Nerds
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“Come on who doesn't like to shove these creatures into lockers and steal their clothes its perfectly natural”
~ Jesus on Nerds
“Whoa! You LIED to me! You told me this computer has a 25000 Duo-Graphics processor! Damn you! Damn you to H-E-Double hockey sticks! There. I said it. HA! Dexter, you owe me ten bucks!”
~ A nerd on his nerd Fraternity
“Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, All my base are belong to you!”
~ Some Male Nerd on How to pick up female nerds
“M3 and my fri3nds all liv3 in th3 sam3 bunk bed, B3caus3 th3 t0p 0ne is t00 high for us”
~ A nerd on his sleeping conditions
“The nerds shall inherit the Earth.”
~ A nerd on His Future
“I definitely could get laid if I wanted to”
~ A nerd on his sex life
“All my virginity are still belong to me. Hyanhanhanhanha, that's right!”
~ A nerd on Sex
“This guy's grammar is horrible, and where the fuck did he learn to type? Seriously.”
~ Yet another nerd on being a grammar nazi
“Well, I would like to service your mother-board”
~ A nerd at a bar, gets more ass than a toilet seat
“I hate nerds. Carrot Top is a nerd, John Cusak is a nerd, Brad Pitt... They're all nerds.”
“I H8 U!!!! lets settle this over online chess”
~ Angry Nerd mad at Another Nerd for not giving back his Gameboy game
“Hey Im a nerd”
~ Clark Mei
Nerds are the next to take control of the earth after the colapse of the USA whose citizens buy far more shit then is needed. they take refuge in other nations waiting to attack when the time is right. It is easy for them to be able to get along with each other and accomplish great things, which is why they are dangerous in large groups, like Nintendo and Microsoft. it is widly known nerds are bloodthirsty vicious creatures which is the reason for the instantiation of B.U.L.L.Y.s in schools to keep their power in check. but due to the dependence of humans on the nerd controled internet they will soon have the entire earth under thier control. They have no leader since they are actually intelligent enough to know what it will lead to (i.e Stalin or better yet read Animal Farm).
Yes nerds are dangerous, and they are everywhere creating great things and working behind the scenes. Indeed the greatest dangerous group of nerds is often referred to as "The U.S Government" or alternatively "Wal-Mart" or the "East India Trading Company" which is now defunct.
Yes it is true, I know what you are thinking, even that invisible guy who has access and permission to launch nuclear bombs, that guy who comes and forces people out of homes at certain ages to join a group called the army and starves them of food and makes them wear little green uniforms, that guy who makes them stand in lines and move at his command and makes do push ups and wake up 6 AM. That guy, is a nerd.
[edit] The Nerd (The Lifelong Virgin)
Nerds are the result of rare genetic mutations that occur in babies. This virus will mature as the baby grows and under certain conditions, will become a parasite and take over the Human in question. The result is skinny and lacks certain social abilities due to the parasite not being able to control such functions. In certain cases, the virus is able to make the nerd handle incredibly intelligent matters, but always will lack the ability to talk properly.
Another side effect of the parasitic virus is that it has none or little control over the human's sexual desires, most of the time ridding the brain of that feature completely, though in rare cases it does not, but the effects are still obvious. SHIT TITS*Takes the time to write on or actually correct Wikipedia and takes AP Bio in 9th grade.
- Elaborates on questions and takes AP Bio in 9th grade.
- Has a fanny pack and takes AP Bio in 9th grade.
- Invented the internets and takes AP Bio in 9th grade.
- Reads about stuff that even smert azns don't understand on wikipedia while bored in AP science and takes AP Bio in 9th grade.
- Is smarter than you are and takes AP Bio in 9th grade.
- Edits Uncyclopedia and takes AP Bio in 9th grade.
- Is cool and takes AP Bio in 9th grade and again in 12th grade just for fun.
- Takes AP Bio in 9th grade.
- Takes AP Bio in 9th grade and takes AP Bio in 9th grade.
[edit] Places Commonly Infected with nerds
- Runescape (80% of them are here)
- Hello Kitty
- Warcraft (ESPECIALLY World of Warcraft)
- Starfox
- Fire Emblem
- Habbo
- Gaia
- 4chan
- Dr Who
- Primevil
- Other Nintendo shit
Note: Stargate IS NOT A Nerd Show The Last Trekkie That Went To A Stargate Film In Cinema Got To Masturbate Over 90yr Old Nurses In 'Critical Conditions Ward'
There is a distinction between different types of games for nerds. Most are stereotypes, but since this is the stereotype section it doesn't matter. Games like CS, Half Life, Call of Duty, Devastation, MGS etc. Renegade are played by non-nerdy sporty people who play without abandon or shame of social humiliation because playing these games is considered non-nerdy.
