My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
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|My Little Pony: Friendship Is Gangsta|
|The One Who Made It||Lauren Faust Satan|
|Starring||The Mane Six|
|PG Rating||18+ (Strong nudity, violence and addictive substances (the show itself))|
|Number of episodes||Infinity|
|Will you be called insane?||Yes, if you're 18-60 years old above.|
|Watchers|| Men of ages 30-80 - 98%|
Other (Including zombies, regardless of gender) - 2%
My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is cult series originally targeted at adult males, yet which swept in a shockingly large audience of little girls, even with its overwhelming amount of existential insight and adult themes. Fans of the show call themsleves bronies, which is a portmanteau of ponies and Arian Brotherhood of Texas. Although the opening credits seem to suggest that the show revolves around the titular character of "My Little Pony," said character is never referenced in the actual episodes. The show actually stars a superhero team of miniature horses called the "Mane Six". This equine-related pun is one of the many which warrants the reputation bronies have for their excellent sense of humor.
In ancient mythology, the unicorn was the mighty half-deity of the animal kingdom, mercilessly skewering through the organs of the wicked and the unrighteous with its atom-pointed horn. However, soon after girls were invented, they came in and ruined everything with all their friendship and rainbow nonsense. The only purposes an unicorn's horn has nowadays is levitating objects and shooting friend beams at big meany horses so that they change their ways and accept the power of magic and friendship within their heart.
This new myth was crystallized by famous professional deviantArt fanfiction writer Lauren Faust in the long lost era of year 2010, when she dug up the dusty archives of Youtube to find a series of half-hour commercials about a friend circle of magic cartoon ponies, pegasuses and unicorns titled "G3" which were meant to market diabetes-inducing toys to little girls. Charmed by the characters, she decided to make her own renditions of them in a style that made them look like they had souls, an accomplishment thought inconceivable until then.
Hasbro got word of this and found great potential in such a step-up for their toy designs. They decided to requisition Faust's ideas under section 27d of the SOPA act, so they could use them to fuel their marketing ploy brainwashing laser beam, unaware that they were about to unleash a powerful mind virus into the world. However, it is an open secret among the fans that Lauren Faust is the sole designer, writer, director, voice-actor and animator of the entire cartoon series, and that she funded the entire production with Paypal donations she requested in her deviantArt journal.
A 2011 study revealed that watching the show without interruption for 3 weeks or more, which had become common practice among fans by then, caused either gender to be ridden with terminal homosexuality. Quite like crack, watching the show is considered to be worth the side effects, as bronies claim "it will make you twenty percent cooler."
Each pony sucks in her own unique way
Element of Harmony: Misuse of power
Twilight Sparkle is an occultist unicorn who was smart enough to actually take advantage of the fact that she has a magical horn that enables her to hack reality. Twilight is named Twilight because she has a bad taste in books. After years of study at the expense of things like, fun, play, and having a childhood, she wisely decided to use these god-like powers to give mustaches to as many ponies as possible. She once used up the entire town's supply of milk on a bear. She's also really skilled at walking in circles and writing annoying letters to princesses.
Oh, and she uses the Dark Arts to her advantage.
FACT: Twilight's cutie mark is an actual occult symbol because Faust worships satan. 
Element of Harmony: Learning nothing, and being a boring character.
Applejack is stupid, stubborn, and likes apples because she is a dumbass. Her cutie mark is 3 apples because hasbro was lazy. She has "apple" in her name. She works at an apple farm because, DING DING DING! HASBRO IS LAZY! Occasionally, she travels to town to sell apples, apple fritters, apple pies, and broken fuck machines. Her sister's name is Apple Bloom. She has a family that lives in a cardboard box due to applejack sucking balls. At one point she wanted to not be stupid and moved to the city, but changed her mind and left when she learned rooster noises were not her forte. Once, some anti-brony told applejack that she was a fuckhead. Applejack agreed.
Rainbow Dash [AKA the "not" lesbian]
Element of harmony: Hiding who you are inside.
Rainbow Lesbow Dash is a pegasus pony with attitude. Her talents include making rainbows and dashing. She describes everything as "cool" and "awesome" because after years of not reading, those are literally the only words she knows.
Some people like to insinuate that rainbow dash may be a lesbian, but that's stupid. Just because she has a more manly voice, prefers more direct physical action, has a rainbow as a cutie mark as well as a rainbow mane, has a very traditional lesbian haircut, participates in races for the honor of other female ponies, had a ambiguous kissing scene in one of the episodes and experimented with Fluttershy in high school does not make her a lesbian. Every pony experiments once in a while, and that other stuff is completely coincidence.
