National Hockey League

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LOL PHOENIX

The National Hockey League (NHL) is a "pro" hockey league best known for fighting, the Stanley Cup, fighting, Wayne Gretzky, Trevor Linden, Mark Messier, fighting, Mario Lemieux, Sidney Crosby, the FoxTrax puck, fighting, drunken Canadians, and fighting. Oh, and did I mention fighting? It is regarded by many as the worst-run professional sports league in the world, thanks in part to its decision to completely forget its core business (playing ice hockey) in favor of Commissioner Gary Bettman's favored pastime: being a jackass. Also, fighting commonly occurs during NHL games. Did I mention that? Of course I didn't.

[edit] Why It's Better Than European Hockey

The NHL is better than European hockey because it does not have French players. (The French are simply not big enough to play in North America, and in fact, their only option is to play in Sweden.) Also, the NHL has Don Cherry, and it allows fighting. Unfortunately, the fighting is now regulated: the NHL recently implemented an instigator rule that states fighters must seek permission in triplicate from their opponent before punching them in the face. The highlight of any NHL game is a bench-clearing brawl, in which a typical hockey fight spreads to everyone in the arena, like a vicious (yet entertaining) plague. But recently the NHL decided that was too much fun, and it enforced strict regulations that make it almost impossible to start an entertaining fight. And, to ensure that European players wouldn't get their asses kicked, the bench-clearing brawl was replaced with a shootout following a scoreless overtime period.

[edit] Sasquatch takes NHL by storm

Sasquatch was drafted by Toronto 1st overall in 2001. He played his first career game against Montreal but managed no points. He did however, get his weener stuck in the goalie's mask and had to be carried out on a stretcher. After months in Penis Trauma Rehab, he came back to the NHL motivated and determined. His Mother (Mrs.Owl) and his father (Mr.Rabbit) were in attendance for his first game back. They were not disappointed with their sons performance. He scored 1 goal, had 2 assists and decapitated the opposing teams equipment manager with a Machete for the win. He was quickly becoming one of the top point producers and enforcers in the game. He challenged for the Art Ross Trophy and the Blood Thirsty Killing Machine award the following year. It was obvious that Sasquatch had serious potential, and when he was named Captain of the club on October 14th 2003, he took off. He took his team all the way to the Stanley Cup Final before losing to the Red Wings in 7 games. Sasquatch knew that was his final chance to win hockey's greatest prize. He was diagnosed with Slimey Hanging Itchy Testicles desease or SHIT a few months earlier. He knew he would not be returning to the NHL. He went into a deep state of depression and killed himself at the tender age of 165. He was inducted into the Sasquatch Hall Of Fame on December 13th, 2007. Rest In Peace you son of a bitch!

[edit] Important Rules (However Silly They May Be!)

Unless otherwise noted, the penalty for breaking any of the following rules is an ejection from the game and a fine of $10 million. A team may pay the referees to avoid the rules. However, rules A thru E must always be enforced.

A: The puck must be indiscriminate enough so that it cannot be seen on television.
B: Players must wear pink on their helmet, pants, jersey or skates.
C: Players with a French name must wear extra pink.
D: All controversial calls shall go in favor of the team that paid the referees more money.
E: Sidney Crosby is a little bitch.
E2: No, You.
F: Only players older than 33 may skate backwards.
G: Players older than 38 must only skate backwards.
H: Players may only drink water while skating around.
I: Players may only chew gum if it is to be spit at the opposing goalie.
J: Chanting "Kill the midget!" is mandatory if the player carrying the puck is shorter than 5'5".
K: Chanting "Put it back in the zoo!" is mandatory the the player carrying the puck is Zdeno Chara.
L: Chanting "Shut the Fuck Up Faggot!" is mandatory when Gary Bettman is seen on and off the ice.
M: Coaches may only speak a maximum of five (5) words at a time.
N: No players on the ice can share the same first name unless it's Joe, Brian, Sergei or Vladimir.
O: The losing team shall be decapitated and replaced by players from college or the minor leagues.
P: If Florida loses, team owner Kelly Gooscock has the option to beat every ticket holder's wife.
Q: Each team is allowed only one black man, and he is prohibited from playing in the first line.
R: The black man must get into more fights than the rest of the team combined in every game.
S: The black man's diet must NOT consist of fried chicken.
T: No "racial" comments; we have Black hockey captains now.
U: No players on the ice can share the same last name unless it's Staal, Kozlov, Neidermayer, Ruutu, or Blake.
V: Making public references to an ex-girlfriend and her "sloppy seconds" will result in an indefinite suspension.
W: Detroit must win their division every year.
X: Columbus must never enter the playoffs. If they do they will be gang raped by Detroit.
Y: The crease is to be used for decorative purposes only.
Z: Players from New York or Montreal must try to kill someone in every game.
ÅA: Alexander Ovechkin's purpose is to try, but fail to break the glass after scoring a goal.
BB: The referees are permitted to kick the puck into the net, as long as the Penguins score a goal as a result.
CC: Sidney Crosby must finish with more points than all of Tampa Bay combined
DD: Takin a train, takin a train, takin a train, Now I'm...
EE: In every game a Montreal player should be injured or killed

