Neurotypical syndrome
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“Mah wah mah wah mah wah wah.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Neurotypical Syndrome
“Chris, don’t say retard. We prefer to be called ‘little people’ because there is nothing wrong with being mentally challenged. In fact, I’ve learned we are superior, above all you dumb brainy smarties, and one day you will beg us for mercy… and we will consider it.”
~ Peter Griffin on Neurotypical Syndrome
“Who the Hell died and made you the largest shareholder in IBM?”
~ Charles DeLisi of the Human Genome Project, speaking to Bill Gates about Neurotypical Syndrome
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[edit] Symptoms
Persons with Neurotypical Syndrome, commonly and to a significant degree, display a variety of symptoms of their debilitating condition. Here, some of the most significant ones are summarized.
One of the most striking symptoms, likely to shock and alienate any healthy individual attempting to more than briefly communicate with them, is their acute averseness to honesty; they find it greatly insulting whenever people disrespect them so deeply as to actually tell the truth instead of manipulating them emotionally with blatantly obvious lies. Knowing how other NTs are the same in this regard, such behavior has become the standard among NTs, and they expect not only people of their kind, but others as well, to follow and show their appreciation of it.
Another highly visible symptom is that of their ritualistic activities, such as the rote utterance of phrases of little apparent meaning, particularly in social contexts. Typically, NTs involved in such “conversation” will exchange memorized stock phrases related to things such as the weather or the feelings of themselves and others, showing no interest whatsoever in the responses unless they do not fit the expected pattern, in which case the NTs will be offended by, or ironically, consider the person who made the comment mentally deficient. Other common ritualistic activities include, but are not limited to, excessive use of body language, incoherent shouting and monkey-like vocalizations, (particularly when inebriated in the presence of a pack of fellow NTs) and the obsessive-compulsive performing of strange gestures and uttering of nonsensical phrases, often as part of a religious practice.
[edit] Intellectual Deficits
Persons with NT, when compared to healthy individuals, commonly have a set of distinct intellectual impairments. Apart from a lower average IQ, they show a lack of interest in technicalities, and are as a result remarkably ignorant. In addition, as they generally believe they know all that is of importance, they have few inclinations to search for new information. This brings us to the next issue, arrogance.
Once a person with NT has made up his or her mind, a process typically involving very little ratiocination, cogitation, or deliberation, he or she likely refuses to acknowledge even the slightest possibility of being mistaken, no matter how much solid, logical evidence is presented. In contrast, they are for some reason quickly and easily convinced when exposed to emotional manipulation, the standard method of argumentation between NTs.
[edit] Epidemiology
The disease affects as many as 9,600 out of 10,000 individuals, which is clearly alarming, though there are both good and bad news. The good news is that the number of incidences appear to be decreasing; several possible causes for this have been proposed. For example, nutritional improvements in the last few decades may be allowing these poor kids to develop proper neurology. The rise in conditions such as Asperger's syndrome may be reducing numbers of NT sufferers worldwide.
Another possibility is that this is the inevitable result of more and more neurotypicals becoming doctors. The bad news is that there are so many people with Neurotypical syndrome that they have come to take over every area of government and medicine, and may even resort to genetic testing to ensure that only sick people like themselves can exist in the world.
[edit] Treatment
Although no cure for neurotypicals exists yet, a genetic test to identify likely neurotypicalness in fetuses is expected to be developed soon. This is being disguised as a test for Autism. It is expected that NT people will have too much heart to abort the autistic child, while autistic people will certainly cooperate in creating the Master Race in their own image, not wanting to put up with raising useless eaters. This projection is based on Murphy's Law of Eugenics, which states that if there is any way for eugenics techniques to have unintended consequences, they will. Murphy's Law of Eugenics was most famously demonstrated in surveys about genetic testing for deafness, where it was found that only 20% of hearing parents would abort a deaf child, but 65% of life-long deaf people would abort a hearing child. Just in case, a massive conspircacy of people with Undiagnosed High Functioning Asperger's Syndrome (UHFAS) has infiltrated genetic testing laboratories to ensure that all fetuses carried by neurotypical parents will have their classication of Autistic or Neurotypical mislabelled. As a result, only Neurotypical children will be aborted, should neurotypical parents make the unfortunate decision to attempt to destroy members of the Master Race. Fortunately, most people who work in laboratories have chosen such an isolated but productive career precisely to avoid interaction with neurotypicals, so finding volunteers was not difficult. Progress can already be seen in the rising numbers of autistic children. Once a tipping point is reached, and autistic people become the majority, which is projected to happen circa 2350 AD, an amendment to the United Nations Declaration on Human Rights can be made, allowing governement to engage in activities against neurotypicals that would ordinarily be considered genocide, if anybody with critical reasoning skills cared enough to make the argument.
