New York (fictional city)

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New York is a fictional American city, featuring in a large number of films and books and popular musical numbers. It is unclear who first came up with the concept, and whether or not there are any real cities anywhere that it may have been inspired by. It is commonly described as one of the largest cities of the world, holding several million people who are all trying to get ahead and find themselves in this crazy world that doesn't understand them.

edit Demographics

The population of New York consists almost entirely of wealthy young adults, and sometimes their wealthy parents. There are a few black people, but they mostly spend their time standing in the background of house parties while the white people in the foreground have conversations about art and try to have sex with each other. The residents of New York live in spacious apartments, which sometimes break down or have infestations but it's never anything serious or anything, and they totally have a friend whose place they can crash at and who they can possibly have sex with.

There are no poor people in New York. There might be two or three homeless people, but they are friendly and sincere and will surely pull themselves up out the gutter because they believe in themselves and anyone can get anywhere if they believe in themselves and work hard in America. Within a couple of months one of them will probably be famous.

edit Leisure

As most of the citizens of New York only spend about two hours a week in employment, there are a wide number of leisure activities available in the city. These include:

  • Working on your novel
  • Working on your screenplay
  • Not working on your novel or screenplay but just sitting there thinking about life and stuff
  • Walking in Central Park over that bridge that's in all the movies with Central Park in
  • Watching foreign movies, as no other kind of movies are shown in New York, only foreign ones
  • Going to the openings of art exhibitions which people wouldn't normally get invited to but it's okay, you know a guy
  • Standing next to buildings in New York, but not looking at them because it's not like you're a tourist or anything, this is where you live and you're so over it
  • Gazing off obscurely into the middle distance
  • Having arguments with your wealthy parents when they don't get that you're going through a hard time right now
  • Striking up conversations with complete strangers, in which the two of you have some initial misunderstandings but eventually you realise that they like, totally get you and are like, really quirky but in a cute non-threatening way?
  • Unfulfilling sexual intercourse
  • Go up and down a elevator.

edit New York in Real Life

Most critics agree that the city's obvious ridiculousness should be interpreted as a sign that the city is entirely fictional. However, many attempts have been made to find a real-world counterpart to New York, mostly by directionless humanities graduates in their mid-twenties. Most works featuring New York place it somewhere on the north-west coast of the United States, and each year several hundred thousand wide-eyed young things set off to this area in an attempt to find it. Typically they leave with nothing but the clothes on their back, a vintage typewriter, and a considerable trust fund from their parents to help them on the journey.

Many give initial reports of success, claiming to have found somewhere that is "totally awesome and you should all come here, you can crash here while you find a place". However, these almost always give way to realisations that the city they've found fails in many respects, such as crime happening sometimes, or rent still existing as a thing that needs to be paid on occasion, or nobody having sex with you even if you write some really great poems and sit around in the park reading Dostoevsky for like, a whole hour.

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