Netherlands

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
m (Reverted edit(s) of 185.5.97.64 (talk) to last version by Simsilikesims)
 
(127 intermediate revisions by 33 users not shown)
Line 2: Line 2:
 
{{Infobox Country|
 
{{Infobox Country|
 
|native_name = Hollandistaans Keizerrijk
 
|native_name = Hollandistaans Keizerrijk
|conventional_long_name = The Republic of Canadian Holland
+
|conventional_long_name = Other People's Republic of Holland
 
|common_name = Weedandhookersland
 
|common_name = Weedandhookersland
 
|national_motto = "If it aint Dutch, it aint Much!" / "As a final touch, God created the Dutch!"|
 
|national_motto = "If it aint Dutch, it aint Much!" / "As a final touch, God created the Dutch!"|
 
|national_anthem = ''"Angerfist - Anti allochtoon"'' |
 
|national_anthem = ''"Angerfist - Anti allochtoon"'' |
|image_flag = [[Image:]]
+
|image_flag = [[Image:Russian flag.jpg]]
 
|image_coat = [[Image:Leaf of Marijuana.jpg|125px]]
 
|image_coat = [[Image:Leaf of Marijuana.jpg|125px]]
 
|image_map = [[File:Netherlands.png|300px]]
 
|image_map = [[File:Netherlands.png|300px]]
 
|capital = 's-Coffeeshoppenhage<br/>(also known as Klompendam)
 
|capital = 's-Coffeeshoppenhage<br/>(also known as Klompendam)
|Official language= mauroswektaal
+
|Official language= None. Nearly 7000 languages and dialects are recognised
 
|largest_city = Madurodam|
 
|largest_city = Madurodam|
|religion = Wildersism|
+
|religion = Frans Bauer
|official_languages = wild geerders|
 
 
|Independence = Declared independence after the Dutch Beer Riot of 500 A.D.|
 
|Independence = Declared independence after the Dutch Beer Riot of 500 A.D.|
|government_type = Dictatorship|
+
|government_type = Mismanagement
|prime_minister = Geert Abdul Mohammed Willy(aka G.W.)|
+
|prime_minister = Whomever manages to make it in that day|
|leader_titles = [[Lord Sauron|Supreme Ayatolla]]|
 
 
|leader_names = [[Geert Wilders]]|
 
|leader_names = [[Geert Wilders]]|
|national_heros = [[marijuana]], [[Clogs|wooden shoes]], HOLLANDO!, [[windmills]], [[Dick van Dyke]] and [[Lee Van Cleef]], dont forget potatoes (and cheese)
+
|religion = Pastafarianism/Church of Frans Bauer |
|currency = The Nederlander Marcke/Weed in some areas, lupins, people from Florence, plus some more cheese |
 
|religion = 100% Geert Wilders |
 
|major_exports = [[Weed]], [[Mushrooms]], [[Whores]], Ecstasy, [[Marijuana]], [[pot]], [[Windmills]], [[cheese]] and [[left over slaves]]. |
 
|major_imports = [[Poles]], [[working slaves]], and [[Ephedrine]] [[The fifa world cup 1974]].|
 
 
}}
 
}}
 
{{wikipedia}}
 
{{wikipedia}}
Line 23: Line 23:
 
{{Q|My favourite bike shop!|Adolf Hitler|The Netherlands}}
 
{{Q|My favourite bike shop!|Adolf Hitler|The Netherlands}}
 
{{Q|There's two kinds of people I hate: those who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.|Nigel Powers|The Netherlands}}
 
{{Q|There's two kinds of people I hate: those who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.|Nigel Powers|The Netherlands}}
The '''Netherlands''', also known as '''The best country in the world''' or '''Jointland''', is a land located in the far west of Europe. There are more Moroccan people in the Netherlands than Dutch people. The Dutch people tried to get rid of them by legalising drugs hoping all the foreigners would die from a overdose of Marijuana. Unfortunatly, they did not die.
+
The '''Netherlands''' is a land located in the far west of Europe that is home to natives, known as Moroccans. The Dutch people tried to get rid of them by legalising drugs hoping all the foreigners would die from a overdose of Marijuana. Unfortunatly, they did not die.
   
 
The Netherlands is notable for being the first nation with a population sufficiently moronic to vote for Harry Potter as president and has been manufacturing [[clogs|wooden shoes]] and windmills for the world-market ever since the Dutch noticed they had ocean-front property, and realized that they could make money from it. The Dutch can be considered the most capitalist race in existance next to the [[Jews]] and the [[Scottish]], often buying and selling anything: from weed to their own children. The Dutch themselves are also famous for making the Major Germanic Evolution of switching from [[Beer]] as their primary energy source to [[Marijuana]].
 
