From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“Man, that was loud as F@!k!”
“Well, SOMEONE'S gonna do all this smack, might as well be me!”
“I skin fucked him until the day he died, then fucked him some more after he was resurrected. ”
“I'm pretty important. I'm the bassist. I also write the lyrics of the songs. Yup, you could say I'm the true backbone of the band. I think I'll go ahead and take waaaayyy too much credit for it. ”
Nikki Sixx (born Franklin Carlton Satanico Ferrari on Friday the 13th, 195666 in Modena, Italy), is an American bassgod and the only one in heavy metal band Mötley Crüe who can write cool songs (which may be attributed to the fact that he is the only one in heavy metal band Mötley Crüe who can actually read and write).
Nikki was born as Frank Carlton Serafino Feranna, Jr., December 11, 1958) , Italy. In order to escape a life full of luxuries and bloody fast red sports cars, he, at the tender age of "sixx", escaped from home and went to live with his American Uncle in Idaho. (For those of you who don't live in Europe, every european person has a rich American Uncle. Though Nikki's wasn't particularly rich. In fact, he was dirt poor.) While living in Idaho, Nikki (who, at this time, wasn't called Nikki yet) became a teenage vandal, breaking into neighbors' homes, shoplifting and being expelled from school for selling candy. It was also around this period that he officially changed his name to Nikki Sixx. He also joined a band called Paris, as bassist. (He originally auditioned for the role of guitarist, as he was too high to count the strings on the instrument, and didn't play either anyways. However, when he walked into the shop from which he wanted to steal his guitar, he was inexcapably drawn towards the reeking coolness of the bass. He, with the help of an axe and a shovel, swiftly took care of the tiny problem posed by the fact that the band already had a bassist, and started laying down the groove.) Hovever, this band didn't last long. Soon after Paris split up, he later founded the "meanest" band, Mötley Crüe.
So, there were these four guys: Nikki, Mick (who was a teenage zombie), Vince Neil (whom they pulled from an other dimension through the magic mirror in the boysroom), and Tommy Lee, who loved to watch Baywatch. Nikki wrote killer songs, whose lyrics were more often than not borrowed from such books as the fabled Necronomicon, the Book of Nod, and the Wyrmiis Mysteriis. He also had numerous tattoos made, based on pictures from these books (and, sometimes, Playboy), because he thought they looked "fuckin' cool, man". Like his bandmates, Nikki took advantage of the excess that metal allowed, surpassing the level of abuse of his bandmates by binging on mineral water, Coca-Cola, and most notably french fries. Sixx has often stated that he would use his body as a human chemistry set, mixing excessive amounts of candy on a regular basis to search for a new "high". On one fateful night in 1987, he was declared dead after drinking 666 bottles of Coca-Cola...and eating the toenail of a fat guy!!!!!
Shouting at the red guy with hornsWhile the doctors struggled for his life, his soul (though he has, in numerous interwiews, denied having or ever having had one) travelled to the underworld. He did a short tour there, with Bela Lugosi on guitar, Sid Vicious singing, and some session demon on drums. They called themselves the Brides of Dracula. Satan was so impressed that he granted Nikki a place in the pantheon of Bass Gods. However, his time in hell was cut short, as the doctors revived him, installing an internal combustion engine in his chest. This provided the inspiration for the coolest song ever, Kickstart My Heart or as some emo bands call it these days "Kickstart my Heartahce" (though, as historians have recently discovered, his mechanical replacement heart didn't work that way; instead, it was activated by someone repeatedly pulling a string very quickly - you know, the good old lawnmower method).
Don't Go Away Mad, but...please...Piss The Fuck Off
After this, Nikki wrote Dr. Feelgood, which is one hell of a good album, but, amidst the constant touring, tensions increased. Fast forward ten years, and they're ten years older, Vince is a lot less thin and less cool, Tommy is still a sick little fuck, and Mick has retreated to his personal crypt (or, as some say, to his home planet). To cut a looong stooory shrt, they split up.