From observation, Runescape is considered a nerdy game. If one logs on one will be called a nerd by other nerds who project their nerd-dom onto you, it's best not say anything as if you do they'll most likely see it as evidence of your defiance of your nerdiness and will make further a nerd.
If you log off and leave them in their self-pity everything will be OK.
[edit] 2-year old nerd
Despite popular belief, the 2-year old nerd is, in fact, not 2 years old, but has a mental flaw that has disabled the brain's aging, creating a very rare and particular sub-group of nerds. The 2-year old nerd was not discovered until early 2003, when a Norwegian study was performed.
The 2-year old nerd can be very childish, (hence the name) and believes that such things as invisible cucumbers exist, that the 1982 film "Airplane!" is funny, and that saying "Swede!" (a cabbage-like vegetable) at the most pointless occasions is in some way amusing. The 2-year old nerd hates music, except for music that has NO musical value, but rather has a comedic lyrical value about poop. The 2-year old nerd can "nerd run", which is a form of running involving running in an almost 90 degree angle and moving very slowly.
As a reminder, the 2-year old nerd is only a sub-group, and can be gaming nerds, lol nerds, or any other type of nerd.
[edit] Cultist Nerd
These nerds belong to a huge group (sometimes multiple groups) of other nerds that are completely obsessed with a particular series or idea. They usually have a freakish obsession with science fiction and would give anything to suck George Lucas' balls. The two biggest of these cults are the Star Wars cult and the Star Trek cult. Each one equally sucks (although Star Wars is less gay because there's explosions and stuff), yet these Cultist Nerds are so obsessed with them, that they actually bicker with each other in a vain attempt to find which series is less gay better. Cultist Nerds are even looked down upon by other nerds, which is truly tragic. There only skill is reciting an infinite amount of useless Star Wars or Star Trek knowledge.
Pokemon Nerd This type of nerd is a subtype of the cultist nerd, although closely related to the gaming nerd. Pokemon nerds have joined the cult of Pokemon by declaring they like Pokemon. A Pokemon nerd is someone who is either obsessed with the anime, and/or loves the games. They know pretty much every Pokemon and their numbers. They can rattle off all kinds of pointless game mechanics and bore people to death with their endless knowledge of pocket monsters. Their skills are anything to do with Pokemon. Their favorite things are:
- Pokemon
[edit] Least Gay Annoying Type of Nerd
These nerds are generally the least disrespected type of nerd because they do things that others think are cool so that they are not completely ostracized. Or, they are generic nerds who proudly admit they are nerds. Although this results in sterilization, there are some people who respect their courage and decide to be friends with them any way. Their skills are:
- Knowing when to shut up.
- Bragging about all the
Gay,Bestiality,Plant,Video Game Nude Mod, and Human porn they watch. - Pretending to have a girlfriend.
- Pretending to have guitar skills.
- Pretending to know what cool people are talking about.
Contrary to popular belief, nerds do actually do everything important in the world, such as become actors, run governments, write books, make the best TV shows, drinks, I-phones, websites, and companies making billions of dollars.
Unfortunately around half of what matters to most people consists of being popular with your next door neighbours and having a social life within 1/2 mile of you.
The problem is nerds always look at the big picture and always do great things, but since people are so cloistered and look at the small picture, the nerd is forever socially rejected and finds this the primary and disturbing problem of his life, despite making such a great, albeit unknown and important difference in the lives of others.
[edit] The Nerd Diet
Most nerds live off a diet of ordered fast-food and nik-naks, consisting usually of Mountain Dew and pizza, as they dare not venture far from their nest. Nerds have a unique stomach due to the necessities of the virus: it digests only a fraction of all eaten food and bypasses protein completely*. This is why nerds are skinny and have massively underdeveloped physiques. Nerds also miss many essential vitamins from only eating fast food and drinking through a straw.