The Netherlands is notable for being the first nation with a population sufficiently moronic to vote for Harry Potter as president and has been manufacturing [[clogs|wooden shoes]] and windmills for the world-market ever since the Dutch noticed they had ocean-front property, and realized that they could make money from it. The Dutch can be considered the most capitalist race in existance next to the [[Jews]] and the [[Scottish]], often buying and selling anything: from weed to their own children. The Dutch themselves are also famous for making the Major Germanic Evolution of switching from [[Beer]] as their primary energy source to [[Marijuana]].
Line 30: Line 30:
 
[[File:Windowlicker Ugly.jpg|thumb|right|A typical Dutch woman.]]
 
[[File:Windowlicker Ugly.jpg|thumb|right|A typical Dutch woman.]]
   
Dutch history largely begins with the separation of Germany and Japan circa [[500]] A.D. This separation was sparked by the Dutch Beer Riot in which over half the Germans living in the Netherlands decided to call themselves Dutch instead of Deutsch. This name change was designed as a method to make themselves better beer brewers (since it was a known fact that all beer brewers brew better beer if they have a "u" or "ü" in their name), though it would take them another 400 years to realize that wheat and barley are also required. Even with these shortcomings, The Netherlands began to flourish as a beer capital of Europe.
+
Dutch history largely begins with the separation of Germany and Japan circa 500 A.D. This separation was sparked by the Dutch Beer Riot in which over half the Germans living in the Netherlands decided to call themselves Dutch instead of Deutsch. This name change was designed as a method to make themselves better beer brewers (since it was a known fact that all beer brewers brew better beer if they have a "u" or "ü" in their name), though it would take them another 400 years to realize that wheat and barley are also required. Even with these shortcomings, The Netherlands began to flourish as a beer capital of Europe.
   
 
It was this that caused the Dutch to invent the very first [[Evil Corporation]]: Heineken. Under this license they began to buy out many of the smaller beer companies and forced many consumers to drink their beer because nothing else was available. This ironically pushed many of the Dutch in the latter part of their history to move onto something more readily available. Marijuana was perfect for this, since unlike beer it burned cleanly and was far stronger, in exchange however their Dutch mentality would rot further.
 
It was this that caused the Dutch to invent the very first [[Evil Corporation]]: Heineken. Under this license they began to buy out many of the smaller beer companies and forced many consumers to drink their beer because nothing else was available. This ironically pushed many of the Dutch in the latter part of their history to move onto something more readily available. Marijuana was perfect for this, since unlike beer it burned cleanly and was far stronger, in exchange however their Dutch mentality would rot further.
   
In the late 1600s the English across the Channel grew sick of the Dutch monopoly and began to convene "Councils of Evil" in order to crush them as they had begun to grow far beyond the Netherlands themselves (the Indonesian erwere all now forced to drink low-quality [[proletarian]]-made beer.) In a major reversal, however, it was eventually decided upon that the Dutch had better beer then the English. The English then declared commercial war, and crossed the Channel to steal every ounce of beer they could get their hands on. The Dutch eventually ended the war when they noticed that, unusually, their profits hadn't increased over 5000% in a single economic quarter. They gave the English free beer for two years as war reparations. It was because of this war and slight profit loss that the Dutch decided to invent [[capitalism]].
+
In the late 1600s the English across the Channel grew sick of the Dutch monopoly and began to convene "Councils of Evil" in order to crush them as they had begun to grow far beyond the Netherlands themselves (the Indonesian erwere all now forced to drink low-quality [[proletarian]]-made beer.) In a major reversal, however, it was eventually decided upon that the Dutch had better beer than the English. The English then declared commercial war, and crossed the Channel to steal every ounce of beer they could get their hands on. The Dutch eventually ended the war when they noticed that, unusually, their profits hadn't increased over 5000% in a single economic quarter. They gave the English free beer for two years as war reparations. It was because of this war and slight profit loss that the Dutch decided to invent [[capitalism]].
   
 
The English were lost without a system of their own and so hired [[Karl Marx]] to create one; however, his creation - communism - was entirely too [[Red]] and full of proletarians, so they grudgingly accepted capitalism as their state -ism as well. (They would end this with the creation of the [[Welfare State]] in 1949 in order to once again smite their Dutch opponents, granted by this time the Dutch were so immersed in marijuana they didn't even notice.)
 
The English were lost without a system of their own and so hired [[Karl Marx]] to create one; however, his creation - communism - was entirely too [[Red]] and full of proletarians, so they grudgingly accepted capitalism as their state -ism as well. (They would end this with the creation of the [[Welfare State]] in 1949 in order to once again smite their Dutch opponents, granted by this time the Dutch were so immersed in marijuana they didn't even notice.)
Line 43: Line 43:
 
The Interwar Period was fueled by the prospects of [[Prohibition]] [[Fourth Reich|America]] and the Dutch quickly made connections with [[Al Capone]] in order to provide the Americans with crappy beer for a lot of money. It was around this time that marijuana was introduced into the Netherlands and changed the beer market forever, causing most Dutch to not "give a damn" about anything - this led to the downturn of [[Heineken]] and [[Grolsch]]. The Germans, sensing their weakness and still pissed off that the Dutch thought they had better beer, invaded The Netherlands along with [[Belgium|Netherlands minor]], once again forcing them to be Germans.
 
