Knock-off Nigel

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Knock-off Nigel.

So what then, we should be more like you? Twat.

“Knock-off Nigel buys knock-off DVDs”
“No I don't!”
~ Nigel in response to above
“Erm..wait a minute, I need a piss..”
~ Nigel in response to being asked for a fiver

Knock-off Nigel is an honest, law abiding citizen of 'Great' Britain, who has been heavily criticised in recent weeks for buying pirate Irish pornography using a stolen Blockbuster membership card. He is also rumoured to be a high ranked member of The Cult Of Nigels

edit Origin

Nigel was born in an Irish pub. He still lives there, to this day. Ironically, the first copied DVD he purchased was from a Caribbean pirate, who happened to be sailing on the Irish Sea.


“He was just sitting there, waiting for my bare, sexy ass”

edit Controversial Issues

An ongoing debate exists as to whether Nigel buys his DVDs from the weird Asian outside Sainsbury's, or the drug-dealing hippy outside school. Some sources tell us he actually excretes the discs, complete with plastic jewel cases. One person, who chose to remain annonymous, told of how she caught him trying to steal from her in a hospital toilet. See CCTV capture:

“To ensure no further impersonations take place, our toilets will now be fitted with barriers and charged at 20p per visit”
~ Greedy Bastard Toilet Company, Skegness Beach

edit Everyday life since becoming a 'celeb'

Life has never been the same for Nigel since the beginning of June. He accidently (and somewhat idiotically) found himself posing for a Government-funded anti-piracy campaign. Nigel is now paying his debt to society. He is now widely known as Knock-off Nigel (or KON, a hilarious play on the word 'convict'). He cannot enter a pub without being constantly mocked by his wife, or harassed by Blockbuster demanding their porn back. At the same time, serial killers and sex offenders are allowed complete freedom. By law.


Here he is, the main man himself

edit Underlying Moral

“Don't do drugs, kids...”
~ Snoop Doggy-Dogg

Or you will end up exactly like the producers of this anti-piracy campaign: humiliated, confused, and inevitably on Youtube.

Stop hand WARNING! Stop hand
There may be other stupid morals to this stupid campaign. These will be added as they are found by our team of secret undercover hippos.
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