Newfies

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{{Canadian2}}
 
 
 
{{Q|And we thought we were hoseheads!|Bob and Doug McKenzie|Newfies}}
 
{{Q|And we thought we were hoseheads!|Bob and Doug McKenzie|Newfies}}
{{Wilde|Oh me nerves, and I tinked me be Oyrish!|Newfies}}
 
{{Q|You knows nuddin aboot Newfinlind b'y!|Big Tom}}
 
 
{{Q|These pets be reet up me street|Cheryl Cole|Newfies}}
 
{{Q|These pets be reet up me street|Cheryl Cole|Newfies}}
{{Q|More Irish than the Irish themselves|Mark Twain}}
 
 
 
 
[[Image:Big Tom.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Big Tom, the Newfie Messiah.]]
 
[[Image:Big Tom.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Big Tom, the Newfie Messiah.]]
 
[[Image:1019_ZeroGravity.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Newfie in space. Wanted me smokes.]]
 
[[Image:1019_ZeroGravity.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Newfie in space. Wanted me smokes.]]
 
 
 
'''Newfies''' bees dee inhabitants of [[Newfoundland]], [[Canada]]. Dey bees dee [[hoser]]est of hockey loving hosers. If ya know anyting aboot moose, ye should come to St. John's.
 
'''Newfies''' bees dee inhabitants of [[Newfoundland]], [[Canada]]. Dey bees dee [[hoser]]est of hockey loving hosers. If ya know anyting aboot moose, ye should come to St. John's.
   
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When a newfie turns retirement age he heads back to the rock fer a liver transplant and then heads out to George Street to end it all.
 
When a newfie turns retirement age he heads back to the rock fer a liver transplant and then heads out to George Street to end it all.
 
   
 
==Newfie food==
 
==Newfie food==
 
 
Newfies eat second breakfast and has it as often as they be gettin' it.
 
Newfies eat second breakfast and has it as often as they be gettin' it.
   
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Newfies are fond of Caplin, Salt Beef, Cod Tongues, Seal Flipper, and something called a Scruncion. Scruncions may or may not be a type of wharf rat.
 
Newfies are fond of Caplin, Salt Beef, Cod Tongues, Seal Flipper, and something called a Scruncion. Scruncions may or may not be a type of wharf rat.
 
   
 
==Characteristics of Newfies==
 
==Characteristics of Newfies==
+
* Are known for "havin' a time"
*Are known for "havin' a time"
+
* Can [[fish]] bedder den ye
*Can [[fish]] bedder den ye
+
* Eats more fish than a [[cat]]
*Eats more fish than a [[cat]]
+
* Knows what Regatta Day is and takes it off even when living in Toronto
*Knows what Regatta Day is and takes it off even when living in Toronto
+
* Believe that Big Tom will rise from the dead
*Believe that Big Tom will rise from the dead
+
* Drink only the cheapest beer
*Drink only the cheapest beer
+
* Must say b'y and "me son" a lot
*Must say b'y and "me son" a lot
+
* Learned to walk on George Street
*Learned to walk on George Street
+
* Calls girls "me duckies"
*Calls girls "me duckies"
+
* Loves to party in the kitchen
*Loves to party in the kitchen
+
* Can switch into ordinary Canadian English on a whim
*Can switch into ordinary Canadian English on a whim
+
* Must collect food stamps
*Must collect food stamps
+
* Uses the word [[fuck]] in every sentence
*Uses the word [[fuck]] in every sentence
+
* Has at least one friend in Fort McMurray, Alberta
*Has at least one friend in Fort McMurray, Alberta
 
   
 
==Mating rituals==
 
==Mating rituals==
  +
Unlike most other humans, Newfies have a weekly instead of monthly period. This means that Newfies are growing very quickly in population, and soon [[Alberta]], and eventually, the [[Universe]], will be populated only by Newfies and Geordies.
   