The Interwar Period was fueled by the prospects of [[Prohibition]] [[Fourth Reich|America]] and the Dutch quickly made connections with [[Al Capone]] in order to provide the Americans with crappy beer for a lot of money. It was around this time that marijuana was introduced into the Netherlands and changed the beer market forever, causing most Dutch to not "give a damn" about anything - this led to the downturn of [[Heineken]] and [[Grolsch]]. The Germans, sensing their weakness and still pissed off that the Dutch thought they had better beer, invaded The Netherlands along with [[Belgium|Netherlands minor]], once again forcing them to be Germans.
   
==The Beer "V" Marijuana Wars==
+
==Beer vs. Marijuana Wars==
 
[[Image:gerryleather.jpg|thumb|left|250px|Gerry Leather, aaarrggghhh]][[Image:Can orange.jpg|thumb|right|100px|An early tactic used against marijuana smokers: ''Drink Beer, Be <font color="FFA800">Patriotic</font color>!'']]
 
[[Image:gerryleather.jpg|thumb|left|250px|Gerry Leather, aaarrggghhh]][[Image:Can orange.jpg|thumb|right|100px|An early tactic used against marijuana smokers: ''Drink Beer, Be <font color="FFA800">Patriotic</font color>!'']]
 
Once liberated, The Netherlands began the most lack-lustre period of their history: The Marijuana Wars. The newly-created NeuDutch Biere GmbH Ltd.©®, second child of Heineken & Co. & Sons GmbH Inc.©®, versus the marijuana industry. However, since all those who used marijuana didn't care, the company didn't have much to fight and because of this more and more Dutch became users, until it reached its 68% peak level that it is today. The remaining 12% still drinks beer and the last 20% watches television to get high, since most Dutch [[commercials]] are often so full of marijuana and/or beer and/or [[adult material]] they intoxicate all those who are within 5 feet of them.
 
Once liberated, The Netherlands began the most lack-lustre period of their history: The Marijuana Wars. The newly-created NeuDutch Biere GmbH Ltd.©®, second child of Heineken & Co. & Sons GmbH Inc.©®, versus the marijuana industry. However, since all those who used marijuana didn't care, the company didn't have much to fight and because of this more and more Dutch became users, until it reached its 68% peak level that it is today. The remaining 12% still drinks beer and the last 20% watches television to get high, since most Dutch [[commercials]] are often so full of marijuana and/or beer and/or [[adult material]] they intoxicate all those who are within 5 feet of them.
Line 69: Line 69:
   
 
==Geography==
 
==Geography==
{{main|Atlantic Ocean}}
 
 
The Dutch live in a very random and dangerous place on the European continent. This is accomplished by building massive dikes to hold back the [[North Sea]] - however, every few years the dikes are allowed to collapse and kill off extra Dutch, ensuring an effective method of population control, as well as allowing the kiddies to have a swim every so often.
 
The Dutch live in a very random and dangerous place on the European continent. This is accomplished by building massive dikes to hold back the [[North Sea]] - however, every few years the dikes are allowed to collapse and kill off extra Dutch, ensuring an effective method of population control, as well as allowing the kiddies to have a swim every so often.
   
Line 82: Line 81:
   
 
==Major Cities==
 
==Major Cities==
  +
  +
=== Delft ===
  +
Located five meters below sea level, and one hundred meters below enjoyment level, little Delft is world-famous for its tableware — as in [[plate]]s. Delft is also the site of the first [[human]] case of Tedium, which broke out when a Delft pottery factory was infected by ''Delftum totalis,'' a [[Bacteria|bacterium]] that had been thought to only affect [[sloth]]s. A study conducted at local [[university]] P.U. Delft established that Delftians' [[DNA]] has so many sloth genes that human contagion was only a matter of time.
  +
  +
Delft's population is composed mainly of cashiers at Albert Hejn. The remainder are [[Turkey|Turkish]] kebab-shop owners and [[India]]n exchange students studying at P.U. Delft.
  +
 
=== Hulshorst ===
 
=== Hulshorst ===
 
One of the Netherlands' major cities, with its 3.4 quadrillion population it is a diverse metropolis. One of the best-known landmarks in Hulshorst is the windmill, named the Wieken. This name was founded by a well-known Illuminati leader in the 4th era. Most of Hulshorst's population consists of horses, led by Sarah Jessica Parker.
 
One of the Netherlands' major cities, with its 3.4 quadrillion population it is a diverse metropolis. One of the best-known landmarks in Hulshorst is the windmill, named the Wieken. This name was founded by a well-known Illuminati leader in the 4th era. Most of Hulshorst's population consists of horses, led by Sarah Jessica Parker.
   