[edit] The Criminals at Large

[edit] Divisional structure

The NHL is divided into two conferences and six divisions. The teams are arranged based on their relative favor with the powers-that-be. For example, Detroit is considered a favored team, so it was placed in the fluffy marshmallow that is the Central (i.e., Middle-of-Nowhere) Division. On the other hand, for icing one of the worst-ever hockey teams, Edmonton is considered an unworthy team, so it gets stiffed with the forest of cacti that is the Northwest Airlines Division. To make things more unbalanced, teams play against their own division a ridiculous number of times. This results in Detroit clinching its division by Christmas, while all five Northwest teams battle just to clinch a playoff berth.

[edit] You Bunch of Rookies

Got milk?

Following the regular season, the favored and unworthy teams play for the Stanley Cup. In the playoffs, roughly anything can happen, which has resulted in recent conference finals resembling the results of a coin-flip or d20 roll. This has had the unexpected effect of leaving favored teams playing golf in May while the unworthy teams get multiple cracks at the Cup.

The NHL is trying to resolve this issue by examining legislation that would allow players to leave their teams whenever they want. The NHL hopes this legislation will give favored teams the hint to sign all of the talented players and leave the unworthy teams with all of the stupid ones. This would make it almost impossible for unworthy teams to get past just the first round of the playoffs.

[edit] The Fans of the Criminals at Large

A typical Detroit fan.

There are many types of fans in the NHL: distressed and delusional Edmonton fans, desperate Toronto fans, drunken Calgary fans, stonedand fucking annoying Vancouver fans, and pissed-off Canadians who think Winnipeg, Quebec City and Hamilton should all house NHL teams.

There is also Rob, the only Atlanta fan, and Bob, the man who used to be Nashville's only fan. However, like most hockey fans, Bob was attracted by Canada, so he moved to Toronto, and Nashville is left, once again, with no fans.

Fans in Detroit are often given Stanley Cups in giveaways, largely due to the immense surplus of the trophy.

[edit] The Criminals That Were

1967 Expansion: FART. 1976 Expansion: FART. 1990-93 Expansion: FART. 1998-2001 Expansion: FART.

There are 30 defunct teams that once played in the National Hockey League, but were too poor to bribe Bettman to stay in their city. Almost all of them were expansion teams.

The Fall of the Buffablow Slugs

Alaska Seal-clubbers (Sarah Palin's financial nightmare. Yah, yoo betcha)
Australia Roos (No, not roos as in kangaroos; the other roos)
Berlin Hitlers (Divided into two, reunified, became the European Soviet Unions)
Buffablow Slugs (The arena literally collapsed on them)
California Rotten Seals (Team name was in honor of Garry ~~Fatman~~ Bettman)
Charleston Slave Owners (Was that in West Virginia?)
Charlotte Drag Queers (Formerly the Los Angeles Kings)
Colorado Coors Drunks (The baseball team name "Rockies" was taken)
Dublin Leperchauns (Every player on the team was a drunk Irish midget)
Edmond Oklahomos (The Oklahoma team went west to Bakersfield as the "Okies")
Florida Fucktards (Long-time rivals to the Riyadh Retards)
Georgia G-strings (A women's hockey team that played in the G-spot)
Houston Airplane Crashes (Bush's "Inside Job" backfires, Enron is gone)
Indianapolis Indians (Now called the "Native Americans"...them racists)
Jamaica Potheads (Played on water)
Kansas City Farmer's Daughters (Sarah Palin's retarded teenage daughter owned it)
London Silly Nannies (Same organization as the British champion American football team)
Mexico City Immigrantos (Moved to San Diego)
Munich Bratwursts (Later became Bavaria Beer Chuggers)
New Delhi 7-11s (Was sponsored by Circle K)
Oklahoma OKs (Formerly the Tampa Bay Lightning; "Thunder" was already taken)
Portland Motherfuckers (Later renamed Portland Uncle Fuckers)
Quebec Queer Flags (National team Quebec loses to Canada)
Regina Vaginas (Whipped the Skat)
Riyadh Retards (They're renting an arena in Tulsa, Oklahoma)
Saskatchewan Skat (Fucked the Vaginas)
Utah Betchah (Sarah Palin's bitch, Todd, owned it)
Virginial Disease (Another failed women's hockey team)
Warsaw circumcised (Moved to Auschwitz in 1939)
Yellowknife Yellow Knives (Their rink was located in town square, as it's that freezing).