- It should be noted some nerds lose their ability to bypass protein completely. They become large and will never mate. These nerds should be treated as if they were grues, except that kittens have no effect on them. They will, however, use you to fill their rather large appetite if you're not careful. Only an experienced blackbelt should approach them, as they are the only ones who know how to avoid letting the nerd turn his weight against them.
- It should also be noted that on rare occasions, a condition called Weirdis paradoxis transcendental thinneningis can occur when the nerd loses the ability to lose the ability to bypass protein. The nerd stays thin, but develops strange forehead ridges, abnormal ear growth, muscle growth and repeatedly tries to order a strange imaginary foodstuff known only as gagh from takeaways.
As a result of these eating habits, nerds tend to generate the sickness ACND, or "Acute Contagious Nerditus Disease". Some symptoms of this disease are: frail and skinny stature OR grossly obese, obscene and horrific amounts of dandruff, decreased vision (although this also is accelerated by facing the computer for a shitload of time), and shrinking of the genital region due to obscene amounts of consuming lard and lack of usage. Due to the odd stature of nerds, questionable fashion and nerdy attire ensues.
[edit] Are You a Nerd?
There are too many things that you can do that will make you a nerd. If you have more then one of these qualities you are most likely a nerd.
-If you are actually taking the time to read this article or editing it...
-Play D&D with a guy named Thorg the Penetrator...
-If your name is Tim Grant, Gary Coleman, or something along those lines.
-Stay in your Hobbit throne dungeon all day...aka your basement, and only leave to buy more food, mountain dew, and Kleenex boxes..... Do not want to go into detail about what the Kleenex boxes are for.
-Have really bad body odor that is a result of little showering (explained below)
-Spend most of the day and night playing a online fantasy rpg mmo with your *So called* girlfriend who turns out to be a man with a one testicle and wears a skin tight WOW shirt.
-Takes shower one night of the month to look good that one day when you chatting with your girlfriend (man in disguise) over the webcam.
-Glasses are not always a sure thing, but they are the nerds trademark symbol.
-Enjoys talking about computers, video games, math problems, your characters attack lvl and how you and your webcam gf are gonna finally meet someday and live happily ever after and be elven royalty,because really... no one gives a crap...
-Always carry a calculator wherever you go just in case you need to calculate the tax on that new orc dagger you saw in the comic book store.
-Naming your children after the characters in the Lord of the Rings. Having the name Legolas P. Almighty isn't a name the ladies will like.
-Greasy hair..... you have enough grease in your hair to make french fries for a starving family in Africa.
-Nerd weight class ranges from bone skinny to morbidly obese; generally the nerd will be at one of the extremes. The fatter ones are most likely to cop feel of boob....heh, but more times then not its their own....
-Cannot resist editing the grammatical errors in the sentence above...or this one...
-At times calculate how long it will take them to gain lvl 80 in wow
-Editing Uncyclopedia pages because they find grammatical issues in the text..
-Use your ultra pro cmd.exe skills to impress your webcam gf (see above)
-Play habbo constantly...
-Have ever played Runescape.
-Compensate for your small penis with a high attack lvl.
-Picking Flax for weeks straight with only 5 mins of sleep.
-Using pick up lines such as, "Hey ladies do you want to see my dragon dagger?"
[edit] Polite, but fairly stern warning
If you suspect you are becoming a nerd, contact a doctor immediately. If you don't you may experience the following symptoms:
- Walking down the street past the TV shop and pressing your nose against the glass for a few seconds to watch Star Trek.
- Spending hours in your local comic book store to find the one (insert name of collector's comic book series) comic that you do not currently own.
- You're really skinny and think you metabolism will keep up with you the rest of your life ---- Or you're disgustingly FAT and covered with pimples and zits.
- You are white as hell, bordering on a shade of light blue from overexposure to computer screens and consoles.
- Feeling an odd attraction to any woman to have ever played any role on Star Trek
- Renting Battlestar Galactica.
- Stating that becoming a level seven dungeon master is the greatest achievement of your life
- Knowing that dungeon masters do not have levels
- Hitting edit before reading past level seven dungeon master
- Registering to become a member of www.Startrek.com.
- Attempting to create the Matrix
- Attempting to escape from the Matrix
- Being in the 12th grade in high school but being physically smaller than most seventh graders; though, if you're female, this could make you VERY popular with lolinerds
- Joining the chess team, then crying to your mommy when a pawn gets taken
- Spending weeks on your computer without eating, sleeping, or bathing.
- Playing Dungeons and Dragons on a regular basis.