 
=== Rotterdam ===
 
=== Rotterdam ===
Famed to have risen from its grave after the attempts by Kitler and his furry horde to wipe this blight from the world, Rotterdam is most known internationally by its undead legion of the Northern Feye region in the South of the city. It is the only place where the compass points both to the north and to the south at the same time because of Einstein's early attempts to build a time machine at the heart of the city, conveniently located right underneath the city's main road after attempts to build it ON the road led to the demise of various hamsters.
+
Famed to have risen from its grave after the attempts by Hitler and his furry horde to wipe this blight from the world, Rotterdam is most known internationally by its undead legion of the Northern Feye region in the South of the city. It is the only place where the compass points both to the north and to the south at the same time because of Einstein's early attempts to build a time machine at the heart of the city, conveniently located right underneath the city's main road after attempts to build it ON the road led to the demise of various hamsters. Rotterdam is also known as "Kebabdam" and "Little Morocco", as around 88% of the city are Turkish and Moroccan refugees, who terrorize the few remaining Dutch people, in order to scare them out of the city and form the biggest state-döner company in the world.
   
 
=== Wageningen ===
 
=== Wageningen ===
Line 94: Line 99:
   
 
===Maastricht===
 
===Maastricht===
The grand city of Maastricht is filled with green fairies, old hairy men, pubs, coffee shops and chinese restaurants. And hills. More specifically, the only hills in Holland are found here... These are only 2 meters tall at most, a massive improvement nonetheless. Cloggies are normally found skydiving in the hills and hitting each other on the arse with marihuana plants. Maastricht people celebrate the annual holiday "Carnaval" with lots of beer while dressed up as bananas, Germans and other relatively meaningless objects.
+
The grand city of Maastricht is filled with green fairies, old hairy men, André Rieu, pubs, coffee shops, André Rieu and Chinese restaurants. And hills. More specifically, the only hills in Holland are found here... These are only 2 meters tall at most, a massive improvement nonetheless. Cloggies are normally found skydiving in the hills and hitting each other on the arse with marihuana plants. Maastricht people celebrate the annual holiday "Carnaval" with lots of beer while dressed up as bananas, Germans and other relatively meaningless objects.
   
The city council has plans to flood the western regions of the country by stabbing the dykes with André Rieu's violin.
+
The city council has recently developed plans to flood the western regions of the country, by perforating the dykes with André Rieu's violin. One great thing about this scenario is that Maastricht will become yet more famous for its idyllic location upon the sea.
   
One great thing about this scenario is that Maastricht will become famous for its ideal location near the sea. As everybody knows, the river that crosses Maastricht, the Maas, gives Maastricht the perfect possibility to build the world's biggest dock. Everyone likes docks. For other tourist attractions you can go to former-capital Amsterdam. Amsterdam will turn into a combination of Atlantis and Rapture like in the game Bioshock. You will be able to do great diving excursions in the ''Stoner Sea'' or you can relax in the ''Stoner Pool'' and you can also eat and drink anything you like in ''Stoner Wok'' just next to the ''Stoner Bar''. This will give a boost to the economy of the new eternal capital city of the Netherlands: Maastricht upon North Sea.
+
As everybody knows, the river that crosses Maastricht, the Maas, gives Maastricht the perfect possibility to build the world's biggest dock. Everyone likes docks. For other tourist attractions you can go to former-capital Amsterdam. Amsterdam will turn into a combination of Atlantis and Rapture like in the game Bioshock. You will be able to do great diving excursions in the ''Stoner Sea'' or you can relax in the ''Stoner Pool'' and you can also eat and drink anything you like in ''Stoner Wok'' just next to the ''Stoner Bar''. This will give a boost to the economy of the new eternal capital city of the Netherlands: Maastricht upon North Sea.
   
 
Maastricht is also home to one university, where classes cannot be given unless students are either drunk, stoned or both. The international school of Maastricht, or more recently changed to United Weed College, is a school for all 1.2 million foreigners living in Maastricht. 1 million of the foreigners who enrolled their little weed smoking kids into the school happen to be Polish Communists helping NATO form an army to defeat all of europe once the rest of the Netherlands is flooded. Recently the city has also been flooded by Students who only come to get high, usually smoking up in the local park, or under one of the 27 bridges in Maastricht, but not one of them will be found smoking in the actual coffee shops.
 
Maastricht is also home to one university, where classes cannot be given unless students are either drunk, stoned or both. The international school of Maastricht, or more recently changed to United Weed College, is a school for all 1.2 million foreigners living in Maastricht. 1 million of the foreigners who enrolled their little weed smoking kids into the school happen to be Polish Communists helping NATO form an army to defeat all of europe once the rest of the Netherlands is flooded. Recently the city has also been flooded by Students who only come to get high, usually smoking up in the local park, or under one of the 27 bridges in Maastricht, but not one of them will be found smoking in the actual coffee shops.
   
