From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The title given to this article is displayed correctly. Only marketers think it's cool to put capital letters in the middle of words. If you're a marketer you can pretend it says nVidia.
- This article is best viewed on any ATI card
nVidia is an American technology company most famous for its space heaters, which also double as graphics cards for personal computers.
The company formed when several members of the boy band 'N Sync broke off from the main band to start their own company to promote V.D. (ie. venereal diseases). About that time, the person writing down the company's name for registration had his cigareete drop into his naked lap - leading him to yell out in pain. Subsequently, the original company name of "'N Vee Dee Argh!". They have recently branched off to make cheese, as well as rectal jewelry and anal lubrication products. There have been some complications to whether they make cheese or original yogurt.
NVIDIA is the worst tech company on the planet to work for. Just ask any current or former employee who served under the tyrannical rule of Gopal. It's no wonder people know NVIDIA as nSHITia or nGREEDia.
Nvidia's main line of cheese. Their flagship cheese is known as the CheeseForceBLU XGTX (better knows as the CFBX), it completely blows the crap out of any other card out there. The CFBX has a cheese density of 80 Terratons of cheese per square centimeter. Totally devastating ATi's Cheeseon xxxTxxx which has only 400000 tons of cheese per square per square centimeter. Their budget line of CFBX is known as the CheeseForce BLU XGT (CFBGT). Many state that the CFBGT is a better deal than the CFBX because while it has 78 Terratons of cheese per square centimeter it has a much better price / performance ratio, going for 3 eggs, and a cow instead of the price of a CFBX which costs 7 coats and 8 cows.
edit The formula for making the CheeseForce cards
you see the ATIp = performance of the ati cheeseon cards which is multiplied by 2. Then the cheesesets, supporters, and design are added. However in recent times the formula has changed so that the first value, ATI, is multiplied by 0.0005. This is due to the release of the HD 4870 X2, which can process 6 times as much porn as the next nvidia card, the GTX280.
edit N force
The N force is a line of cheese racks provided by Nvidia. It include the N force C,E,F,G but no one ever cares about Nforce because they cost 3 livers and an onion. They are made with a combination of chicken meat and balogna they go especially well with the CheeseForce.
A word that NVidia has been trying to substitute for cheese racks. Cheese Racks are too weak, forceware will force the cheese to do magic stuff. Prior to the advent of Forceware, NVidia had been trying to substitute Detonators for cheese racks, but their attempts did not achieve the desired effect. Actually, Detonator was just too powerful.
edit New Products
There are reports from very credible anonymous internet forum posters that nVidia will release a new line of graphics cards in the very near future. Graphic cards are what are called the brains of violent video games (a.k.a. murder simulators®). It is apparent that nVidia intends to release information about their product by having corporate VP's seek out random asian strangers and divulge details of their plans.
Another credible source reports that his brother went to a Target to buy a box of rocks, and was shocked once home to find a Geforce 9800GTOMG card inside. He was successful at getting this card to run in his amiga, only to find that driver support for the card was only slightly better than Vista.
A CheeseForce 480-ZOMGBBQ is also in development for corporate customers and rich people, it will be bundled with Duke Nukem Forever.
edit Quantum physics processor
The CheeseForce 8800Series has been imbued with the Quantum physics processor. This is intended to improve gameplay. However, as seen in the picture, It also improves websurfing. Crappish graphics, laggyness and low resolution is now a thing of the past.