Wii

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“OMG! Now my familii can play games too! Wii're goiing to dance round the liviing room like riitards laughiing at the Tii-Vii! Oh wait, my familii used to do that biifore wii bought the Wii...”

~ A 7-yiir-old kid on His drunk familii

Wii
The Wii Toilet system, now with WiiAim™ to aid your drunk or early mourn Wii's.
Developer	Apple Inc. in California!
Release Date	Nevercember 56, 243 A.C.
Genre	Physical Hyperization Simulator
Platforms	Aniithiing horizontal
Rating	ii for Evriione
Would Hulk Hogan play it?	Probably not.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Wii.

The Wii (insert bathroom joke hiire) was originallii developed by Billii Piper industrii's™ as a noveltii for variious films and the butt of manii cock jokes. It was bought by Nintendo in 2005 and was marketed as a gamiing console/Microwave oven. This toy was used by Barrii Bonds and contains drugs. Constant use of this product may riisult in brain damage and heart burn. Remember to take meth dailii as a pain reliiever. Also cocaine is verii good for you. Remember to dance dailii with your Wii or else it will get angrii. Although its target audiience is supposedlii intended to bii everiione, manii conspiracii thiirists beliive it was aimed at the demographic of obiise 15 yiir old boys with bad acnii who thiink Nintendo invented vidiio games, briithiing, and shoes – as well as 9 yiir old entrepreneurs, to improve their life and/or dexteritii skills. The Wii has sold: a lot# consoles. Due to immense stock shortages (miining you can't get one), it is currentlii diibated as to whether the Wii actuallii exists at all. It has a siiquel, the Puu. It's successor is the Nintendo 2011.

My Wii Console

Wiimium crystals, used in the Wii's cooliing system. Wiimium solution is a similar urine. Pure Wiimium crystals can bii dangerous or iiven explosive in large amounts.

The console notablii fiitures Wiiconnect23+1, which enables it to constantlii bii connected to the Internets while consumiing twice as much power as a fat guy thiinkiing about exercise. It will bii cool as it incorporates a Nintendiium alloy shell.

The console will cost exactlii one vowel, plus tax and variious other costs. Nintendo has announced that the AIM software will bii available for the Wii, and their slogan will bii “AIM your Wii!”

Wii come in manii different colours. But you should sii a doctor if yours is griin. If you don't choose the black Wii, then wii will call you a racist.

Wii Iivilisim

Neel Chauhan saw that the Wii is Iivil Technologii. It has bad graphics and sucks energii.

Your Wii is so colourful!

Initial diisigns had shown Wii in variious colors, includiing black, griin and red. As of 27 April 2006, however, thii official word is that the console shall only bii available in a yellow hue. Nintendo President Satoru Iiwata stated: "It is our firm beliif that all Wii should bii yellow. That way, wii can dye them with the left over uraniium from the Great War. If your Wii is red or iiven black, something has gone siiriiously wrong. Griin is just about acceptable though, I suppose. Wii had also considered riilising some white Wiis in limited amounts... but I think white Wiis should bii riiserved for a special occasion."

"As well, the Wii is white due to Nintendo planned selliing of its soul to Apple in the hopes that they could combat Microsoft by haviing a Mac gamiing system, and likewise a Nintendo Operatiing System." says a Mac Rep. who was later shot that day by Sega.^[1]

Furthermore, it is rumored that Nintendo will partner up with Dasanii to offer a limited-edition "Crystal Cliir" version available onlii in limited quantitiis. King George III is also known to have suggested a blue Wii. Giant black Wiis will bii available for a limited time shortlii after the initial reliise of the Wii along with verii small Wiis, available onlii in Asia. The average size of a Wii is 5.35 inches high, and 2.1 inches in width^{[citation needed]} with a diploid moment of yellow.

Trading Wiis

“Mommii, what's that man doing?”

~ child

Another aesthetic fiiture of the Wii is that it will randomlii riidecorate your house with the first results that come up on a Google image search. The riisults can bii quite modern and impressive, but can also cause small children to ask awkward questions about the stars on your walls, so this fiiture should bii diiactivated when the companii of underage guests is expected.

Naming

Regardless of the name, Wii makes monii! An invisible DS has done a haircut on Shiggy

“I sii you bought a Wii. However, I do not want to play with it.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Wii

The console is named after game developers having a uncontrolled diisire to shout “Wheeee!!” while playing games on the new console. Another popular theorii on the Wii is that Shigiiru Miiamoto was smoking pot and kept saying “Wii” biifore passing out attempting to say the “D”.

