My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
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|My Little Pony: Friendship Is Gangsta|
|The One Who Made It||Lauren Faust Satan|
|Starring||The Mane Six|
|Number of episodes||Infinity|
|Will you be called insane?||Yes, if you're 18-60 years old above.|
|Watchers|| Men - 98%|
Other (Including zombies, regardless of gender) - 2%
My Little Pony: Friendshit Is Magic is a clusterfuck cartoon originally targeted for little girls, but because the cartoon is possessed by Satan, adult men and Teenagers (animal) watch it. Men who watch the show call themselves "bronies". Though the creators of the show claim it to be starring the titular character of "My Little Pony," said character is never referenced past the opening title of each episode. The show involves a group of ponies named the "Mane Six" which all bronies agree is the best pun ever.
In ancient mythology, the unicorn was actually pretty bad-ass, skewering the unrighteous with its horn, but then girls ruined everything with their concepts of harmony and friendship and whatnot. Nowadays, the only thing fictional unicorns use their horns for is lifting things and shooting friend beams so that mean horses can learn not to be so mean.
The most recent incarnation of this idea began in 2010, when a woman named Lauren Faust did some research and found out that previous generations of the show "My Little Pony" were great for kids, but incredibly boring. So, rather than leave the show alone, Faust decided to ruin all the My Little Pony name by giving the ponies a little junk in the trunk. The end result was the doom of the web. A 2011 study of the show revealed that watching the show nonstop for 3 weeks causes both genders to be attracted to the same sex and it triggers early onset puberty in younger viewers. These, however are non-noteworthy side effects, and many bronies claim "It's totally worth it and will make you 20 percent cooler."
Each pony sucks in her own unique way.
Element of Harmony: Misuse of power
Twilight Sparkle is an occultist unicorn who was smart enough to actually take advantage of the fact that she has a magical horn that enables her to hack reality. Twilight is named Twilight because she has a bad taste in books. After years of study at the expense of things like, fun, play, and having a childhood, she wisely decided to use these god-like powers to give mustaches to as many ponies as possible. She once used up the entire town's supply of milk on a bear. She's also really skilled at walking in circles and writing annoying letters to princesses.
FACT: Twilight's cutie mark is an actual occult symbol because Faust worships satan. 
Element of Harmony: Learning nothing, and being a boring character.
Applejack is stupid, stubborn, and likes apples because she is a dumbass. Her cutie mark is 3 apples because hasbro was lazy. She has "apple" in her name. She works at an apple farm because, DING DING DING! HASBRO IS LAZY! Occasionally, she travels to town to sell apples, apple fritters, apple pies, and broken fuck machines. Her sister's name is Apple Bloom. She has a family that lives in a cardboard box due to applejack sucking balls. At one point she wanted to not be stupid and moved to the city, but changed her mind and left when she learned rooster noises were not her forte. Once, some anti-brony told applejack that she was a fuckhead. Applejack agreed.
Rainbow Dash [AKA the "not" lesbian]
Element of harmony: Hiding who you are inside.
Rainbow Lesbow Dash is a pegasus pony with attitude. Her talents include making rainbows and dashing. She describes everything as "cool" and "awesome" because after years of not reading, those are literally the only words she knows.
Some people like to insinuate that rainbow dash may be a lesbian, but that's stupid. Just because she has a more manly voice, prefers more direct physical action, has a rainbow cutie mark and rainbow mane, has a very traditional lesbian haircut, participates in races for the honor of other female ponies, had a ambiguous kissing scene in one of the episodes and experimented with Fluttershy in high school does not make her a lesbian. Everypony experiments once in a while, and that other stuff is completely coincidence.
Element of harmony: Guilt trips
Flutter Lebowski Shy flutters her eyes a lot and is shy, hence her name. She is not to be confused with a butter
knifefly, even though she has three of them as her cutie mark. Her parents showed remarkable insight in naming her fluttershy when she was born, because if she happened to be assertive and hate butterflies, the name would just be totally inappropriate.
Every episode that is centered around fluttershy is exactly the same. First, she will be afraid of something. Then, her friends will put themselves in a situation where they are in immediate peril. At the last minute, fluttershy will lose her fear and be overcome with a righteous anger. At this point, she will give the threatening monster/source of conflict a short lecture to make them feel bad about themselves, all while staring at them. The monster/source of conflict will feel bad about itself and leave, but not before making everything better. Fluttershy will then go back to fluttering her eyes and being shy. Expect the creators of the show to milk this little plot line for the next 5 seasons.
Element of harmony: OMG DIAMONDS!!!