Element of harmony: Guilt trips
Flutter Lebowski Shy flutters her eyes a lot and is shy, hence her name. She is not to be confused with a butter
knifefly, even though she has three of them as her cutie mark. Her parents showed remarkable insight in naming her fluttershy when she was born, because if she happened to be assertive and hate butterflies, the name would just be totally inappropriate.
Every episode that is centered around fluttershy is exactly the same. First, she will be afraid of something. Then, her friends will put themselves in a situation where they are in immediate peril. At the last minute, fluttershy will lose her fear and be overcome with a righteous anger. At this point, she will give the threatening monster/source of conflict a short lecture to make them feel bad about themselves, all while staring at them. The monster/source of conflict will feel bad about itself and leave, but not before making everything better. Fluttershy will then go back to fluttering her eyes and being shy. Expect the creators of the show to milk this little plot line for the next 5 seasons.
Element of harmony: OMG DIAMONDS!!!
Rarity Cornelius Le Belle is a unicorn whose purpose in life is make dresses for everyone, though there's a theory that she owned over 30 illegal Mexican immigrants that will do what she says. She makes dresses for Lady Gaga, Sarah Palin, Jenny and millions of others. Her cutie mark is 3 diamonds. She's supposed to be all generous, but her generosity is more when it conveniences her. She is obsessed with shiny things, so her hoarding of those isn't exactly generous. It's also not very generous the way she strings Spike along so he'll shower her with gifts and favors, but I'm not one to judge.
"Project Trotway" Debut
Rarity participated in season 8 of the Equestria reality show "Project Trotway", and made it as one of the finalists, along with Mondo Guerra and Gretchen Jones. She was eliminated in the second to final showing when one of her dresses had a bare midriff that the judges said was just "on the losing side of tacky." Rarity did not take the failure well, and it took weeks of icecream and dramatic moping to recover from her loss. For a while she got really fat. However, the exposure did give her business a short boost.
Element of harmony: Drugs. Lots and lots of drugs. And sex. But mostly drugs.
Pinkamena Diane "Pinkie" Pie OMG so this is like the PERFECT opportunity for me to break the fourth wall, again! HI VIEWERS OF THIS ARTICLE! So, there's a lot of confusion out there that I just wanted to clear up, okie dokie lokie? See, most people out there think I'm addicted to crack cocaine, but that just isn't true! I'm actually addicted to meth! You can't really blame me, can you? I mean, I once stayed awake for a whole week with that stuff! Imagine it! A week of nonstop parties, WOOHOO! Granted, I started to see some weird things, like floating eyeballs and stuff, but that's not important. My friends all say I'm obnoxious, but I just think that's a silly word. Obnoxious, because you know the word obnoxious itself is obnoxious. Very obnoxious. It's like a committee of people were sitting around going "Hey gee, I think we need a word that's means something so ridiculous that the word itself is ridiculous, and everybody was throwing out words like "couplouplasticity" and "whoringadingkittyjaw" and "plempaticity" and "orange" and then finally someone said, hey how about "obnoxious" and everyone nodded their heads in agreement. Long story short, I like cake. You wanna know how I got my cutie mark? I don't always remember it the same. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes the other. If I'm to have a backstory, I prefer it to be multiple choice, you know what I mean? I think I was once an orphan, no...I think maybe I had an alcoholic dad...no I can't honestly remember with all the drugs and everything. I'm going to kill you. Would you like a cupcake? No? You're sure? Just give one a try. Fine.
Spike [AKA the Poker Guy]
Spike Léon de Massage is Twilight's
bitch assistant who always helps Twilight get the books for her because all she cares about is her damn mustaches. Spike loves Rarity because he's perverted, and inter-species sex with a minor is legal in Equestria. As a dragon, he eats rare jewels, because fuck it, maybe that is what dragons eat. You don't know!!!
He always plays poker with Sonic, RWJ, and other people who have bad fanbases all while having a good beer. He is the only smart one in the entire show. As a dragon, he admires Spyro the dragon, because he has video games.
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Though she is supposedly the titular character of the show, My Little Pony is never actually shown therein past appearing in the show's title card. Instead, she is greatly alluded to, and many of the other ponies are frequently seen addressing her without her actually being there, even going so far as to talk directly to walls and dead air. There's even a scene where Pinkie Pie plays a trombone ditty for her. Despite her lack of presence in the show, The Hub, the show's host, have posted extensive character biographies of her, highlighting her as a mix of an alicorn, human, sea pony, and Dovakhiin that possesses a mystical talent that allows her to see through time. My Little Pony has gone on to garner incredible praise from the fandom, and there has been much speculation that the character will perhaps appear in a future season or other incarnation of the show.
