Nickelodeon

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“Tired of caring for your kids? Give them to us, and we'll raise them until they're 15!! ”

Nickelodeon (or Dickelodeon, Sickelodeon, F*ckelodeon or Spongebobelodeon) (April 1, 1979November 19, 2004), was a good cable television channel that was dedicated to quality programs aimed at hallucinating feces monsters. It was owned by Viacom, ruler of the free world, which in itself is dictated by the evil Emperor Sumner Redstone, who is really old.

It is now owned by the Soviet Union, who uses it to glorify communism and underage drinking. Nickelodeon aired and/or produced some of the greatest shows known to all mankind, including 60 Minutes, Nightline, The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer, Who's Gloria Estangles?, Behind The Green Door, Ren & Stimpy, The Misadventures of Shitman, Veronica Moser's Family Fun Time, What the Hell Does This Kid Do?, Double Dare.

The network dissolved in November 2004 when Sumner Redstone ordered the network to remove its classic shows. The network spun off into Nick, which is often confused with its predecessor, although it mostly airs utter crap. It now has 0 viewers because it is so bad that it makes Disney Channel look cool, and Disney Channel is really gay.

1979-1990

Dangermouse and crew
Danger Mouse.

Redstone, who at the time was the sole owner and pseudo-god of the network, which had just recently changed its name to Nickelodeon, decided to steal some Canadian and British kids' shows and air them on the Jamaican channel, at no inexpense to him or the network. One such show was the hip and irreverent, groundbreaking sketch-comedy show, You Can't Do That on Television.

The show featured such iconic people and characters as Les Lye, Christine "Moose" McGlade, Ronald Reagan, and Barth. One of the shows trademarks, which is now owned by Viacom and Nickelodeon, was somebody getting slimed after replying "I don't know!" Slime soon became a staple of Nickelodeon, appearing in everything from YCDTOTV to Double Dare, to What The Hell Does This Kid Do?, all the way to the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards.

By this time, Pinwheel was canceled due to low ratings, and the network was looking for bigger and better things. They stole acquired the rights to such imports as Danger Mouse, The Tomorrow People, and The Yesterday People, as well as the Stanley Kubrick movie A Clockwork Orange, starring Malcolm McDowell. The respective copyright owners sued the network for copyright and trademark infringement and won big time. This left Nickelodeon with nothing on their schedule in those time slots. They decided to fill time by rerunning YCDTOTV over and over again, while in the meantime producing their own shows. The first such show was the Marc Summers game show, Double Dare, which premiered in 1986. The show was an instant hit with critics and audiences across the country and helped put Nickelodeon on the map.

Other shows produced during this time included Kids Court, the highly-controversial Kid Nation, A Clockwork Orange: The Series, Eureeka's Castle, Finders Keepers, and the short-lived Super Sentai parody dub, Dynaman.

Tacos then saw to appeal the cowboys with the short-lived comedy series Hey Dude. It became expensive to produce all of these shows, so they were canceled as soon as the network opened their own studio in 1. This studio was soon shut down because rat poison was accidently dumped into the cafeteria beef stew.

Nickelodeon Studios and Nicktoons

Hannibal
Get The Picture with Anthony Hopkins was one of many shows taped at Nickelodeon Studios.

The 1990s saw a noticeable change in the kinds of programs on Nickelodeon. They had opened Nickelodeon Studios in the summer of 1990 and produced live-action shows exclusively at that location, which in itself was located in Charles Manson's BALLS!?! prison cell jshgfdl.

The first show to be taped at Nickelodeon Studios was the Mike O'Malley-hosted game show Get the Picture, in which two teams had to guess pictures to win points. The show was again short-lived, so the network had a few backup plans.

Live-action shows in 1991 included Salute Your Shorts, Fifteen, Nick News, Baywatch for Kids, and the short-lived live-action version of Rugrats, which starred actual babies escaping from their actual playpen.

Booze kids
Promotional image for the live-action version of Rugrats.

Nickelodeon was also ambitious to produce their own cartoons, called "Nicktoons." These cartoons were to have spunk and attitude, since this was the dawn of grunge and all. The first three Nicktoons were Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Help! The Scaredy Dog, Trucksy, Rocko's Modern Life, Crazy Orients, The Angry Beavers, Joe, Joe and Joe, CatDog, and the more successful animated version of Rugrats, which after its initial cancellation lasted thirteen seasons.

SNICK

SNICK was a bloody block of programming on Saturday nights starting in 1992. It revolved around older kids and teenagers sitting on a Big Orange Couch and hosting a two-hour block of programming. This block has since become legendary and influential to other similar blocks on present-day Nick and other channels.

Famous shows that have aired on SNICK include:

Clarissa2
Clarice Starling (Melissa Joan Hart) and Hannibal "Sam" Lecter (Sean O'Neal).
  • Roundhouse (1992-1994)
  • Clarice Explains It All (1991-1994)
  • Are You Afraid of the Dark? (1992-1996, 1999-2000)
  • All That Fucking (1994-2000, 2001-2005)
  • Kenan and Kel (1996-2000)

Nick at Nite

Nick at Nite launched on July 1, 1985 as a place to dump off old shows. Nostalgic viewers longing for a time when women stayed in the kitchen and minorities weren't allowed on golf courses, flocked to the network to view these shows. Older viewers today still flock to it because it means a chance to watch something other than Spongebob Squarepants for the 20th time in one day.

Death of Nickelodeon and birth of Nick

Sumner redstone YCDTOTV
Sumner Redstone in 2001.

On December 31, 2000, after a government investigation and expired copyrights, Sumner Redstone ordered ALL classic Nickelodeon shows to be removed from the schedule, effective immediately. This movement pissed off loyal Nickelodeon fans, who had watched the channel since before they were even born. The network was off the air for the next two years when Redstone made amends with Rupert Murdoch, and the two relaunched the channel as Nick. The then gave everyone a giant fucking middle finger.

The 90s Are All That

On March 10, 2011, Entertainment Weakly Weekly, USA Weekday Today and TV Guido Guide reported that Nickelodeon is planning to bring back its 1990s shows and air them on their TeenNick channel in the fall. Shows announced as being part of the deal include All That, Kenan & Kel, Taxicab Confessions, Salute Your Shorts, Clarissa Explains It All,Showgirls: the Animated Series The Adventures of Pete & Pete, Rugrats, Spawn, Rocket Power, The Amanda Show, Tales from the Crypt, Oz, Freddy's Nightmares and Scarface Mighty Morphin Muppet Babies. Some shows were The Amanda Show, so it's Showgirls: The Live-Action Series.

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