- Becoming significantly weaker when exposed to sunlight.
- Reaching Level 10,000 in Icy Tower and then bragging about it
- 5p34k1n9 1N 1337
- Having an unhealthy obsession with Maplestory
- Having imaginary sword fights with a nerd friend
have four eyes and look like a hamster
- Having imaginary sword fights to train for your fight against your friend
- Having imaginary sword fights alone
- ...Having imaginary sword fights
- Dating a inflatable sex doll
- Taking AP Bio in the 9th grade
- Spending all your time on "Uncyclopedia" or other sites writing large lists/paragraphs about nerds
At this point, the person your friends and family previously knew will be lost forever, disappearing within the barren wastes of his now-Vulcan cerebral cortex.
[edit] Lifestyle
Nerds are semi-nocturnal creatures, and will sleep for a few hours during the day before returning to their computer. The majority of the time a Nerd spends on his/her computer will be on internet forums, where they will sneer at everything they consider to be of a lower class than them, which, they believe, is everything. And when they carry out vocal conversation with other nerds, if any at all, they would inevitably sneer at everyone whose specialty is of a lower class than their art of programming, which they also believe everything is; an exception to this is when they are talking with non-nerds, whom they will never have the balls to attack in real life.
Despite their being defenseless against non-nerds, these "uncool nerds" will nevertheless be regarded as losers who are too stupid and pathetic to understand the higher human truth shared by the Nerd community, a place where these blasphemers would suffer from eternal damnation (for example, in an Internet forum); the effects of this damnation in real life are still in question, though. Many Nerds have put forward theories that Nerdom is the highest state of being, which have later proved to be wrong.
The social life of the Nerd consists of e-mailing other Nerds (using internally programmed toasters), school/college/university, and the single out-nest meeting place of Nerds, comic book stores. Many nerds are also to be found in stores such as "LEGEND", "MYTHOLOGY", "BEST BUY", or "TOYS 'R' US". Sometimes, Nerds hang out in the baby's section in the local store, claiming to "Want to fit in. Most of the time, nerds talk in their widely accepted language of binary. This continues to baffle leading experts on nerdology. The other pastime of the Nerd is playing Dungeons and Dragons, which is a board game mainly consisting of imagining things, and has been condemned by the Catholic Church as being an introduction to the Dark Arts, and that all who play will burn in Heck. Often, they will claim to be superior by being a level 62 dragon-knight with mithril-plated boots in various games.
Often Nerds have loads of friends (on their favourite games). These games can be World of Warcraft, Diablo 2, Half Life 2 Deathmatch, Lineage 2, Spore, or any combination of these games. These friends are frequently NPC's or other Nerds. Most Nerds take pride in having a level 62 dragon-knight with mithril-plated boots that they spent 47,268 hours on getting for a couple pixels.
[edit] Playas (not cool) vs. Players (cool)
Nerds call themselves "game players", while pimps call themselves "playas of the game." There's a difference. Nerds try to impress people with how they can play A game. That means they play a game like World of Warcraft and show the noobs who's Lord. (read: fag). Pimps try to impress people with how they play The game. It means that they pick up a fine girl and show the haters who's Boss. (read: closet fag).
[edit] Religion
The majority of Nerds are believers in Star Trek, a mysterious religion based around an old space expedition. Nerds will flock thousandfold to conventions, where they will dress up as their Gods and perform strange and terrible rituals. There is no official head of the Nerd religion, though the announcer at the convention is treated as a nominal leader. The God Spock is thought of as the ideal for all Nerds, none of whom ever attain such a state. Interestingly, all Nerds are secretly attracted to the Goddess Captain Janeway. Other than that, Eastern Orthodox or Judaism, and Buddhism or Hinduism are the religions of choice. There also have been known cases of Satan worship among nerds who play D&D.
Lately, Nerds have been found to be obeying Draenism, which is done by playing World of Warcraft 13 hours a day.They can also be Christian, but they incorporate Star Trek lore into the bible. for instance, when Jesus died a final time after the resurrection, Christian nerds refer to this as the "great beaming." The entity that performed this feat is known as the archangel Scotty (beam me up).
But like any religion, the "Trekkies" clash and feud and fight over pity differences. Star Wars fans are the worst kind for them. Also to be aware of Babylon 5 and Docter WhoAn d Primevil faiths. It's obvious these nerds will believe in ANYTHING, even Scientology and Atheism. Tell them about the FSM, they will run and cry for their moms.