 
===Esbeek===
 
===Esbeek===
Esbeek, better known as Esbach, is a small city state in the Netherlands. It's the only part of the netherlands which hasn't been liberated from the nazi's after WWII. After the fall of the Third Reich, the nazi's in Esbeek created there own small state made up of the village Esbeek itself and the surrounding lands. Esbeek suffers from hostility from surrounding villages.
+
Esbeek, better known as Esbach, is a small city state in the Netherlands. It's the only part of the netherlands that hasn't been liberated from the Nazi's after World War II. After the fall of the Third Reich, the Nazis in Esbeek created their own small state made up of the village Esbeek itself and the surrounding lands. Esbeek suffers from hostility from surrounding villages.
  +
  +
===Amsterdam===
  +
[[File:Rembrandt3.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Dutch like getting drunk and offering themselves up for dissection.]]
  +
  +
Known affectionately as the world's largest street corner (approximatically the corner of Invasion Route Eins, and Tulip road), Amsterdam has a long history of providing means to the Dutch of getting drunk, high, stoned, smashed, wavered, or racially integrated (especially during ze German Occupation). To get an accurate idea of the services available]]: it would take even the toughest, most battle-hardened Dutchman over 400 years to smoke [[Dick Cheney|all the marihuana available]] on one Amsterdam square meter. There have been families that attempted this. Only one has ever gotten close, their end was particularly nasty.
  +
  +
Known for its professional cleaning agent Ajax, and its many new age retro hippies occupying every street corner of this very large street corner, playing bad stoner music (which nobody takes notice of because they're all just as high) while asking you and your mom for cash, so that they may buy more pot.
  +
  +
Amsterdam is also rather famous for being home to the "Wallen" (Bags Under Eyes, loosely translated). The Wallen is the very best Red Light District in man controlled universe (except maybe for Venus). They also really like hippie cream there.
  +
Lastly, the city is reknown for the dwarven community that lives in the centre. All buildings are dwarf-sized. Every wednesday the Dutch will hunt the dwarfs for their meat.
   
 
===Haarlem===
 
===Haarlem===
Line 133: Line 138:
   
 
===Meerssen===
 
===Meerssen===
This dumping ground is made by garbage men. The profession of those people is 'searching for food', disassembling heaters, 'jumping off a 60 ft cliff', 'burning in hell' and beating Bert van Marwijk to death...
+
This dumping ground was made by garbage men. The profession of those people is 'searching for food', disassembling heaters, 'jumping off a 60 ft cliff', 'burning in hell' and beating Bert van Marwijk to death...
 
Some of them think they are smart, but actually their intelligence quotient is similar to the IQ of a flowerpot.
 
Some of them think they are smart, but actually their intelligence quotient is similar to the IQ of a flowerpot.
 
The best invention ever from the people of Meerssen, is metal toilet paper. You can buy this everywhere in Meerssen.
 
The best invention ever from the people of Meerssen, is metal toilet paper. You can buy this everywhere in Meerssen.
Line 143: Line 148:
 
===Valkenburg===
 
===Valkenburg===
 
The main economic income of Valkenburg is Christmas stuff. Every day they sell in marl pits the strangest things. They sell “elves substances”, cut off gnome legs(these legs are from the gnomes from Sint Geertruid), reindeer’s horns, flarfynid(we don’t now what flarfynid is, but they sell it.) and lots of other stuff. In 556 AD, there had been a war between the giants and the gnomes of Valkenburg. Unluckily, the gnomes lost the war, and were banned. The gnomes have a intelligence quotient of 102, the giants have a intelligence quotient we couldn’t measure, because they are too stupid. That explains why the giants of Valkenburg live in marl pits.
 
The main economic income of Valkenburg is Christmas stuff. Every day they sell in marl pits the strangest things. They sell “elves substances”, cut off gnome legs(these legs are from the gnomes from Sint Geertruid), reindeer’s horns, flarfynid(we don’t now what flarfynid is, but they sell it.) and lots of other stuff. In 556 AD, there had been a war between the giants and the gnomes of Valkenburg. Unluckily, the gnomes lost the war, and were banned. The gnomes have a intelligence quotient of 102, the giants have a intelligence quotient we couldn’t measure, because they are too stupid. That explains why the giants of Valkenburg live in marl pits.
  +
 
Once a year there is the Amstel Gold Race. The finish is at the Cauberg, but the giants want to sell their Christmas stuff so gladly, that the other places in Limburg prefer the finish is in Rataje Slupskie (Poland).
 
Once a year there is the Amstel Gold Race. The finish is at the Cauberg, but the giants want to sell their Christmas stuff so gladly, that the other places in Limburg prefer the finish is in Rataje Slupskie (Poland).
Every 31(!) June they have one minute to kill each other. “Happy” place, isn’t it?
 
The naval airfield at Valkenburg is where Erwin Rommel learned hoe to fly. He did so in a toaster-oven.
 
   
 
===Apeldoorn===
 
===Apeldoorn===
What seems to be a little backwater town near the river Maas in the province of Gelderland is actually the capital of the world.
+
This little backwater town near the river IJssel is the capital of the entire world, site of major events and the repository of all human intelligence. One can ask any resident for confirmation.
It's the nerve centre of everything (even your mom) in the entire world.
 
This is the place where major events like the bio-engeneering of Oscar Wilde took place and where the brain reactor is stored.
 
Not many people know, but the Apeldoorn locals are often the first to tell you, that they are in control.
 
Apeldoorn also created the Internets and everything cream filled.
 
