Nicholas John Griffin
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“I used to think my dreams were stupid. Then I heard Martin Luther King's!”
~ Nick Griffin on Martin Luther King
Nicholas "Triple K" Griffin AKA Fat Hitler or Frogeye or Hitlers bum buddy is an unemployed retard and the current leader of the National Socialist British Workers' Party and has been since 1990, when he was spurred into action by the assassination of right-wing goddess Margaret Thatcher, who was shot with a potato gun being wielded by a seemingly-annoyed John Major. Nick Griffin has also gained fame as DJ Vinyl Solution with his controversial brand of post-baroque neo-"I'm not a racist but"-core that has been the thumping soundtrack to Ku Klux Klan meetings the world over.
Secretly Welsh, he was born in Llyywaclywlnllnazitwatwhocouldntevenspellimmigrantllareggubnocolochgoch in 1939, on the day that Hitler invaded Poland, although raised from a early age in Aryan-on-Test, Hants, by rats and toads, from whom he inherited his moral compass. Demonstrating an unlikely sense of humour, he is a candidate for the constituency of Barking at the next general election
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[edit] Early Life
Born one of a litter and a degenerate bigoted drunk, bozz eyed shitter Nick Griffin spent his early years closely suckling greedily to his mother’s teats at the expense of many others of the litter who would not survive. He showed promise when, after spotting a group of black children having fun, he immediately felt persecuted and victimised. This, and regular abuse from a freemason father, threw the young Griffin into politics at an early age. During his childhood Griffin attempted to fellate a swan, losing his eye as a result.
As a young teenager, he is believed to have found current BNP Sturmbannführer Mark 'the Jew' Collet when he was just a baby, having been left, covered in barbeque sauce in a forest full of wolves. unfortunately, the wolves were busy attempting to assassinate Margaret whore of Babylon Thatcher for wiping out their food source, striking miners. Griffy took the devil-spawn home and raised him on a white-food only diet until he was 24.
[edit] Political Growth
Nick Griffin’s appetite for Neo-Nazism was whetted by his father’s work for the Happy Hitler party. Fighting the forces of decadence in Britain’s cultural life, and the biological destruction and alteration of the British people, Griffin progressed from ironing his father’s black shirts to becoming chief pamphleteer. His brother, Peter Griffin, later became ashamed of him and moved to Quahog, Rhode Island. However, despite the fact his equally grotty family hate him, he still claims he is not racist, in the same way Cliff Richard claims he's not gay or Paul McCartney claims he's not a twat.
Griffin continued his political growth at university and used the emerging Punk scene to promote Nazi values by forming the ‘Racy Mixers’. Whilst not a mainstream success, his band developed a cult following among other Narnia-jobs, producing hits like ‘I Am A Nationalist-ah’, ‘Pretty Boy Vacancy’ and ‘God Save The Queen - Which We Actually Mean’.
[edit] BNP Führership
Since Nick Griffin ousted BNP founder John Tyndall from the party dictatorship following a small altercation involving an egg and a badger, his style of leadership has been markedly different from his late predecessor, with more attention paid to presenting a homelier (Nick’s home haircut), friendlier (Nick’s winsome smile) and less overtly racist (Nick’s love of Chinese food) façade.
John Tyndall was ultimately expelled from the party for writing the following to Germany’s N(sda)PD:
"I could never look upon Griffin as a true BNP leader. From the beginning, there was something in his character and personality that troubled me. He just didn’t seem ‘quite right’. My wife, like many women, is an extremely good judge of people. She has met nearly all of my chief political associates and has never yet been wrong in her assessment of them. “Don’t trust him,” she warned, “He’s a frigging nutjob, and a Mincing nancyboy”. Damn that badger..."
[edit] Chairman of Densa
In early 2006 Nick Griffin become the Chairman of Densa, the worlds first Low-IQ society, after 'Nice but Dim' Westwood stepped down. Nick decided to accept the position of power so he could corrupt the other idiots in Densa which his racist ideas, and further his cause of wiping out all ethnic minorities. Surprisingly, ethnic minorities are still allowed to join Densa and Nick seems too stupid to have realized the missed opportunity to deprive them of something. Alternatively, letting a thousand turd blossoms bloom, he could be allowing them to join so he gets their addresses and can have them rounded up and gassed during the night at his chamber located in the depths of a Bernard Matthews shed.
[edit] Accusations of Homosexuality
After appearing in a number of gay porn films from the late seventies onwards, specifically in Boys in Black Leather, Schindler's Fist and Dude, Where's my cock?, Griffin was accused of being a homosexual, a claim he has 'stiffly' denied. "I may have appeared in some films, but I had no idea at the time that they were being used as masturbatory aids by sickos, perverts and Martin Webster. As far as I was aware they were documentary films about the beautiful 1000-year Reich. Incidentally my next film, Gobble it Like Goebbels will be in all discerning shops later this year..."
[edit] Fascinating Facts
- Nick is not a Hitler-admiring, Holocaust-denying traitor. It is quite wrong to say that supporting his party is akin to pissing on the graves of the millions who suffered under, and fought against, nazi insanity. He’s an all-round good egg - not a creepy psychopath who’d probably enjoy strangling non-Aryan babies with his stubby bare hands and then burning their bodies to heat the hot water he’d need to wash away the forensics.
- Nick lost his left eye to shaving foam whilst working as a stuntman on the 1968 action film, Carry On Camping (thus proving the existence of Karma). A section of his frontal lobe went too, resulting in Griffin having to spend the next six months in a special hospital learning to march, rant and wink again.
- He is a violent bummer of men.
- Although committed to racial purity and the defence of Britain’s genes, Griffin himself was born without any DNA.
- He looks like a really, really ugly version of John Barrowman.
- Eventually convicted and given a Community Service Order to have group sex with some desperate aged Asian and African women. Given compulsory Bhangra Dancing lessons and required to do cleaning work in some Mosques.
- A recent theory posited by the CERN Institute suggests that Nick Griffin needs to be confused on public television. If the theory is correct, then Nick should begin to repeat the phrase "they're taking all our jobs" over and over again in an ever-higher-pitched voice, until he sounds like fucking Tweety Pie, following which his eye will pop out on its spring and his shit-filled skull will explode like a faecal version of Scanners.
- It's a little known fact that Nick Griffin invented the phrases, "I'm not racist, but..." and, "Some of my best friends are...," which are the most widely used among BNP followers.
- In the 2009 European Election, Some particularly miffed people threw eggs at Nick Griffin, sending him scrambling for cover. He was then whisked away to avoid a further beating. Frying with rage, he said it was no yoke and we could not afford to make an omelette out of the next election. He promised, one day, it will be all white.
- Bears an uncanny resemblance to Disney's Quasimodo.
- Nick Griffin has the amazing power of being able to transform into a 60 ft long griffin at any given moment
- Griffin was the British Soggy Biscuit champion for a record 6 years between 1987-92. To this day he takes part in the BNP's annual soggy biscuit competition on the main stage at their annual 'Imbred shite are you' family fun-fest.
- Mr Griffin's song, "It Does Matter if You're Black or White: Unless You're a White Jew or White Homo, In Which Case You're Going to Hell Anyway," was, much to his own surprise, not a great success.
- Nicky-gayboi-Griffin is not a racist, just a Nazi.
- Griffin has a massive fry-up every morning in which the food he indulgently devours is cooked with lard refined from his own skin.
- He has to have three baths a day in order to remove the grease that extrudes from his skin