[edit] Looking to Expand

This one is for you, Bettman

2009-2012 Expansion: HOLD IT. Then Fart slowly away.

Despite all of the failed expansion teams, the NHL is considering adding 10 more hockey teams. So, would you like to own a National Hockey League team?

All you need is $2 billion dollars and a wife, whom everyone is allowed to play with!

You must choose a color that the rest of the league will hate (not including the mandatory pink!), and you must choose a team name that is offensive to all religious groups.

City size does not matter, as long as you can afford the bill! Good luck!

However, the city must be located in a region that does not receive any ice or snow. Otherwise, the team will be fined $100 million for every inch of snow that falls.

Even attempting to place a team in Canada will make Gary Bettman cry. He will sue you for enough money to create another team in a warm-climate city where nobody has ever heard of hockey.

It's worth choosing a logo that people can make fun of, because you can have fun screwing a poor bastard out of as much money as possible to wear the fucking thing.

[edit] Potential Expansion Teams

Here is a list of the hockey teams being considered.

Arizona Desert on Ice
British Rich Bitches
California Brass Walruses
Cape Breton Shithawks
Cleveland Le Barons
Colorado Rocky and Bullwinkles
Delaware Corporation
Florida Wittman Wife Beaters (Started by the league's biggest fan, Kelly Goosecock)
Hartford Wieners
Hawaii Obamas
Iowa Corn & rice
Juneau Who?
Kansas Klans Knights
Las Vegas D-Ice
Minnesota Northern Lights
Moose Jaw Moose Jaws
New York Harlems (Everyone on the team is black...like that's gonna happen)
Oakland Gamgsters (Another all-black team...bloody rivalry with the Harlems)
Pennsylvania Dutch (Located in between Philly and Pittsburgh fan bases)
Quebec Nordic Aryans
Québec Nordic Séparatists
Regina-Saskatoon Siamese Twins
St. John's Seal Rapists
Texas Robbers
Utah Rotten Eagle Carcass
Virginia Tropical Storm
Winnipeg Jerks
Yellowknife Eskimos on the Rocks

[edit] The Superstars

Campenelli is now stuck on a Canadian game show.

[edit] Rick Campanelli

An unpopular VJ who was fired from MTV Canada
Signed to Toronto in 2005
Fired after his first game in which Toronto lost to Pittsburgh, 37-1
Holds the Toronto record for most career goals (3)
However, all 3 goals were scored on his own net
Is paid more than the entire LA Kings roster combined

[edit] Don Cherry

Don Cherry pretending to be cool

Main article: Don Cherry

Was a loudmouth coach of the Boston Beers; he wasn't afraid to say what was on his mind
Is the reason why 100% of the Canadian population watches Hockey Night in Canada on CBC
Likes to yell
Thinks that Europeans are pansies for wearing protective visors
Revealed by scientists to have a skull filled with hot air and an enormous inner ear
He can hear all of his own mindless rambling thoughts
Enjoys pointing out each bit of every non-Canadian player's flaws
Has no problem calling European players gay, even though he is often seen in floral pattern suits (see right)

[edit] Sidney "I'm a Bitch" Crosby

Main article: Sidney Crosby

AKA "The Failed One."
Claims to be straight, but everyone knows that's a lie because he is in love with Marc Andre-Fleury.
Commonly refers to himself as "the bitchy one" and the claim has held up.
Kisses a picture of Alexander Ovechkin every night, wishing he could be as cool as him.
Even though Crosby has more Stanley Cups than Ovechkin, his faggotry made winning the cup like winning a dildo used for gay porn. Crosby's shitastic faggot like leadership did not help the pittsburg penguins win the cup but the skills of his somewhat straight teammmates and the evil corporation known as CBC resulted in winning the cup.
Lets Gary Bettman blow him, because no one else will.
Chose number 87, which refers to how many times he has ejaculated on the Stanely Cup.
Won an Olympic medal for whining and diving.
The only hockey player to eat more penis in a day than food in a year.
He once performed 300 consecutive hours of oral on Gary Bettman (299.5 of them were for fun).
Is afraid of Chuck Norris.

