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"A Brit is full of shit"-Captain Obvious on Brits
"Great Britain is a barmy backwater whorehouse and its folk are queer gits.Wait.....I'm a Brit?!"-Oscar Wilde to Captain Obvious
"God shave the Queen!"-Sean Connery on the Queen's biocuriosity
"Spare me,milord!I'm just a queer Cornishman with a lousy Cockney accent....I ain't a real Brit!!!"-Romartus the Impersonator on being cornered by The Brit-Slayer
"Let's make love,Monsieur"-Napoleon to Winston Churchill
"Y-Y-o-ou wi-i-il p-pay fo-o-r thi-is t-t-tra-rav-e-e-st-y!!!"-King George VI to Chuck Norris on getting a wedgie
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"-Mr.Bean on Himself
Brits are extraterrestrial yet inferior Scotsmen/Irishmen/Frenchies/Mexicans/Pakistanis/Indians/Iraqis/Iranians/Japs/Chinks/Koreans/Somalians/Nigerians/Zulus who were genetically-enginneered and artificially created as a part of a hybridisation program by G(r)ay aliens to take over Earth and begin anew the colonialisation of this realm.
THE ORIGIN OF ENGLAND AND IT'S PEOPLE : GENESIS OF THE BRITS
All Brits are the demonic offspring of the incest inbreeding between "G(r)ay" Aliens and Hitler's Bitch......
So you wanna know how such vile alien scum is living right among us , masquerading as over-polite,goody little two-shoes,Oxford-educated,tea-sipping,seemingly innocuous bastards?Well then.....THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!
It all started when a random Jap Yaoi fanboy watched Ancient Aliens and decided to "Reach out to our celestial brethren".........
For 13 years, he wanked with his cock pointing straight at Orion's Belt(or somewhere below it).He had lost all hope.....and semen.....when he suddenly beheld a shining disc descend directly above him and beam him up.He was then subjected to rigorous probing by G(r)ay aliens and Fox Mulder , who proceeded to document it and make the Academy award winning legendary reality show called "The SeX-Files".
The G(r)ays then brought in Justin Bieber , whom they had similarly abducted and forced the Jap to give him a blowjob.Next,they tried to extract and harvest sperm from the Jap , but were infuriated when they couldn't even find a drop,so they inseminated him with a random Nigga's sperm as well as Britney Spears' eggs.....then they merged him with reptilian and insectoid DNA.....then they placed the mojo of Hitler’s Mini-Me clone in his foetus,and finally he conceived a hybrid spawn within 2 days and that became THE VERY FIRST ENGLISHMAN.
There you have it , every race around the world has its very own "Creation Mythology" , so why not give the Brits one too?
Procreation of the First Brits
The first Brit , and the most awkward and geeky of his kind , immediately raped Psy after watching an Opera Gangnam Strip club scene.What the Brit could never have fathomed was that Psy had been raped by hundreds of other celebrities , including the likes of Michael Jackson,John Xena,Miley Cyrus,Lindsay Lohan,Jessica Simpson,Mike Myers,Steven "Seagull",Mike Myers,"Flava-Flav",Morgan Freenigger,Andy "Gollum" Serkis,Tony Jaa and Justin Bieber(well,duh....)
Psy's offspring then had genetic traits of all the aforementioned and was,coincidentally,female.So the Brit,incest bastard that he was(aren't they all?)raped his own daughter,who bore him 3 abominations of indeterminable gender and thus became the progenitor of a race of HYBRID ALIEN SATANIC NEPHILIM TROLLSPAWN BIOCURIOUS MIDGET WANKERS , more simply known as "BRITS".
British Heroes Of The Middle Ages
The Original Brit then planned to mate with his own offspring, in order to further strengthen his genetic bloodline.However,they got wind of his plans and escaped.Oh yeah,right,I forgot tell you their names.They were Merlin,Guinivere and Napoleon.Despite being lesbian,Guinivere consented to have sex with Napoleon as long as he let Merlin live with them.Guinivere had a fine son named Arthur,who rose up against his tyrannical father and exiled him out of England.Napoleon then plotted to return to power and have his vengeance by creating his own race of Frenchmen through raping Bullfrogs-hence the name "Froggies".