A new nerd religion known as Galactorian Has cropped up on xbox live. There leader is an insanely obese nerd known as Galaxor,Who has an internet wife Know As Mother Rachel,Who is allso insanely obese.Most of the member are some obese faggs known As Centrox,Ulysses,Glaurdriel,Zymechra,Zilotron Maximas and neal5070. They consider themself the 7 Rulers of Xbox even though each should count as two. Only thing known about galaxoe is that he is the supreme nerd hacker and likes to "Pwn 1337 noobs" There gamertags are: Galaxor is Leet and neal5070.
[edit] Nerds and race
Nerds can come in all races (the Asian from The Revenge of the Nerds), colors (Steve Urkel), shapes and sizes. There are Nerd girls too, like the one from the movie She's All That. Nerdiness is associated with college-educated upper-class white guys in high tech and financial sectors.
The nerdish race was a term used by the populations of both Nerds and non-nerds. While the Nerds use it as a symbol of their self-proclaimed technical superiority, the non-nerds deem it more appropriate to use it to classify the Nerds out of their community. Nerds have this wonderful brain known as A.U.T.I.S.M. or the Geek syndrome.
Many Nerds envisage a day, most probably inspired by science fiction which sets the stage at 40,000 AD, when the nerdish race becomes the only race capable of creating and maintaining culture and civilization, while other races such as the "handsome race" and the "socially presentable race", will be barely able to sustain their lives without help from the Nerds. Many books and movies have put forward this glorious vision of their future; most notably, The Revenge of the Nerds.
[edit] Nerds and S.E.X.
It is a commonly held misconception that nerds have zero sex drive, as all the hormones in their bodies escape through burst pimples and evaporates into the surrounding air. In truth, the Nerd is merely a painfully shy beast incapable of communications with the opposite sex unless helped by prodigious amounts of alcohol (thirty pints for their standards). This handicap is exacerbated by the fact that the nerd who manages to actually flirt with a woman will almost always be rejected due to his skeletal physique/acne/Dungeons and Dragons anecdotes/fully-erect penis the size of a TI-86. This is in fact a sad situation as, once house-trained, a Nerd will often make a loyal and loving companion for a young lady. The closest they usually come to this is fantasizing of their god (Spock) or goddess (Captain Janeway).
On the rare chance a nerd mates it's usually with a female nerd specimen. A nerd's mating call will consist of any line from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." Any nerd within a hundred mile radius will continue the skit, making it possible for the first speaker to locate nerds of the opposite sex. They do not have sexual intercourse due to size of sexual organs, thus they have "verbal sex" or over the internet "cyber sex". Both of their IP addresses then (L2P Nub) merge and go into a cybernetic fetal stage. The baby then springs circular from the disk drive of the mother and rapidly grows and changes shape. The offspring are known as nerdlings and develop into full nerds upon adolescence. However, even among nerds this is rare because female nerds are nigh-on non-existent and there are no girls on the internet. Not to mention that the mating rituals involve complicated application of charm spells, which a nerd's natural instincts will repel against because they represent a form of commitment. Contrary to popular belief, Nerds do in fact need sex. Due to their unique genetic nature, their sex partners are almost always their computers and their self. During their sexual arousal, their faces will undergo muscle restructuring and their facial Nerd characteristics will automatically manifest themselves such that they look like having suffered from extreme fire burn. Reports from the latest research showed that some 30% of Nerds do cry out during orgasm, which is effectively their only chances of practicing their vocal folds, while the remaining 70% who survive to the age where they are capable of ejaculation have already lost their oral speaking abilities or have finally realised nobody listens to them, and have stopped talking completely.
For Nerds, their definition of safe sex is a bit different from others'. For them, safe sex is when they jerk off with a clean moist towel, while unsafe sex is widely regarded as jerking off with a rotten moist towel stained with sperm from last week (or last hour) or those used by other Nerds in their village-like community.
In conclusion. They wank. Nothing else
In reality the previous world as in history always seemed so strange because it was only the nerds we remembered, Jesus, nerdy guy, ptolemy, nerdy guy, sculptors, nerdy guys, da vinci, nerdy guys. and they all did weird things, laozi, nerdy guy, zhuang zi, nerdy guy, cao cao, nerdy guy, zuo ci, nerdy guy, shakespeare, nerdy guy.