[edit] Tie Domi

Main article: Tie Domi

Second Smallest Player in the League at 4'1.5" and 376 pounds
Therefore, the phrase "Kill the Midget!", by NHL rules, is always chanted when he has the puck.
But he usually kills everyone in the crowd that chants "Kill the Midget".
In Democratic Canada, midget kills YOU!
Is somehow able to start fights with his wife and win, which is shocking when considering his size
Is only known for being short and fighting with his sexuality, and for having sex with midgets
Participated in coked out brawls with World of Warcraft battleground buddy Bob Probert
On Chuck Norris' short list of fears
Brother's name is So
Only person to actually replace their brain with a pair of testicles
Is the only recent hockey player who is, in fact, a heterosexual
His gay lover, Chris Neil of Ottawa, disputes the previous claim

[edit] Wayne Gretzky

Wayne Gretzky, with his age showing after 20 years in the NHL

Main article: Wayne Gretzky

One of the league's greatest stars of all-time
Led the league in scoring for 15 of his 20 years in the NHL
Only Wilt Chamberlain of the NBA holds more scoring titles
Holds 60 records
Possibly gay
Yet has a wife
Good cover-story
Allegedly blew three refs and a peewee league coach before winning his last Art Ross Trophy
Morpheus believes he is "The One"
The reason why most Canadians named their kids Wayne

[edit] Allen Iverson

Blackest player currently in the NHL
Plays for both the NBA and NHL
Travels from one league to the other during intermissions
Weights only 70 pounds
Only player to play forward using a goalie stick
Plays for whatever team he feels like. Sorry, Detroit.
Averages negative points per game, but is such a bitch that he is always on the 1st line.
Resides in Ethiopia during the off-season.

[edit] Olli "Bowser" Jokinen

Hates Mario
Hates Luigi
Fucked peaches (the fruit, that is)
Smoked Toad (the fruit, that is)
Likes Oprah

[edit] Mark Messier (The Messiah)

God with ice skates and a hockey stick
Better leadership than God
The Captain
Total Butt-rapist

[edit] Alexander "The Great 8" Ovechkin

Main article: Alexander Ovechkin

Was chosen 1st overall, and proved that he was better than Sidney Crosby by winning the Calder Cup.
Got a lifetime contract with a salary equal to Bill Gates' lifetime earnings.
He lost his front teeth while wrestling a roided hyena. The hyena became breakfast.
His favorite saying is "I only celebrate excessively because I love the game."
Childhood hero was Evgeni Malkin
Can do whatever woman he prefers, and all will consent.
If he falls while skating, it just proves that skates just slow him down.
The only living player to be God.
Learned to speak English so he could talk to hot American chicks.
His Godliness is known to everyone, as he once collapsed an entire arena while checking Zdeno Chara.

[edit] Zach Parise

Wears the number 9 because that's the amount of girls he's done at once.

[edit] Spongebob Squarepants

Led the Phoenix Coyotes (nee Winnipeg, Now Hamilton) in scoring during the 2004-2005 season, when he was brought in as a replacement player due to the lockout. He scored one goal in a game against the Florida Panthers, who had Stewie Griffin in net. He was permanently suspended when he was found with marijiuana during a road trip to Philadelphia. He now has a tv show.

[edit] Spiderman

A frequent rule-breaker with an interesting style of play
Preferred to wear skin-tight spandex
Holds record for most penalty minutes, mostly for attempting to molest and seduce fellow players (with limited success)
Famously participated in the longest unbroken fight in NHL history, lasting a total of 1 day, 8 hours, 44 minutes and 52 seconds, all over a mix up with skates in the changing room
Refused to accept he was gay

[edit] The (In)Famous Owner of the Present: Gary Bettman

[edit] Gary Bettman Sez

Gary Bettman says, "Watch our league...please?"