With no one to stop him ,Arthur raped his own mother and formally married her.She begot a son who was forevermore remembered as Saint George of the Jungle.Legend tells of his exploits,which involved travelling to Egypt and usurping King Tut's throne by making it appear as though a dragon was terrorising the city,although new forensic evidence has brought to light the shocking revelation that he was in cahoots with the dragon(Just watch "Dragonheart",you dumbass).He then became Pope and sent some drunken Irishmen to his father Arthur,telling him what a swell idea it would be to have his own little men's club called the Knights of the Round Table.Saint George lived the rest of his years in peace,except for the occasional crusades that aimed to obliterate all Muslim-kind,as Merlin had foreseen the future and had realized the threat of terrorism in the distant years and more importantly how two lesbian Pakistani bitches would be bethroted in London and bring eternal humiliation to Britian.However,his legacy lived on forever in the Illuminati,who knew his extraterrestrial origins and guarded his secrets with their lives, ever-awaiting the return of their otherworldly ancestors.....
Meanwhile,Arthur and Merlin conspired and planned to conquer the world,starting with the rest of Europe.The English,who had multiplied faster than fruit-flies due to inbreeding,assembled a mighty army and conquered Scotland.They won primarily due to their longbows,which were fashioned from the wood of yew trees and strung together by their pubic hair.Constant and irksome rebellions arose,led by William Wallace aka Mel Gibson aka Chuck Norris aka ME.One accurate account describes Arthur and his queer consort Lancelot watching on helplessly while William Wallace brutally rapes his son Longshanks' wife,who then gave birth to a bastard son Edwand Longshanks,who in turn had a faggot named General Cornwallis(affectionately nicknamed Ol'Corny by the Yanks) who expanded the British rule to many parts of Europe,India,America,Australia,even to the far reaches of Africa.Cornwallis faced an unexpected crisis in India when he had a scandal that involved him giving a half-naked,bald old man named Gandhi a blowjob.He was kicked out of India,along with all the other Brits,which led to the country's liberation.He faced a similar humiliation in America when he lost the war due to contracting AIDS after raping Aperaham Lincoln(And they say AIDS came from MONKEYS >.> )
However,the Brits had set up a decent number of colonies throughout Africa,and they planned to gather more power to slowly "colonialise" Earth and make way for the arrival of their true alien forefathers.Fortunately for the human race,they got their butts kicked all the rest of the way and had to settle for a bunch of crappy provinces called the United Kingdom.Having no remaining choice,they feigned peace with the human race by speaking in over-polite accents and gradually convincing the rest of the world to adopt English as the common tongue..."IF YOU CAN'T CONQUER 'EM , CORRUPT 'EM !"
TRUST NO ONE…….Well,especially not an Englishman.
Covert Cover-ups And Hidden Political Agendas
To this day no one can imagine what made mankind choose the language of some alien filth who can't bear saying "mom" instead of "mum" and "butt" instead of "bottom".And what sort of fag would pronounce the word Blimey as "Bloy-me"?Really,it beats me.It defies all HUMAN understanding.Apart from having sluts like Margaret Thatcher as Prime Ministers,it comes as no surprise that their ministers are also gays who have come out of the closet and gotten involved in notorious sex scandals.Believe it or not,the Brits have somehow managed to infiltrate each and every covert government group,and are responsible for all the cover-ups and shady operations involving UFO activity and physical evidence of Extraterrestial Intelligence.They seek to keep humans in the dark so as to take us by surprise when the aliens come to take over this planet and destroy all life as we know it.Never put your faith in the FBI(Flatulent British Ingrates) or SETI(Sexually Enhanced Troll Irishmen),because they…
Entertainment In England
The English film industry’s pathetic attempt at producing horror films has been chronicled throughout the millennia.Ranging from gaylien vampire crap like Lifeforece to zombie flops like 28 days later , 28 weeks later,28 years later,28 centuries later,28 millenia later(with real cyborg zombies) and the ever-popular “Shaun of the dead”.A film called ”Attack the block” is also a must-see for all of you who know that Brits aren’t of this realm and may summon demons from the cosmos merely to make Beckham shit his pants while being butt-raped by Gerard.