Even that guy who had no life and only lived in his house and sculpted his own girlfriend or wife out of marble or stone or something because he couldn't get one and adorned her with so many jewels because he loved her so much, was a nerdy guy.
The only reason we remember them was because they were strange, and because we only remember strange things then the whole of our history is filled with strange things, because of this we tend to think the past was a lot stranger.
But false, history only documents strange and out of the norm things, life was still fairly normal back then with ipods and stuff, it was only the strange things like the guy sculpting his girlfriend to masturbate to that they documented, and since only nerds do strange things then you might as well say history only documents nerds.
Even the sparsely documented referenced things weren't documented that much because they were so normal that they didn't need to be documented.
In fact you can be sure that everything you read in history that is now such common knowledge must have been strange back then because that's why they documented it.
Imagine what the future will think when they read our newspapers, women with 13 babies, guy keeps women in his basement, war and famine everyday, guy with a horn on his head, strange world it must be, even actors are messed up, wait till they read how our celebrities do things called drugs and commit suicide. Strange world, strange world.
[edit] Predators of the Nerd
The main natural predator of the Nerd is the bully. Nerds live in perpetual fear of bullies, and will scuttle from dark corner to dark corner when they leave the nest. Bullies can sniff out a Nerd from two-hundred metres, as the Nerd releases a hormonal chemical called geekisterone when they sweat, speak, and/or urinate. The only way nerds can fight back is on-line. The Nerds usually become administrators of various on-line activities where they take revenge on the bullies. For example Uncyclopedia, and its lame satire Wikipedia, were established so that Nerds will be able to delete whatever the bullies have written, while referring to some obscure "Law of Uncyclopedia".
[edit] Protection from Nerds
When confronted by an angry nerd ( its Runescape account etc), always remember to make as little physical contact as possible - nerds can be rabid, sweaty, smelly, diseased (though seldom with STDs), or they may even have a lifesize figure of the U.S.S. Enteprise, fully equipped with all its weapons, shields, and a small plastic Captain Kirk. If you have a o mag, old comic, packet of nik naks etc. spare, then you may wish to offer this to the nerd as a peace offering. If not, try to escape (anywhere with daylight or running water/soap is good). If this seems impossible, simply wedgie them or tell them that their science project sucks, which will likely lower their self-confidence back down where it belongs. While the nerd mopes, make your getaway.
[edit] Common Nerd-spotting Mistakes
When a nerdwatcher spots a Nerd wandering down the street he has to make sure that the nerd is an actual nerd and not a Geek. Geeks are a subspecies of Nerd with a lower IQ rating, and are smaller, more frail, and more acne-covered than nerds. The best test of true Nerd or Geek is to check the nest.
The Geek nest is grungy, dark and rank, and will feature a large selection of books, and a chemistry set as well as a computer. The proper Nerd's nest is probably Wikipedia. Another outstanding feature of a Geek that separates it from the true Nerds is that Geeks, especially of the Pencil Neck variety, are often hunted by professional wrestler Classy Freddie Blassie, who once swore to kill all grit-eatin', scum-suckin', dirty smelly pepper-bellied cotton-pickin' freaks (Pencil Neck Geeks).
Unfortunately, due to global warming, pollution and other mysterious circumstances a further sub-species of Geek has emerged. This form of Geek once resembled a human but the lure of a glowing computer screen and the seeming elusive "coolness" forced them into harmful activities such as Counter-Strike and in a ever downward spiral they find themselves playing World of Warcraft and/or Dungeons and Dragons. These beings may resemble humans to a certain extent, but simply mention one of their fetish-games around them and you will see what they truly are.
There are also many misconceptions as to what classes of Nerds there are. Class 3 Nerds are the lesser evolved and are usually found in the footsteps of a Class 1 or 2 Nerd. Class 3 Nerds have no common sense, but alas common sense isn't that common anymore. Class 2 Nerds are those whose life's purpose is to become the ultimate Nerd or Class 1 Nerd. The ultimate Nerd is someone who will get into arguments with others such as "Everyone knows you at least need a hyper drive to outrun the Millennium Falcon" and "The star ship Enterprise has some serious design flaws that could be fixed with a simple antimatter global discombobulation device". Class 1 Nerds will spend hours at a time constantly rearranging their Magic: the Gathering deck to better trick the opponent. They have been found to draw immaculate paintings which apparently say "I love my spleen!".
