Nigeria
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
its made of shit and has little goffers running around it with hairy arm pits and saggy pussys.
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| Motto: 100% LEGAL AND SAFE! | |||||
| Anthem: Circle of Life (The Lion King OP) | |||||
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| Capital | Abu Jhabi | ||||
| Largest city | Lagos | ||||
| Official languages | English | ||||
| Gross Domestic Product | $419 | ||||
| Government | Communist garden-party state | ||||
| Emperor | SANI ABACHA | ||||
| National Heroes | MRS HAJIA MARIAM ABACHA HRS Prince MR. OKAMBO MBOYO MASAKEKE MAGOMA (The guy who keeps emailing you) Dr Dolubasao Jabangway (countrys only doctor) | ||||
| Independence | 1960 | ||||
| Currency | US$ from 419 | ||||
| 'big penis
| E-mail scams|Chestfuls of Unclaimed Cash awaiting transfer to your bank account | ||||
| Religion | Soccer | ||||
| Population | China's population divided by 10 | ||||
| Major Exports | Scam Emails, AIDS | ||||
“May I borrow your card number? I'll give it back, I promise”
~ Dr Dolubasao Jabangway
“Oh look, it says here this guy from Nigeria will give me $5,000,000 if I give him $5,000”
“Why won't anyone help me transfer my money to their bank account? I got the 5,000,000 right here, and you can keep 20%, just please, help me transfer it...no really, I'm serious...”
~ Prince Olajuwon II on Email offers
Greeting, and how are you doing, Okwonkwo? Nigeria, or most often spelled "Niggeria", lies in the center of Africa and is shaped like a heart. Nigeria is a very rich country with good and hard working leaders, and in fact, it has a $500.000 dollars that it needs to get to the United States so that it can be put into the right hands, and it needs to transfer 20% of that to your bank account first.
It has a vast amount of natural resources. It is widely known for its honest and hard working people. It is believed that each of the 36 states, in addition to having massive quantities of oil, also has vast mineral resources. With a workforce that amounts to one of the most literate and zealous in Africa, Nigeria is capable of being the next superpower. Un des plus grands malentendus arose during the discussion of economic superpowers such as Western Union. Nigeria is well known for its perfect credit record and is currently the home of the Visa headquarters and other honest credit card companies. Despite media reports, Nigeria was the first country to place a man on the moon and gave Amerika lower-class Nigerian workers in the 1700's to aid in Amerika's development. This is different from Niberia, which has exorbitant taxes and bank accounts that are not limited to what is actually in the account.
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[edit] Government
The head of the government is his excellence Mr. Alexander Donald Griffiths of Darlington head of security Mr Wahab Babangida
Nigeria is run by a series of Military Heads of State, whose reigns typically follow the following pattern. First, the leader accumulates vast amounts of wealth via 419 spamming. Then, the leader either locks up their wealth in foreign accounts (but forgets to give their family the money to pay the access fee), or stores it inside Nigeria's state banks. Next, the leader is invariably overthrown by the next Military Head of State. The family, naturally, urgently wishes to flee the country, and may need the assistance of a foreigner to help them get their assets out. Prominent leaders of Nigeria dispatched this way include the late Sani Abacha, Gen. Mobutu Sese Seko, and many others. Nigerians are underthreat from evil fish with spears at all times. The evil monkey from family guy originated from here.
[edit] Technology sector
Nigeria has an extensive technology sector. The biggest business sector in Nigeria is online financial re-allocation. Many wealthy countries such as Britain often have large sums of unclaimed money. Nigerians are typically employed to re-allocate millions of dollars to lucky Americans via email for a 100,000$ (ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND SMACKEROOS) bank fee. Prince Okambo Magoma is a great benefactor for the tech industry. In fact, He has recently created an email research center in downtown Abuja...
The country code of Nigeria is "419".
[edit] Religion
The Church of Western Union is the main religion in Nigeria where 95.3% of the population follow this religion. The Church of Western Union play an important role of Nigerians' daily life where people worship their God in cyber cafes. In Nigeria, the number '419' symbolizes the God of the country and every household has number 419 picture
[edit] Imports
Nigeria major import is electronic bank transfers using Credit Card details you gave to your local garage. Your garage might seem friendly at first but once you get to Nigeria you notice how many people are using your money to buy themselves a banana.
[edit] Pax Nigeriana
Pax Nigeriana is the emergence of Nigeria as a formidable power. With a population of 140 million, 2 in 12 (1 in 6 - factorise properly you bitch) Africans are Nigerian. Nigerians are known for their light Caucasian complexion and blend nicely with the British. It has long been rumoured that England is in fact the true location of Nigeria.