Unlike most other humans, Newfies have a weekly instead of monthly period. This means that Newfies are growing very quickly in population, and soon [[Alberta]], and eventually, the [[Universe]], will be populated only by Newfies and Geordies.
 
http://slot1.images.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb61861/common/skins/common/images/button_sig.png
 
 
Generally speaking, mating happens after two pints of Guinness have been consumed by each party, and the term "Hows you gettin' on cocky?" has been uddered by the Newfie lass.
 
Generally speaking, mating happens after two pints of Guinness have been consumed by each party, and the term "Hows you gettin' on cocky?" has been uddered by the Newfie lass.
   
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Important Note: Never says to a newfie chick "Wanna Gobble da Knob", They may initialy smile atcha, but da minute yee turns yer back *BANG*, she'll 'itcha wit a shuvel.
 
Important Note: Never says to a newfie chick "Wanna Gobble da Knob", They may initialy smile atcha, but da minute yee turns yer back *BANG*, she'll 'itcha wit a shuvel.
  +
  +
Recent report coming out of Conception Bay indicate that they are recording no births at all, yet everyone leaving Mary Browns feels pregnant after eating there.
   
 
==Newfinese vocabulary==
 
==Newfinese vocabulary==
+
* '''Aye bai''' - ''i agree'', ''yes''
*'''Aye bai''' - ''i agree'', ''yes''
+
* '''Whaddayat''' - ''How are you''?
*'''Whaddayat''' - ''How are you''?
+
* '''Ducky''' - ''my bitch'' or ''my ho''
*'''Ducky''' - ''my bitch'' or ''my ho''
+
* '''Lord Tundering Jesus''' - the unique Newfie way to call upon [[Jeebus]]
*'''Lord Tundering Jesus''' - the unique Newfie way to call upon [[Jeebus]]
+
* '''Cocky''' - ''man'', from 'penis'
*'''Cocky''' - ''man'', from 'penis'
+
* '''Townie''' - ''a city slicker'' (from St. John's)
*'''Townie''' - ''a city slicker'' (from St. John's)
+
* '''Stunned as me arse!''' - ''really, really fucking stupid''
*'''Stunned as me arse!''' - ''really, really fucking stupid''
+
* '''What odds!''' - ''Who the fuck cares! Not me! Pass the Butter!''
*'''What odds!''' - ''Who the fuck cares! Not me! Pass the Butter!''
 
   
 
==Genesis in Newfinese==
 
==Genesis in Newfinese==
 
 
In dees beginnin' God made dee hevinz an dee world. Now dee earth was gettin' formless and empty aye bai, and darkness was over dee surface deep me son? Tundering Jesus' stun breeze was over da water me lad!
 
In dees beginnin' God made dee hevinz an dee world. Now dee earth was gettin' formless and empty aye bai, and darkness was over dee surface deep me son? Tundering Jesus' stun breeze was over da water me lad!
   
 
He say let there bees light me son! Aye bai, God say you knows yourself me, the light be luh good. Then he cuttin' dee light from the dark, ducky. God called dee light day and dark dee night, gwan bai! Now he havin' a time.
 
He say let there bees light me son! Aye bai, God say you knows yourself me, the light be luh good. Then he cuttin' dee light from the dark, ducky. God called dee light day and dark dee night, gwan bai! Now he havin' a time.
   
==Famous Newfies==
+
==See also==
+
* [[Canuck]]
*[[Sam Gamgee]]
+
* [[Geordie]]
*[[Shania Twain]]
+
* [[New Jersey]]
*[[Donny Dunphy]]
+
* [[Toronto]]
*[[Rick Mercer]]
 
*[[George W. Bush]]
 
*[[Your Mom]]
 
*[[Ceiling Cat]]
 
*[[Your Mum]]
 
*[[Dat guy over dere]]
 
 
==See Also==
 
 
*[[Canuck]]
 
*[[Geordie]]
 
*[[New Jersey]]
 
*[[Toronto]]
 
   
 
{{Race}}
 
{{Race}}

Latest revision as of 15:13, September 30, 2015

“And we thought we were hoseheads!”
~ Bob and Doug McKenzie on Newfies
“These pets be reet up me street”
~ Cheryl Cole on Newfies
Big Tom

Big Tom, the Newfie Messiah.