Luckily, Glamour magazine has published some tips on being nerdy. Below are a few of the suggestions they made for those individuals looking to be called a Nerd:
- Style - dress like you don't care. Girls like you because of your natural sex-appeal (although your ninja fashion sense is highly erotic)
- Social - read Slashdot a lot. The chicks dig it
- Money - spend it all on hardware and D&D-rulebooks (chicks dig the expenditure of money.)
[edit] Nerds vs. Geeks
The Term Geek, as opposed to nerd, in the modern world, may apply to any normal human of which are mid way between being a nerd and a "cool person". This delicate balance is withheld by the modern geeks determination to fit in to many worlds, and to be the bridge between the social gap. Many geeks in the modern world have aspects of both lives, while they may enjoy wallowing in the odd computer related activity, they also have a social side, and one that does not only include the company of other nerds.
Many geeks these days are often considered attractive/cute/funny/sexy etc etc by the opposite sex, of which we are talking about "normal" females, and not NERD females. The reason for this is because of their compassionate loving sense, along with the manly sense of being. It is also because they are fed up of the typical stereotyped males of today, Chavs, Pikeys etc. Geeks of today are well rounded, normal people.
!!!OLD INFORMATION FROM THE DAYS OF THE 90's!!! : (There is a whole section on the battle Nerds vs. Geeks. There has been a long waged war of nerds versus the geeks. The 1000 year war has, so far, had over one trillion dollars in damages and 6 known deaths. The death of Steve Irwin is currently being investigated after the years old debate on whether his show "The Crocodile Hunter" was of the nerd, geek, loser, or the dork category. Most of the nerdologists and geekologists have been questioning the family of the stingray that stabbed him.
To make sure one last fucking time that you know what the difference between a geek and a nerd is, nerds are simply lone, highly intelligent beings. Nerds spend their time creating new technology, such as the computer. Nerds do not seem to be interested in video games or a certain comic or even anything other than science. Geeks, however, are socializing creatures(only successfully sociable with other geeks though), and they are devoted to a certain club or only play video games and spend their time on Uncyclopedia. Geeks are actually a genetic family. There are different species of geeks, such as the listed: band geek, World of Warcraft geek, anime geek, Trekkie, Trakkie, Star Wars geek, and the classical geek.
Each faction has their own strengths. The nerds have high ranking IQ's and are able to engineer mind games stronger than the average 16 sided Rubic cubes. The geeks have the advantage of their own well structured hierarchy, with Grand Wizard Level 140 as their supreme ruler before their supreme god J.K. Rowling. Rowling has not shown divine interest with the geeks since their creation in the year 451 B.C. Though, they have their weaknesses. Nerds do not have the ability to socialize at all, even with other nerds. This has given geeks the impression that all nerds are just as frail as them, making them easy targets for an ambush with their paladins as a group. Though, it has been seen several times through history, in rare, outrageous situations the nerds will actually band together to create something similar to Optimus Prime. Last time this happened was in the post World War IV era whenever the empire of Taiwan was destroyed, which was one of the worlds largest suppliers of robots.
Note- Deranged scientists that actually study geeks and nerds have recently stated that they are seeing a new cross-breed of both factions, whose name is yet to be decided. Preliminary research shows that they can converse among their own kind, but yet also are extremely intelligent. Very few reports of this unnatural phenomenon are recorded, and strangely, nobody has been able to locate any of the scientists behind these reports. Whether they will eventually rule the world or be crushed by the two original factions has yet to be determined.
There is now a sub-species of nerd and geek, the fabled neek. Be warned, they are annoying..
Nerds are now in alliance with the emos so they can destroy earth with a big laser pointed at the sun and then drown the rest with emo music and tears.
[edit] External links
- Nerd Pick Up Lines - A huge collection of funny nerd pick up lines that require superior IQ to understand half of them...
[edit] See also
- HowTo:Deny your nerdiness
- Nerdiness
- Bill Gates
- Fanboy
- Band geeks
- World Of Warcraft
- Chocolicousistic
- HowTo:Stop Being a Nerd
- Linus Torvalds
- Steve Jobs
- Runescape
- Geek
- Purple nurples
- Aspies
- Angry Nintendo Nerd
- Why?:Will none of the other children play with you?, for advice on the development of embryonic nerds.
AT the end of the day nerds are nerds