Hello, basketba...I mean, hockey fans! It's me, your ever lovable commissioner, Gary Bettman! Now, I know a lot of you might be concerned about this "over-expansion" and the "dying markets" in the Southern USA. Nothing could be further from the truth! Why, if the league didn't expand, we'd still be stuck with five teams! And really, who wants a team called the Wanderers? Exactly. Weeding out the old franchises and relocating the slightly successful ones is part of hockey. Why, thanks to expansion, owners are richer than ever, and we can all gloat that we have a super fair salary cap. Now, who can argue with that? Jim Balisillie, that's who! As for the future, under my rule, the NHL will expand from 30 to 72 teams by 2015...and all of them will be winners! That's right: no team will have a losing record! How's that for good basketball! Wait, I mean hockey. Yeah.

As for these so-called dying markets, look at those teams down there. Why, the Tampa Bay Lightning and the Anaheim Ducks have both won Stanley Cups since I came to power. I AM A MEGALOMANIAC. Wait, that came out wrong. Oh well. The point is that all of the money is in the States. The Canadian dollar is worth what, two cents? So forget it, Hamilton. Winnipeg, see you later. Same to you, Quebec City. In fact, when Mexico becomes part of that good old US of A, we plan to move those dead franchises up north down there. Take the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Montreal Canadiens. They're so old they should be playing with canes, not sticks! Hahahahaha!!! Yes, when the time comes, both teams will move down to Mexico, where I shall christen them the Tijuana Illegal Aliens and the Mexico City Mexiciens. (Note the creativity in the odd spelling; it will be used to keep some relation to the team's previous name). We'll be the first North American sports league down there. GO NBA! I MEAN NHL!

[edit] Quotes

"Is it not obvious that the Nashville Predators had somebody show up at one of their games last season? They are obviously a very successful franchise, and moving them to a place like Hamilton would only let them sell out all of our games. And I will not allow the NHL to sell out."

"Last season we installed a 3-point line in hockey. Now, we are going to allow referees to call technical fouls. Next year, we will eliminate skating, hockey sticks and pucks. And we will install basketball hoops, change the playing surface to wood, and look to hire more black players. That'll make the game more entertaining!"

"So, you see, there's nothing to worry about. With me at the wheel, the NHL will only grow stronger and stronger. ALL POWER TO THE OWNERS!"

"As you can tell, my hero is "Dollar Bill" Wirtz, to whom I gave my first born daughter - my second born daughter went to Sean Avery, hence the term, "sloppy seconds"!"

[edit] Accomplishments

Loved the NBA so much he decided to turn the NHL into "NBA II."
Hired by the Taliban in 1990 to terrorize Canada.
Shaved his Middle-eastern beard in 1992 to eliminate suspicion of being connected to the Taliban.
Voted "Greatest North American League Destroyer" by the Taliban in 2002.
After hearing about what the Taliban did to America on 9/11 2001, he decided to go even further by eliminating NHL hockey from Canadians lives in 2005.
Fattest commissioner in the history of North American sports.
Managed the nearly impossible feat of getting ESPN so pissed off at the NHL, it's now only carried in the USA by a local cable access channel in Detroit (right after "Tool Time"), a low powered Spanish TV station in Los Angeles, MSNBC in San Jose, the MSG (Mono Sodium Glutamate) Channel in New York, and local television stations in Minneapolis, Boston, and Buffalo that are owned by Weird Al Yankovic (all games alternated with showings of "Hogan's Heroes", "Conan the Librarian", and "Jail or No Jail").
Killed off the World Hockey Association in the 1970s, the Soviet Union National Hockey team in the 1980s, and the International Hockey League in the 1990s: Why? They love that American money, so screw the Canadian dollar!

[edit] External links

[3]


American Sports Leagues Baseball, Football with hands, Football with feet, Canadian Hockey, Niggaball, Tony George League, Redneck Cup, Sleepball