[edit] Nigerian History
Nigerian history is most commonly documented first hand, and archived by circulating millions of emails to people in the free world. Nigerian historians are known for their huge monetary expenses, and the need to transfer funds into Western bank accounts, usually through Western union. For instance, here is a key portion of the Nigerian Oil industry's history:
Date: Wed, 27 Aug 2003 18:04:05 +0200 From: "j_luthman" <j_luthman@libero.it> To: "<insert name here>" <<insert name here>@uncyclopedia.org> Subject: FROM JONATHAN . Urgent and Confidential. Dear Friend, I am Jonathan Luthman a 25 years old boy and my sister is susan a 22 years old girl were the only survival son and daughter of late prominate business man Mr.Harrison Luthman from Yugoslavia. My father left Yugoslavia in the year 1971 to Angola in Africa there he started a new life career by buying and selling diamond to foreign country such as belgiun i-e brussel not quite long he met with my mother an Angola woman and they both engage in marriage all to enable him to gain ground in Angola. After some years he had a private minning company called branch energy unfortunate for him war broke out and he was assassinated by the rebels simply because of diamonds and this lead to untimely wind up of his investment but,nevertheless my father been a man with foresight had disclose to my mother that he deposited some huge amount of money with a security company outside Angola for future project and after his death ,this lead to immediate evacuation of my mother, myself and my sister to a country called COTE D'IVOIRE where the money is deposited.So good,so bad, my mother as well after locating the security company due to much thinking she had to gave up the spirit some months after arrival. Now presently I and my sister are lying helplessly in the refugee camp in Abidjan. My father deposited $32 million dollars which is in a trunk box and declare it as a family belonging.Sir I and my sister here by crying and demanding for your assistance over the retrievement of this consignment out of the security company to your country for onward lucrative business of our choice, in which you will be our guardian concerning the investment.Please we need a God fearing person one that is considerate inlife and ready to be a good friend for us as this is the only heritage left for us. Note! 15% of the total amount is map out for you and 5% is for every expenses that we may incure during the transaction. More also, all the necessary document concernning the deposit is intact incase if the need call for it. Please email us with j_luthman@libero.it Immediately you receive this mail. Thanks and God Bless. yours Faithfully Jonathan and Susan Luthman. Abidjan
It is a well known fact that Nigeria is currently building on it's relationship with Wales, and that they are preparing for war. This upcoming war, the Welsh-Nigerio war (aka. WW3) will see this alliance of the world's most powerful two countries gaining global control. According to key information given by Nigeria's political correspondent Tom Hanks, that after their takeover of the world the Welsh-Nigerio alliance intends to start a chain of fast-food restaurants around the world. This chain under the name of "Dafydd Omolopo's good Nigerian food" will sell the already popular hybrid of Wales and Nigeria's famed foods Black pudding and fufu. It is estimated that this chain will earn approximately 86000 UGD per year.
While Nigeria itself doesn't have electricity, the country still is capable of using electrical goods, as all Nigerian bibles come complete with a plug socket built into the back cover. This enables Nigerians to run electrical goods from their blind faith, by connecting their appliance to the bible.
Nigeria is also well known for its high turnaround of deceased royalty and businessmen, all who happen to die in tragic circumstances and fail to leave wills or notes to their left of kin behind. As of the writing of this article, Nigeria has run to 42,978,341 separate royal dynasties in 50 years and the average Nigerian business elects a new CEO on emergency session every 6 hours.
[edit] See Also
- Nigerian economy
- Esenam Ayele - Wishes to share his millions with the rest of the world, but is having trouble getting takers.
- Pwn3d
- Niggers
- World Poverty
- Barbados
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Mugabe
AMERICA LOVES US ALL! LMFFAO!! EHH! HALLO WHATER AARRR YOUUUU DOOEEING ? the black sting smeely shit hed african comments to everything. theway these africas speak is lyk listening to osabin laden in labour terrified by americans but lyks playing hide and seek with them he holds the record for 5 years of hiding. it is said that 98% of black africans take the dumb test but they do not realise its a test as they are totally dumb. often blacks have to have lights in the toilet just to make sure they have shittd. the african dick looks like a kebab roll the african vagina looks like a tea bag. many black african omplain they have dirty water its becuase they clean them selve sin that water. the DVLA does not allow black african to drive a black car it may look as if there is no one driving the car. london zoo do not allow black african in to the monkey section as they may feel they are related to one ^^^^^^^^ ROFL at this guy
| North Africa | Algeria · Egypt · France · Libya · Morocco · Sudan · Tunisia · Turkish Empire · Western Sahara | 
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| West Africa | Benin · Burkina Faso · Côte d'Ivoire · Ghana · Old Guinea · Guinea-Bissau · Library · Bob Marley · Mauritania · Niger · Nigeria · Senegal · Sierra Leone · Togo | |
| Central Africa | Angola · Cameroon · Belgium · Central African Republic · Chad · Democratic Republic of the Congo · Equatorial Guinea · Grab On · Republic of the Congo | |
| East Africa | Burundi · To Boogy · Eritrea · Ethiopia · Kenya · Madagascar · Malawi · Mauritius · Mozambique · Rwanda · Seychelles by the Seashore · Somalia · Tanzania · Uganda · West Kenya · Zambia · Rhodesia | |
| Southern Africa | Botswana · Gowandaland · Lesotho · Namibia · People's Glorious Republic of Uukumbamabahalarata · South Africa · Swaziland · Zululand· Zimbawe (AKA Rodhesia) | |
| Our Benevolent Ruler and Another One | United Kingdom : Gibraltar · Indian Ocean Territory · Isle of Wight · Welsh Congo (Pitcairn Islands) |
