Nintendo 64

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Nintendo 64

Concentrated communism

“It is our last....best chance for Victory.”
~ Joseph Stalin on Nintendo 64
“Get N or Get out...... out....... OOOOOOUUUUUUTTTTT!!!”
~ Fred Flintstone on original quote of Nintendo 64 till it was changed just to out
“OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST EVER!!!!”
“я не знаю, как говорить”
~ Yoshi on Будьте Коммунистом.
“After the release of the Sega Saturn we didn't even have to try anymore”
~ Nintendo on Nintendo 64
“I laughed, I cried, I got an awkward boner when sitting next to a female friend”
~ Roger Ebert on Nintendo 64

The Nintendo 64 (not to be confused with the Nintendo 65 or Nintendo 66) was a mass brainwashing device invented by the failing Soviet Union sometime before the end of the Cold War as a means to brainwash the young American populace into a new communist generation to replace the Soviet Union; so far it seems to have worked after the 1996 release. It was loosely based on the Commodore 64 using Amiga graphics and sounds but instead used the Communist operating system Linux instead of the Japanese operating system Rinux that most modern game consoles use.

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Nintendo 64.
N64kid

Nintendo 64, Comrade, OH MY GOD!!!

The 64 was initially designed as a torture device to keep Hitler company as he lay far below the earth in some dungeon in Soviet Russia, Hitler eventually went mad from the machine and the emo bastard finally killed himself. Stalin saw the potential of the machine and set his comrades to work altering the machine to disguise it as an entertainment machine that could brainwash mass populations under communist propaganda. The device was completed just before Stalin's death. Stalin loaded somewhere around six million of the devices onto a Soviet missile and launched them towards Japan where they intended the crazy Japanese would sell the machines to their American overlords.....err...I mean new friends.

COMMMARIO

If you played any game involving this character for more than five minutes then you are a Communist, congratz!

The Japanese initially used the devices in their game shows (don't ask me how) but eventually a young businessman named Shigeru Miyamoto, who had a strange habit for collecting useless things, gathered up every single N64 and sold them to the foolish Americans, who would buy anything. Shigeru made a fortune knowing nothing of the communist brainwashing within the devices. They instantly sold out in America and brainwashed nearly all of the American youth.

The machine was quite popular for a time and its brainwashing eventually created today's American liberals who are communistic bastards on the inside and fellow comrades....err...friends have estimated that by next year the United States will officially become the Union of America Socialist Republics, USAR.

In the 3rd grade, Pope Benedict XVI would often claim he had a Nintendo 65 to his classmates. After a vast and wide overview by Nintendo Europe that lasted 40 years, it was found, he didn't

Games

There were a total of 6,464 games released for the Nintendo 64, 64% of which were ports of existing games. Only 64 of these games did not have a name ending in "64".

Some of the more well-known games on the Nintendo 64 include:

  • Super Mario 64, which was a port to Super Mario Bros. except that the camera could be rotated 180 degrees at will and Mario was now a freedom fighter for the working class. Children were brainwashed into thinking it is good because it is in 3D!
  • Pong 64, which was a reenactment of the Cold War.
  • Superman 64, the original torture device that drove Hitler insane and forced him to kill himself, the Americans managed to survive its painful effects.
  • Goldeneye 007, a training aid to train children for the upcoming war against the capitalist pigs.
  • The Legend Of Zelda: The Cell Phone of Nauseous Gas 64, tells the history of Russia disguised as a fantasy story. Ganon is an Ottoman dammit!
  • RobotnikLand, Where Dr Ivan Robotnik runs away from Sonic the Hedgehog and The King
  • Mario Farty 764 Mario and his friends have a SWEET RAVE PARTY!
  • Fuck Team 64 From the makers of ASSPARADE, made my tv sticky all day long
  • Banjo-Kazooie
  • Bomberman 64 This game further bolds communism with cheap story mode and gayish multiplayer. This game was reported racial to Japanese communism, and America prevented children with further corruption.

There are thousands more but nobody cares.

Despite its wide selection of shoddy ports it became unpopular among fans compared to the PSX which offered uglier graphics and an even worse frame-rate. They also complained about its frequent tendency to get up and run around the room, which generally resulted in its power cord being pulled out in the middle of a game.

The Nintendo 64 initially launched in two styles: black and gray. Later, Nintendo added an invisible model. This was the best-selling model, probably because people bought it thinking it'd be cool and then lost it on the way home. At first Stalin wanted it to be red and have a yellow star in the center but his comrades felt that would give it away, so they chose two colors that the capitalist and the neutral world was used to.

Notable Games

  • Linux 64 (A REAL OS for the 64)
  • Windows 98 (A FAKE OS for the 64)
  • Halo 64
  • 64 64
  • Hate Crime 64
  • Super Mario 64
  • Super Mario 63 (included in a collection of NES games made to look like Nintendo 64 games)
  • Shitzu 64
  • Superman 64-Also known as death
  • Superman 64 2:The Rings strikes back
  • Grue Attack 64
  • Grand Theft Auto: Vice City: 64
  • Super Smash Bros 64
  • SimShitty 64
  • Square Root of 64
  • Animal Crossing
  • Big Rigs 64: No Road Racing(also known as Big Rigs 2: Off the road racing)
  • BIG WHEEL racing 7 sill rolling around with the chubby chasers 64
  • AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 64
  • Now we can get games from blockbuster 64
  • The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Sweaty Ball Sack
  • Super Monkey Bollocks 64
  • Conker's Pocket Tales
  • Conker 64
  • Conker and the 12 cute worlds of magical tales
  • Conker's Bad Fur Day
  • Conker Live and Reloaded
  • Conker gets a hangover! (No fucking surprise!)
  • Conker go'es "bbbllllaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrhhkkkkkkk" and vomits
  • Conker Who gives a shit?
  • Conker and the drunk singing poo.
  • Conker WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
  • Final Fantasy LXIV
  • Final Fantasy LX13
  • Goldeneggs 007
  • WWF Slapdown 64
  • “RRRIIIIIIIIIIDDDGGGEEE RRRAAACCCEEEEEEEEEEEEERRR!!!”
  • Super Mario Bros Galaxy 64 Deluxe (A.K.A U R MR GAY 64)
  • Who gives a shit about the N64? 64
  • Super Fart Bros. 64
  • Super Fart Bros. 64 !Drunk Edition!
  • 69ing 64
  • Guitar Hero 64
  • Madden '64
  • Shenmue 64 (canceled)
  • Santa Claus Sim-Cold War Edition 64
  • Elmo's Got A Gun
  • Elmo's Got A Gun 64th Edition
  • Micheal Jackson: Touch It 64
  • Goldennigger 64
  • 64 64
  • Internet 64 (supports html-0 and nintend-sites ONLY!)
  • Toilet paper 64
  • All star pirates 64 (all pirate games ever made, SUPPORTS internet 64 for updates!!!)
  • Super Luigi 1 (Poor, poor Luigi)
  • Super Luigi 2 (Gets better,but still "POOR")
  • Super Luigi 3 (Ok?)
  • Super Luigi 4 (I wish i NEVER said "poor")
  • Super Luigi 5 (This is annoying)
  • Super Luigi all stars (Stop making!)
  • Super Luigi 6 (64?)

And Many, Many more... But most suck so STFU.

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