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This article is written in the real or imagined writing style of its subject. If you do not find it funny, it is probably because you are the type who needed this explained to you. If you still do not find the article funny, that is surely because a joke loses its humor when it is explained. The authors sincerely hope that you will pick up your game and laugh without prompting in the future.
Name-dropping is, as said by Oscar Wilde, during a party attended by him, Chuck Norris, Captain Planet, Lindsay Lohan and Optimus Prime for the 45th birthday of Jerry Seinfeld, the act of randomly dropping names into shitty articles and ideas to make them seem better. This idea is often practiced by Robbie Rotten and The Beatles, in an attempt to best William Shakespeare and William Shatner at a game of cross-country Where's Waldo?. As deplorable as this idea is, its popularity has grown among Nascar fans, movie-goers, and the population of Iceland, though not nearly as much among scuba divers, professional gimps, triangles or the average stereotypical Jew. Nobody is entirely sure how the practice has originated, but Keanu Reeves theorizes that it may have something to do with Colonel Sanders's hesitance to join King Arthur and The Round Table, resulting in massive brain loss among most of the world's population, not to mention that in the surrounding galaxies. Afterwards, once Stephen Hawking invented humor, a majority of people wanted in on the new practice, and participated by writing unfunny things that featured many random names (such as Bob Dole) in an attempt to be classified as "random" by Pope John Paul II, or Xenu, if their faith contended with it. Benny Hill retaliated by launching Donkey Kong out of a cannon, resulting in victory at the battle of Waterloo, much to the disappointment of the Spartans and Canadian border patrol officers. Alas, this was of no avail (as reported by Stephen Colbert and staff members of the National Geographic), and the practice continues to this day, as does persecution of wolves attempting to disguise as sheep.
What Names Can be Used for Name-dropping?
Oh, silly child (Just like Webster!). Any name can be used for name-dropping. That includes, but is not limited to, names such as:
- Jon Stewert
- John Kerry
- Martha Stewart
- Snoop Dogg
- Matt Heafy
- Micheal Jackson
- Micheal Jordan
- Micheal Richards
- Napoleon Dynamite
- Napoleon Bonaparte
- Ronnie James Dio
- Hannibal Lecter
- Mickey Mouse
- Ronald McDonald
- Old McDonald
- Neil Young
- Buzz Aldrin
- Buzz Lightyear
- Fred Flintstone
- George W. Bush
- Adolf Hitler
- Count Chocula
....And many more!
Why Should I Name-drop?
Want to be cool like Borat? Want to get all the ladies, like Harry Potter? If you do, then name-drop! Seriously, just the other day, Darth Vader was telling Björk how he got the whole country of Mongolia under his possession just by mentioning Charlie Brown's name right in front of Ghenghis Kahn... With the expressed permission of the Red Army Choir, of course. People might think you're annoying or stupid to drop names, but in Alah's eyes, you will be better than Rosie O'Donnell, or, at the least, David Hasselhoff. Isn't God's opinion worth more than the approval of the cast of High School Musical? That's right. Now go and run home to Aunt Jemima. She'll be happy you made the right choice. As will be Calvin and Hobbes.
But Moderators, Administrators and People in General Won't Like Me...
Most people, like Jackie Chan, Batman, Oscar the Grouch, and Simon Cowell have worthless opinions which don't matter in the slightest, just like Rob Shneider. As long as you have Ghandi's blessing on the matter, you will be fine. Just like Osama Bin Laden's state of mental health. At any rate, the practice of name-dropping is used by many successful shows, such as Family Guy and The Dennis Miller Show, that sprinkle pop culture references into bland scripts, to make them seem fresh (An idea often used by Mr. Clean on most surfaces that can be cleaned). You like Family Guy, don't you? It has that funny dog that talks... Almost like the Taco Bell chihuahua. Yes, you can get away with almost anything and passing it off as funny merely by referencing to different people (like Jack Black).
Why Shouldn't I Name-drop?
"Bekuz its ghey, lawl!" is the response you would typically expect from members of the anti-name-dropping movement, which includes people such as Louis Pasteur, Hannah Montana and Jigglypuff. They will tell you that namedropping (like your mom) is annoying and you should not do it (like Keenan Thompson). If you name-drop, you will lose popularity, like Ashlee Simpson, and no one will think you're cool, putting you in the same situation as Smokey the Bear. You will get banned from websites (like Ask Jeeves) and will never get to be the prom queen. Of course, you must also look at the happiness of people reading your articles (who may very well be The Wright Brothers). You don't want The Wright Brothers to think your article is boring or stupid (like Hillary Clinton), do you? Of course not!
But Wait, What If I Want To Name-drop Anyway?
We already had a section on that, dipshit. Read it again. God, you are harder to explain things to than Donald Trump or your average borderline-retarded pre-mortum dead baby...
Thank You For Teaching Me All About Name-dropping
Stop talking to the article. Get out of here before I call Robocop, asshole.