Then enter VH1, and as some kind of sick celebrity reality show, they made them reunite. They sucked off Vince's fat, paid Tommy enough money to buy a loveslave, and summoned Mick using some unspeakable ritual Nikki learned from the Necronomicon all those years ago. Fans cheer all around the world. Unfortunatley, mick was unable to be controled, and ate all the cameras, the people and vince's dick. Vince swore, struck a pose and then went to find izzy stradlin of guns n roses to punch. Tommy disregarded all of this before going ' a little bit to the side'. He soon got bored of playing drums upside down, and followed vince to find some other white trash musician. He found kid rock. Nikki didn't react to anything, but was immedietly killed by a heoin syringe he stepped on and O'Ded on. But he woke up 2 minutes and wrote a book. Again.
Yeah, he has some of that stuff, too. He was the worlds most straight edge person...ever. Period.
- His Herion has been known to have traces of blood in it
- His alchohal has been know to have trace amounts of blood in it
- It's true that Nikki has so much sex appeal that no woman can ever resist him.
- In fact, he has so much sex appeal Nikki could merely stand still for one second and women everywhere would instantly orgasm themselves to death.
- He has been spoted w/a woman, who has yet to be identified, we believe her name may be Jessica, an 80's sleaze bag, but really awesome and hot.
shes a drummer and graphic designer. we believe she was supposed to be the nanny for the kids but ended up taking care of someone besides the children.
- In The Dirt, Crotley Müe manager Tom Zutaut remembers freak occurrences at Sixx's apartment during the writing of Shout at the Devil. Sixx, searching for inspiration, came across Satanic literature. His defacto of the time Lita Ford said to Zutaut "Cabinet doors kept opening and shutting, there are weird noises, and things keep flying around the apartment for no reason". Zutaut later continues "When I returned two nights later, there were forks and knives sticking out of the walls and ceiling, and Nikki and Lita looked much paler and sicker than usual. Zutaut Later confesses that during his disturbing visit, a fork flew straight into the ceiling. (This is from the real wikipedia - see it for yourself!)
- Sometimes has the words "Peace" and "Love for all creatures" on his onstage clothing. In pink.
- Nikki is the reason that Brides of Dracula, the band he formed in Hell, turned down a tour to open for KISS and Poison. His reasoning was that they were sold-out pussies, which, they are.
- Before changing his name to Nikki Sixx, he was actually going to be called Nikki Ninne but realized that the number of the beast was, in fact, 666, and he was the only one other then nine inch nails who had read it the wrong way all the time.
- His status as an Intermediate Deity of Bassism keeps him eternally youthful, at least as long as he has worshipers, therefore he uses his evil powers to turn unsuspecting young girls into groupies and young men into followers of his cult of Bassism, which is known as Thunderbirdism.
- KITT's archenemy KARR was inspired by Nikki. KARR is reported to have occasionally been caught in a dark garage, hiding from your mom, listening to Crötley Müe songs (yeah, you can guess which one was his favourite).
- Nikki recently got together with Kelly Gray and formed Royal Underground Clothing ; its men's line was debuted this fall and can be found at Neiman Marcus, Bloomingdale's & Nordstorms department stores - the upcoming women's line is scheduled for debut in Spring 2007 (sad but true).
- Some conspiracy theorists say that a number of Crötley Müe's songs send messages of pure evil into the subconscious of anyone who listens to them, turning listeners into the tools of evil. However, any good Crötley fan can tell you that this is not the truth. The truth is that every single one of them does.
- The German Cross was named after Nikki Sixx.
- He may appear to have hair and fingernails dyed black. However, he doesn't need any of that stuff - the pure evil radiating from his body turns them black. Also, those things that look like black leather Converse shoes on his feet actually are his feet, charred from his time in hell.
- Has shit on My Chemical Romance. He had no reason to, and they didn't do anything
- Married to Joanna Dark
- Nobody knows how many times he overdosed... he may be dead right now!
- He has pooped a live goat
- You get more high by injecting his blood then injecting heroin into your eyeballs
- It is said that if you go in the bathroom and say his name 3 times in the mirror, he appears and beats the shit out of you.
| Kilroy Was Here|
This page has been visited by the infamous Kilroy.