The preferred method of therapy is called Pet Training Applied to Humans (PTAH). (See online manual.) The method basically consists of giving a little food or a sip of a drink after successful completion of a request. To stop an undesirable behavior, one can use aversives. For example, if your child is socializing or talking too much, simply hit him or her firmly in the throat. The undesirable behavior should be extinguished within 10 or 20 applications of this aversive. (or death, but then again, the undesirable behavior should be halted permanently, no?) Contrary to common belief, your child has no right to act neurotypically.
PTAH's effectiveness has been conclusively proven through studies conducted by PTAH-4-Less, Inc. The result of 40 hours a week of child abuse akin to torture careful therapy carried out by professionals for a mere two-year period is impressive; one in two children with NT are forced to begin to present behavior indistinguishable from that of their autistic peers. This, of course, means that they become fully autistic not only behaviorally, but neurologically as well. PTAH has enabled many an NT child to grow into an adult with severe post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, and depression issues that can intellectually contribute to civilization, almost to the degree of a wholly healthy individual.
Of course, such a result may be more effectively achieved through science and a new pathogenic/eugenics technology introduced in babies, but as non-NTs believe it seems, this wouldn't work in the 21st century... man! Because it costs money, man! And we can't work, man! We gotta sit at home non-socialise man!
- As proven through the use of telepaths from a temporal vortex in the future; most non-NTs actually think that in their heads, specifically.
Those who insist on the performing of independent double-blind studies on the effectiveness of PTAH, something that some evidently seriously ill persons with NT for some reason do, need to shut up; clearly, the respectable practitioners and the parents who have their children undergo the therapy know what they are doing.
Of course, and interestingly enough, history has shown that this experimentation has been conducted multiple times already, through the practice of live-action political science! Fascism, or a devotion to a singular cause, has been violently redirected once already in history on a grand scale.
Neurotypicals, as such are hot on the notion of freedom and the notion of immediate solutions to get what they want and where they want it. Interestingly enough, they are able to band with their peers to achieve these goals, because of a liking for one another. Through this notion of social interaction, it has been proven time and time again in history, that these goals can be achieved through banding together.
Perhaps non-neurotypicals are not evolution. Merely, a mistake of nature in its attempts to bring about evolution among humans?
Or perhaps humans are just too fucked up on all accounts?
Such questions that only non-neurotypicals can discover surely. Hey, tell you what, I'll give you a stop watch, and because you're so honest, you measure how long it takes you to figure out a solution that every one agrees upon?
Go ahead and do it, noble/stupid/non-caring/mildly amused reader!
[edit] Neurology
Neurotypical syndrome is characterized by externalized self-referencial modes of thought, where the individual subject continually models how others might judge her or his own actions, in attempt to maintain the desired outward appearance. Although wasting vast amounts of cognitive reources, the dieases is so widespread, many ill informed health care professionals consider it a normal, healthy state. Definitive diagnoses may be made by use of polygraph test and simple questions such "Are you living a lie?", to determine how many mental resources are being diverted toward delusion maintenance. (Of course, it is best not to informa subject of the exact purpose of this procedure before making the diagnostic tests.) Diagnosis and treatment are best done at an early age, prior to beginning public schooling, to avoid the cross-contamination repsonsible for the current epidemic.
The disorder is believed to stem from distinct anomalies in brain development, including severe overdevelopment of socio-linguistic areas of the brain. These defects are thought to be caused by the consumption of meat infected with foot-and-mouth disease. However, it is commonly believed to have a genetic origin, despite lack of scientific evidence to the contrary.
Neurotypical syndrom often results in abnormal damage to the brain. There is clearly extremely bad abnormal damage; much, much more damage of an abnormal nature than could possibly be considered normal. Abnormal anomalies in the form of damage are expected to be found. Although definite evidence awaits further investigation, neurological differences observed in a many subject with NT are due to damage or pathology, but clearly, given how weird persons with NT are, there definitely has to be damage. One recent study examined the brains of persons with NT who had died in car crashes, and the observations concluded that distinct brain trauma indeed was present.
Children with NT, much like lower species, are known to develop relatively quickly. The exact reason for this abnormally fast development are unknown, but most likely due to a greater awareness of social interactions and the desire to compose oneself. One theory that has gained wide acceptance recently suggest that the reduced neuron counts of their abnormally small brains allow them to learn quickly, albeit not particularly well. This has yet to be proven, but is supported by the model quantum memory proposed by Penrose and Hammerhoff. That is, as the humber of neural connections increases, the number of distinct coherent entanlged states which the brain can diplay increases exponentially, overhwelming the ability of limited sensory input to provide convergence to the imprinting process. As a result, people with a large number of interconnected neurons are expected to develop more slowly, and people with small numbers of interconnected neurons are expecte to develop more quickly, albeith with less eventual cognitive ability. Children with NT also find themselves unable to properly develop intense and unique interests, with the notable exception of sex, and in some cases sports, depending on the crowd. Children suffering from Neuotypical syndrome also learn many varied subjects faster if they are willing to learn the subject and if they are known to work study well and work hard.