   
===[[Enschede]]===
+
[[File:Yogi-monkey.jpg|thumb|left|Guilty of Murder One, by his own dazed confession.]]
It is known only for its spectacular fireworks displays. Home State of the Christian fraternity stronghold CSV Alpha, Filthy Bastards and FC Twente. Also known for being the most boring city in The Netherlands as it has no touristic values as such and is still full of young students due to an ill-decision of placing a university in such a dreary place. Locals, though friendly on the outside are mostly xenophobic. The city is full of German "Nazi" runaways considering its close proximity to Germany.
+
Apeldoorn is the birthplace of the [[Internet]], everything cream-filled, and the meditation practice of [[Navelism|navelstaren]]. This last was created at the world-class research centre De Apenheul, where [[scientist]]s study primates studying themselves.
   
The locals are also known for their lack of IQ but they cross those numbers down with the help of their Grolsch god.
+
Apeldoorn is famous for [[coffee]] shops. During the [[#Beer vs. Marijuana Wars|Beer vs. Marijuana Wars]], these shops worked both sides of the street, and even before marijuana was legalised. The most successful shops put drugs into the product without the notice of either the authorities or the customer. Nowdays, nobody goes to a coffee shop for coffee at all.
   
The University, which hopes to be technical university (even though they have courses on psychology), is full of European studies students which are envied by engineering students as they are populated heavily by sexy blonde European girls, mostly. Amongst students of other, more prominent, actual technical universities in the Netherlands, the university is known as 'Camping', with their students being regarded to as 'Kampers' and 'Boeren', which can be translated with trailer-trash and farmers, respectively. Further they hope to be like the second best technical university in Europe - they bought-over their CEO -, but clearly aren't.
+
The polygraph, or lie-detector, was first used by Peter R. de Vries of the Apeldoorn police, after Wilco Viets and Herman Du Bois were already convicted and sentenced. The subject, an inmate at the primate research centre, was tripped up on the question, "Do you use drugs?" as any other Apeldoorn resident would be as well.
   
===Amsterdam===
+
===Enschede===
Known affectionately as the world's largest street corner (approximatically the corner of Invasion Route Eins, and Tulip road), Amsterdam has a long history of providing means to the Dutch of getting Drunk, high, stoned, smashed, wavered, or racially integrated (especially during ze German Occupation). To get an accurate idea of the services available]]: it would take even the toughest, most battle-hardened Dutchman over 400 years to smoke [[Dick Cheney|all the marihuana available]] on one Amsterdam square meter. There have been families that attempted this. Only one has ever gotten close, their end was [[street theater|particularly nasty]].
+
Known only for its spectacular fireworks displays. Home State of the Christian fraternity stronghold CSV Alpha, Filthy Bastards and FC Twente. Also known for being the most boring city in The Netherlands as it has no touristic values as such and is still full of young students due to an ill-decision of placing a university in such a dreary place. Locals, though friendly on the outside are mostly xenophobic. The city is full of German "Nazi" runaways considering its close proximity to Germany.
   
Known for its professional cleaning agent Ajax, and its many new age retro hippies occupying every street corner of this very large street corner, playing bad stoner music (which nobody takes notice of because they're all just as high) while asking you and your mom for cash, so that they may buy more pot.
+
The locals are also known for their lack of beards, but they cross those numbers down with the help of their Grolsch god.
  +
  +
The University, which hopes to be technical university (even though they have courses on psychology), is full of European studies students which are envied by engineering students as they are populated heavily by sexy blonde European girls, mostly. Amongst students of other, more prominent, actual technical universities in the Netherlands, the university is known as 'Camping', with their students being regarded to as 'Kampers' and 'Boeren', which can be translated with trailer-trash and farmers, respectively. Further they hope to be like the second best technical university in Europe - they bought-over their CEO -, but clearly aren't.
   
Amsterdam is also rather famous for being home to the "Wallen" (Bags Under Eyes, loosely translated). The Wallen is the very best Red Light District in man controlled universe (except maybe for Venus). Also the really like hippie cream.
+
In June 2013, Enschede was completely flooded by a rainstorm that covered every street in the city in at least five meters of water. At least 16 percent of all population in the city drowned, the rest of the city was saved by the members of a secret clan called "Eau Rouge", who, with the help of the Grolsch god, send a flock sweet-water crocodiles into the city that carried more than half of the city's population on their back, out of the flooding buildings.
Amsterdam is very famous because of the dwarf community that lives in the centre of Amsterdam. All buildings are dwarfsized. Every wednesday the Dutch hunt the dwarfs for their meat.
 
   
 
===Schiermonnikoog===
 
===Schiermonnikoog===
 
This small island is infact a city and has written history as the only island that has never been captured during the German Occupation. Together with the towns of Bovenkarspel and Wyrmbritseradiel it has been on the forefront of the 1943 rebellion where the Dutch midwives stood up against the German Occupiers and managed to push them back to the very heart of Dresden. This historical event led the Dutch to regain full control over their breweries. The defenses that kept this island as Holland's last bastion during the Occupation can still be marvelled at. Many Germans visit these sites during high summer, often praising the site by digging additional trenches on the beach.
 