1019 ZeroGravity

Newfie in space. Wanted me smokes.

Newfies bees dee inhabitants of Newfoundland, Canada. Dey bees dee hoserest of hockey loving hosers. If ya know anyting aboot moose, ye should come to St. John's.

Newfies be known for fooking der mudders and drinking Guinness with der by's.

It's a widely known fact that all Newfies are Cheryl Cole's cousins, this is evidented by the adorably pirate-like, incomprehensible way they speak. Some even believe Cheryl actually created Newfoundland and its inhabitants, much as Bjork created the cold little elves of New Bjork City.

The creators of Jersey Shore are hoping to make a series called Newfie Shore.

Newfies are considered a liability to Toronto Dominion Bank but the truth bees that dey are an asset to Canaduh and to dee world and dey bees hard workin' folks.

All newfies who don't lose they virginity beesfore the age of 14 are kicked off The Rock and exiled to British Columbia.

When a newfie turns retirement age he heads back to the rock fer a liver transplant and then heads out to George Street to end it all.

edit Newfie food

Newfies eat second breakfast and has it as often as they be gettin' it.

The Newfie food groups are potted meat, cod, beer and whiskey.

Newfies are fond of Caplin, Salt Beef, Cod Tongues, Seal Flipper, and something called a Scruncion. Scruncions may or may not be a type of wharf rat.

edit Characteristics of Newfies

  • Are known for "havin' a time"
  • Can fish bedder den ye
  • Eats more fish than a cat
  • Knows what Regatta Day is and takes it off even when living in Toronto
  • Believe that Big Tom will rise from the dead
  • Drink only the cheapest beer
  • Must say b'y and "me son" a lot
  • Learned to walk on George Street
  • Calls girls "me duckies"
  • Loves to party in the kitchen
  • Can switch into ordinary Canadian English on a whim
  • Must collect food stamps
  • Uses the word fuck in every sentence
  • Has at least one friend in Fort McMurray, Alberta

edit Mating rituals

Unlike most other humans, Newfies have a weekly instead of monthly period. This means that Newfies are growing very quickly in population, and soon Alberta, and eventually, the Universe, will be populated only by Newfies and Geordies.

Generally speaking, mating happens after two pints of Guinness have been consumed by each party, and the term "Hows you gettin' on cocky?" has been uddered by the Newfie lass.

Da birf rate in Dildo Newfoundland is pretty low dere b'y cause sumtin keeps gettin in dere before 'er hubby gets 'round to'eet.

Important Note: Never says to a newfie chick "Wanna Gobble da Knob", They may initialy smile atcha, but da minute yee turns yer back *BANG*, she'll 'itcha wit a shuvel.

Recent report coming out of Conception Bay indicate that they are recording no births at all, yet everyone leaving Mary Browns feels pregnant after eating there.

edit Newfinese vocabulary

  • Aye bai - i agree, yes
  • Whaddayat - How are you?
  • Ducky - my bitch or my ho
  • Lord Tundering Jesus - the unique Newfie way to call upon Jeebus
  • Cocky - man, from 'penis'
  • Townie - a city slicker (from St. John's)
  • Stunned as me arse! - really, really fucking stupid
  • What odds! - Who the fuck cares! Not me! Pass the Butter!

edit Genesis in Newfinese

In dees beginnin' God made dee hevinz an dee world. Now dee earth was gettin' formless and empty aye bai, and darkness was over dee surface deep me son? Tundering Jesus' stun breeze was over da water me lad!

He say let there bees light me son! Aye bai, God say you knows yourself me, the light be luh good. Then he cuttin' dee light from the dark, ducky. God called dee light day and dark dee night, gwan bai! Now he havin' a time.

edit See also


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