Rarity Cornelius Le Belle is a unicorn whose purpose in life is make dresses for everyone, though there's a theory that she owned over 30 illegal Mexican immigrants that will do what she says. She makes dresses for Lady Gaga, Sarah Palin, Jenny and millions of others. Her cutie mark is 3 diamonds. She's supposed to be all generous, but her generosity is more when it conveniences her. She is obsessed with shiny things, so her hoarding of those isn't exactly generous. It's also not very generous the way she strings Spike along so he'll shower her with gifts and favors.
"Project Trotway" Debut
Rarity participated in season 8 of the Equestria reality show "Project Trotway", and made it as one of the finalists, along with Mondo Guerra and Gretchen Jones. She was eliminated in the second to final showing when one of her dresses had a bare midriff that the judges said was just "on the losing side of tacky." Rarity did not take the failure well, and it took weeks of icecream and dramatic moping to recover from her loss. For a while she got really fat. However, the exposure did give her business a short boost.
Element of harmony: Drugs. Lots and lots of drugs. And sex. But mostly drugs.
Pinkamena Diane "Pinkie" Pie OMG so this is like the PERFECT opportunity for me to break the fourth wall, again! HI VIEWERS OF THIS ARTICLE! So, there's a lot of confusion out there that I just wanted to clear up, okie dokie lokie? See, most people out there think I'm addicted to crack cocaine, but that just isn't true! I'm actually addicted to meth! You can't really blame me, can you? I mean, I once stayed awake for a whole week with that stuff! Imagine it! A week of nonstop parties, WOOHOO! Granted, I started to see some weird things, like floating eyeballs and stuff, but that's not important. My friends all say I'm obnoxious, but I just think that's a silly word. Obnoxious, because you know the word obnoxious itself is obnoxious. Very obnoxious. It's like a committee of people were sitting around going "Hey gee, I think we need a word that's means something so ridiculous that the word itself is ridiculous, and everybody was throwing out words like "couplouplasticity" and "whoringadingkittyjaw" and "plempaticity" and "orange" and then finally someone said, hey how about "obnoxious" and everyone nodded their heads in agreement. Long story short, I like cake. You wanna know how I got my cutie mark? I don't always remember it the same. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes the other. If I'm to have a backstory, I prefer it to be multiple choice, you know what I mean? I think I was once an orphan, no...I think maybe I had an alcoholic dad...no I can't honestly remember with all the drugs and everything. I'm going to kill you. Would you like a cupcake? No? You're sure? Just give one a try. Fine.
Spike [AKA the Poker Guy]
Spike Léon de Massage is Twilight's
bitch assistant who always helps Twilight get the books for her because all she cares about is her damn mustaches. Spike loves Rarity because he's perverted, and inter-species sex with a minor is legal in Equestria. As a dragon, he eats rare jewels, because fuck it, maybe that is what dragons eat. You don't know!!!
He always plays poker with Sonic, RWJ, and other people who have bad fanbases all while having a good beer. He is the only smart one in the entire show. As a dragon, he admires Spyro the dragon, because he has video games.
These characters only support the main characters, or ruin their lives:
The other three
Sweetie Bell, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo. When an episode isn't about the mane six (mane six, LOL it's about these three annoying pony kids who won't stay off my lawn. They call themselves the cutie mark crusaders, because somepony told them that if they kill enough heathen ponies in the name of Jesus, they'll get their cutie marks. Despite all their violence, the ponies have yet to get any cutie marks in maiming, stabbing, or religious extermination.
The wise and great Celestia runs the monarchy in a world where ponies don't know the phrase "democracy". She has the power to move the sun, so it's not like anybody can protest her, or else they would melt in everlasting daylight. While she is very knowledgeable, powerful, and mature, she has been known to knock a bitch to the moon during her time of the month.
She is the princess of the night, so nobody really cares about her. Being very naive and silly, she has been known to get knocked to the moon during Princess Celestia's time of the month.
The ponies of Manehatten
The ponies in Manehatten exist solely for one reason: to show everypony how stupid the ponies in Manehatten are. Case in point: they don't even know what a rooster is.
A random character who isn't actually a part of the show was inserted into the show as a gag once maybe. Or maybe that was just in a poorly attempted parody. I've watched so much pony stuff lately that I get confused. Maybe I need to take a break and get some fresh air for a while...
The cutie mark crusaders worship this guy and get into all kind of fun and violent shenanigans in his name.
These characters made a minor role to the series, rendering them almost entirely useless. Here are the characters:
- Ditzy Doo - Always believes that left goes to the right... Literally.
- Jizzy - A "yay pushing, ass selling, piece of trash". Has guest starred on several episodes of Jersey Shore.
- Octavia - An earth pony and the only one who can play the cello. Imagine a horse actually trying to play the cello. It kind of makes this character interesting.
- Lyra - A unicorn with a human brain. She usually sits upright, pondering the worth of her existence.
- Trixie - A complete arse hole, she keeps on telling that she's better than everyone, even better than the Beatles, but in reality, Trixie is not even strong enough to win a breathing contest.