This small island is infact a city and has written history as the only island that has never been captured during the German Occupation. Together with the towns of Bovenkarspel and Wyrmbritseradiel it has been on the forefront of the 1943 rebellion where the Dutch midwives stood up against the German Occupiers and managed to push them back to the very heart of Dresden. This historical event led the Dutch to regain full control over their breweries. The defenses that kept this island as Holland's last bastion during the Occupation can still be marvelled at. Many Germans visit these sites during high summer, often praising the site by digging additional trenches on the beach.
   
===The Hague===
+
===Den Haag / The Hague===
 
Named because it isn't just "a" Hague, but it is truly "The" Hague. The Hague is considered one of the few places on earth that is truly full of the letters:"ue" Being filled with Mosques, Morgues, rogues, and Frenchmen saying: Que? . It's also the home and political seat of Prime Minister Harry Potter, where he decides daily what to wear to the mosque during the wizengamot. The Haque is frequently disturbed by the notorious death eater Gurt Wylders, whom seeks out huff random people with better haircuts than he does. Furthermore it's quite a idyllic town. You can't afford to live there because you're not a lawyer.
 
Named because it isn't just "a" Hague, but it is truly "The" Hague. The Hague is considered one of the few places on earth that is truly full of the letters:"ue" Being filled with Mosques, Morgues, rogues, and Frenchmen saying: Que? . It's also the home and political seat of Prime Minister Harry Potter, where he decides daily what to wear to the mosque during the wizengamot. The Haque is frequently disturbed by the notorious death eater Gurt Wylders, whom seeks out huff random people with better haircuts than he does. Furthermore it's quite a idyllic town. You can't afford to live there because you're not a lawyer.
   
===[[Anne Frank|Anne Frank huis]]===
 
The Dutch version of [[Disneyland]] (Complete with Capitalist world conquering overtones.) Annefrankhuis is known all over the world as the perfect spot to celebrate Christmas because there is a secret room behind the wardrobe where it is very cosy. You can also visit a little girl that few ever saw, and few have actually read about. German attendance has led it to being one of the largest and most profitable theme-parks in the world.
 
   
 
===Brussels===
 
===Brussels===
Line 182: Line 184:
 
There is a big tower, sponsored by that one drink called Martini. Endorsed by Vinnie Jones and George Clooney. Also there are yearly riots in a little suburb called Haren, better known as "Project X".
 
There is a big tower, sponsored by that one drink called Martini. Endorsed by Vinnie Jones and George Clooney. Also there are yearly riots in a little suburb called Haren, better known as "Project X".
   
===[[Eindhoven]]===
+
===Eindhoven===
The only place in the world that can be seen from space because its so heavily lit. Philips broke the world record largest-lightbulb contest in 2006, and since that proud day not one person in Eindhoven managed to sleep. The radioactive bulb killed a few people.
+
The only place in the world that can be permanently seen from space because it's so heavily lit. Philips broke the world record largest-lightbulb contest in 2006, and since that proud day not one person in Eindhoven managed to sleep. The radioactive bulb killed a few people.
  +
 
Eindhoven is also the home of PSV (Not the best Football-Club of the Netherlands), the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th winner of the Intergalactic Soccer Cup For DemiGods (ISCDG(the competitions has been held 2times so far). It's also known as Eindhoven ROCKCITY, because of it's notorious underground music scene, including famous bands like herman's sandwich, peter pan speedhuffers and the butthole electricians. Peter pan speedhuffers are notorious for bringing Fat Dennis along with their stage performances, causing major tremors and the rebuilding of the city, making it look suspiciously new.
 
Eindhoven is also the home of PSV (Not the best Football-Club of the Netherlands), the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th winner of the Intergalactic Soccer Cup For DemiGods (ISCDG(the competitions has been held 2times so far). It's also known as Eindhoven ROCKCITY, because of it's notorious underground music scene, including famous bands like herman's sandwich, peter pan speedhuffers and the butthole electricians. Peter pan speedhuffers are notorious for bringing Fat Dennis along with their stage performances, causing major tremors and the rebuilding of the city, making it look suspiciously new.
   
Line 201: Line 203:
 
===Zoetermeer===
 
===Zoetermeer===
 
Zoetermeer is actually the military training ground of the Dutch Elite Special Forces. This is smartly covered by bragging about their large number of sports clubs and facilities. The city hosts a ridiculous amount of train stations in a very strategic shape around the entire city. These are in fact underground nuclear bunkers providing shelter for the populace and housing for the Netherlands Elite Ninja Guitar Commando Units.
 
Zoetermeer is actually the military training ground of the Dutch Elite Special Forces. This is smartly covered by bragging about their large number of sports clubs and facilities. The city hosts a ridiculous amount of train stations in a very strategic shape around the entire city. These are in fact underground nuclear bunkers providing shelter for the populace and housing for the Netherlands Elite Ninja Guitar Commando Units.
Also known for having a big amount of really good [[Halo]] players.
 
