Mysteries of the Universe (book)
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
edit WTF is MOU anyway?
So Basically, Mysteries of the Universe is a book and, when published, it will be the most important literary work to come out since The Odyssey, War and Peace, and the greatly acclaimed classic, Green Eggs and Ham. This book will not only blow your mind, it'll blow your entire body. Your body will be resonating so intensely from the meaning of this book, that any children you have will have learned the meaning, and every time you go to the bathroom your feces will end up enlightening the aquatic world. There is no book that can rival the sheer philosophicalness (yes this is a real word ) of this one. MOU delves to the deepest depths, explores where even the greatest of their time were too afraid to go. This book is so amazing, it cures the sick, makes the blind see, and even makes Jerry Springer watchable. We here at MUUU (Mysterious University of the Universe) assure you that after you read this book, you will not be the same again. Socrates? please, Aristotle? really? Their work will seem like mere child's play compared to MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE.
edit Be sure to check out our wikispace at: www.mysteries-of-the-universe.wikispaces.com  and be on the lookout for our new iPhoneApp
edit Discoveries Discussed
Origin of time and space, last digit of pi, reason for Martin Lawrence Films, the piece of lint under my couch, location of Waldo, Fig Newton's Law, Proof proving the existence of proofs, and much, much more.
edit FINAL SALES PITCH
Still not convinced that this will be the best book ever? how 'bout a sample? (Sample taken from Volume 1, Chapter 1 of MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE)
"What are hats and how are they made?"
To answer this question, we must begin at the beginning of time. But first I want to say that we could not have written this book however, if it weren't for the brilliant minds and inspiration of Kent Coleslaw , and our fellow scholar A.H. (sadly we do not have a video). As you can obviously see from Kent's video, this man is the philosopher of our time. Back to the question. In the very beginning, there were no hats and people were very afraid of the souls of the dead ninja-zombies and their ability to invade people's stomachs through their heads and give them nausea, stomach aches, and REALLY bad gas. Fortunately a savior arrived around 700 BCE. Named the Mad Hatter by many of his contemporaries, this savior was the first to invent and make a hat. The original hat was simply a string tied around the head and was not very effective at warding off ninja-zombie-ghosts. Later Mad Hatter realized that if he wove together many pieces of string he could make a comprehensive head covering which completely stopped the dead ninja-zombies in their tracks. (Quick Note: modifications to the Mad Hatter hat model were made to include garlic sprayed on the hat to ward off ninja-zombies that were also bitten by vampires). Many critics stated that ninja-zombies do not exist, but that they were a figment of Mad Hatters imagination. in retaliation he yelled, "GUMMY JELLY FISH!" which in the historical context makes much sense. The technique of making hats that has been passed down from generation to generation includes sacrificing twenty ants by sun magnification, sewing together of string to form a head covering, followed by the rain dance. We do not know why the first and third steps exist but people still carry them out and it has still stopped the stomach problems caused by ninja-zombies. As we can see, hats are quite useful in fighting stomach problems, and have been created by an innovative, bold man.