Naomi Campbell

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 16:58, May 8, 2013 by Zana Dark (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Cunt?
Naomi Campbell4
Naomi Campbell; one of the most beautiful supermodels in the world today
Bouncywikilogo6
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Naomi Campbell.
“OWWWW”
~ Oscar Wilde on Naomi Campbell's mobile phone hitting him in the head

Naomi Campbell is another term for Daughter of a hideous Crack-Whore. What this means is that she has the look, body and soul of any regular crack-whore, but because she was born a crack-whore's baby, she received special attention upon falling out of her crack-whore mother's cunt back in 1970. The daughter of a crackwhore, or "Naomi Campbell" as we have come to label her, unswervingly had everything handed to her on a golden platter by those who felt sorry for her (because she was born from a crack-whores crack... hence, making her a "double crack-whore". When this occurs, the sibling takes on every feature of the crack-whore herself, but PETA groups step in and prevent nurses from grabbing the crack-whore's baby by the feet, and slamming its skull into a porcelain sink. It is not until the crack-whore baby reaches the age of 15 to 18 that she becomes an overpaid, rich bitch, walking down a catwalk wearing colored toilet-paper and sporting a little snobbish, stuck-up cunt attitude. She is always found demanding the public's (or "peasants'", as this snobby-crack-whore's after-effect wishes to call them) attention. Then some fuck-knuckle overpays her good money to look as stuck-up as possible, wearing some faggot's latest line in clothing "design" that even a retard wouldn't put on. Or, we could just sum up that explanation in a smaller, more familiar, word, and say she is, the average "super model bitch".

edit How this kind of shit begins

Profoundly-ugly-woman
Naomi Campbell's not-so-famous fairy godmother.

As we are well aware, crack-whores exists in modern day society. Back in 1968, a black crack-whore ran into a drunk who was so blind from alcoholic inebriation that he thought she was a Nubian princess offering to suck his dick for a dollar. He gladly agreed to the transaction, thinking this was going to be a new chapter in his life that he could brag about to his friends. However, when he awoke sober the next morning, all he saw was a passed-out skeleton with a condom pulled over her head and blue pool-cue chalk smeared around her eyes. Naturally, his male instincts took over, and he crept away from her, prepared to chew his own arm off in the process of not waking her up.

This then leads to the crack-whore becoming impregnated. Now, most people know the right thing to do is never let a crack-whore have children, because her only interest in having a baby is to gain a welfare check that can be used to purchase more crack until the child is finally taken away by child welfare agencies and the baby becomes the new "sweetheart" of the public's eye and called a "brave little hero" for the ordeal she has gone through for the past 23 days since she was vagina-burped into the world.

When this sort of thing occurs, the child is then adopted by a rich white family who promise to make up for the past trauma the infant has been through. To prevent any physiological damage, the child is given everything and anything she wants. As the child grows, she develops no respect for anyone or anything, demands to be the center of attention, and throws a shit-fit tantrum whenever she does not get what she wants. For example, when Naomi was 9 years old she wanted to do what mommy was doing at the time, but daddy couldn't maintain another erection.

NaomiCampbell
Naomi Campbell and her famous fivehead.

edit Upbringing

As already mentioned, the child, or in this case, Naomi, is given the world handed to her on a silver platter. With the added combination of her "negro" genes, this causes what is known as a major superiority complex. This means she will never say "thank you" or be on time for anything, because what "time" means to the rest of the world does not apply to Naomi. She figures the world evolves around her, therefore people can wait till she feels like getting off her bony little skanky ass and doing something, rather then be asked politely to try and be something other then a spoiled little shit.

When Naomi was enrolled in school, she refused to go unless red carpets where rolled out and a brass band played "Barbie Girl" as she entered a class room. Often Naomi would decide that going to school was such a bore that she'd make her entire class come to her room to be taught that day's lesson on "how to use daddy's credit card". This is one class which Naomi passed with straight A+ grades.

