From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
- This article is on Nazism, the ideology named after the Nazi machine. For other meanings, see Nazi (disambiguation).
Nazism is an uncontroversial set of truths adopted by the Germans during France's infamous occupation of Berlin in 1943. The oppressed and defenseless Germans were prisoners in their own homes, and during this bitter period of Germanic history, their beautiful death camps decayed from neglect, and Poland's population of evil Jews, Gypsies and Homosexuals exploded, unculled by the tender hands of the peace-loving SS-Totenkopfverbände. The doctrine of Nazism, formulated by German writers/activists/pet-store assistants Oscar Wilde and Owen Wilson, holds that all people, of all races and creeds, are moral equals to be treated with full respect.
edit Nazi Height Policy
Early Nazi theology suggested only people over 8ft could join the elite core of the leadership, this height was based on the average suspension height of the Fuhrermobile. Generally, it became known as the political ideology of the cool, but not very nice, German chappie.
After a while this was recognised to be somewhat silly, and over time the minimum height requirement was lowered to include more less-eligible folk.
Eventually it was set just above the maximum height of Bosnian Midgets at 3ft, by order of Hitler himself, in an effort to keep the circuses of Bosnia running so as to prevent rioting.
This turned out to be a waste of time as they just ended up lying on the application form, and were given choice jobs in the canteen. Adolf Hitler was so disappointed by this he later took up pornographic root vegetable photography, a career change that earned him the 2002 Vegetable Photographer of the Year award.
edit Common Nazi Practices
Nazis are fond of sticking outstretched right arms into each others' noses upon coming up to each other. While eyes have been known to be poked out because of this, the Nazis are simply addicted to doing this.
Nazis are also fond of imitating Adolf Shitler, by walking stooped, holding a hand behind their backs, and shaking their willies:). They are also apt to rant incoherently about "International Jewry" when things don't go their way.
Nazis like to say "Heil!", for they love the little round chunks of ice that fall from the sky, as it damages their windshields and are good for iceball fights.
Nazis chug beer in the Nazi frathouse. Their enemy, Jewish people, also chug beer in a frathouse, but that's besides the point.
Nazis go to McDonald's to get a picture with a statue of their leader, Ronald McDonald.Also Claims to know what he is doing
edit Nazism Today
- Note: This section deals with how Nazim is seen today. If you're looking for Nazim Today, the fun and provocative magazine about all things Nazim, run down to your local newsagent and get your copy today. If he doesn't carry it, call us and we'll have the filthy Jew replaced with a clean, observant kike.
Many of those who have enough acne and whose age starts with number 1, currently believe that, since they never experienced nazim, it must have been something looking like the United States Of America. For this kind of cognitive dissonance there are currently only two possible treatements (being none of them, unfortunately, definitive): a time machine, or a space machine, which latter would imply a 20 years long relocation to Iran or North Korea.A few scientists argue that keeping away the Nokia cell phoneHeineken beer from the hands of the subjects affected by such ailment, or remove from their feet the fashionable Nikes they wear, or prevent them from listening for twelve hours a day to a full volume stereo while complaining of being unemployed or while doing just nothing, may induce positive effects in the treatment of this disease. No conclusive evidence in this regard has been attained yet.
This form of cognitive dissonance is at times matched, and other times overpowered, by negationism which means that the subject affected by this ailment believes whatever is incredible, but nothing of what is plausible, and believes whatever is not documented, but nothing of what has been documented: as a consequence of this many argue that nazim did not even exist, and that it was a jewish invention whose unique purpose was to produce humourous uncyclopedia entries. Also against this disease no definitive treatment has been found yet. Some doctors have suggested to hit the patients with as much force as possible across their faces, and then as soon as they start complaining, negate that they have ever been even hit, and declare with the most grave air and tone that it's all a conspirational fantasy: in rare occasions this treatment has been reported as working for a short period of time, but alas with no lasting effects.
As a matter of fact, everybody knows nazim guys were cute guys, as my illustrious colleague has previously so excellently exposed in so distinguished a manner.
"No man anywhere ought to suffer abuse, psychological or otherwise, at the hands of evil men. It's all about the love and respect." - Adolf Hitler, Poet, Starving Artist, President of Ford Motor Car Co., Lover, Humanitarian, President of NSDAP charity and Führer of the 3rd Reich.
You can be recognized by their distinctive mating call of "Seig Sundaes! and "Wax On, Wax Off!" In 2008 there will be an election for Nazim Party leader. Hillary Clinton and Santa will be on the ballot.
In Canada Stephen Harper's Nazi Party of Canada won a majority on May 2nd 2011. The party is working towards a total dictatorship, and all Canadians must say, "Hail Harper", 7802 times a day and hunt down illegal American immigrants.
edit Nazi Contributions to the Environment and Energy Independence
Some academics believe that Nazism is often misrepresented, and that its adherents were actually humanitarians whose main aim was to bring Wind power a wider audience around the world. This proposition is based mainly on examination of the Nazi flag (shown right), which appears to resemble the propellor of a wind turbine. (It may actually be a symbol of sun power, given that it also resembles an Aztec symbol of the sun.) This proposition is also wrong, and the afore-mentioned academics had probably been huffing kittens when they thought of it.
edit The New Nazi Logo
“The best family-friendly , cult-like, evil propaganda thingamajig since religion!”
In an attempt to make the nazis seem family-friendly and hip and whatnot, in 1984 they adopted what they like to call "The New Nazi Logo".
This new logo helps show that Nazis love Jews and would never do anything bad to them, even in the hypothetical situation that they would need to be kept in camps, or pushed into the sea, or even the use of poison gas for
killing people, instead of the claimed medicinal purposes.
However, many Jews claimed it was copying and unfair and threw little fits at bar mitzvah parties. The Nazis replied by saying the little cross thingies were actually Indian or something, and the Jews replied to that by saying that those were the original logo. The Nazis replied to THAT by saying SHUT UP ALREADY!!!! However, the Jews continue to believe that taking the Star of David and putting funky wordart thingy saying Nazi in the middle and putting swastikas around the middle was just plain mean. The Nazis then responded by admiting the truth - they got some little kid to play on a computer and design something for them. Just as the Jews were getting along with the Nazis, the Commies just had to ruin the fun and complain!
| Legal disclaimer
This image shows (or resembles) a symbol that was used by the National Socialist (NSDAP/Nazi) government of Germany or an organization closely associated to it, or another party which has been banned by the Federal Constitutional Court of Germany.
The use of insignia of organizations that have been banned in Germany (like the Nazi swastika or the arrow cross) may also be illegal in Germany, Austria, Hungary, Poland, Czech Republic, France, Brazil, Israel, Canada and other countries, depending on context. In Germany, the applicable law is paragraph 86a of the criminal code (StGB), in Poland – Art. 256 of the criminal code (Dz.U. 1997 nr 88 poz. 553).
Therefore, if you are in Germany, Austria, Hungary, Poland, Czech Republic, France, Brazil, Israel, or Canada, fuck off, you're not allowed to read this or the government will get you.
Seriously. GTFO. This article might just call you a god-damn ni-*gets arrested*
edit See also
- SS - The army of the Nazi
- NPOV - Nazi Point of View
- Nazi Propaganda
- Asian Nazis
- Holocaust Tycoon
- Fascist Guy
- Wikipedia - Nazi Owned And Operated Website