Are we alone in this Universe....?The answer’s no and the Brits are living proof of it….Recent evidence has proven that the Greek Geek from Ancient Aliens is actually just a British immigrant with a fake & gay hairdo.
I WANT TO BELIEVE
England has a "queer free society" where Brits of all three sexes may intermingle and procreate.Being highly Democratic in contrast to the Republic of Ireland,England's social norms and cultural etiquette put a great deal of stress and sexual frustration on its people,which eventually leads to mid-life crisis,homicidal tendencies,coming out of the closet and so on.Gay marriage is strongly encouraged and immensely popular(Unless you're a Prime Minister)among hormonal teens and 56-year olds,but lesbians are burned at stake....a custom which made England infamous throughout the Medieval Dark Ages.To this day,masturbation in England is considered a criminal offence punishable by death.Or worse,castration.This is England,mate.Love it or Leave it.
World Domination Campaign
As you all know,the Black Death ravaged across Europe in the Middle Ages,killing millions.The Bubonic plague,as it was officially known,was the result of direct contact with escaped lab rats who had been used as test subjects and injected with a genetically-engineered alien virus,created for the sole purpose of leaving human civilisation crippled.Unlike Japs,Brits are rather easy to kill,partly because they don't have the ability to spontaneously regenerate lost limbs and shoot telekinetic laser beams from their eyes.The problem with Brits is.....they don't STAY dead.They either return from the grave with a vengeance to haunt the living,or they become Revenants.When Merlin got his depraved hands on the Necronomicon,he used its power to raise a vast undead legion of Englishmen,against whom no mortal army could ever hope to prevail.He even went on to summon a host of netherworldly monsters,the likes of which would make you shit your pants in bed and snuggle up to your mom,while you're sleeping with her.Undead orcs,undead trolls,undead Vikings,undead Indians,undead ninjas,undead Injas and other nightmarish creatures of the night.Eternal destruction was nigh for mankind.....but fate had other plans,for on that day Ash came to the rescue with an unstoppable army of Pocket Monsters who gave Merlin's army an ass-whuppin' and sent them crawling back to their holes.And on that day,all was well and mankind prevailed,all thanks those little Poke-Porn stars.....
"GOTTA FUCK 'EM ALL,POKE-PORN !!!"
The Brits' most recent but failed attempt at world domination was hiring a whore named J.K Rowling to pervert the minds of children with her novels of Harry Potty and his escapades in Hogfarts School of Bitchcraft and Faggotry.It was a global mind-control tactic that made kids turn on their elders(kinda like "Children of the Corn",only this was all about porn instead).It was a nefarious scheme aimed to systematically divide and conquer mankind by brainwashing kids and convincing them that all Englishmen were of pure blood and lineage and that everyone else was a "Mudblood" or Mugger or whatever and that it was their sacred duty to slaughter them through genocide.If the Brits had their way,all the children would have butchered their own parents and then turned on each other,finally killing each other off and leaving Earth in the hands of the Brits.....However,when Dumbledore was finally revealed to be a fairy and the movies ended despite attempts to prolong them by making the last one a two-part film,the Harry Potty craze ended and all the children turned on the Brits instead,demanding more!A plan that completely backfired and yet another failed attempt at taking over Earth!Suck on that,Brits.
And what of the Original Brit???That SOB who started it all?!
Being the first of his kind,he bears the blessing/curse of immortality.It is rumoured that the only weapon that can do him any harm is the fabled sword Excalibur,forged in the fires of Mordor and tempered in the sperm of a thousand trolls,aye,the very same legendary blade that was used to slay the Hydra,Leviathan,Bigfoot,Nessie,Snooki,The Big Show and so on.And as for his identity,he has used countless names over the ages,but you'll know him more popularly as Mr.Bean......
