Nintendo 64

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Nintendo 64

Concentrated communism

“It is our chance for Victory.”
~ Joseph Stalin on Nintendo 64
“After the release of the Sega Saturn we didn't even have to try anymore”
~ Nintendo on Nintendo 64

The Nintendo 64 was a mass brainwashing device invented by the failing Soviet Union sometime before the end of the Cold War to brainwash the young American populace into a new communist generation to replace the Soviet Union; so far it seems to have worked after the 1996 release. It was loosely based on the Commodore 64 using Amiga graphics and sounds but instead used the Communist operating system Linux instead of the Japanese operating system Rinux that most modern game consoles use.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Nintendo 64.

Nintendo 64, Comrade, OH MY GOD!!!

The 64 was initially designed as a torture device to keep Hitler company as he lay far below the earth in some dungeon in Soviet Russia, Hitler eventually went mad from the machine and the emo bastard finally killed himself. Stalin saw the potential of the machine and set his comrades to work altering the machine to disguise it as an entertainment machine that could brainwash mass populations under communist propaganda. The device was completed just before Stalin's death. Stalin loaded somewhere around six million of the devices onto a Soviet missile and launched them towards Japan where they intended the crazy Japanese would sell the machines to their American overlords.....err...I mean new friends.


If you played any game involving this character for more than five minutes then you are a Communist, congratz!

The Japanese initially used the devices in their game shows (don't ask me how) but eventually a young businessman named Shigeru Miyamoto, who had a strange habit for collecting useless things, gathered up every single N64 and sold them to the foolish Americans, who would buy anything. Shigeru made a fortune knowing nothing of the communist brainwashing within the devices. They instantly sold out in America and brainwashed nearly all of the American youth.

The machine was quite popular for a time and its brainwashing eventually created today's American liberals who are communistic bastards on the inside and fellow comrades....err...friends have estimated that by next year the United States will officially become the Union of America Socialist Republics, USAR.

In the 3rd grade, Pope Benedict XVI would often claim he had a Nintendo 65 to his classmates. After a vast and wide overview by Nintendo Europe that lasted 40 years, it was found, he didn't

edit Games

There were a total of 6,464 games released for the Nintendo 64, 64% of which were ports of existing games. Only 64 of these games did not have a name ending in "64".

Some of the more well-known games on the Nintendo 64 include:

  • Super Mario 64, which was a port to Super Mario Bros. except that the camera could be rotated 180 degrees at will and Mario was now a freedom fighter for the working class. Children were brainwashed into thinking it is good because it is in 3D!
  • Pong 64, which was a reenactment of the Cold War.
  • Superman 64, the original torture device that drove Hitler insane and forced him to kill himself, the Americans managed to survive its painful effects.
  • Goldeneye 007, a training aid to train children for the upcoming war against the capitalist pigs.
  • The Legend Of Zelda: The Cell Phone of Nauseous Gas 64, tells the history of Russia disguised as a fantasy story. Ganon is an Ottoman dammit!
  • RobotnikLand, Where Dr Ivan Robotnik runs away from Sonic the Hedgehog and The King
  • Mario Farty 764 Mario and his friends have a SWEET RAVE PARTY!
  • Fuck Team 64 From the makers of ASSPARADE, made my tv sticky all day long
  • Banjo-Kazooie
  • Bomberman 64 This game further bolds communism with cheap story mode and gayish multiplayer. This game was reported racial to Japanese communism, and America prevented children with further corruption.

Despite its wide selection of shoddy ports it became unpopular among fans compared to the PSX which offered uglier graphics and an even worse frame-rate. They also complained about its frequent tendency to get up and run around the room, which generally resulted in its power cord being pulled out in the middle of a game.

The Nintendo 64 initially launched in two styles: black and gray. Later, Nintendo added an invisible model. This was the best-selling model, probably because people bought it thinking it'd be cool and then lost it on the way home. At first Stalin wanted it to be red and have a yellow star in the center but his comrades felt that would give it away, so they chose two colors that the capitalist and the neutral world was used to.

edit Gallery

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