[edit] Prognosis
Lacking normal brains and narrow fields of specialization (and thus the ability to probably form and manage their own business's, as dictated by ever prevalent capitalism based on mathematical concepts of interchanging money that has worked itself throughout civilizations similar to ours that adjoin to ours and that have been consistently running for close to 1000 years now), persons with NT will be entirely left out from the next step of human evolution and die from loneliness and uselessness (or maybe use their still prevalent social skills to reform their own civilizations and create diplomatic ties with non-NTs... in theory). Meanwhile, we who rank higher on the Autism spectrum will enjoy a world without dissonance, without the distraction of multiple conversations at the same time, without lies or pretense, without metaphor or irony (even though irony is really only a form of humor and a metaphor exists for expression in assisting imaginative writers who wish to create a 'feel' for their novelizations); a world where we can completely understand each other. And trust. And love. For ever and ever. Yay. Now if only we could fucking get a long?!?!?! (these overuse of ending symbols seem to make sense to me; they don't need to make sense to you, humble reader, so leave me in peace!!! >:O)
A few have been known to "recover", i.e. afer exhibiting neurotypical behavior for much of their lives they suddenly decide to become Aspies normal members of society. Thankfully our scientists are looking for a cure as we speak. Hopefully this dreadful disease can be stopped. so far the only way to cure it is with reapepted beatings and if it contuines, euthnasia or mercy killing to end their suffering and the suffering they cause those around them.
NTs don't understand normal members of society. One must exhibit regressive traits, and perhaps the reason why they speak so low is that they psychically understand each other on a higher level while we don't. Yet, we can't exhibit integrity OUTSIDE so maybe that hints at patheticness and that science hasn't properly shown in a properly worded format other attributes in cognity such as CHARISMA and WISDOM aside from simply INTELLIGENCE among all things. Of course, one should never confront people suffering from NT because in reality it is fake. Besides, the Holy Catholic Church tells us that is a veil to the after life, and we believe this even though I naturally question everything else. Why? Of course, learning about things from a reputable resource is not as good as something naturally occuring, as we have clearly PROVEN!!!!!!! (Overuse of end symbols make sense, it is not overuse, though it may be to the reader and for that we apoligise because our psychiatrist told us that it is important to apologise when you make mistakes :P).
I am sorry for speaking in run-on sentences my psychiatrist told me that it is important not to speak in run-on sentences and for that I apologise (again i am obeying psychiatrist word for apologising, i like to be honest see????????????).
[edit] Neurotypical Savants
Despite having severe handicaps in functioning that counts, some Neurotypicals, called neurotypical savants, show higher than average achievement in some areas, usually in the realm of socializing. Some are amazing at shopping, others at gossiping. But unfortunately it comes with the absence of any useful skills, such as logical reasoning or perfect circle drawing.
The most famous example is probably Paris Hilton, who has miraculously managed to have a successful career using just socializing skills. Remarkably, she is unable to do simple things like multiply eight-digit numbers in her head, figure out how to fill out a ballot during an election (as much as she wanted to vote), tell dogs of different breeds apart, or put on (or take off) her own underwear without assistance.
[edit] NT rights movement
But as several expert over-the-internet diagnosticians have pointed out, computer use is inconsistent with a diagnosis of NT syndrome. This vocal minority of alleged persons who have NT promote "doing nothing" about NT syndrome, and would rather let it fester. They oppose life-saving treatment such as PTAH and the Borg assimilation with arguments that border on the ridiculous. These guys are nothing like our poor NT children, and don't know what a pain in the ass it is like to be the parent of one, or how much even more of a pain in the ass it is be a parent of a non-NT, strangely enough (don't they have high IQs?). Or how much it sucks to be a parent to begin with.
We are clearly dealing with a vast conspiracy carried out by lunatics who must have some kind of diagnosis, but definitely not a diagnosis of NT syndrome. In order to deal with this conspiracy, we declare that from now on only NTs with no computer skills are allowed to post comments on the internet.
[edit] NT throughout history and famous NT's
No historical figures were Neurotypical; however, some letters were. Ignoring those, Neurotypicals are typically too busy being neurotypical to actually contribute to society in any way. That's because IT'S A REAL, MENTALLY DEBILITATING DISEASE THAT AFFECTS REAL PEOPLE, DAMMIT. WHO ARE TOO SCARED TO RISE UP LIKE MARTIN LUTHAR KING PROPOSED, YO. OR WAS THAT HITLER?