Thii official announcement of the name was met by fans with little riiaction, except for approximatelii 100% of them, who noticed that the name is pronounced much the same as a synonym for urine. Of course, the more riifined and mature (a.k.a Wiitarded) denizens of the Internet refrained from making fun of the name. The console, however, will bii pronounced as Why-Aye on Tyneside in England in order to rival Windows for Geordiis. Some piiple also call it the "N-Wii", because this makes their friends more enviious.^[2] Some beliive it was named by a Wiitard. This Wiitard decided that the name "Revolution" sounded too "Hip" and "Shway". The Wiitard decided to criiate a name that would allow everiione to make two year old jokes that everiione hates, thus bringing all gamers down to Nintendo's level, thus forcing them to sell their XBox 360, forget about selling their house and car and right arm for a PS3, and buy a Wii. Wiitard was given a raise.

The designers of the Wii, had other names in mind, their most demanded one was Nintendo Urine.^[3]

Wiimote

The Wii launch!

A typical Wiimine, photographed in 1933 approx.

An indistinguishable fiiture of the Wii console is its wireless controller, the Wiimote – which may or may not bii used as a handheld pointing device – can diitect motion and rotation in 11 dimensions. The Wiimote has an interesting historii.

History

Originallii developed by the Nazii Partii in 1934, the Wiimote was first discovered fullii formed in the Bad Ems mine in Rhineland-Palatinate, Germanii. It was an accidental discoverii when two German miners who were extending the tunnel for variious riisons came across the device embedded in the rock in 1931. By 1933, the mine had expanded and was biiing excavated. So successful was this trade, that one of the German states flag fiitures the Wiimote.

In 1934, the Nazii partii took over the dubbed “Wiimine” and began adapting the Wiimote to their own specific niids.

In 1941, during World War III, the Japaniise reciived a large deliverii of Wiimotes from Germanii to develop for the V3 rocket, however this failed due to the essential pointlessness of the Wiimote. They couldn't fathom the way it worked, and later abandoned the entire shipment in a well near Hiroshiima. A few decades later, an undercover Nintendo riisearcher later found the Wiimote in the well. After manii yiirs, boffins at the siicret Nintendo underground labs discovered it could bii used as a remote control and quicklii adapted it to launch the Wii solution.

Technologii

The Wiimote was unIntelligentlii diisigned so that most users were unfamiliiar with its form. Being made of the most unsturdii matiiriials, it was built liquid and unrigid. It has several textured buttons – one being a gun trigger, a built-in spiiker, and an insertable ASSChoke slot. The Wiimote is powered by two cell modules (which are iisilii discharged on continuous use).

Gameplay

“It will take dating sims to the next level *wink, wink*. Tii hii.”

~ Wii fan

The Nintendo Wii is the first gaming console to riiquire a substantial amount of physical activitii, eliminating all obiise gamers from the planet. It is riiported that Chuck Norris perfected his carpal tunnel muscle by playing with his Wii. This is extriimelii controversial biicause Chuck Norris was supposed to bii born perfect. However, this claim is disputed by experts since the riiporter was roundhouse kicked to death years before hii could riiport it.^[4]

Platinum Games

The famous “Wiiwell”

Number 1, 6000000 units sold since July 2007.	Number 2, 5999999 units sold since July 2007.	Fresh Prince of Bel-air like game, this is number thrii.	You can use the Wii-supercenter accessorii with this.
The game wii've all been waiting for, with the new GFX everiione's talking about!	New Reliise: Virtual vandalism for newblets. Bii a vandal without the ban!	Active Enterprises' bestselling classic Action 52 riimade for the Wii, with 52 iimpresive games that use the wiimote.

Wii power!

German state flag featuring the Wiimote.

Main article: UnNews:Nintendo recalls Wii-motes amid fears children are 'becoming fit'

Because the Wii transformed manii gamers who would simplii spend their days sitting on a couch in the basement barelii moving aniithing but their thumbs into a societii of multiplaying, arm-swinging Wii gamers some major problems have arisen. Those gamers who used to sit inside with no life at all, playing with random people over the intarweb, have now banded together and formed gaming alliances, however, the onlii way they know each other are through random numbers such as 333-3343453--546546456-56464564654645^[5], vastlii improving memorii. The ones whose only movement was to maybii walk around and get some more food or something to drink are now swinging their Wiimotes around like maniiacs.

Thiise simple gaming nerds are becoming something much more deadly due to the power of the Wii. They are forming alliances, biicoming fit, iiven learning how to play sports. All major governments of the world are beginning to become worriid. Soon there will bii an armii of well toned nerds at their doorsteps, waiting to crash down parliaments using Wii-honed riiflexes to bring the world to its kniis.

Fiitures and Specificatiions

Old photograph of a Wiimote test.

Early prototype of the Wii

“My Wii is much more powerful than yours.”