These characters only support the main characters, or ruin their lives:
The other three
Sweetie Bell, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo. When an episode isn't about the mane six (mane six, LOL) it's about these three annoying pony kids who won't stay off my lawn. They call themselves the cutie mark crusaders, because somepony told them that if they kill enough heathen ponies in the name of Jesus, they'll get their cutie marks. Despite all their violence, the ponies have yet to get any cutie marks in maiming, stabbing, or religious extermination.
The wise and great Celestia runs the monarchy in a world where ponies don't know the phrase "democracy". She has the power to move the sun, so it's not like anybody can protest her, or else they would melt in everlasting daylight. While she is very knowledgeable, powerful, and mature, she has been known to knock a bitch to the moon during her time of the month.
She is the princess of the night, so nobody really cares about her. Being very naive and silly, she has been known to get knocked to the moon during Princess Celestia's time of the month.
Derpy Hooves Ditzy Doo Perfectlynormal Graypony is a gray pegasus who cannot tell left from right has pioneer instincts and accidentally electrocuted several ponies to death is able to summon thunder at will. She is also known for her blonde mane outstanding intelligence and her perfect eyesight. Anyone who suggests otherwise seems to mysteriously disappear.
The City Hall controversy
Perfectlynormal allegedly flew right into the the Ponyville city hall by accident and destroyed it completely, but this is clearly impossible as she is an amazing flyer. The crash is suspected by many to be an inside job by the mayor to fuel war on Cloudsville as the footage of the incident clearly shows that a cloud did it rather than a pegasus. 
The ponies of Manehatten
The ponies in Manehatten exist solely for one reason: to show everypony how stupid the ponies in Manehatten are. Case in point: they don't even know what a rooster is.
A random character who isn't actually a part of the show was inserted into the show as a gag once maybe. Or maybe that was just in a poorly attempted parody. I've watched so much pony stuff lately that I get confused. Maybe I need to take a break and get some fresh air for a while...
The cutie mark crusaders worship this guy and get into all kind of fun and violent shenanigans in his name.
These characters made a minor role to the series, rendering them almost entirely useless. Here are the characters:
- Jizzy - A "yay pushing, ass selling, piece of trash". Has guest starred on several episodes of Jersey Shore.
- Octavia - An earth pony and the only one who can play the cello. Imagine a horse actually trying to play the cello. It kind of makes this character interesting.
- Lyra - A unicorn with a human brain. She usually sits upright, pondering the worth of her existence.
- Trixie - A complete arse hole, she keeps on telling that she's better than everyone, even better than the Beatles, but in reality, Trixie is not even strong enough to win a breathing contest.
- DJ Pon3 - One of the most annoying ponies in the world, she calls people "sexy" for no reason whatsoever.
- Colonel Mustard - While the assumption was that Colonel Mustard killed Doctor Black in the library with the candlestick, further investigation shows that Pinkie Pie killed both Black and Mustard on the dance floor with the party cannon, and then proceeded to put on a puppet show using their dead bodies.
- Doctor Whooves - Pony Time Lord of Equestria. Really thinks the whole "everypony" thing is a stitch.
The show was
filmed shown in the following places:
- Equestria - Where else would they live?
- Ponyville - A town full of poor ponies and they have to act greedy to get money
- Castlevania - A.K.A. Canterlot, it's where their prince(ss) trolls and sends people to the moon as punishment for breathing her air.
- Everfree Forest - A connection between Russia, Greece, Albania and The Philippines, this is one weird shortcut, as illegal aliens always hide here to stay away from cops. Here the drug pushers and pimps move ALL ON THEIR OWN.
- Cloudsdale - So there's clouds and they make rainbows there and stuff. Go here if you want to taste the rainbow, (if you know what I mean)
Many people praised all the action, drama, comedy, horror, romance, violence, religion, songs, kidney stones, etc. from this show. Even kids watch it, and they want to be like Rainbow Dash when they play in the street. Many parents complained that it contains too much gore and may scar children for life, but the crew said "Hey, we're teaching kids how to be friendly to others too. I mean like Rarity hugging Spike. Is that not friendly enough? Also, we teach them about how they should be nice to each other or else they'll be frozen alive by Windigos. How bad can it be? We show elements of history in this show too, like why Nightmare Moon committed suicide or how Pinkie Pie fed his people with food and how he made them throw up to feed them again. Isn't that very educational?"
The FBI ranked Lauren Faust top 3 on FBI's Top Ten Most Wanted by teenage fanboys.
|Embarrassing Teenage Fads|
2010 - now