- DJ Pon3 - One of the most annoying ponies in the world, she calls people "sexy" for no reason whatsoever.
- Colonel Mustard - While the assumption was that Colonel Mustard killed Doctor Black in the library with the candlestick, further investigation shows that Pinkie Pie killed both Black and Mustard on the dance floor with the party cannon, and then proceeded to put on a puppet show using their dead bodies.
- Doctor Whooves - Pony Time Lord of Equestria. Really thinks the whole "everypony" thing is a stitch.
The show was
filmed shown in the following places:
- Equestria - Where else would they live?
- Ponyville - A town full of poor ponies and they have to act greedy to get money
- Castlevania - A.K.A. Canterlot, it's where their prince(ss) trolls and sends people to the moon as punishment for breathing her air.
- Everfree Forest - A connection between Russia, Greece, Albania and The Philippines, this is one weird shortcut, as illegal aliens always hide here to stay away from cops. Here the drug pushers and pimps move ALL ON THEIR OWN.
- Cloudsdale - So there's clouds and they make rainbows there and stuff. Go here if you want to taste the rainbow, (if you know what I mean)
Many people praised all the action, drama, comedy, horror, romance, violence, religion, songs, kidney stones, etc. from this show. Even kids watch it, and they want to be like Rainbow Dash when they play in the street. Many parents complained that it contains too much gore and may scar children for life, but the crew said "Hey, we're teaching kids how to be friendly to others too. I mean like Rarity hugging Spike. Is that not friendly enough? Also, we teach them about how they should be nice to each other or else they'll be frozen alive by Windigos. How bad can it be? We show elements of history in this show too, like why Nightmare Moon committed suicide or how Pinkie Pie fed his people with food and how he made them throw up to feed them again. Isn't that very educational?"
The FBI ranked Lauren Faust top 3 on FBI's Top Ten Most Wanted by teenage fanboys.
|Embarrassing Teenage Fads|
2010 - now
|Name:||Abraham||Lao-tse||Buddha||Jesus||Mohammed||Charles Darwin||Bobby Henderson||David Icke||L. Ron Hubbard||Zod||That Guy You Hate||Mane Six|
|Co-founders, Pretenders, Prophets:||Moses||Peter, Paul, & Mary,|
|Ali, Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthmar||Richard Dawkins||Cast from V||Tom Cruise,|
|That old woman next door||Mane Six, Lauren Faust, Mr. Hands|
|Religion(s):||Judaism||Taoism||Buddhism||Christianity, Catholicism, Protestantism, approx. 1000 more sects and spin-offs||Islam, Sunni, Shia, Sufis, Alawis, Druze, Ahmadiyah, FPI, assorted bizarre desert sects||Atheism, Theory of Evolution||Pastafarianism||D.ick-eism||Scientology||---||That thing, you know, with the thingies!||Bronism|
|Miracles (approx.):||20||1||7||200||0||0||1||1 (honest)||0||0||Somewhere between zero and infinity||-99|
|Covenants & Promises:||Milk, honey, and eternal life||Being one with the universe||Reincarnation, Nirvana||Eternal life||Eternal life, 72 virgins for bonus level||Freedom of thought||Pasta, stripper factory, and beer volcano||Liberation from alien lizards||Deliverance from wealth, friends and sanity||You will kneel before Zod.||Whatever it is you get||Become a Brony and never reproduce|
|Enlightenment (kW):||1.5||150||200||1.6||1.25||180||100||0.001||-10 000||0.045~1.334 (varies inversely to proximity to Superman)||I don't remember||-999999|
|Wives (approx.):||2-3||0||1||0(?)||9-30||1||unlimited||0-1 (no reptiles)||3 (so far)||All women are property of Zod.||What?||0 (approx.OVER 9000 Men)|
|Followers:||30-40 mln. (approx.)||60 mln. (approx. + Ben Hoff and Winnie the Pooh)||375 mln.||2.1 bln.||1.3 bln.||500 mln.||120 bln. (without earthlings)||360 tln. (+3 earthlings)||42||Lex Luthor, Bizarro||Those guys who do the stuff||All Bronies, You, parts of 4Chan|
|Violent followers:||2.0%||0.1%||0.1%||2.5%||9.6%||0.000001%||0.01%||3||60%||100%||I forget||0% (actually 100%, it's just that they like to love and tolerate)|
|Overall result:||GOOD||GOOD||TH'WEET!||NOT BAD||COULD DO BETTER||POOR||EXCELLENT||SHIT||COULD DO BETTER||POOR||IT'S PURPLE!||TOTALLY SHITTY|
|Value for money:||FAIR||FAIR||FAIR||GOOD||COULD DO BETTER||EXCELLENT||EXCELLENT||EXCELLENT||EXCELLENT||COULD DO BETTER||WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?||NEVER|