Division	Team	Description
Leastern Conference
Atlantis Division	New Jersey Satanists	"Martin Broduer sucks cock before every game. It's true. He sucked mine. That's why I came here" - Brendan Shanahan
	New York Analraiders	First openly gay, non-French team
	New York Grangers	Composed of part-time hockey players who have full-time jobs as girl rangers. They also run a charity called "Pathetic Play", which aims to increase the confidence of bad penalty-kill units.
	Philadelphia Phather-Phuckers	This phucking team is a phucking joke. Philly Phans: inhale, boo, inhale, boo.
	Pittsburgh Waddling Antarctic Mammals	Tend to skate around Crosby like some penguins while he anal rapes the stanley cup. Anyone still want to win the cup now.
Nova Scotia Division	Boston Black Americans	Have a custom of eating fried chicken before every game.
	Buffablow Sabres	Tend to blow...A LOT. Team management spends their offseason twiddling their thumbs, because they don't need to get better in free agency or anything. They're just fine with the guys they have, as evidenced by all of their Stanley Cup wins.
	Montreal Nigerians	Their power play is actually a Nigerian scam.
	Ottawa Senaturds	The NHL's secondary Nazi team. We cannot stress "secondary" enough.
	Toronto Make-Beliefs	The major faggotry mistake of god, the Maple leaf's roster consists of midget and womens hockey league players with the simple plays such as dump don't chase and pray to Gary Bettman the other team will not score.
Dirty South Division	Atlanta Budgies	They thought that naming the team after a harmless bird would frighten other teams.
	Carolina Whaler-Canes	"...I just wish for the Whaler-Canes to lose every remaining game this season...wait, I meant the Make Beliefs...damn, now I've jinxed us." - Paul Maurice.
	Florida Water Hockey Team	The ice melted. Surprise, surprise.
	Tampa Bay Tampons	During intermissions, fans are electrocuted. This is considered make-up entertainment for the patheticism shown on the ice.
	Washington Ovechkins	In Soviet Russia, you score on Ovechkin!
Worstern Conference
Middle-of-Nowhere Division	Chicago Blackcocks	They suck. No Stanley cup in like 50 years. But wanted by all women everywhere.
	Columbus Blow Jobs	They give you more than just the game.
	Detroit We Think We Own The NHL Nazi Wings	The NHL's primary Nazi team. Consists ONLY of white players who race in NASCAR during the off-season.
	Nashville Hamiltonians	Redneck hockey fans are about as scarce as Jewish Nazis.
	St. Louis Blues	The inspiration for the Elton John song "I Guess Why They Call it the Blues". Mainly because they never heard of the playoffs.
Northwest Airlines Division	Calgary Flamers	Spend a lot of time on the internet flaming Edmonton fans
	Colorado Fag-alanche	Gay people thrive in the damn mountains because the air is as thin as their underwear.
	Edmonton Exxon Oil Spills	Choke, choke, choke(On oil).
	Minnesota Idlewild	No one is really sure what they are so wild about.
	Vancouver Canucklefuckers	Swedish twins are the hottest thing there among homo- and heterosexuals alike.
Unspecific Division	Mighty Fucks of Disney	They believe they can can fly! They believe they can touch the sky!
	Dallas Yeehaws	According to Hank Hill "That team ain't right" Home of a loser :Patrik Stefan was taught a lesson.[1]
	Los Angeles Queens	Where David Beckham worked, picking up hats when a player scores a hatrick... unforntunately it will never happen. They were pwned...by Buffablow's commentator! Scoooooorrrrrre![2]
	Phoenix Municipal Bankruptcy Court Case #37650-2P	There's a reason why this team is bankrupt. Water doesn't freeze when it's 923 degrees Celsius.
	San Jose Chokes	Disapointing fans come playoff time since 1991.

This box: view • talk • editNational Hockey League
Leastern Conference			Worstern Conference
Atlantic	Northeast	Southeast	Central	Northwest	Pacific
New Jersey Devils	Boston Bruins	Atlanta Thrashers	Chicago Blackhawks	Calgary Flames	Anaheim Ducks
New York Islanders	Buffalo Sabres	Carolina Hurricanes	Columbus Blue Jackets	Colorado Avalanche	Dallas Stars
New York Rangers	Montreal Canadiens	Florida Panthers	Detroit Red Wings	Edmonton Oilers	Los Angeles Kings
Philadelphia Flyers	Ottawa Senators	Tampa Bay Lightning	Nashville Predators	Minnesota Wild	Phoenix Coyotes
Pittsburg Penguins	Toronto Maple Leafs	Washington Capitals	St. Louis Blues	Vancouver Canucks	San Jose Sharks
Seasons (structure) · Stanley Cup (Playoffs–Finals–Champions) · Presidents' Trophy · All-Star Game · Draft · Players (Association) · All-Star Teams · Awards
History · Timeline · Defunct teams · NHA · Original Six · 1967 Expansion · WHA · Streaks · Droughts · Hall of Fame (members) · Rivalries · Arenas · Rules · Violence
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