Nintenowls

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Nintenowls is a massively unsuccessful videogame developed by Nintendo for the Nintendo DS. Its creation and release was plagued with constant problems, most dramatic of which was the initial production run of the game cartridges that were found to contain angry bees and rusty hypodermic needles. Nintendo refused to replace these cartridges, instead insisting that the bees and needles were part of a scam.

Nintenowls boxart
Original Nintenowls Box Art

A later run of the product was contracted to the wrong manufacturing company, resulting in the raw binary code of the game being engraved onto hundreds of thousands of memorial brass statues of Princess Diana.

edit Reception

The initial launch of the game was met with praise and skepticism.

"High Praise" was the reception towards NintenOwls in and around Düsseldorf. The game was in such high demand, that Nintendo had difficulty fulfilling orders. They expect a larger shipment after the upcoming holidays.

Public officials however were less than pleased stating:

"It has been made evident to me and my staff, that such blatant disregard for the law will not go unpunished"

When questioned what was illegal about depicting an owl, the official quoted §502.31c which asserts that "No person shall photograph an owl for the purpose of monetary gain. This offense punishable by a €10000 fine and/or 10 years imprisonment." This law was ratified and put into effect on April 23, 1842 (Adjusted for inflation and currency conversion)

The town of Düsseldorf has requested an injunction stating that the depiction of the owl was a clear violation of trademark infringement (town seal), is ultimately criminal and demands the game be withdrawn.

Some locals have blasted the game, stating that by people owning this game, tourism around the black forest will diminish and that the economy would not recover.

Nintendo currently does not have any intentions of extending the market for Nintenowls.

edit Gameplay

Nintenowls offers the popular breeds of owls, including The Ones That Live In Holes In The Ground And Look Funny, and The Massive White Ones That Can Eviscerate Wild Boar. The player can customize the look of his or her owl using pirate hats and monocles.

Players buy their Nintenowl at the beginning of the game, choosing from a variety of available breeds, then spend time with their new pet. The owl sits in a tree (also of the players choice) staring, unblinking, at the screen. The player can poke the owl with the DS' stylus, at which point the owl dies and falls out of the tree and the game restarts without saving.

Players can buy accessories and upgrades for their owls, ranging from a Jaguar X-Type Convertable to solid gold night-vision goggles and an ArmaLite M16 assault rifle, or even a GA-U8 Gatling Gun.

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Ya rly!

Rumours abound that there are cheat codes that can be used to :

  • Cause the owls to be rendered inside-out.
  • Unlock a playable, mechanical mecha-owl with chainsaws for teeth.
  • Make your owl constantly emit a high-pitched screeching noise, even when the DS is turned off.
  • Infinite ammo for the ArmaLite M16 assault rifle.
  • Unlock the background music "Hooked on a feeling" by David Hasselhoff.

edit Development

No-one at Nintendo is willing to take responsibility for the development of Nintenowls, presumably because of the near-fatal loss of honor that this would involve. All source code and artwork for the game has ritualistically been burnt onto DVD and hurled down a well to save face.


edit Trivia

  • Despite its name, there are in fact only 4 types of owl playable in-game, not ten.
  • The internal development code-name for the game was "PokéOwls"

edit See also

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