Murphy's law application for antigravitatory cats

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The Cat-Toast Device will one day be used in the construction of the [[Shimizu Megacity Pyramid]]. It may also be used to create artificial gravity for space stations.
 
The Cat-Toast Device will one day be used in the construction of the [[Shimizu Megacity Pyramid]]. It may also be used to create artificial gravity for space stations.
   
==Counter-theories==
 
   
Some [[scientologists]] think that creating antigravitatory cats is virtually impossible. They demonstrate it by doing the experiment by themselves.
 
 
'''In order to do the experiment, you need'''
 
A [[toast]]
 
[[Butter]]
 
Some [[glue|gluing dispositive]]
 
 
Let's imagine you have that ready. Try to put the cat and the gluing dispositive together. See what happens?
 
Exactly!
 
'''There is no cat!'''
 
 
When the gluing dispositive and the cat are in the same tetradimensional space, the cat dissappears. The comparison with [[Schrodinger's Cat]] is obvious, but unlike the infamous undead cat, there has been no comprehensive explanation of why the cat disappears.
 
 
There are however several schools of thought that attempt to explain this phenomina:
 
 
===First theory===
 
A cat is built by particles called "[[superquarks]]" (also called "meows"). These superquarks show both atomic (they are built of normal [[quarks]]) and feline qualities (so these quarks have charmed characteristics). But, the gluing dispositive isn't made of superquarks, so when cat and glue are put together, they cancel themselves. This theory, however, doesn't explain why the cat is the one who disappears, and not the gluing dispositive.
 
 
===Second theory===
 
Cats are pandimensional, superintelligent creatures. So, '''''when they think they are in danger, they start to [[purr]] and travel to their origin [[dimension]]'''''. The reason why the cats stay in this dimension is because here they find enough [[food]] and people [[American|stupid]] enough to feed them.
 
 
===Third theory===
 
The cat runs away, scratching the [[idiot]] who tried to put [[glue]] on it. (Most theorists dismiss this idea as pedantic.)
 
 
===Fourth theory===
 
The cat and the toast spin themselves so fast that they create a [[black hole]] and people and objects are sucked into the swirling mix of Catoast, eventually the planet would be sucked up and everyone would finally know the answer, but no one would be able to do anything with the knowledge they'd just gained.
 
 
===Fifth theory===
 
Murphy's Law: If something can go wrong, it will. Therefore something will mess up this cat theory. After this, something will mess up Murphy's Law, then the cat theory has no basis and someone will discredit it and something will go wrong with the attempt at disproving it. Then the cat theory will not be proven incorrect, and relying on Murphy's Law, will prove Murphy's Law correct again. Therefore something will mess up this cat theory. After this, something will mess up Murphy's Law. Ad nausem.
 
 
This causes an infinite cycle of the theory being viable and unviable and will mean that the cat will be beaten against the floor at frequency <math>\nu</math>, which is proportional to the reduced fat mass of the butter <math>\mu</math>. The cat is therefore beaten to death eventually, but if something can go wrong, it will. Therefore someone will mess up my cat theory, then Murphy's Law. It doesn't make sense! I'll go mad!
 
 
===Sixth theory===
 
The butter drips off, or is replaced with Flora.
 
 
===Seventh theory===
 
The cat and gluing dispositive will actually come together, but the cat spins so fast due to the invarience in the center of gravity and therefore , following the law of time travel, it goes backward in time.
 
 
This has lead to another theory stating that at the beginning of time there are an infinite number of antigravitory cats, and therefore, causing the creation of the universe in the first place, due to the excessive gravitational forces produced by the infinite number of cats, therefore causing the big-bang.
 
 
However, some scientologists have pointed out that since the cat will continue going back in time, it will cease to exist due to the fact that once something goes before the start of time, it will no longer exist in this dimension, but will be warped to another dimension.
 
   
 
==See Also==
 
==See Also==

Revision as of 23:43, March 27, 2006

"Eddie Murphy did a movie about space cats?"

~ Oscar Wilde on antigravitatory cats

Axioms

  • Murphy's Law:
 If something can go wrong, it will
 
 so,
 
 If you throw a slice of toast with butter into the air, it will always fall with the buttered side down
  • Cats conservation law:
 A cat will always land on its feet.



Oscar Wilde's Cat-Toast Device

The Cat-Toast Device is the never-ending source of energy that powers the Uncyclopedia (Also known as "The Buttered Cat Turbine").

The device is composed of two pure substances:

  • Cats - small mammals that always land on their feet.
  • Buttered Toast - tasty breakfast food that always lands butter-side down.

Oscar Wilde, always one to recognize the violation of laws of quantum mechanics, found a way to harness the limitless potential energy of the hovering cat-toast creation to power his Uncyclopedia. This discovery undermined any credit that Schroedinger's Cat Experiment had originally, which wasn't much to say the most.

All rumors about the Uncyclopedia being powered by a Stormtroopers vs. Red Shirts Device or a Wind farm are totally baseless. This, of course, makes them absolutely true.

The Cat-Toast Device will one day be used in the construction of the Shimizu Megacity Pyramid. It may also be used to create artificial gravity for space stations.


See Also

External Links

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