NSA
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It not yet clear what the abbreviation NSA really stands for, but some believe it's No Such Agency, while others think it's National Socialists of America. The NSA has made numerous attempts to assassinate those uppity jerks responsible for RSA.
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[edit] Major Employer of Mathematicians
It's been claimed that NSA employs more mathematicians doing nothing than any other organization in the world. While the bulk of the NSA's activities still consist of illegal wiretapping ("gathering electronic information"), their mathematicians have a quintessential interest in cryptology. In particular the intricate mathematics needed when developing algorithms for short-cut factoring products of large primes (see "NP complete"), which in turn allow faster cracking of encryption keys. Since the employed mathematicians are not complete idiots (see "complete idiot"), they spend most days browsing on the internet.
[edit] Fancy High-Tech Doodads and Whatchamacallits
For the highly reasonable sum of $314 trillion and 52 cents, the NSA has developed some truly wonderful top-notch high-tech gizmos that allow them to analyze and identify any person in the world in 4.3 nanoseconds just from traces of DNA on a condom. The sophisticated technology also allow satellites to be instantly realigned and the exact positioning of any person on 3D maps ('as seen on TV'). While the worldwide multilingual word triggering system of global communications (see Echelon), combined with the computer processing of voice patterns, allow any citizen of the world to be precisely pin-pointed in a snap. With all this technology the NSA has been astoundingly successful in stopping non-terrorists from committing terrorist acts and in tracing average citizens around the world. Not to mention the 100% success rate in Hollywood movies!
It is deeply unfortunate, however, that the NSA still need visual eye contact and a maximum distance of 3 feet (1 m) not to loose track of terrorists or criminals. And even then, the terrorists have to have "Terrorist" written on their forehead.
[edit] Disclaimer
This article was NOT written by the NSA "office of spying on our own people like the KGB and getting away with it even though this is clearly a violation of the law just because we are linked to the government". Any attempt to prove so will cause you to disappear for completely unrelated reasons. You have been warned. This article is sponsored by the United States Government.