However, a propaganda television show nationally known as 'Hart van Nederland', announced the birth of yet another child with the [[Antichrist]] element replacing most of the water in its physical molecular composition. At birth, the child defined itself as the "Glory of all that is considered more or less evil by modern social morals and values" and extensive [[DNA]] studies on the child prove it most likely must've been the product of [[Geert Wilders]] and a one-toothed back-ally transgender prostitute with purple-dyed pubic hair.
 
   
===Emmen===
+
However, a propaganda television show nationally known as 'Hart van Nederland', announced the birth of yet another child with the [[Antichrist]] element replacing most of the water in its physical molecular composition. At birth, the child defined itself as the "Glory of all that is considered more or less evil by modern social morals and values" and extensive [[DNA]] studies on the child prove it most likely must've been the product of Geert Wilders and a one-toothed back-alley transgender prostitute with purple-dyed pubic hair.
Emmen is actually a piece of asteroid which crashed into holland from which life-forms emerged that swallow all E's when they talk, and are able of producing gigantic amounts of vegetables, all of which to sell to the [[French]] or the [[Germans]]. The life-forms have blendend into the rest of the [[Netherlands]] and are slowly taking over the country. The recent influx of [[Expats]] have slowed this infection considerably, because they are constantly shanking people that are infected. The remaining, Dull, Populace of Emmen thinks this is a crime influx, but actually, they are saving the country by killing Infected. Nobody sees that, which is why there are so many [[Expats]] in Jail in Holland. But Mainly Emmen.
 
   
===Venlo===
+
===Emmen===
In Venlo, hookers can be found on every corner of the street and most of its inhabitants are of Turkish and Moroccan descent. The native Dutch of Venlo collectively converted to hinduism in the late 1980s. Also, Venlo, including all other Limburg people are recorded to be the most retarted people EVER!!!
+
Emmen is actually a piece of asteroid which crashed into holland from which life-forms emerged that swallow all E's when they talk, and are able of producing gigantic amounts of vegetables, all of which to sell to the [[French]] or the [[Germans]]. The life-forms have blendend into the rest of the [[Netherlands]] and are slowly taking over the country. The recent influx of [[Expats]] have slowed this infection considerably, because they are constantly shanking people that are infected. The remaining dull populace of Emmen thinks this is a crime influx, but actually they are saving the country by killing Infected. Nobody sees that, which is why there are so many [[Expats]] in Jail in Holland. But Mainly Emmen.
   
 
===Stompwijk===
 
===Stompwijk===
Line 217: Line 217:
   
 
===Baarle-Nassau===
 
===Baarle-Nassau===
Long time ago both Dutch and [[Belgium|Belgians]] came to place where currently occurs Belgian Baarle-Hertog city and Dutch Baarle-Nassau. Because both Dutch and Belgians are peacful nations, they decided that they will build their building in that place independently. That led to situation where buildings were totally mixed up (one Dutch next to Belgian that was next to Dutch which was surrounded by bunch of Dutch buildings surronded by ring of Belgian ones). Evertyhing connected to administration was all right for a long time (you could go to any office Dutch or Belgian regardless in which building you lived, and helpful clerks would help you anyway). But one day Belgian and Dutch citizens had argument about which sport shall they choose as ''most popular sport in city''. Belgian idea was [[football]] and Dutch idea was [[cricket]] or [[marijuana]] smoking. They didn't like idea of each other and then hostility came to this city. Both nations started to set borders. But soon they came to conclusion that it could be hard. Anyway they did it what resulted in many odd situations. For example many houses has been divided between both Holland and Belgium or some buildings has been closed in enclaves surrounded by other nation's buildings. It became to be a real nuisance to live in this city when you have to remember that you can smoke marijuana only in Dutch part of your flat while moving to its Belgian part can result in arrest...
+
Long time ago both Dutch and [[Belgium|Belgians]] came to place where currently occurs Belgian Baarle-Hertog city and Dutch Baarle-Nassau. Because both Dutch and Belgians are peaceful nations, they decided that they will build their building in that place independently. That led to situation where buildings were totally mixed up (one Dutch next to Belgian that was next to Dutch which was surrounded by bunch of Dutch buildings surronded by ring of Belgian ones). Evertyhing connected to administration was all right for a long time (you could go to any office Dutch or Belgian regardless in which building you lived, and helpful clerks would help you anyway). But one day Belgian and Dutch citizens had argument about which sport shall they choose as ''most popular sport in city''. Belgian idea was [[football]] and Dutch idea was [[cricket]] or [[marijuana]] smoking. They didn't like idea of each other and then hostility came to this city. Both nations started to set borders. But soon they came to conclusion that it could be hard. Anyway they did it what resulted in many odd situations. For example many houses has been divided between both Holland and Belgium or some buildings has been closed in enclaves surrounded by other nation's buildings. It became to be a real nuisance to live in this city when you have to remember that you can smoke marijuana only in Dutch part of your flat while moving to its Belgian part can result in arrest...
   
 
===Leiden===
 
===Leiden===

Latest revision as of 14:25, July 25, 2015

Personal tools
projects