A trait unique to all Englishmen is their piety.Noboody's atheist-that's the beauty of England.All Brits believe in some form of higher power.The percentages of worshippers are as listed below:
32% Brits are devout followers of Hinduism and are Spiritual Sex-Slaves of the one and only Mahatma Gandhi.Through him,they aspire to attain the ultimate level of enlightment and sexual salvation by castrating themselves to expiate all desires of the mortal flesh.Little do they know that Gandhi is none other than the reincarnation of Gollum......
15% Brits worship Satan and other dark powers.These Brits appear normal and even more polite than usual Brits,always good-natured smiling chaps,but you'll soon notice odd stuff like manicured lawns in the shape of the Pentagram and an Oujja board along with their Lego and Scrabble.
21% Brits worship their namesake Britney Spears and masturbate ritualistically while listening to her pathetic rhapsody"I think I did it again".
49% Brits engage in rigorous alien worship , where they create their own crop-circles in open fields and light bonfires while screaming for their creators,the G(r)ay aliens, to return.Brits who pray to extraterrestrial beings for deliverance are classified into two main religious sects:-
The Raelist Catholic Church,who firmly believe that all Gods are Aliens but not all Aliens are Gods.
The Raelist Protestant Church,who firmly believe that all Aliens are Gods,but not all Gods are Aliens.
Other minority Raelist cults include the Raelist Orthodox,Raelist Dominican,Raelist Republic,Raelist Communists and Raelist Marxists,who are baptised throught the holy communion of alien buttsex.The Pope of Israel has been known to excommunicate any infidel who commits blasphemy by denying the existence of extraterrestrial life.Many a valiant English knight has sought out the Holy Grael in an intergalactic quest that ultimately claimed his life.
Thanks to Raelism,Brits have begun to clone themselves using alien biogenetics and it's only a matter of time before they overrun and take over our planet by sheer strength in numbers!!!
18% Brits worship Stephen Hawking,due to his awkwardness and overall geekiness,which are admirable traits in any self-respecting Englishman.
25% Brits worship Dalai Lama,famed and renowned throughout the Universe for being the founder of the Adult Film Industry. Need I go into the specifics?
What?!The total percentage adds up to more than a hundred?
Well,that's not hard to explain.The fact of the matter is,even as you're reading this,more Brits are being spawned through genetic cloning and Inbreeding.Why,even before you could say "Tinder and Flint" , there are precisely 666 more Brits being extracted from the DNA Cloning chambers,ready to make this world a worse place to live in.
Hauntings In England
England is undisputedly the most haunted country on Earth...ever wondered how or why England is so famous for paranormal hot spots?
Brits,being neither human nor quite alien,but instead a bizarre misbegotten hybrid of both,have a supernatural dilemna after they die.Unlike Japs,Brits DO have a soul,well,if you call it that anyway.So then,where do these mutant aberrations go after they die???NOWHERE-They never leave this plane to begin with!Neither Heaven nor Hell wants them because they weren't meant to be...and they just don't fit in anywhere.Thus,Brits are condemned to an existence of eternal Purgaytory after they die and are compelled to co-exist with the living while having a swell time haunting the crap of foreign kids and tourists who have a thing for creepy old gothic mansions.It is widely believed that the deceased far outnumber the living in England,aye,and with good reason too.
The Good People of England have numerous genetic deformities such as overlong drooping faces,high cheekbones,hooked beak-like noses,uni-brows,copious growths of hair at the sides of their faces and yeah, NO NECKS.This had been the subject of much intellectual debate among scholars over the decades until it was revealed that these were merely the side-effects of their nation-wide inbreeding program.
England's military during the middle ages consisted of longbowmen,billmen and knights whom everyone ridiculed due to the dank , hollow sound they made by farting in their own armour.
Beverages exclusive to England include Butterbeer,Firewhisky,Hog's mead,Hop-Scotch,Dale ale,Fag-gin,rum,cum and stale putrid golden piss.
Anyway, let me get to the point :
I've been through dimensions and realms killing anything that seems even remotely English ( Better not try to act smart with your fucking English accent >:D ) and now I've set my sights on Earth.I'll slay any and every Englishman who crosses my path.That's just how I roll...or troll , whatever , WHO GIVES A FUCK ANYWAY?!
There isn't a single Brit on the face of the Earth who can stand up to my might!!!!!!!