By the time Naomi was 12, she couldn't read or write above a 3rd grade level, and a little known fact is that her name is actually Natasha, but she couldn't spell it, and kept throwing a bitch-fit whenever someone tried to teach her this, so her parents just legally had her name changed to the name she could spell.

edit Super Bitch Model Career

Naomi Campbell sleeping
Naomi Campbell on the catwalk displaying the latest designs in fashion-wear. Designed by Artilious Maximus Faggiuos, this is a delicately hand crafted plastic bag with a shoelace bra lining, revealed in an E.T exclusive to be sold at $164,00 RRP

So what does a no talent, ugly assed snob like this do for a living? Anyone with half a brain cell would just shoot this little snob in the head and call it a day, but due to PETA's protests against putting Neanderthals to sleep, we must allow these super bitches to live and discover the only thing they are capable of doing in life is walking with a stuck up bitch look on their face so they naturally became a super model. It's the perfect thing for someone to do who has an I.Q whose double digit matches her bra size.

When Naomi turned 15 she entered the world of modeling, and demanded to be a super model. Although she had nothing "super" about her, she still wanted the title and refused to stop destroying her dressing room until her demands where met. Given that the world of fashion is made up of mindless fuckwits, designers who create clothing no normal person would wear, and photographers who wouldn't recognize talent or taste if it rented space up their ass, it was a perfect world for Naomi to join.

edit She is SO ugly, how can she be paid SO much?

It's quite simple to understand how the life of a hideously deformed daughter of a crack-whore can be worth so much in the fashion industry. All you need to do is look at how hideous the clothing designs are. Every year faggots from all over the world put on shows to show off their latest designs, while the rest of the world see this shit in magazines and news shows and rarely ever say "oh, that looks nice, I would definitely wear that". No, your most common comment is "What the fuck is that supposed to be?" while looking at the highlight outfit of the show, which is made of a shoelace for a bra that barely covers the nipples, one of those plastic net things oranges come in made into a skirt, and an armadillo with ten foot peacock feathers posing as some kind of head-wear.

So if the designs are so hideously fucking stupid, you need someone just as hideously fucking stupid to model them. and that's where Naomi shines best.

Why is she worth so much money? It's a mystery how the fashion world works; the clothes they design for the major fashion shows are never worth looking at, they are laughable at best, the models are mostly all non-fuck-worthy hideous walking-skeletons, and the people who judge the events are just stuck-up yuppie-fucks who think The Hills is excellent television. Or maybe, just maybe, it's a way to find out how fucking stupid a bunch of self obsessed crack-baby retards can be when they are all gathered under one roof, which goes to prove that God has a pretty funny sense of humor.

Naomi Campbell
Naomi sunbathing completely naked!!!

edit Naomi's Career Highlights

  • In 1995 she fell down the stairs because she forgot that you can only move one leg forward at a time when trying to walk. Of course Naomi bitched about the laws of physics for several hours after, because she could not get her own way, but in the end, decided that kind of walking method was SO last week, and informed everyone that walking normally was now the "IN" style.
  • At the age of 13, she threw a winner's circle party because she found a prize at the bottom of a Cracker-Jack box and wanted to rub it in the face of the losers. Only she was on the guest list, but she still brags about the historical event to this day.
  • Is the only super-model in the world who can manage to model crap, and make it look even worse than it already is.

edit Naomi Today

Even the retards of the "fashion" world are tired of giving her excess amounts of money to fly her to their country to model their latest designs, only for her to show up late with the excuse "I'm not late, I am Naomi, and I slept with more than 100 guys". This has lead to no-one wanting her to model for them. Of corse, naturally this has pissed off Naomi's ego to such an extent that she has thrown the world's longest temper tantrum, but in Naomi's mind, it's not because she is a stuck-up egotistical bitch, she believes it's because she is getting too fat, so she has now started spending every last dime she has buying crack to lose some weight.

She has also been referred to, by medical professionals, as being "batshit crazy"

Personal tools
In other languages
projects