UnNews:New Page of The Bible Discovered
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New Page of The Bible Discovered
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, July 2, 2016, 00:27:UTC)(
21 August 2007
A new page of the bible was discovered today in central Africa. The page has been carbon dated and it is confirmed to be part of the old testament. It reads "To my darling Cindy, without your patience, this work could never have been completed The following characters are entirely fictional and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
The Roman Catholic Church has been rocked to its very foundations with Pope Benedict denouncing the carbon dating process used to verify the document as "The Work of The Devil". Inside sources at the Vatican have leaked that Pope Benedict (Full name Manfred Albrecht Freiherr von Richthofen II) has been blaming "those fucking dirty jews" for 'planting' the document and he is said to be calling on his comrades from his Hitler-Jugend days to begin a new crusade against the Jewish people. Official Vatican sources however are strongly denying this and are keen to emphasis the Catholic Churches strong association with modern Science.
In a recent speech, Pope Benedict said "Dies ist ein Frevel. Die Bibel ist keine Arbeit von Fiktion und ich werde jenen Unsinn für eine Sekunde nicht glauben. Gott in Himmel, den ich Juden hasse". There were no translators on hand at the time, but it is believed to mean 'This is bollocks'.
Christians through-out the world have been calling for further testing of the document to prove its authenticity, with one major Church leader, Gary Johnson, being quoted as saying "If this is true, it could be as bad as 9/11 times a thousand".
God himself is set to appear on a televised live debate on Fox News with a leading scientist to discuss the issue. Set to be broadcast this Thursday at 8pm Eastern Standard Time (7am Pacific). This itself has brought about shocking revelations about the true nature of god, as his appearance on earth has revealed that he is infact the FSM - The Flying Spaghetti Monster.