New and Improved

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Revision as of 09:16, March 16, 2011 by Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs)

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You’ve clicked on the right link, customer, because this article is New and Improved!

We know that you probably had some doubts before you came here:

Is this article really New and Improved?  What was it before it was New and Improved?
Was it Old and Unsatisfactory?  I’m not sure if I should click on this.

But you did click on it, and boy, did you make the right choice!?!


edit What this article has to offer you RIGHT NOW!!!!!

This article has a lot of exciting things to offer you, and whether you may realize it or not, you are actually already reaping its benefits as you read!!!

Yes, it has never been so simple!

This article cuts, slices, dips, jabs and gets in every nook and cranny, even those hard to reach crannies! Not only does this article have more randomness than other leading brands, it also shoves thirty-two rabid mongooses up your dead grandmother’s rectum in ten seconds flat while you look on and cheer!!!

As you read, you will notice those bothersome sources of annoyance that once tested your nerves to the verge of insanity disappear in moments.

No muss, no fuss.

All of this, by simply reading this New and Improved article for just minutes a day.

edit The experts have spoken, and it’s a unanimous “Spiffy!”

This article was put under the most rigorous testing using technology that would take far too long to explain to you. As a result, one Cherokee Indian deeply in touch with nature and 2 out of 5 photogenic men in lab coats came to the conclusion that this article is indeed New and Improved, as demonstrated in Figure 1-1.

Further testing was done comparing this New and Improved article to other leading brands in Figure 1-1c, and then with a control group that was told their placebo was actually a hypo-stimulant in Figure F.

We believe that these scientifical graphs speak for themselves!

edit But you still want to hear this is not a ripoff from your peers!

You distrusting bastard


What is the “man on the street” saying about this New and Improved article?

Ecstaticman


Cquote1 “I’ve been reading this New and Improved article for just minutes a day for a week now,and I’m absolutely astounded by the results! I mean, WOW!” Cquote2


Verypleasedwoman


Cquote1 "My pet chihuahua Winkles finally learned how to sit and beg after only five weeks of me reading this New and Improved article! And my legs have never been this smooth!” Cquote2


Happytobeontv
Cquote1 “Huh? What? Am I on TV?” Cquote2
You sure are, Muhammad!

edit Enough already! My money is just burning a hole in my bank account!! How much? How much? OH MY GOD, JUST TELL ME HOW MUCH

Now we know what you’re thinking: This article must be far more than I can afford! And I can afford quite a bit!

Well, your worries are over, because this New and Improved article is available right now, for a limited time at the low, low affordable price of ONLY


$500


$39.95



€16.75



HELL, YOU NAME YOUR PRICE!!!!!!!!


Please contact our sales reps to place your order right now!!!


* Copying and pasting this article to your user page does not work. In fact, doing so will cause your hard drive to slowly rot and give you heartworms. Please respect our policy.
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