”
~ Taylor Swift on "Because my opinion REALLY counts in life! Seriously!"
“Why does my wash Smell Like Teen Spirit?”
~ Kurt Cobain's Washing Machine on acid

Nirvana is a popular clothing brand created by the band Nirvana after the hit success of their single Smells Like Teen Spirit. Despite popular opinion, Smells Like Teen Spirit is indeed Nirvana's only song, and their only song. It featured a music video which was filmed when the band recruited a horde of teenagers and let them trip out on various drugs, which Kurt Cobain, the band's frontman, stylist, songwriter, guitarist, singer, and overlord, was addicted to. It was during the filming of said video that Kurt Cobain decided it would be an excellent choice in life to quit making music that would be labeled Grunge, because he realized 'Grunge' was just another word for 'shit.' Upon this realization, he decided to found a clothing company, mostly because he married a girl named Courtney Love, a woman who nobody knew who the fuck she was, or why Kurt even married her in the first place. Remember, all people at this point were just evolved from apes listening to jazz music, and had just learned of real music, or at least, the first 'real' song, and Nirvana's only song, 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'. Because of this, they demanded that Nirvana became more then just a band. So they did. Nirvana became the world's greatest clothing brand.

edit The first line of teen clothing

Nirvana was originally intended to be created as the first line of clothing sold dedicated for teenagers, but as we would soon learn, it eventually became widely loved by not only teenage girls, but crossdressing men, fashion models, grungies, crackheads, and slutty groupies trying to sleep with bands, along with a whole slew of people who considered themselves misfits. It also was worn by fans of the band, but they make made-up and obscure references to fake songs that were never created by Nirvana, because they only wrote Smells Like Teen Spirit, which is the only good song ever, as previously noted. Regardless of these so called, 'fans' whose ultimate goal was ruining the brand for everyone, the brand did well. The clothing brand became excessively popular when it began selling shirts that both attracted and repelled emos, which secretly caused the secret Emo Wars of 2001 which secretly occurred much later... secretly.

edit The death of Kurt Cobain


Celebrate a passing with dignity.

The founder of the company eventually designed a shirt and poured bleach on it, resulting in the band attempting to make an album that would consist of songs other then 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'. He then yelled at the band, and told them to make a shirt out of it. When they came back with the shirt, it made them actually look like a band, and not a brand. Due to this, Kurt called it a subpar thing and said it would die, 'In Utero'. The band then came back with an album named 'In Utero' to replace it, which also angered Kurt. But, in good news, Kurt was able to make a shirt out of it picturing a creepy naked angel/deamon hybrid... Thing... On it in which nobody can actually figure out what it is supposed to be. Soon, Kurt told his company to make a shirt picturing 'Incesticide'. When asked when that did, he just replied 'Nevermind.' The band then returned with two artworks for a shirt labeled insecticide and a shirt labeled Nevermind. When realizing that these would not sell due to one depicting a naked baby, and the other depicting a creepy inverted alien thing... And some nice flowers. Kurt, upon seeing these things, saw the stupidity of his coworkers, and therefor decided to commit suicide. However, he was also shot by his wife at the same time, because she was a weirdo, and he was also shot by Elvis, because... He is elvis. Then Dave Grohl healed two of Kurt's bullet wounds, and positioned the shotgun wierdly to make it seem like Kurt shot himself with his toe.

edit Aftermath

After the death of Kurt Cobain, Dave Growl, the medic from earlier, decided to found another band- er... Another brand called the Foo Fighters. It was intended as a companion line to Nirvana, but everyone revolted and told Grohl that it won't work and that he needs to 'learn to fly' because his brand won't last 'everlong.' So Dave went and decided to take these two titles and make an actual band out of them. This band was the direct opposite of Nirvana, as it had intelligible lyrics, less screaming. It also had many songs, unlike Nirvana. Like Nirvana, however, every song released was a hit, but again, Nirvana only had one song, 'Smells Like Teen Spirit', so that can't be too hard. Nowadays, the brand is everywhere, and about to buy all Nike products and sell them as special 'Kurt Cobain' editions of Nirvana clothing.

edit See also

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