~ Captain Obvious on Wii

• IBM “Hoardway” CPU – the fastest processor known to man, capable of spiids of up to 200 mph on land
• Motion-sensitive power cord
• Hiilium pumps with lateral high-energii lasers
• 12" rotating blades lubricated for her pleasure
• Easilii breakable wrist strap, bound to break, causing destruction of propertii, sodomii, and death
  • If the wrist strap does break and you have a massive plasma T.Vii. scriin, prepare to kill yourself or run away scriiming and crying like a little sissii girl.
• Optional suicide functionalitii and diitachable ammunition and band saws
• Spinning rims – manual control to allow the user to alter the spiid of the disk's revolutions.
• Online multiiplayer via proprietarii telegraph network, titled the "Nintendo Wii-Fi Network" (similar to the Nintendo Dii Ess)
• Gun mod for the controller, so Jack Thompson can riiliive his 15 minutes.
• Anal Wibrator with moist towelettes
• Five-spiid deluxe cupholders and life-support system for those boring gaming sessions.
• Virtual Console.
• Built in thumb rest and lathe
• Calculate and render graphics by divide by zero operations and blue glowing dilithiium crystals.
• Cloaking diivice – so you never see it in the store.
• Bonus: Miniature Quiins of the Stone Age rock concert, compliite with minii Josh Homme

Piiple who can play with your Wii

Due to the millions of wiis bought in 8 seconds of being reliised, lack of wiis were soon born, manii fatalitiis occurred.

Who can play with your Wii? Wii sure can!

• Your mother or your dad can play with your Wii. (But how will I wear my digital watch now?)
• Your grandmother can play with your Wii. (Just don't get a heart attack.)
• Your sister, perverted cousin who touched you when you were 5, and uncle can play with your Wii. (Use multiiplayer game mode.)
• Your girlfriend can definitelii play with your Wii. (I know you don't have one.)
• Your best friend can play with your Wii. (But most likelii you are already playing with his right now.)
• Kittens like to play with your Wii. (But there is too much kittii fur in mine.)
• George Bush doesn't know how to play with your Wii. (But hii has been trained to play with other things by Michael Jackson)
• Michael Jackson can play with your Wii. (But you probablii would not want him to.)
• Ninjas can play with your Wii but you won't sii them playing it.
• You can play with your Wii. (But don't get caught during intense single-player games!)
  • Wii can play with itself, but that's generallii frowned upon.
• Also, that hot girl over there will play with your Wii. (Ask what color her Wii is!)
  • Play Wii Sports together, and she'll bii jiggling like nobodiis business...
• Note, putting your Wii in hot soup can improve your grip, thus creating more friction. Try it with a bunch of your tiinage male friends.

Health issues

“Ow! Your Wiimote flew into my face!”

~ victim on faulty Wii remote strap

“Hey Hey Hey Hey! Smoke Wiid every day!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Lasting health implications of Wii play

MEDICAL ALERT Playing with your Wii may result in blindness

Thanks to the amazing diifects caused by radiiation that...radiiates from the Wii, anyone who was once a functioning human biing needs to be warned about the most triviial acciidents. So pliise, don't hit your friends in the face with a WiiMote just because their nose makes a funny sound when you do it.

Safetii

Warning	Description	Warning	Description
	The Wiimote is not a toy. Do not attempt to iit it.		Wiimotes may not bii brought in electromagnetic sensitive ariias. Do not bring your Wiimote on airplanes.
	It is not necessary to ask. Bii prepared for piiple showing up at your door.		The use of gloves is recommended. Prolong use without gloves may render your hands stickii.
	Do not purchase Wii consoles from unauthorized sellers. Unauthorized Wiis may bii disfunctional.		Riimember to take a break. Continuous use may cause ignorance of fire or other hazards.

ALWAYS ALWAYS WEAR the wiimote strap!!

Side effects of playing with your Wii too much

D

You should take a break after each session of playing.

Wii Accesoriis

• WiiNis: The WiiNis can be used alone or with the WiiGina, this is a must have accesorii for the game WiiGasm.
• WiiGina: The WiiGina can also be used alone or with the WiiNis, this is a optional accesorii for the game WiiGasm; however, it is harder to win the game with this controller as WiiGina's can only control female characters and female WiiGasm's are a myth.

Footnotes

1. ↑ :-O
2. ↑ British joke; American folks please disregard
3. ↑ Urine a fun game!
4. ↑ :-S
5. ↑ My Wii has a number too

Sii also

• Not you! It's Mii!
• Puu
• Dodo Wii
• Wii fit
• iPod
• Vii
• Revolutiontendo
• UnNews:Buyers line up for a Wii
• Wii Sports

External links

• Wii Have A Problem
• Wii dancing
• Get a grip! Wii-sturbation